Authors Note- Quick update today. There will not be any chapters this weekend, cause I am going away... again lol. There could possibly be one Friday and Sunday but definitely not Saturday. Thanks for the reviews, hope you enjoy this chapter.
I jam the window open, the cool breezes rushes through the room, Sebastian shivers involuntarily. I tuck the blanket closer around his almost lifeless body. His eyes are shut, but I know he is awake, he's too weak. So weak. I reach for his hand, bringing it to my lips trying to reassure him that it could all be okay. One day it will be, it has to be. I don't think I could live without him. Madison and I would never be the same, how could we be? He's brought so much life and energy to our lives, he can't just leave, take it all away. I feel his tiny fingers run along my own, trying to get my attention.
"Daddy." He whispers, I look up at him, he manages to pry his eyes open, gazing back at me. "Can you and Abby stay with me tonight?" I watch him for a second, nodding my approval. Hey, my dying kids only wish is for his father and, dare I say it, mother to spend the night with him. I can oblige. I watch him for a second longer, sensing that that is not all he wanted to say. Swallowing he watches me intently, fingers tightening around my own. "Will you let her be your girlfriend again?" He chokes out. Great my six year old is trying to get involved in my love life.
"Not right now baby, just get some rest, okay?" He nods reluctantly, shutting his eyes. I pick myself up out of the chair. I need coffee, I can barely stay awake lately. My mind is flooded with thoughts of Sebastian. Especially last night, not being by his side, not being able to be by his side. It killed me, every second of it.
I walk outside the hospital room, finding Madison leaning up against the wall, her heels scuffing at the painfully white floor. I gently touch her shoulder, bringing her out of her day dream. She reaches up, intertwining her fingers with my own. Together we head off to the cafeteria, anything sounds better than cafeteria food right now, but unfortunately that's our only option. Maddie's use to it, hell that's all she has eaten over the past few weeks. She might have even grown to like it. But I highly doubt that. I look down at her again, her tiny blond head bopping in the air, bopping to the beat in her head. A smile crosses over my lips. Watching as she flails her hands in the air, puffing out her cheeks than deflating them, just to do it again, makes me smile. She looks so carefree, so innocent, yet I know all the problems that have been weighing on her mind. Everything that keeps her from being a regular eight year old. Turning her into the overly mature, under confident and sad little girl she is today. I know if I loose Sebastian I have lost her. If not physically, emotionally. She has always been closed off, but I fear that she will get to the point where there is just no hope. I have brought two kids into this world to only to hand them more pain in their short lives then some will ever live through. How fair is that?
I lean down, pulling her tiny body into my arms, distracting her momentarily, from her dancing. Her arm wraps around my neck, she leans her head against my shoulder, humming quietly, just like her mother use to do. I let the music fill my ears for a few moments, not wanting to break the moment, wreck what we have built. The only peace I have felt in a while. Her fingers entangle in my hair, as she brushes her lips against my cheek squeezing me tightly.
"I love you." She murmurs, I smile a little. She's barely spoken over the last few weeks. If I had to choose what I would want to hear her say, once she started to speak again, it would be that. Those exact words.
"I love you too, Madison." She clings to me tighter, her fingers still playing with my hair.
"Once we leave..." She starts, stopping to cough a bit before starting up again. "Once we leave, we don't have to see her anymore right?" Her. Abby, she never calls her by name anymore. I'm not even sure if she acknowledges her existence unless she absolutely has too.
"I don't know Maddie." She pouts a little bit, sighing. I hold her close, not wanting to let her go.
"Will you at least stop sleeping in the same bed as her?" Hmmm. Well that would be a good idea, especially if my kid is seeing this. I had no idea that Madison saw that. I thought we were up before her. I guess I thought wrong. Very wrong.
"I didn't have anywhere else to sleep last night, Maddie. But I'll be here at the hospital from now on anyways." She nods her head into my chest, accepting this as an answer.
Last night was a mistake, a big mistake. I never wanted to get close to Abby again, especially not in the physical sense. I've done exactly that, I let her get near me, I let her see me when I was vulnerable. Stupid move. When she left she took apart of me with her, as corny as that may sound, it's true. I really thought she was it, the one... Now I know better. It was just a game to her, everything is just a game to her. She loves my children, that's one thing I do know. I tried to fight it when we were together, I am trying to fight it now, but I its the truth. She sees them as her own children. I didn't want Madison to see us together, for that point exactly. She says she hates Abby, but I know there is a part of her, a part that longs to be loved by Abby, and to know that she cares. This is one big fucking drama. One drama that holds my sons life in the palm of its hands...
We enter the cafeteria, I ignore Madison's begs for a pop, I don't want her drinking that shit. Not at a time like this when she's not getting her regular meals. I grab myself a coffee, great example I am. Tossing her a juice, we walk out of the cafeteria. Her hand loosely lays in mine, as she hums again, this time a sadder song, one I don't really want to identify. Recognizing it I tug on Maddie's arm, trying to get her to stop. She looks up at me, continuing for a second longer. Enya... That song, the one that was played at Becky's funeral. Shivers run up and down my spine every time I hear it. We open the door to Sebastian's room. Female voices fill the air, one I know... Abby's. Who else? The other I can't identify. They are talking about his condition, he's stable. Improvement is the word I would life to hear right now, but unfortunately that's not the case. I sigh, realizing Madison's shoelace is undone, I reach down tying her shoelace, Maddie leans up against the wall outside Seb's room. I don't think they even know we are here.
The conversation soon changes. I continue to tie Madison's shoe, not really caring what Abby says. The sound of her voice still makes my heart leap into my chest, does that mean something?
"His dad, he's your husband, right?" The nurse asks... Hmm, wondering whose feeding her this shit? Maybe its just a random question, I don't know. But we haven't been the least bit affection towards each other, so I have no idea where this is all coming from.
"Uh- no..." Abby seems a bit embarrassed.
"Boyfriend?" I glance into the room quickly, trying to peek around the wall. The nurse is young, well youngish, Abby's cheeks are a light pink colour. Oh, I embarrass her, or is the embarrassment from hope?
"Nope." Abby sighs. I stand up, brushing my hands on my pants, Madison looks at me, I nod giving her the okay to go into the room.
"Well, if you don't want him I'll have him. He's definitely datable." The nurse says with a grin, as I lift Madison up under my arm.
"It's not that I don't want-" Abby stops dead in her sentence as we enter the room. She tries to act nonchalant. I ignore her anyways, it doesn't take much effort, I'm good at it. I don't want to talk to her, so I don't simple as that. I'm not letting us go back to where we were a year ago.
The nurse excuses herself from the room. I can feel Abby's eyes on me, as Madison and I both focus our attention on Sebastian. His hair has fallen carelessly in front his eyes, he's obviously fell into a deep sleep since I left. Madison grabs a chair and pulls it over for me, while she jumps onto the bed. She accidentally bumps into Abby, mumbling a quiet apology. I glance up to see the hurt in her eyes. Your own fault baby, you left us. We wanted you around, we wanted you more than anything. Abby sits on the other side of Sebastian's bed, placing a kiss on his forehead. I watch as she whispers into his ear, I'm not sure what she is saying, but it seems to make her feel a little better. I wish I had the same luxury, I wish words could soothe me. I sigh, sitting back in the chair, Abby looks up at me. I let our eyes meet for a second before glancing away.
"Hey Maddie," Maddie looks up at Abby. "Do you want to go out for lunch with me?" She wipes her eyes while asking, I can tell she was starting to tear up. Madison looks over at me, I shrug a bit, I don't think she will want too, but I don't see the problem with her going.
"Sure." She whispers. I rub her back, watching as Abby looks stunned. Yeah I am kind of too, but I knew Madison has a soft spot for Abby. Even after all this time. Madison just holds grudges longer the Sebastian. "I'm going to go to the washroom first." She hops off the bed, leaving Abby and I alone. Let the awkwardness begin.
When we woke up this morning, it was awkward, her in my arms for the first time in a year, yeah that was weird. But for some odd reason this feels weirder, maybe because its the first time we've been alone since then? The door creaks open and both our heads shoot up, thankful for the distraction. A tall man walks in, an attractive tall man walks in... One who is smiling at Abby. I look over to her, a smile is present on her lips. Great. I think I am meeting the new boyfriend for the first time. I thought before was awkward. He walks right past me, like I am not even here, over to Abby. He pulls her into a hug, her arms snake around his waist, they hold the embrace for a few moments. She eventually pulls him off her, and looks up at him. His thumb brushes her cheek.
"How you been holding up?" She bites down on her bottom lip nodding at him. What the hell? My son is lying in a hospital bed, near death, and he's asking Abby how she is? What a fucker. Although I can say the same for Abby.
"I'm okay." She sniffles a bit, glancing down at Sebastian, he does the same. Do they not realise I am sitting right here? Holy shit, these people are crazy. Not to mention inconsiderate.
"Look I know we couldn't go out the other night... But if you want-" Abby gestures towards me, and the mans lips form into an 'O' shape as he glance over at me. His expression changes to that of a puzzled one.
"Mitch this is John Carter- Sebastian's dad." He nods, letting go of Abby to take my hand in his.
Just before Abby can get any further into this weird situation Madison waltzes out of the washroom. Smiling at Abby, "can we go now?" She sighs. Abby nods, leaving us together.
"I'll call you Mitch. We'll be back soon John." With that the door clanks shut.
Mitch picks up Seb's chart flipping through it. I watch him intently, I hope to god he works here. He places the chart back in its holder, before taking a deep breath. "Look- I didn't know Abby had a boyfriend." He says sincerely and upset. I shrug, not sure if I should let him believe that Abby and I are dating or set him straight. I run my fingers through my hair looking up at him.
"I'm not her boyfriend." He looks confused again. "I was, but I'm not. I never will be again. Feel free to date her." For some reason a pang of jealousy walks its way into my stomach. I ignore it, and continue to look at him.
"Okay."
Review Responses
Natalia Madeira- I'm glad you are enjoying the story:) I'm not sure if Carter and Abby will reconcile, maybe not just yet, they have a few things to over come first. Don't worry I understood you:)
ER-Carby-Luva- I hope Seb gets better too. I'm not really sure how that will play out yet. Its all still up in the air.
I jam the window open, the cool breezes rushes through the room, Sebastian shivers involuntarily. I tuck the blanket closer around his almost lifeless body. His eyes are shut, but I know he is awake, he's too weak. So weak. I reach for his hand, bringing it to my lips trying to reassure him that it could all be okay. One day it will be, it has to be. I don't think I could live without him. Madison and I would never be the same, how could we be? He's brought so much life and energy to our lives, he can't just leave, take it all away. I feel his tiny fingers run along my own, trying to get my attention.
"Daddy." He whispers, I look up at him, he manages to pry his eyes open, gazing back at me. "Can you and Abby stay with me tonight?" I watch him for a second, nodding my approval. Hey, my dying kids only wish is for his father and, dare I say it, mother to spend the night with him. I can oblige. I watch him for a second longer, sensing that that is not all he wanted to say. Swallowing he watches me intently, fingers tightening around my own. "Will you let her be your girlfriend again?" He chokes out. Great my six year old is trying to get involved in my love life.
"Not right now baby, just get some rest, okay?" He nods reluctantly, shutting his eyes. I pick myself up out of the chair. I need coffee, I can barely stay awake lately. My mind is flooded with thoughts of Sebastian. Especially last night, not being by his side, not being able to be by his side. It killed me, every second of it.
I walk outside the hospital room, finding Madison leaning up against the wall, her heels scuffing at the painfully white floor. I gently touch her shoulder, bringing her out of her day dream. She reaches up, intertwining her fingers with my own. Together we head off to the cafeteria, anything sounds better than cafeteria food right now, but unfortunately that's our only option. Maddie's use to it, hell that's all she has eaten over the past few weeks. She might have even grown to like it. But I highly doubt that. I look down at her again, her tiny blond head bopping in the air, bopping to the beat in her head. A smile crosses over my lips. Watching as she flails her hands in the air, puffing out her cheeks than deflating them, just to do it again, makes me smile. She looks so carefree, so innocent, yet I know all the problems that have been weighing on her mind. Everything that keeps her from being a regular eight year old. Turning her into the overly mature, under confident and sad little girl she is today. I know if I loose Sebastian I have lost her. If not physically, emotionally. She has always been closed off, but I fear that she will get to the point where there is just no hope. I have brought two kids into this world to only to hand them more pain in their short lives then some will ever live through. How fair is that?
I lean down, pulling her tiny body into my arms, distracting her momentarily, from her dancing. Her arm wraps around my neck, she leans her head against my shoulder, humming quietly, just like her mother use to do. I let the music fill my ears for a few moments, not wanting to break the moment, wreck what we have built. The only peace I have felt in a while. Her fingers entangle in my hair, as she brushes her lips against my cheek squeezing me tightly.
"I love you." She murmurs, I smile a little. She's barely spoken over the last few weeks. If I had to choose what I would want to hear her say, once she started to speak again, it would be that. Those exact words.
"I love you too, Madison." She clings to me tighter, her fingers still playing with my hair.
"Once we leave..." She starts, stopping to cough a bit before starting up again. "Once we leave, we don't have to see her anymore right?" Her. Abby, she never calls her by name anymore. I'm not even sure if she acknowledges her existence unless she absolutely has too.
"I don't know Maddie." She pouts a little bit, sighing. I hold her close, not wanting to let her go.
"Will you at least stop sleeping in the same bed as her?" Hmmm. Well that would be a good idea, especially if my kid is seeing this. I had no idea that Madison saw that. I thought we were up before her. I guess I thought wrong. Very wrong.
"I didn't have anywhere else to sleep last night, Maddie. But I'll be here at the hospital from now on anyways." She nods her head into my chest, accepting this as an answer.
Last night was a mistake, a big mistake. I never wanted to get close to Abby again, especially not in the physical sense. I've done exactly that, I let her get near me, I let her see me when I was vulnerable. Stupid move. When she left she took apart of me with her, as corny as that may sound, it's true. I really thought she was it, the one... Now I know better. It was just a game to her, everything is just a game to her. She loves my children, that's one thing I do know. I tried to fight it when we were together, I am trying to fight it now, but I its the truth. She sees them as her own children. I didn't want Madison to see us together, for that point exactly. She says she hates Abby, but I know there is a part of her, a part that longs to be loved by Abby, and to know that she cares. This is one big fucking drama. One drama that holds my sons life in the palm of its hands...
We enter the cafeteria, I ignore Madison's begs for a pop, I don't want her drinking that shit. Not at a time like this when she's not getting her regular meals. I grab myself a coffee, great example I am. Tossing her a juice, we walk out of the cafeteria. Her hand loosely lays in mine, as she hums again, this time a sadder song, one I don't really want to identify. Recognizing it I tug on Maddie's arm, trying to get her to stop. She looks up at me, continuing for a second longer. Enya... That song, the one that was played at Becky's funeral. Shivers run up and down my spine every time I hear it. We open the door to Sebastian's room. Female voices fill the air, one I know... Abby's. Who else? The other I can't identify. They are talking about his condition, he's stable. Improvement is the word I would life to hear right now, but unfortunately that's not the case. I sigh, realizing Madison's shoelace is undone, I reach down tying her shoelace, Maddie leans up against the wall outside Seb's room. I don't think they even know we are here.
The conversation soon changes. I continue to tie Madison's shoe, not really caring what Abby says. The sound of her voice still makes my heart leap into my chest, does that mean something?
"His dad, he's your husband, right?" The nurse asks... Hmm, wondering whose feeding her this shit? Maybe its just a random question, I don't know. But we haven't been the least bit affection towards each other, so I have no idea where this is all coming from.
"Uh- no..." Abby seems a bit embarrassed.
"Boyfriend?" I glance into the room quickly, trying to peek around the wall. The nurse is young, well youngish, Abby's cheeks are a light pink colour. Oh, I embarrass her, or is the embarrassment from hope?
"Nope." Abby sighs. I stand up, brushing my hands on my pants, Madison looks at me, I nod giving her the okay to go into the room.
"Well, if you don't want him I'll have him. He's definitely datable." The nurse says with a grin, as I lift Madison up under my arm.
"It's not that I don't want-" Abby stops dead in her sentence as we enter the room. She tries to act nonchalant. I ignore her anyways, it doesn't take much effort, I'm good at it. I don't want to talk to her, so I don't simple as that. I'm not letting us go back to where we were a year ago.
The nurse excuses herself from the room. I can feel Abby's eyes on me, as Madison and I both focus our attention on Sebastian. His hair has fallen carelessly in front his eyes, he's obviously fell into a deep sleep since I left. Madison grabs a chair and pulls it over for me, while she jumps onto the bed. She accidentally bumps into Abby, mumbling a quiet apology. I glance up to see the hurt in her eyes. Your own fault baby, you left us. We wanted you around, we wanted you more than anything. Abby sits on the other side of Sebastian's bed, placing a kiss on his forehead. I watch as she whispers into his ear, I'm not sure what she is saying, but it seems to make her feel a little better. I wish I had the same luxury, I wish words could soothe me. I sigh, sitting back in the chair, Abby looks up at me. I let our eyes meet for a second before glancing away.
"Hey Maddie," Maddie looks up at Abby. "Do you want to go out for lunch with me?" She wipes her eyes while asking, I can tell she was starting to tear up. Madison looks over at me, I shrug a bit, I don't think she will want too, but I don't see the problem with her going.
"Sure." She whispers. I rub her back, watching as Abby looks stunned. Yeah I am kind of too, but I knew Madison has a soft spot for Abby. Even after all this time. Madison just holds grudges longer the Sebastian. "I'm going to go to the washroom first." She hops off the bed, leaving Abby and I alone. Let the awkwardness begin.
When we woke up this morning, it was awkward, her in my arms for the first time in a year, yeah that was weird. But for some odd reason this feels weirder, maybe because its the first time we've been alone since then? The door creaks open and both our heads shoot up, thankful for the distraction. A tall man walks in, an attractive tall man walks in... One who is smiling at Abby. I look over to her, a smile is present on her lips. Great. I think I am meeting the new boyfriend for the first time. I thought before was awkward. He walks right past me, like I am not even here, over to Abby. He pulls her into a hug, her arms snake around his waist, they hold the embrace for a few moments. She eventually pulls him off her, and looks up at him. His thumb brushes her cheek.
"How you been holding up?" She bites down on her bottom lip nodding at him. What the hell? My son is lying in a hospital bed, near death, and he's asking Abby how she is? What a fucker. Although I can say the same for Abby.
"I'm okay." She sniffles a bit, glancing down at Sebastian, he does the same. Do they not realise I am sitting right here? Holy shit, these people are crazy. Not to mention inconsiderate.
"Look I know we couldn't go out the other night... But if you want-" Abby gestures towards me, and the mans lips form into an 'O' shape as he glance over at me. His expression changes to that of a puzzled one.
"Mitch this is John Carter- Sebastian's dad." He nods, letting go of Abby to take my hand in his.
Just before Abby can get any further into this weird situation Madison waltzes out of the washroom. Smiling at Abby, "can we go now?" She sighs. Abby nods, leaving us together.
"I'll call you Mitch. We'll be back soon John." With that the door clanks shut.
Mitch picks up Seb's chart flipping through it. I watch him intently, I hope to god he works here. He places the chart back in its holder, before taking a deep breath. "Look- I didn't know Abby had a boyfriend." He says sincerely and upset. I shrug, not sure if I should let him believe that Abby and I are dating or set him straight. I run my fingers through my hair looking up at him.
"I'm not her boyfriend." He looks confused again. "I was, but I'm not. I never will be again. Feel free to date her." For some reason a pang of jealousy walks its way into my stomach. I ignore it, and continue to look at him.
"Okay."
Review Responses
Natalia Madeira- I'm glad you are enjoying the story:) I'm not sure if Carter and Abby will reconcile, maybe not just yet, they have a few things to over come first. Don't worry I understood you:)
ER-Carby-Luva- I hope Seb gets better too. I'm not really sure how that will play out yet. Its all still up in the air.