Authors Note- There may or may not be a chapter posted tomorrow. We are behind on the writing, cause we've had really busy past few weeks. Keep your eyes peeled though:) Thanks for the reviews, I responded to them individually at the bottom this time.
Chapter Four
I shove the few articles of clothing that still fit him into a suitcase. Its not much, he's basically lived in pyjamas and hospital gowns. Not much of a wardrobe. I toss the light bag onto the floor. Silently cursing Abby for convincing me to do this. I'm not sure it will even help, its doubtful. She refuses to give up hope, who would have thought, Abby hopeful... I wonder who and what she's fucking in Minnesota. Barney by the sounds of it. I haul myself out of Sebastian's abandoned bedroom, a place that hasn't gotten much use over the past few months. He's rarely been home. I sigh sadly, hoping that maybe Abby is right, maybe this treatment will work. I leave the room, with about as much faith as when I entered. Abby has been at the hospital with Seb a lot of the time, when she's not she's sleeping here and I'm at the hospital. We haven't had much time to talk, I am thankful for that. I don't want to hear what she has to say, she can go back, do whatever she has been doing, I don't want to have to see her again. Ever. Not after this.
"Daddy?" I look over my shoulder, Madison stands at the stairs, her tear streaked face looks back at me. I walk over to her, pulling her into my arms, she's coming with us. Despite all her efforts to stay here, alone... Not going to happen. She rests her head on my shoulder, crying a little bit.
"You'll get to spend time with Abby." I pull away a little bit to look at her. I feel like I don't even know her anymore. I don't know how she feels, thinks, acts, hell some days I even forget what she looks like. The images blur, becoming a picture of Rebecca and Madison. One I have of them from when Maddie was little. She looks older now, more mature. She'll be nine soon, I can't believe it.
"Abby doesn't want to spend time with me, she never did." I shake my head, I want to tell her its a lie, but another part of me wants to tell her its true. Let her believe that, get her to help me drive Abby away. I know it sounds selfish, but every time she's near I feel threatened. Threatened that she may rip everything I have, the only thing I have from my bare hands.
"She loves you Madison. Just as much as she loves Sebastian." She shakes her head not believing, sometimes I'm not sure I believe it. She has always had a closer bond to Sebastian, they have something unexplainable.
"If it were me dying she wouldn't be here." She gives me one long look, I don't know how to respond. The grip that I held on her arms is loosened, she wiggles away from me, running into her bedroom. I stay in the same squatting position, my elbows resting on my knees.
"Its not true." I look up, Abby stands in front of me, a weak smile apparent on her lips. I rise standing in front of her, my hands dangling at my side.
"Go tell her then." I snap, she just sighs, following me into my bedroom. Maddie has every reason to believe that. Abby never really try to get to know her, break down her shield. Sometimes you have to do that with kids, break down that layer they have skill fully built up. Abby wasn't in doing that, she wasn't interested in anyone but herself.
"Madison is coming right?" I scoff at her attempt to make small talk with me.
My bedroom is cluttered with clothing, my drawers scattered around the room. I pick up my tie off the floor tossing it onto the bed. I can feel her on my heels, eyes baring into me. I can't make her look away, but I wish she would. I can't bear her anymore. Seeing her brings back memories, memories I have tried to suppress since the day she left. The day I stood outside her apartment building, watching her stuff get packed into the back of a cab. I busy myself by throwing my covers on my bed, haphazardly throwing the pillows on top. I just want to crawl in, bury myself, cry myself to sleep. I can't. I have to be strong for Sebastian, for Madison, for myself. I watch her sit down on the bed, sighing quietly. She wants to say something, she doesn't know how to start, she thinks it can all just go back to the way it was. I'm sick of it. I get sick thinking about it. The way everything seemed so simple, yet underneath it was complicated, the threads I thought were pulled so tightly were coming loose.
"John..." She says softly, her eyes set on my face. She's begging with me to say something. Anything, even a fuck you would be suffice. But I don't. I can't cave into her. If she thinks she can just walk back into our lives like this she's wrong.
"I'm going to check on Madison, call a hotel then I'm going to see Sebastian. Can you stay with her tonight?" My jaw is set, I won't let her in, not in anyway. She wouldn't do that for me a year ago, I won't for her today.
Our eyes lock, she plays with the corners of the blanket absentminded. She nods slowly, opening her mouth to say something. "You guys can stay with me." No. No. No! Not a chance in fucking hell. I can't do that. I start to shake my head but she stops me. "When you're at the hospital whose Maddie going to stay with. We can both stay with Sebastian, take turns, we'll never have to see each other." She swallows taking a shaky breath. "Please."
I stare at her, her hair fallen messily in front of her eyes. Dark circle outline her big brown eyes, the ones I fell in love with, she can still trap me with them today. They hold so much emotion, some much fear and feeling. "I'll call you if I'm going to be late coming home tomorrow." I leave her there perched on my bed. Her fingers clutching to the fabric, squeezing it so tightly her knuckles have turned white.
I open the door to Madison's room with a gentle creak. She's in bed, but not asleep. Sleep is a rarity in this family, for anyone but Sebastian. He can't do anything but sleep. The rest of us can't clear out heads. Thoughts swarm us, eating each person alive. I take a step closer to her bed. The light from a street lamp pouring in her ajar bedroom window. I close the door with a click, she doesn't budge. A pout apparent on her face.
"Madison." I whisper kneeling at her bed, she turns her face slightly, wiping the tears away before I can really see them. She built the same walls that Abby built, she's a scared little girl trying to be strong. She's stronger than I am. I want to pull her into my arms, tell her everything will be okay. I can't. It would be a lie, an impossible lie.
"Seb might get better right?" I nod slowly, falling into the lie. Surrendering myself for her. I never tried to let on that I didn't believe he could get better. But eventually they just sensed it.
"Yeah sweetie, there is a chance." I put my arm around her, trying to squish myself onto her bed.
"Then we never have to see Abby again right?" I swallow hard, hoping she'll give way a bit more, tell me what exactly she is thinking. "Cause I don't want you to love her anymore." I kiss her forehead slowly, I don't think I can stop loving her Maddie. I'll try for you though, if that what makes you feel better, I'll try. "She doesn't know how to love does she? She doesn't really love me." A tear slips down her cheek, I wipe it away quickly. She nuzzles her head into my stomach, I run my fingers through the tangles, gently tugging at the end of each strand. The tears start to flow more freely. A gentle knock brings us out of reverie. The door opens, flooding the room with light.
"Sorry to interrupt, but the hospital called." My head jolts up at the sound of Abby's voice. She's caught my attention. "They said that Sebastian isn't- They just said to come down right away." She chokes on her words. I pull Madison out of bed throwing her over my shoulder. A million thoughts racing through my mind, not one good, not one hopeful.
Review Responses
tars- You bet right!
Hibbs- I'm not sure about Carby land right now, its an empty village with nothing but rats, and squirrels, no love:( not yet at least;)
hyperpiper91- Maura Tierny rocks Liby's socks too. She loves her! Glad you liked that chapter:)