After forever, a short chapter.

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Chapter 9: Fighting a Losing Battle

"Hey Rog? I was looking for my- hello!"

Mark had accidentally walked in on Roger and April having a little "alone time". He chuckled, staring at the floor as the two lovers scrambled away from each other, at least this time they were fully clothed.

"Um, yeah, hey Mark," Roger said, running a hand through his hair in an embarrassed way, "What were you looking for?"

"My extra film, I wanna test something."

Roger smiled playfully, "You expect me to know where it is? The last time I touched your film I put it back."

"You know…"

April smiled as she watched the best friends tease each other. Ever since she had met Roger at one of his band gigs she had never been able to see how the two were so close since they were exact opposites. Roger was rebellious and moody but had a softer side hidden underneath; Mark was awkward and geeky, and he didn't feel much of anything. Maybe that was why they were such good friends, Mark gave Roger a calmer side and Roger helped Mark be a bit more dangerous. After all, it had been Roger who put Mark and Maureen together.

"What do you want the film for anyway?" Roger asked, taking his arm out from around April and scooting to the end of the bed.

"Oh I have to go up to Scarsdale for a few days. My sister Cindy just had a baby and it's one of those stupid family get-togethers and I'm sure they'll want me to film some of it for a home movie or something." Mark replied, rolling his eyes.

Roger smiled, if there was one thing Mark hated more than anything, it was family get-togethers. He had been born into a fairly rich family, his father was a doctor and so they had been able to afford to live in one of the richer neighborhoods when he was growing up. When he was 14, Mark had to go to a public school that included other neighborhoods, including Roger's. They had met freshman year and Roger had introduced him to a more… rock and roll way of life. As they grew up, and their friendship got closer, Mark's parents disapproved of Roger's rebellious nature and they nearly had a heart attack when he told them he didn't want to be a doctor like his father and instead wanted to be a filmmaker. After graduating High School, the best friends had moved to the city to pursue their careers and Mark rarely spoke to his parents.

"When are you going up?" Roger asked, looking at his friend with compassion.

"Tomorrow. My mom just called and told me."

"Well good luck."

"With what? Finding my film or dealing with my parents?"

"Both."

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Roger awoke with a start, breathing heavily. He had just had the same reoccurring nightmare for the third night in a row, the one he'd been having ever since he tried to stop taking drugs. He never could remember it, which he didn't understand because it always scared him senseless. No one knew about it either, he couldn't tell Mark because he may think Roger was stupid for getting so worked up about a dream, and he couldn't tell Collins because he might get even more worried about him and never give him a moment's peace.

Shivering uncontrollably, Roger stood up and paced around his bedroom, trying to warm up and shake off the dream. He knew that neither of his friends would react negatively if he told them, but he was still apprehensive, he wanted to keep his pride. He ran his hands up and down his arms, trying to warm them, but he was still insanely cold. As he continued to pace, he felt a familiar feeling rise inside of him, a feeling he had fought so desperately against for three weeks, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing. He wanted his smack.

"No, you've been doing good, there's no reason," he whispered to himself, moving away from the mattress where he had his stash hidden. He opened his door slowly and edged into the hallway, being careful not to make any noise.  He moved into the living room and turned on a light, he just needed a few minutes to calm down and wait for the craving to pass.

He moved over towards the kitchen, which was just the other side of the living room, looking at the pile of papers crammed on the table. He shifted through them slowly, recognizing Collins's handwriting.

"MIT?" he asked out loud. Why was Collins applying for MIT? He was working at NYU; he had a great job, why would he want to move away? Roger was surprised that he found himself getting angry, almost betrayed. He knew Collins wasn't leaving for the sake of leaving but still, he needed help right now and Collins was one of the few people willing to give it. Again he felt his craving surface and again he fought against it. There was no reason to be bitter at his friend, he didn't mean any harm, but he couldn't help it. And why hadn't Mark told him that Collins was leaving? Surely he had seen the applications or talked to Collins about it. Why were his friends suddenly keeping things from him?

Roger stepped backwards, away from the table. He needed to calm down, his friends weren't betraying him, there was no need to get worked up. But he couldn't help feeling annoyed. And Mark was leaving too, he had just decided to get up and go to Scarsdale without letting anyone know; all his friends were abandoning him at the time he needed them. Well, he didn't need their help; he could get through this on his own. But even as he told himself that he knew he couldn't.

Roger switched off the light and headed back into his bedroom, his mind racing. He closed the door and went straight for his mattress. So what if he shouldn't be doing it, it didn't matter, he wanted this, he needed this. As he shot up, he remembered what his friends had told him.

God Roger, I'm sick of watching you hurt yourself!

You know, I worry about you Roger.

Well they obviously didn't care enough to stay and help him. Then he remembered April's voice.

You can't share real love until you love yourself.

For the first time in his life, Roger felt a pang of regret before he lost himself to the drug.

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oh, just so you know, I'm going to Florida for a week on Saturday so this will probably be my last update until I get back. And they might be kinda sparse because the show I'm in opens that weekend but I'll still try really hard to get more chapters out before school starts again.