Disclaimer: Fish swimmy, swimmy!
A/N: I write all my fanfiction in the middle of the night... Please excuse any weirdness.... I like to be strange!
Chapter 3:
Paranoia
The blinding white. That nauseating white. I stared at the ceiling, I saw nothing. I looked at the wall, still I saw nothing. I changed my vision down to the floor... Still all I saw was a great depth of white nothingness.
Would this white soon engulf me? Would I begin to fade into this white? Better question: Would I ever escape it? Would this be the very place, the very spot where I would take in my last breath of air? I didn't doubt it all that much....
I had always had a great urge for adventure, like in the stories my grandmother would tell me. Of great pirates, that not only sailed the 7 seas, but flew high into the stars at night. To the moon, and on the moon, they would feast. They would bite into it. Into it's very soul. This is what caused the dents in it's surface.
The moon was a long time partner of the sun. The pirates were going to change that. That was their plot at least. They would try, and try. They would always fail. Love, always prevailed.
As the sun and moon grew apart, the pirates took advantage of the moon, it being weak without the sun's aid in battle. This time the pirates were victorious. They returned to earth. The sun later revealed to the moon that it was at fault, the sun had sent the pirates to the moon, the sun didn't love the moon any longer.
The moon would still rise as the sun fell, but unlike before, it wouldn't break it's fall. It would always resent the sun for betraying it. It would always hate the sun for it's wrong doings.
My grandma would ask me if I agreed with the moons reasoning. I didn't know what to say, I was quite fond of the pirates. Though I didn't get the option of the pirates, I chose them anyway. My grandmother was surprised. She said:
"Dear child, do you not understand the story?"
"I do understand Grammy, I do... But I want to hear more! What happens to the pirates?!" I asked her excitedly. At that time, I didn't realize my horrible mistake.
"Raharu, this story is not to teach you the ways of the pirates, but how love works. Love is something that is uncontrollable, and it can be cruel." she explained.
"I don't care! I want to know what happens to the pirates when they return!!! Please! Tell me!" I begged. She only sighed.
To this very day, I still do not know what the fate of the pirates was. I have dreamed of their journeys many times. My dreams always left me in a state of awe. I would never have an ordinary day again. That story, made me fall in love with the moon, and perhaps understand what love was, in a way that was simply unreachable, so uncontrollable, yet still perfect...
I fell in love with the moon, because I knew I would never see pirates, well... I thought... I didn't like the sun. All that was left was the moon.....
Like any human being I have basic needs:
Food
Shelter
Rest
and having the ability to:
"Relieve self"
I had shelter, if that's what you want to call it.... I could have eaten, if my stomach didn't churn whenever I thought of it... But sleep.. There was one little problem with that...
I was afraid of drifting off... What if I never awoke? Would that be a bad thing? If I fell asleep, would I awaken under the stars with Furi?
After staring into the white for over an hour, things began to go black. The white was being overlapped by something, like someone was spray painting over my vision. I didn't realize that it was my sight that was blackening, not the wall. Was I still here? Was I alive?
My mind soured through the blackness, and slowly a door opened up to a dream:
I was sitting with my cat on the grass, under the stars. It was what it looked like every night. Only this time I saw myself. My dream was in 3rd person. Almost like I was watching a film.
My cat ran, I got up and followed. Though I did not see the whole chase, I knew where I was going: The shed. I saw myself run into what looked like a red box the size of a small cottage from where my eyes were stationed. There they were. I thought of my stupidity as I didn't even resist them, I didn't fight back at all.
Now my eyes were back in my body, I was me again. As they beamed me up to the ship, I didn't feel the same way as I felt the first time it had happened, I wasn't in a trace. I was terrified. I screamed, I howled, I felt my emotions burst into tiny particles within my body. I felt so much fear, so much terror... Was this ever going to end?!!!
I didn't see him this time. He didn't calm me down. I would have done anything to see him. Anything to feel that ecstasy again. Anything.
When I woke up, my face was drenched with the salty liquid tears are made of. I hoped that I had cried silently, I would have not known how to explain myself if Amarao asked, "Why were you crying?" He was asleep, so I suppose it didn't matter.
I wondered why I had that dream... Was my body trying to tell me something? I knew that I needed rest. That I craved food. My bladder was about to pop like a water-balloon when you fill it with too much fluid.
The dream... No, the nightmare... It proved something. Something I didn't want to know. I wanted to continue believing that what I was now was a nightmare, and that I would soon be back. I would be awake.... Can you have a nightmare within a nightmare?
"NO!" I Mentally screeched. This isn't happening, this isn't happening!!!!!!!! I began to breathe in quick, shot gasps. Was this my reality?
I pondered about the nightmare more, and more. My brain.... What if it was trying to help me by forcing the fears away... It was telling me to just Relax....
I stared at Amarao. He was relaxed, but how? How long had he been here? How long ago had he confronted his own fears?
I was experiencing an emotion like no other. I looked calm on the outside. Inside me though.... It felt like there was a tiny snake biting me. A bite so excruciating, and small that it would have taken an eternity to devoured me entirely.
Perhaps my body was telling me to "Stop being afraid. What do you really have to lose?" Maybe it was right. What did I have left to lose? My soul? Heh, I would have sold my soul to the devil that very moment for a good meal...
A meal that was not alien.... Something that I could eat without fear of it being drugged.... But if it was drugged.... Would I feel that ecstasy again? Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing...
I had to overcome my coward manner. I wanted to be bold. I wanted to be daring. I wanted everything...
My first phobia I decided to tackle was the bathroom issue, on the account that I was about to lose a kidney, and, another problem happened.
I didn't really need to go "Number 1," I didn't really need to go "Number 2,".... But it was... ummm.. should I call it "Number 3," that got me into the bathroom. If you don't know what I'm talking about look up "Menstruation" in the dictionary....
As I was thinking I felt myself start,"Dang.... Why now?" I whined in a whisper to myself. I stared at the entrance to the bathroom.... I wanted to go, but, I was dreading it.....
What if all that was there was a hole? I think, I would've died.... As I've said before, I was shy, and what if they were watching? EW! Well, listening to my courage, I stood up. My knees cracked after being in the same position for so long, I felt my flow increase slightly.
"Damn," I said to myself again. What if it showed? What it Amarao were to ask, "Why are you bleeding?" I think, I would've died, again.
Anyway, I strode up to the door of the bathroom. I halted outside it for a moment. I closed my eyes tightly and opened the door. I bit my bottom lip as I peeked open one eye.
I was shocked.
I threw the dark curtain from both my eyes. A broom swept away my dread, and polished me with relief... It was normal. A little more high tech then what I was used to at that time, but still more normal than I had envisioned. There was a toilet, a sink, a mirror, and.... A window.
I "did my business," and took a good look in the mirror. My face looked horrible. You could tell that I had been crying by the circles that rippled under my eyes. My hair was a mess, ew... I wiped a few stray hairs away from my eyes, and turned to examine the window.
"Wow...." I remember voicing, breathlessly. As I looked through the clear glass, I choked back the tears that were slamming at my eyelids, trying to break out, like a prisoner trapped in jail. For the first time since the beginning of my journey, I had true hope.
The moon. So near. I wanted to stick out my arm, and feel it's embrace. I was mesmerized by it's radiant appearance. I realized something, I had learned a lesson.
Though the sun didn't love the moon as it once did eras ago, it was still caring for it. Illuminating it's surface, while warming it, the sun protected the moon from intruders. The sun's dazzling rays dancing on the moon's creators, guarding it like a giant spotlight. Then the most amazing thing happened....
I witnessed a shooting star. I prayed to the heaven's and made the wish that would change my life forever. I have faith that this wish came true, and it wasn't just a coincidence, "I wish to be a Space Pirate" ..... What I should have wished is, "I wish I was home," then tapped my heels three times, like something that an ordinary person in my position would have done... Too bad...
I had to tare my gaze from the window, I knew that I had to go back into the main chamber where I was being kept. When I exited, I found a plate of food in my spot, and I noticed that Amarao had awoken, and was nibbling at his meal... He didn't look stressed, or worried... or anything for that matter. He was neutral, no signs of any emotion.... He was just sort of there.
"Amarao?" I said, attempting to get his attention. He turned toward me, his face curious. "What does it taste like? I mean the food? What is it?"
"It's food that they get from Earth... Every time they pick up a new person, they restock on what they call "Human foods"... They store water, rice, and spices in the room a few doors down the hallway." He took another small bite at the food by him, "I don't know what this is, but it's very hot, it's what they give us most of the time." I surveyed him carefully.
"What do you mean by hot?"
"I mean spicy, like hot peppers. I wish they would give us sweet things instead."
"Oh... Do they put anything in it that could hurt us?" I quired, my stomach growling painfully.
"They could harm us other ways if they wanted to, and besides, what if they do put bad stuff in the food? What choice do we have? We either eat, or starve..." I saw the sadness twinkle in his eyes, I couldn't even begin to imagine all of the pain and loss he must have endured. I considered his words, they were true, eat or starve... It could mean death either way, but still no other choice...
"You should eat... How long has it been since your last meal?" He eyed me in a concerned way, "I know that your nerves will probably just throw the food right back out of you, but it's still better to eat," I took a deep breath, knowing that he was right. I grabbed the plate of food, and tasted it cautiously...
"Ahh! Very spicy!!" I yelped, it wasn't alien food, like I had suspected before, in fact, it was almost good. Getting used to it's flavor might be hard, but food is food, and that means I don't have to starve... It was good enough for me.
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