Chapter Six
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past.
"I can't believe I agreed to this," Harry muttered as he and Cloe walked into the restaurant.
"Well, why not?" Cloe insisted. "It's a free meal, Harry."
"Yeah, that he probably poisoned," Harry growled.
"I doubt he'd do that," Cloe shrugged. "It'd be found easily, Harry. I'm sure he's smarter than that."
Harry turned to glare at her, but when he saw a huge grin on her beautiful face, he couldn't help but smile himself.
"Oh, there he is." Cloe pointed to a table at the side of the room, where the blond was seated, looking into his glass.
"I'll just be going now," Cloe said quickly, dodging away from Harry, but Harry caught her wrist.
"You got me into this, Cloe," he said firmly. "You're coming with me. I'm not going to sit through an entire meal listening to his criticism by myself."
"Fine," Cloe sighed. "Whatever. Let's go, we don't want to keep him waiting."
Harry let out a long, low hiss before making his way for the table.
Draco turned as the two of them approached. He had been able to feel the two of them looking at him the entire time, but didn't react.
"Hello, Po – Michael," Draco greeted him, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the name.
"Hello, Malfoy," Harry replied lazily, sitting down opposite him. Cloe sat down next to Harry without a word.
"So how have you been?" Draco asked, searching for conversation.
"How do you think?" Harry muttered. Cloe kicked him under the table and glared at him. "Fine, Malfoy. I've been fine."
Draco nodded, rolling his eyes, and took a drink from his glass.
"So how about you?" Cloe asked, realizing that Harry wasn't going to even bother trying to start conversation. "Having fun in America?"
"Sure, I guess," Draco shrugged. "I got a job at the. . . ."
Draco froze. He'd almost said it.
"It's okay," Harry said. "She is, too."
Draco smiled slightly. "I got a job at the Ministry, as an Auror. There aren't many Death Eaters back in England, but there are still quite a few Dark Wizards here."
Cloe grinned and Harry. "Maybe you should do that, Harry. You'd be good at it, I'm sure."
"You haven't gotten a job yet?"
"I haven't really been in a searching mood, lately, Malfoy," Harry gritted out. "You know, jet lag."
"So why don't you now?" Draco asked, trying his best to ignore the sarcastic tone in Harry's voice. "You'll need a job soon."
"Yeah, Michael," Cloe smiled. "You should try for the job, right? It wouldn't hurt."
"Maybe I will," Harry sighed, defeated. "Maybe it would keep me from thinking about before. . . ."
***
Cloe glared at Harry as they walked out of the restaurant.
"How could you act like that, Michael?!" She exclaimed after a few minutes.
"Like what?" he asked lightly.
"You know damn well what!"
Harry frowned. "He's been my worst enemy since we were eleven, Cloe," he said. "He's done everything wrong to me that he could possibly do. He even tried to kill me once or twice. Do you really think that just because he bought me dinner one night, that's all forgotten?"
"I'm not asking you to forget it, Harry, I'm asking you to move past it. It's not healthy for you to do this to yourself. You're stressing yourself out way too much. Just loosen up. He's not going to try to hex you while we're sitting in the middle of a crowded Muggle restaurant. He's too smart for that."
"Just forget it, Cloe," Harry muttered. "I don't want to talk about him anymore."
"I'm not going to drop it until you promise me one thing."
"What?"
"The next time you're around him you'll relax, and at least try not to say anything rude like you did tonight."
"I can't promise that."
"Just try!" Cloe pleaded. "Look, Harry. I know you aren't having an easy time with all this, and I know Draco's not making it easier, but he's trying. He's trying to help you, Harry. The least you could do is try to be a bit more polite."
"Why does it even matter, Cloe? I highly doubt we'll be going out to dinner again."
***
"Hello?"
"Wanna go out?"
Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. "It's one-thirty in the morning."
"Not on British time." There was a slight tone of amusement in Draco's voice.
"How'd you get this number, anyway?"
"Muggle phone directory. Do you wanna go out?" he repeated.
"I've gotten used to American time, you know, Malfoy. Next time you want to go out, make sure it's not the middle of the night."
"Is that a yes?"
Harry grumbled. "I'll meet you outside the restaurant in a hour."
"See you then."
Harry hung up the phone and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. It was the first time he'd slept since Voldemort attacked Hogwarts, and Draco Malfoy just had to come and interrupt it. . . .
"Why am I even going?" he muttered to himself.
'Because you need someone to talk to,' a voice in the back of his head chimed.
"Not Malfoy."
'He's willing to listen. Put the past behind you, like you're trying to do with England. He's trying to help you.'
Harry growled deep in the throat as he dressed, disgusted with himself.
***
Harry walked straight up to Draco as soon as he saw him. "Why did you want to come out with me?"
Draco shrugged. "Why did you want to come out with me?"
"I. . . . I didn't!" Harry said defensively. "It's just. . . . Well, you woke me, and I knew that there was no chance of me getting back to sleep. I had nothing to do at home."
"So you came out because you were bored." Draco snorted. "Since when have you been the social butterfly?"
"Since when have you?" Harry shot back. Draco looked confused. "Why did you want to come out with me, when before, at school, you hated my guts?"
"Don't really know." Draco shrugged again. "I guess it was because you're the only person in this city I know. It's nice to have old friends."
"Since when were we friends?" Harry asked, eyeing Draco suspiciously.
"Look, could you please drop the act? I know you need someone to talk to as much as I do. So just get over yourself, get over everything that happened before, and let's start fresh, okay? We can at least try, can't we?"
Harry sighed heavily. "One part of me wants to say yes, but the other part wants to kill myself for that. . ."
Draco smiled. "So why did you pick Michael Smith?"
"I. . . . Several reasons. It's not really important, is it? I really don't feel like talking about this right now. I don't feel like talking at all," Harry muttered.
"It doesn't really matter, I was just wondering," Draco shrugged. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand."
They begun walking in silence, neither of them sure of where they were going, and neither of them really caring where they end up. Them just needed to be around someone.
Finally, Harry sighed. "Because it's a common name."
"What?" Draco glanced up, confused.
"That's the reason I picked Michael Smith. Because it's a common name. Practically everyone is name Michael Smith. That's what I want. I don't want to stand out anymore. I want to be a normal person."
"Why?" Draco asked, thoroughly amazed. "Why be a normal person? What's the point if being like everyone else, when you can be your own person, different and individual? I don't know how you can not want to be different from the boring old blokes of the world!"
"That's just it!" Harry exclaimed. "I want to be a boring old bloke! I want to be normal and unexciting. I want to be Michael Smith. Because if I'm normal and boring, then none of this would've happened. I would've been back at Hogwarts, carefree and unworried. I'd be playing wizards chess with Ron, while Hermione complains about how we never do our work. . . ."
He sighed and sat down on the sidewalk against a building. "I wish I could just forget all of this. I wish I could just let this go."
"Then do it," Draco said softly. "You don't have to change who you are to turn your life around."
"You don't understand, do you?" Harry looked up at Draco pathetically. "You have no idea how it feels, do you? I lost everyone I've ever loved in the battle. /b. The only way to forget about it... is to change who I am. As long as I'm Harry Potter, there's going to be this tiny part of my brain constantly reminding me that I let them down. And if I can finally wipe the memories from my brain, there will be someone whispering in my ear all the things that happened. It's always been that way. Nothing is going to change that."
Draco bit his lip. He knew more about the pain of death than Harry gave him credit for.
"Okay." Draco nodded. "If it will really help, I'll drop the subject and call you Michael. Harry no longer exists in my mind. Just answer one question for me."
"Alright," Harry said hesitantly.
"What do you really expect to accomplish by being mean to me? Let me remind you that I'm part of your old life. So is our rivalry. So you could just drop it and we could start fresh, and that would be killing one more part of your old life. But that's obviously something you won't let go. What's the point of holding on to something so worthless?"
Harry didn't respond automatically. "I don't know."
*_*_*_*_*
A/Ns: Sorry this story took too long, too :P Most of you know my reason.... Well, I know this chapter kinda sucks, and I was considering rewriting it... but I didn't want it to take even longer than it already had. REAL sorry about how horrible it is :P I'll make it up to you in the next chapter (which I will start as soon as I submit this chapter.)
~~TTFN, Deathdragon4~~
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past.
"I can't believe I agreed to this," Harry muttered as he and Cloe walked into the restaurant.
"Well, why not?" Cloe insisted. "It's a free meal, Harry."
"Yeah, that he probably poisoned," Harry growled.
"I doubt he'd do that," Cloe shrugged. "It'd be found easily, Harry. I'm sure he's smarter than that."
Harry turned to glare at her, but when he saw a huge grin on her beautiful face, he couldn't help but smile himself.
"Oh, there he is." Cloe pointed to a table at the side of the room, where the blond was seated, looking into his glass.
"I'll just be going now," Cloe said quickly, dodging away from Harry, but Harry caught her wrist.
"You got me into this, Cloe," he said firmly. "You're coming with me. I'm not going to sit through an entire meal listening to his criticism by myself."
"Fine," Cloe sighed. "Whatever. Let's go, we don't want to keep him waiting."
Harry let out a long, low hiss before making his way for the table.
Draco turned as the two of them approached. He had been able to feel the two of them looking at him the entire time, but didn't react.
"Hello, Po – Michael," Draco greeted him, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the name.
"Hello, Malfoy," Harry replied lazily, sitting down opposite him. Cloe sat down next to Harry without a word.
"So how have you been?" Draco asked, searching for conversation.
"How do you think?" Harry muttered. Cloe kicked him under the table and glared at him. "Fine, Malfoy. I've been fine."
Draco nodded, rolling his eyes, and took a drink from his glass.
"So how about you?" Cloe asked, realizing that Harry wasn't going to even bother trying to start conversation. "Having fun in America?"
"Sure, I guess," Draco shrugged. "I got a job at the. . . ."
Draco froze. He'd almost said it.
"It's okay," Harry said. "She is, too."
Draco smiled slightly. "I got a job at the Ministry, as an Auror. There aren't many Death Eaters back in England, but there are still quite a few Dark Wizards here."
Cloe grinned and Harry. "Maybe you should do that, Harry. You'd be good at it, I'm sure."
"You haven't gotten a job yet?"
"I haven't really been in a searching mood, lately, Malfoy," Harry gritted out. "You know, jet lag."
"So why don't you now?" Draco asked, trying his best to ignore the sarcastic tone in Harry's voice. "You'll need a job soon."
"Yeah, Michael," Cloe smiled. "You should try for the job, right? It wouldn't hurt."
"Maybe I will," Harry sighed, defeated. "Maybe it would keep me from thinking about before. . . ."
***
Cloe glared at Harry as they walked out of the restaurant.
"How could you act like that, Michael?!" She exclaimed after a few minutes.
"Like what?" he asked lightly.
"You know damn well what!"
Harry frowned. "He's been my worst enemy since we were eleven, Cloe," he said. "He's done everything wrong to me that he could possibly do. He even tried to kill me once or twice. Do you really think that just because he bought me dinner one night, that's all forgotten?"
"I'm not asking you to forget it, Harry, I'm asking you to move past it. It's not healthy for you to do this to yourself. You're stressing yourself out way too much. Just loosen up. He's not going to try to hex you while we're sitting in the middle of a crowded Muggle restaurant. He's too smart for that."
"Just forget it, Cloe," Harry muttered. "I don't want to talk about him anymore."
"I'm not going to drop it until you promise me one thing."
"What?"
"The next time you're around him you'll relax, and at least try not to say anything rude like you did tonight."
"I can't promise that."
"Just try!" Cloe pleaded. "Look, Harry. I know you aren't having an easy time with all this, and I know Draco's not making it easier, but he's trying. He's trying to help you, Harry. The least you could do is try to be a bit more polite."
"Why does it even matter, Cloe? I highly doubt we'll be going out to dinner again."
***
"Hello?"
"Wanna go out?"
Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. "It's one-thirty in the morning."
"Not on British time." There was a slight tone of amusement in Draco's voice.
"How'd you get this number, anyway?"
"Muggle phone directory. Do you wanna go out?" he repeated.
"I've gotten used to American time, you know, Malfoy. Next time you want to go out, make sure it's not the middle of the night."
"Is that a yes?"
Harry grumbled. "I'll meet you outside the restaurant in a hour."
"See you then."
Harry hung up the phone and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. It was the first time he'd slept since Voldemort attacked Hogwarts, and Draco Malfoy just had to come and interrupt it. . . .
"Why am I even going?" he muttered to himself.
'Because you need someone to talk to,' a voice in the back of his head chimed.
"Not Malfoy."
'He's willing to listen. Put the past behind you, like you're trying to do with England. He's trying to help you.'
Harry growled deep in the throat as he dressed, disgusted with himself.
***
Harry walked straight up to Draco as soon as he saw him. "Why did you want to come out with me?"
Draco shrugged. "Why did you want to come out with me?"
"I. . . . I didn't!" Harry said defensively. "It's just. . . . Well, you woke me, and I knew that there was no chance of me getting back to sleep. I had nothing to do at home."
"So you came out because you were bored." Draco snorted. "Since when have you been the social butterfly?"
"Since when have you?" Harry shot back. Draco looked confused. "Why did you want to come out with me, when before, at school, you hated my guts?"
"Don't really know." Draco shrugged again. "I guess it was because you're the only person in this city I know. It's nice to have old friends."
"Since when were we friends?" Harry asked, eyeing Draco suspiciously.
"Look, could you please drop the act? I know you need someone to talk to as much as I do. So just get over yourself, get over everything that happened before, and let's start fresh, okay? We can at least try, can't we?"
Harry sighed heavily. "One part of me wants to say yes, but the other part wants to kill myself for that. . ."
Draco smiled. "So why did you pick Michael Smith?"
"I. . . . Several reasons. It's not really important, is it? I really don't feel like talking about this right now. I don't feel like talking at all," Harry muttered.
"It doesn't really matter, I was just wondering," Draco shrugged. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I understand."
They begun walking in silence, neither of them sure of where they were going, and neither of them really caring where they end up. Them just needed to be around someone.
Finally, Harry sighed. "Because it's a common name."
"What?" Draco glanced up, confused.
"That's the reason I picked Michael Smith. Because it's a common name. Practically everyone is name Michael Smith. That's what I want. I don't want to stand out anymore. I want to be a normal person."
"Why?" Draco asked, thoroughly amazed. "Why be a normal person? What's the point if being like everyone else, when you can be your own person, different and individual? I don't know how you can not want to be different from the boring old blokes of the world!"
"That's just it!" Harry exclaimed. "I want to be a boring old bloke! I want to be normal and unexciting. I want to be Michael Smith. Because if I'm normal and boring, then none of this would've happened. I would've been back at Hogwarts, carefree and unworried. I'd be playing wizards chess with Ron, while Hermione complains about how we never do our work. . . ."
He sighed and sat down on the sidewalk against a building. "I wish I could just forget all of this. I wish I could just let this go."
"Then do it," Draco said softly. "You don't have to change who you are to turn your life around."
"You don't understand, do you?" Harry looked up at Draco pathetically. "You have no idea how it feels, do you? I lost everyone I've ever loved in the battle. /b. The only way to forget about it... is to change who I am. As long as I'm Harry Potter, there's going to be this tiny part of my brain constantly reminding me that I let them down. And if I can finally wipe the memories from my brain, there will be someone whispering in my ear all the things that happened. It's always been that way. Nothing is going to change that."
Draco bit his lip. He knew more about the pain of death than Harry gave him credit for.
"Okay." Draco nodded. "If it will really help, I'll drop the subject and call you Michael. Harry no longer exists in my mind. Just answer one question for me."
"Alright," Harry said hesitantly.
"What do you really expect to accomplish by being mean to me? Let me remind you that I'm part of your old life. So is our rivalry. So you could just drop it and we could start fresh, and that would be killing one more part of your old life. But that's obviously something you won't let go. What's the point of holding on to something so worthless?"
Harry didn't respond automatically. "I don't know."
*_*_*_*_*
A/Ns: Sorry this story took too long, too :P Most of you know my reason.... Well, I know this chapter kinda sucks, and I was considering rewriting it... but I didn't want it to take even longer than it already had. REAL sorry about how horrible it is :P I'll make it up to you in the next chapter (which I will start as soon as I submit this chapter.)
~~TTFN, Deathdragon4~~