Notes: Thanks again to reviews, I finally know exactly where I'm going with this, so I'll be able to update quicker now. I'm gonna shut up and let you read cause I have nothing to say.
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Chapter 5: Detaching
Maureen made sure to be extra nice to Mark the rest of the night, and by the time they got home she was being so sweet that Collins knew immediately something had happened. The couple sat down on the couch, and Maureen shoved her tongue down Mark's throat almost instantly.
"Night went well?" Collins asked.
"Guess you could say that," Benny replied, sitting down on the other side of the couch, as far away from Mark and Maureen as he could. Roger sighed, tossing his coat on the table.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Collins.
"Nothing," Roger said, running his hand through his hair, "I'm just tired I guess." The truth however, was that Roger still couldn't get that girl out of his mind, and he was beginning to get angry with himself.
You're in love with April, Roger told himself, You can't do this.
Yet the more he tried to block her from his mind, the harder it became, and the angrier he got. As he fought inwardly with himself, a new feeling began to surface; it was his craving. He needed his smack. That would make the girl go away, that would make everything go away.
"Well, I'm going to bed," Benny said, getting up and stretching.
"Ok, see ya tomorrow," Collins said.
"No you won't, I gotta get up early; I have a job now remember?"
"Oh yeah."
" 'Night." Benny said, heading up to his room.
Maureen giggled, "We're going to bed too," she said, taking Mark's hand and leading him upstairs.
"Bed my ass," Roger said.
"Nope, bed is exactly where they'll be." Collins replied, making Maureen give them a dirty look before disappearing into her bedroom.
Roger looked around, "Funny how we can clear out a room huh?"
"Yeah, you'd think they didn't like us or something."
"No they just don't like you," Roger joked.
"Oh you're nice."
"Sure am."
"So, what's going on?" Collins asked, suddenly becoming serious.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know; you seem kinda distant. What are you thinking about?"
"April," Roger said, which was partially true.
"Don't worry, she'll call."
"Yeah…" Roger said slowly, staring out the window. All he wanted was to go upstairs and get his smack.
"It's not just that," he found himself saying, "It's that… I think I love her, but tonight," his voice trailed off.
"Tonight what?"
"Never mind."
Collins leaned in closer, in case anyone came down and overheard them, "You can tell me you know, I won't tell anyone. I won't even tell Mark."
"No, it doesn't matter. Besides, Mark doesn't care, he's in love with Maureen and life is just dandy."
Collins snorted.
"Oh yeah I forgot, you have a very high opinion of love don't you?" Roger said, smiling.
"Yeah," Collins said, smiling as well, "It's not so much that, I just don't think they're in love. Maybe Mark loves her but… I don't know I don't get the same feeling from Maureen. And I'm good at this sorta thing."
"Right, Collins is the master of love" Roger said playfully.
"That's right! And don't you forget it!"
"Don't worry, I won't."
"So, what happened tonight that's got you questioning your love with April?"
"What makes you think I'm questioning it?"
"Why else would you bring it up and then not want to talk about it?"
"Plenty of reasons," Roger said, though he couldn't think of any, "Don't worry about it, I'm fine."
"You sure? You know, I worry about you Roger," Collins said softly.
"Why are you worrying about me?"
"Because… I don't know; you're just acting weird lately. I know you didn't stop shooting up even though you told Mark you were going to."
"So Mark's been blabbing?"
"No, he told me cause he's worried about you too. You can't get back in the habit of doing this, you could hurt yourself-"
"One time!" Roger practically yelled, "I did it once in a long time. It's not like I do it every day!"
"Yeah, and I slept with that guy 'one time' and look where I ended up. I have AIDS."
Roger fell silent. Collins never brought up the fact that he was HIV+; he didn't want people feeling sorry for him, or hating him. Roger knew that he must really be worried to say something like that, but he wasn't going to be scared out of doing anything. He wasn't going to stop doing the only thing that made him happy just because Collins and Mark were 'worried about him'. Besides, it wasn't like he was going to get AIDS from smack; people got it from sleeping around, and he was loyal to April, so he didn't have to worry. Why would Collins compare the two when they had nothing in common?
"I'm sorry Roger, it's not my place to tell you what to do. You live your life the way you want to right?"
"Right," Roger said, feeling worse than he already did, "Look I'm gonna go to bed, I'll see you in the morning."
"I got a class, but I'll see you in the afternoon."
"Yeah, okay. 'Night."
Roger walked slowly up the stairs, past Benny's room, hearing no sounds inside and knowing he was already asleep. He then passed Mark and Maureen's room, there were plenty of noises coming from there; he ignored them and went into his own room, shutting the door behind him. He went to his bed and pulled up his mattress, taking out a bag of white powder and a needle and syringe. I'm running low, he thought, I'll get more tomorrow.
After checking to make sure the door was securely locked to prevent Collins from checking up on him, Roger sat down on the bed and filled the syringe. He barely felt the needle as it pierced his skin; he had done this far too many times for it to hurt any more. On the contrary, as he watched the needle pump the drug into his body, he began to feel better, as he watched the handcuff girl disappear from his mind. Everything began to disappear; it was pure bliss.
There's no way I can stop this, he thought, It's the only way I can escape.
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