Nadako: My randomness-ness! I've completely lost it! Maybe it was the candy...*lopsided grin*
Jou: No...it's you.
Nadako: -BONK- *hold up Sennen Rod* AH-HAHA! This thing does come in handy ^.^.
Jou: =.= *large bump*
Nadako: ¬¬ and I can promise you, Jou, you're not going to show up in this fic until the next chapter..if I even write one...
Jou: -Phoomp- *falls over* @.@
Nadako: ' ' *blinks* -_- now who's going to read the disclaimers?
Anzu: MEEE!!!! ^o^
Nadako: *clears throat* I ask again...who wants to read the disclaimers?
Anzu: *waves arms furiously* MEE!!!
Nadako: ANYONE? *oblivious to Anzu* I'll read it myself if no one wants to read it!
Anzu: *jumping up and down holding a sign that reads: MEE!! PICK ME!*
Nadako: *sighs* I guess no one wants to read the disclaimers.. ah well. I'll read it then! ^^
Anzu: *heavy sigh* -.- *walks away*
Disclaimer:
Nadako: *clears throat* I OWN YUGIOH! MWUAHAHA! XD
**Lawyers appear arguing over who gets this case**
Nadako: *runs around* ^^I OWN YUGIOH!
** All lawyers agree to something **
Nadako: *still running and shouting*
Lawyer 1: *clears throat*
Lawyer 2: Miss, we've heard talk about you claiming to own Yugioh.
Nadako: *stops and shouts* I DON'T OWN YUGIOH!
Lawyer 3: Oh well...*blinks* We must have the wrong person. Very sorry Miss.
Nadako: T_T damned lawyers...
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Chapter 1: PLEEEASSE?!
By: Nadako-mika
Anger Management
Volume 3: How Not to Kill Your Hikari
Bakura blinked at the title. 'I wonder who could have written this' He never bothered to check the author's page...-.- and continued reading:
Lesson 1: Throw Away Your Weapons
Most Yamis (By MOST I mean ALL) are fascinated by sharp pointy things that can puncture and rip out human or animal flesh, and make blood and other fluids leak out from their victim- um..getting off topic. Anyways... In order NOT to kill your dear Hikari you must HIDE or THROW AWAY your harmful weap-
"Meh...no help." Bakura flipped to another page of the Big Blue Book of Anger Management.
Lesson 2: Listen To Your Hikari
Yamis (YOU) tend to think that because your all Dark-ish, you are very tough and strong. Infact Yamis (YOU) tend to go on little rampages around town, killing innocent birds and cats, because they (YOU) think this is true. Get this throught your thick skull: YAMIS ARE WEAK! ( author: I didn't write that I swear! It was his *points to author2* idea!!! ).
Bakura felt his nerves twitch. "WHAT? Us YAMIS, are WEAK!?" He shouted out to himself, "I need an explanation for this..." and continues reading.
You may want an explanation for this.
"No duh." Bakura twitched in anger some more.
Infact, you probably would like to kill me (author2) for writing such a true statement.
"TRUE?! You call that crap TRUE?!"
Yes I do state that 'crap' as a true fact! You would like to kill me now, because you think your so tough and can't be beaten by anyone am I right?
Bakura slowly nodded to the book.
Yes well...You've been beaten now.
"What?" He blinks stupidly and re-reads the sentence. "How can I possibly be beaten already? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT AUTHOR2 I'LL RIP HIM TO SHREDS!!!"
You're wondering how you've been beaten already. Well...think of this. You say you want to get your hands on me (author2) and rip me to shreds. You've missed two important things. ONE: YOU don't know where I am. You are only READING what I have written. And you don't even know my name, because you probably haven't even checked to see who wrote this book. ^_^ So HA! And TWO: How do you know I'm a HIM? How do you know I'm not a HER? Think about that.
Bakura blinked some more before continuing.
Now back to the lesson...
Yes, Hikari's are indeed stronger than Yamis.
Bakura opened his mouth to object, but caught a glimpse of the next sentence:
Before you open your mouth to object, remember that the more we get into an arguement, the more you have to read as we have another twelve lessons to go!
He quickly shut his mouth.
Yami's are weaker than Hikaris. Have you ever noticed that your Hikari is always begging you with his innocent eyes? And you have no power to object to the favor? That is their secret weapon: Innocenceness-ness! They can get almost ANYTHING they want out of you by using that secret technique. And they have another ability. Have you ever noticed that when YOU want something out of THEM, they can always object to the matter, even though you're making death threats to them?
Bakura nodded dumbly, and continued.
Well, a hikari's second power is Immunity-ness. They are immune to everything you do to them! They always get back up on their feet. Am I right?
*nod nod*
Of course I am. So to end this lesson: Remember to listen to what your hikari says, or you'll be humiliated one way or another by your hikari's special abilities!
*nod nod*
Please turn the page for Lesson 3.
Listening to the book, he turned the page. He was at the end of the other page anyways...
Lesson 3: Be NICE to your Hika-
He flipped to the next lesson. "Hmph! Nice...right..."
Lesson 4: ((no title))
*BIG bolded letters* YOU DIDN'T READ LESSON 3 DID YOU? IF YOU DID YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TURNED TO LESSON 4!!! NOW GO BACK TO LESSON 3 AND READ IT DAMN YOU!!!!
"NO!" Bakura was getting annoyed. He decided to flip to lesson 6...Maybe Lesson 5 had the same message...
Lesson 6: You Have to READ and OBEY!
Again! You didn't follow the instructions! You didn't go back to Lesson 3! If you want your Hikari to live, READ LESSON 3!! Otherwise...You'll find your hikari dead the next morning...*nod nod*
Yes..that message is real. You will eventually kill your hikari because of a certain phone call you will receive from him in a matter of minutes.
O.O *flips back to Lesson 3* "Must read! Don't want a dead Ryou."
Lesson 3: Be NICE to your Hikari!
You're gullable you know that?
*blink blink* "I am?"
Yes you are. What makes you think you would kill your Hikari because of a stupid phone call? You really are a sucker hehe....
Bakura twitches in anger...again...-_-
Anyways...onto the lesson. There a few things to say...:
Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari!Be Nice To Your Hikari! Be Nice To Your Hikari!
And that...Is Lesson 3 ^____________^
At this point Bakura is twitching like mad. The phone beside him rings, but he's too mad to notice. "Ah! Whoever it is can leave a message..." *twitch twitch*
((Ryou's voice))
Moshi Moshi! You've reached the Bakura residence. We're either not home right now or I (Ryou) am not home and my yami, Bakura, refuses to answer the damned phone because he's mad at a freaking, stupid, useless book he stole from a marketplace. Please leave a message after the tone!
((minutes pass by))
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
"Hello Bakura!"
"Hi..."
"If your still mad at that book just throw it away."
"No."
"-.- your lazy."
"I know." *shrugs*
"Anyway I have a question."
"Question away!"
"O,o...right.. Anyways, Can I host a party tonight?"
"No-"
"PLEEEEAAAAASSSEE?!"
"N-"
"PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEE!!??"
"I already said- NO!"
" *pause*....WHYYYYYYYY???!!!"
"Because!"
"Because what?"
"Because...because!"
"Because, because what?"
*twitch twitch* He runs off into the kitchen in search for a metal hammer XD
"Oh, Bakura. While your in the kitchen can you turn off the oven? I forgot to time it and I don't want the pizza to burn."
*blink blink* "uh..." Bakura becomes confused as to which nob or button he's suppose to use...Oo
"Its the Black knob that says 'OVEN'. Turn it so the little arrow painted on the knob points to 'OFF'. That's O-F-F!"
"'kay..." after turning the oven to O-F-F, Bakura searches through the cupboards and draws for a hammer. Little did he know, Ryou had already hidden it. He grumbles as he searched some more, and came upon...a meat tenderizer!!! "That'll do!"
"Couldn't find a hammer could ya?"
"Nope!" Bakura answered absentmindedly as he fiddled with the meat tenderizer mallet.
"Ah-hahahaha! Now you have nothing to hit the phone- Oh shoot...I forgot about that meat mallet! *wacks head*"
Bakura grinned evilly as he positioned the mallet over the phone.
"Wait! If you smash the phone I'll get Yami to dispose of you for good!"
*hides mallet*...*grins innocently* "What? Me, hit the beautiful phone? NAW!"
"Anyways...back to the question. *takes in air* PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEE?! CAN I PLEEEAASE HOLD A PARTY?????? YOU CAN INVITE A FRIEND OVER! PLEEAASE???"
*plugs ears* "Alright alright! Yeesh! just stop yelling!
"THANK YOU BAKU-SAN!!!"
*waves off* "yeah yea..."
"Ja ne! The party starts at six tonight, everyone's going to be there! Thanks again Bakura! Oh and please put that mallet back." *click*
((Message ends))
Bakura blinked stupidly for about...*times*....*bakura blinks...blink blink blink*...*stops timer* twenty seconds, before he walks to the kitchen and puts the mallet back in the drawer. He walked back into the living room and picked up the Big Blue Book of Anger Management, taking a glance at the clock.
"It's 2:30 pm...That's uh....*blinks stupidly*"
Nadako: PSST...three and a half hours.
*looks at a hiding Nadako* "yeah...Three and a half hours till the party!!! Better call Marik..."
Bakura dials the number 666-6666 (Mariks [not really but...¬¬ wutever])
*Dial tone*
((Mariks voice))
Boo! hehe...Oo You've reached the Ishtar's residence, and I'm surprised Isis let me make this messege *blink*. Anyways we're all not home at the moment, Isis it out and we refuse to listen to you talk to us, or my hikari and I are out on a killing rampage. Probably the last one. Anyways, leave a message after the tone. If you find yourself in Hell the next morning we've killed you while you were dreaming about who-knows-what for leaving a message and pissing us off!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP- "Hey! who swore and blocked it out?"
"Marik get down here by six tonight! Ryou's gonna be hosting a party. You and I are going to be torturing some people...*whispers* hehe...that damned pharaoh will never know what hit him...or his hikari *grins evilly*. Bring your hikari if you want...the more the merrier ^^...oy...can't believe I said that...¬¬"
*click*
((Message ends))
Bakura sits back down on the couch and opens the Big Blue Book of Anger Management, flipping it to a random page.
*flip flilp* "I wonder if there's advice on what to do if my hikari is hosting a damned party and inviting his damned friends..." *flip flip*...*stops...and reads*
((bottom of page 9))
You probably want to know what to do if your hikari suddenly is hosting a damned party and is inviting his damned friends over right?
*blink* *nods*
Well then! Please turn to page 1 and read the little message at the bottom!
*flip flip* "Oops...wrong direction..." *flips backwards*
((bottom of page 1...small small writing))
..,.,,,,.,.,..,...,..,...,,,...,,.,.,.,.....,.,......,.,..,..,...,.,,,.,...,...,..,,,...,.,.
"damn...too small." he says. Bakura gets up and walks upstairs into the office room to get a magnifying glass. Two minutes later you see him stomping down the stairs because he forgot that the office was beside the living room. He walks into the office and is searching for *times again*.......*search search search*..............*stops timer* twenty minutes before giving up and sitting back onto the couch. He put his elbow down onto the side table and bumps something. He finds that its the magnifying glass sitting right beside him all along ^o^. "I hate you Nadako..." he says as he picks it up.
Nadako: *waves* I know you do!
He runs the glass over the small small printing and begins to read.
You're here because you read the message at the bottom of page 9 right? Well heres a note: This message has been moved to page 263 in Volume 2: Randomn notes. If you're stupid enough, you will actually go to that page in Volume 2 and read the message instead of flipping to page 56 in THIS book.
Bakura grumbles as he stands up to pick out the second volume off the large book shelf. After *watches*....the seventh attemp to grab the book that was carelessly thrown ontop of the seven foot tall bookshelf, Bakura manages to get it. He flips to page 263 and reads:
Congradulations. You are dubbed thee the most stupid person in the world. Now for your reward: Please turn to page 56 of Volume 3: How to Not Kill Your Hikari for the real message! ^^ thank you and have a great day...stupid idiot!
Bakura blinked stupidly as he read the message over. When he finally got the meaning he chucked the thing into the fire (which is not there at the moment but will be later on in the party ^^;) He again took out the annoying Big Blue Book of Anger Management and read from the right page...for once.
Here is what you, the yami, does when he, the hikari, is hosting a party:
1) You invite another psychotic yami over too and cause mayhem...just remember not to bother the hikaris...for reasons why turn to Lesson 2: Listen To Your Hikari.
2) You can do absolutely nothing. All you can do is lock yourself in a small room and rock slowly back and forth muttering (this happens when you don't invite a friend over..see first option)
Bakura slammed the Big Blue Book of Anger Management shut and sighed heavily. This was going to be a LONG night...
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Nadako: *blink blink* alright...that had absolutely nothing to do with the party... *blink blink* (( and I made Bakura seem like a dumbass...XD ))
Ryou: Sure it did! ^___^ You had me bug Bakrua for permission.
Nadako: Oh ya...i gues it did... Ah well. I guess I'll have to put Jou into the next chapter...*sigh sigh*
Ryou: That is...if he ever wakes up...Oo
Jou: @.@ *bump swelling down*
Nadako: XD *takes out meat tenderizer mallet* MWUAHAHA -BONK-
Jou: +_+ *bigger bump on bump*
Ryou: O.O remind me to never get on your bad side...
Nadako: *holds recording tape to Ryou* use this!
Ryou: *walks away recording warning*
Nadako: anyways...^o^ Jou isn't going to show next chappy ...I don't think anyways...Oo
Bakura: Yup..You don't think!!
Nadako: ¬¬ must do evil things to Bakura in the next chapter...Anyways... REVIEW PLZ!!! ^o^
PsSt....Evilness-ness never dies! XD