Authors Note- Another one for tonight... I'm tired... Night everyone...

I pull her body closer to mine as I carry her on my arms. Her tiny frame rests comfortably in the space I've given her, my hand running up and down her back. Carter kisses her again before I turn to take her home to bed. He's staying the night tonight, and I'm staying tomorrow since I'm on shift in the morning. We've worked out these patterns, neither of us gets any sleep, except for Madison. She's worn out from everything, and all she's done is stick to me or Carter. I don't mind. I place a kiss on her forehead and silently nod to Carter as I exit through the doors. He knows the routine. Call me if anything happens. I walk toward the elevator, not wanting to leave. I don't know how I would react if I knew this was going to be the last time I would see Sebastian again. I get to my car without turning around, putting Madison in the backseat and attempting to fasten her without waking her up. I'm somewhat successful, and she only stirs for a brief second. I get into the driver's seat, and finally manage to take a deep breath. This is what m life has been restricted to. My family and my work. I'm a living, breathing zombie lost in a trance. I would give my life up for Seb if I knew it would make a difference and make him better. Its a cruel game of fate now. I reach my house, and see Siri running toward me from the backyard. The one thing that's true in life is a dog. He will always be there, no matter what. He sits down at my heel as I pull Maddie out of the car. She grabs onto my neck and holds on tight. I lock my car and get into the house in a fluid movement. I start up the stairs with her, more eager to put her down to bed than anything else. I hear her sleepy voice over the hum of the vent.

"Abby.. Can I stay with you tonight?"

I nod my head and give her a kiss on the cheek. I walk toward my bedroom and place her on the bed. I get a shirt out of my dresser for her to change into and I hand it to her. She barely can see straight, but she knows what to do. I leave her for a second, while I walk downstairs and feed Siri. Maggie's been pretty good about coming and taking care of him while I've been dealing with Seb. I sift the screen door open enough for Siri to get out and I shut the lamp off. I promise I'll play with you tomorrow, but I"m just so tired right now. I wander up the stairs, discarding clothing as I go. I don't care anymore. I can't deal with this all at once. I reach my room and Maddie is already fast asleep under the covers. I change into a pair of pj bottoms and leave my tank top from earlier on. I can barely lift my hands, I have no clue how I'm going to manage my patients tomorrow. I hope I don't have any of the crazy ones. And I pray they don't decide to call me into the ER tomorrow. I hate working nights cause that always means ER. I climb under the covers and Maddie instantly curls up next to me. I wrap my arms around her and she snuggles in tightly. I set my alarm, and finally manage to lay down. The green letters of the display cast an eerie glow upon the room. I'll worry about that later....

The shrill beep of my alarm clock wakes me. It's about seven o clock in the morning, and I can barely see straight or feel my body. Madison lies on the pillow next to me, not disturbed by the ear piercing scream. She can sleep for a while longer. Siri greets me as soon as I'm sitting up in bed, his wet nose on my toes. I pet his head for a few minutes, and at least I know one person loves me unconditionally. I motion him outside and he leads me. I get down the stairs, setting my coffee and getting my paper. I don't have time to read anything, and the stack by the door has been growing with every passing day. As I wait for my coffee to finish, I pour Siri a cup of dry food and change his water. He sits down and watches me eagerly. I've been ignoring my best friend. I crouch down and scratch behind his ears. He lets out a moan and his head melts onto my lap. My stupid old dog. I get back up when the coffee sounds and pour myself a cup. I take a few sips before running off to the shower to wash the smell off the hospital's PICU off myself. I doubt it will ever fully leave me though. I turn the water on and wait for it to heat. After a second, I pop into the shower, letting the warm water wash away all the impurities on my skin. I quickly run the shampoo through and out of my hair, and run the sponge over my body. Five minutes is all I have for today. No time to grieve. I pop out, drying my hair with a towel then running the blow dryer through my locks carelessly. I comb it out and put in into a twist. I don't care anymore. I run to my closet, avoiding waking Maddie till I'm dressed. I pull out a blue button up shirt and a black knee length skirt. It works, and it's multi-tasked. I find a black bra and some undies from one of my drawers and head back into the bathroom to dress and put some touch up makeup on. Although I highly doubt anything will hide the wrinkles and bags under my eyes. I look like death on vacation. I take a quick glance in the mirror. I look presentable. I walk into my room and sit on the bed, running my hand over Maddie's arm. She opens her eyes, then closes them again.

"Maddie... Get up honey... We need to get going."

She rustles around in bed before bringing two hands wearily to her eyes. She groggily takes the clothes I hand her and walks into the bathroom. I run downstairs, gulping down the rest of my coffee and grabbing my suitcase with my files. I put it with my purse on the kitchen table. I push Siri outside into the yard, Maggie will be by in about an hour to take him for a walk. I jog up the stairs to Maddie, and carefully brush her hair. I pull it up into a ponytail and she gives me a satisfied glance. She puts on her sneakers and I pull on my heals. I'm running late. Damn it. Traffic needs to be merciful. I take her by the hand and we head off to the car, she's half awake, I"m half asleep.

Since all of hell and heaven hate me, I'm running ten minutes late for my first appointment. I park my car and take Maddie into my arms. I'll pop by my office to tell my first patient that I'll be right back. It might take more time, but at least he knows I care and that I"m there for him. I can never be too careful with these looney toons. I make my way up the stairs and then I put Maddie down, taking her hand. My back is killing me. It's all worth it. I see Mr. Zachariah sitting in the corner with his wife. I walk up to him and Maddie hides behind me.

"Mr. Zachariah, I'm sorry I'm late. It's been a bad week. Let me just drop off Maddie, here, and we'll start."

He nods his head and smiles. He's a nice old man, suffering from major depression. I hand my papers to Maura, my secretary. Mr. Zachariah's wife gives me a warm smile and a caring nod. She's the sweetest woman alive.

"You've got a beautiful daughter, Dr. Lockhart."

I nod my head and plant a kiss on Maddie's forehead, she lets out a shy smile. I take her hand and start toward PICU. Carter is probably starting to worry about her. I try to keep a steady pace, just enough for Maddie to keep up with me. When we finally reach Seb's room, I see Carter breathe out a sigh of relief. I knew he would worry, but he wouldn't dare call me. I give Maddie a hug and she runs into her father's open arms. I walk up closer to Seb, giving him a kiss on the cheek. I take his hand and squeeze it, he squeezes back gently.

"Hey Seb, it's Abby... I can't stay, but I'll be back later. I love you, baby."

I kiss him again and look at Carter for any hopeful news. There is none. The lights in the room seem to be getting dimmer each time I enter, the hallway sounds like a mausoleum. I can't take any of this anymore. That's why I went to psychology. You deal with the mental, some things you can change, others you can't, but there are no waiting games. There are no life or death strikes. You can make it or break it. It's a challenge, but not as hard as working on a failing body. With the mind, there is always hope. I've lost the hope that I thought I had. There is none, there are the facts. Seb's going to die, and there's nothing any of us can do about it.