What Passes for Normal
Author: foggi (Laura)
Spuffy Ficathon Response to...
LJ name: dawnie05
Email: dawnfanatiquehotmail.com
Timeline: From Out of My Mind to Chosen (Timeline used: some time after "Potential" Season Seven)
Requests: Spike's POV, sexual attraction
Restrictions: character death, AU
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The strobe lights in the bronze caressed her as she danced to the steady beat of the music. Oblivious to the stares she was eliciting from the men in the room, she looked phenomenal. Girl loved nothing better than to think she was having a night of normalcy at the Bronze...but nothing about her was ever normal. Not even when she danced anonymously with a hundred other twentysomethings. There was always something extraordinary about her.
I thought for a moment, though, that she's never more beautiful than when she thinks no one is watching her. Girl had people turning to her for help every moment of her life, and when no one expected anything of her she was beyond beautiful. She was happy.
This was one of her rare moments at the club as of late. Things in the house were so relentless in their chaos...that's what happens when thirty scared teenagers live together. Someone should make a reality show...could make lots of money.
I was the only one who even knew, who even bothered to know, that she came here sometimes after patrol. I followed her here whenever she came and watched the woman of my dreams cling desperately to the tiniest pieces of real life she had left. Those potential slayers had no idea what was coming to them...most of them wouldn't live to find out anyway.
Sitting at a table in the back of the room with my beer, I tried my best to be inconspicuous. Never knew who might be in here looking for me or her. Plus, she likely wouldn't be too keen on seeing me here. Things had been better, but she was still Buffy Summers: queen of heartbreak when she wanted to be.
The next song that came on made me look up suddenly, bits and pieces of memory flashing into my head...I looked over at her instinctively. Sometimes I liked to think this was "our song," because I knew we'd never have a real one. Easier sometimes to live in the fantasy.
...I caught you in a moment of weakness...
So much had changed since that first night I saw here. And yet, here we were in the same exact place listening to the same exact song...what had changed, really?
I suppose I did. Used to look at her and want her dead...that certainly wasn't the case anymore.
She was still just dancing.
Shit. She turned and locked eyes with me and I froze. Raised her eyebrows and started walking towards me. So much for a peaceful night.
...I'm one step away from crashing to my knees...
"What are you doing here?" At least she didn't sound angry...yet. She almost looked embarrassed that I had seen her there.
"Well...I...got bored."
"Oh. I thought you'd be back home stealing the remote from the girls."
"Much as I enjoy the childish bickering over MTV, pet, I need to escape the hormone-fest every once in a while."
"You? Tired of bitching at people? The world must be ending."
Great...Buffy the Bitch.
"Yeah...sorry." I started to walk away, no more fighting with this girl...that's for damn sure.
"Spike, hey! I was kidding!...Remember humor?"
Funny thing was...I didn't remember it.
I turned to her and smiled...well, maybe we could have a normal conversation at least. Just had to remember that she had a hard time talking to people...she had a hard time with me. Couldn't really blame her, I had a bitch of a time with me too. Decided to forget the bullshit and just ask her to sit down.
"Buffy, can I get you a drink?"
She looked shocked for a moment, then rolled her eyes and smiled.
"I need to grow up, huh?"
"Pardon?"
"Oh, nothing. I just keep expecting you to do something rude or something. I don't know why. I know you're not...I mean, I know you better than that now. I don't know..." She fumbled through the words, but at least that confirmed that she meant them.
Got us something to drink and we went to my table in the back.
"So, you followed me here?"
"Guilty."
"You know, Spike, it's nice of you to worry about me, but I think we all know that I'm Ms. Capable when it comes to defending myself."
"Wasn't here to protect you. Just wanted to...see you."
"You see me everyday."
"Not like this."
"Like this?"
"I see slayer Buffy everyday. Happy, dancing Buffy is a rare find." The look she gave me was one I couldn't place in the Buffy emotion spectrum. At least she wasn't hitting me.
"Oh."
"You alright, Buffy?"
"What? Oh, yeah...mostly."
"Something I can do?"
A long pause. When she finally spoke it was almost to herself.
"You do."
"Pardon?"
"You...you already help. Just by saying things like that..."
"You lost me back there, love."
"I think...sometimes I feel like I've completely lost Buffy the girl, you know? Like I'm all slayer now. It seems so ridiculous, because that's the one things I've been fighting hardest to keep. I've always been so stubborn- y about staying normal Buffy. I don't know what happened."
"I think life happened."
"I guess so."
I thought about it for a moment, and decided to go ahead and talk to her about it...she seemed open enough...
"Maybe you should know better now, Buffy."
"What?"
"I think you know you're better than normal."
"But I never wanted to be—"
"But you are. End of story."
"I know."
"Good."
"I just still want to be me though. I know I'm the slayer, and that automatically makes me something more than normal. And there are all these girls to take care of now...but I just want there to be pieces of Buffy Summers left to work with once this is all over...if its ever over."
"Do you want to dance?" I didn't even think about it before I said it...just seemed like the right words to say. Of course, I felt stupid and regretted it immediately...so much for meaningful conversation.
She blinked at me.
"Dance?"
I sighed heavily.
"Dancing? Music? Movement?"
"Spike...I don't know."
Thought for a moment about it and then looked her hard in the eyes.
"Is this you trying to stay 'normal' or are you running from it even more?"
"You're a vampire. I think the answer is: Duh."
"Vampire. Sounds like you're kind of normal to me." I raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"My own twisted version of normal?"
"Think everyone probably has their own definition."
"You're smart sometimes, Spike."
The third song we danced to was slow, thankfully. Long night of patrol plus dancing to hip-hop equals exhaustion, and I wasn't about to sit down now.
Buffy wrapped her arms around my neck and smiled sheepishly.
"You're a good dancer...I didn't know."
"Mmm." I pulled her tighter...and she let me.
"I mean, I should have known. You're good at...everything else."
I chuckled as she rested her forehead against my chin.
"This is really nice, Spike."
"Perfect."
"I miss you."
"Can't miss me, I'm right here."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah...miss you, too." I kissed her forehead gently, then she surprised the hell out of me, quickly pressing her lips on mine. Could have died happily right then. Of course, she pulled away quickly and looked at the floor.
"It's a little crazy, huh?"
"What's that?"
"That I still don't know how to do this with you."
"Not crazy...I don't mind."
"I'm sorry though."
"What the hell for?"
"That I'm too far from normal to love you."
Email: dawnfanatiquehotmail.com
Timeline: From Out of My Mind to Chosen (Timeline used: some time after "Potential" Season Seven)
Requests: Spike's POV, sexual attraction
Restrictions: character death, AU
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------
The strobe lights in the bronze caressed her as she danced to the steady beat of the music. Oblivious to the stares she was eliciting from the men in the room, she looked phenomenal. Girl loved nothing better than to think she was having a night of normalcy at the Bronze...but nothing about her was ever normal. Not even when she danced anonymously with a hundred other twentysomethings. There was always something extraordinary about her.
I thought for a moment, though, that she's never more beautiful than when she thinks no one is watching her. Girl had people turning to her for help every moment of her life, and when no one expected anything of her she was beyond beautiful. She was happy.
This was one of her rare moments at the club as of late. Things in the house were so relentless in their chaos...that's what happens when thirty scared teenagers live together. Someone should make a reality show...could make lots of money.
I was the only one who even knew, who even bothered to know, that she came here sometimes after patrol. I followed her here whenever she came and watched the woman of my dreams cling desperately to the tiniest pieces of real life she had left. Those potential slayers had no idea what was coming to them...most of them wouldn't live to find out anyway.
Sitting at a table in the back of the room with my beer, I tried my best to be inconspicuous. Never knew who might be in here looking for me or her. Plus, she likely wouldn't be too keen on seeing me here. Things had been better, but she was still Buffy Summers: queen of heartbreak when she wanted to be.
The next song that came on made me look up suddenly, bits and pieces of memory flashing into my head...I looked over at her instinctively. Sometimes I liked to think this was "our song," because I knew we'd never have a real one. Easier sometimes to live in the fantasy.
...I caught you in a moment of weakness...
So much had changed since that first night I saw here. And yet, here we were in the same exact place listening to the same exact song...what had changed, really?
I suppose I did. Used to look at her and want her dead...that certainly wasn't the case anymore.
She was still just dancing.
Shit. She turned and locked eyes with me and I froze. Raised her eyebrows and started walking towards me. So much for a peaceful night.
...I'm one step away from crashing to my knees...
"What are you doing here?" At least she didn't sound angry...yet. She almost looked embarrassed that I had seen her there.
"Well...I...got bored."
"Oh. I thought you'd be back home stealing the remote from the girls."
"Much as I enjoy the childish bickering over MTV, pet, I need to escape the hormone-fest every once in a while."
"You? Tired of bitching at people? The world must be ending."
Great...Buffy the Bitch.
"Yeah...sorry." I started to walk away, no more fighting with this girl...that's for damn sure.
"Spike, hey! I was kidding!...Remember humor?"
Funny thing was...I didn't remember it.
I turned to her and smiled...well, maybe we could have a normal conversation at least. Just had to remember that she had a hard time talking to people...she had a hard time with me. Couldn't really blame her, I had a bitch of a time with me too. Decided to forget the bullshit and just ask her to sit down.
"Buffy, can I get you a drink?"
She looked shocked for a moment, then rolled her eyes and smiled.
"I need to grow up, huh?"
"Pardon?"
"Oh, nothing. I just keep expecting you to do something rude or something. I don't know why. I know you're not...I mean, I know you better than that now. I don't know..." She fumbled through the words, but at least that confirmed that she meant them.
Got us something to drink and we went to my table in the back.
"So, you followed me here?"
"Guilty."
"You know, Spike, it's nice of you to worry about me, but I think we all know that I'm Ms. Capable when it comes to defending myself."
"Wasn't here to protect you. Just wanted to...see you."
"You see me everyday."
"Not like this."
"Like this?"
"I see slayer Buffy everyday. Happy, dancing Buffy is a rare find." The look she gave me was one I couldn't place in the Buffy emotion spectrum. At least she wasn't hitting me.
"Oh."
"You alright, Buffy?"
"What? Oh, yeah...mostly."
"Something I can do?"
A long pause. When she finally spoke it was almost to herself.
"You do."
"Pardon?"
"You...you already help. Just by saying things like that..."
"You lost me back there, love."
"I think...sometimes I feel like I've completely lost Buffy the girl, you know? Like I'm all slayer now. It seems so ridiculous, because that's the one things I've been fighting hardest to keep. I've always been so stubborn- y about staying normal Buffy. I don't know what happened."
"I think life happened."
"I guess so."
I thought about it for a moment, and decided to go ahead and talk to her about it...she seemed open enough...
"Maybe you should know better now, Buffy."
"What?"
"I think you know you're better than normal."
"But I never wanted to be—"
"But you are. End of story."
"I know."
"Good."
"I just still want to be me though. I know I'm the slayer, and that automatically makes me something more than normal. And there are all these girls to take care of now...but I just want there to be pieces of Buffy Summers left to work with once this is all over...if its ever over."
"Do you want to dance?" I didn't even think about it before I said it...just seemed like the right words to say. Of course, I felt stupid and regretted it immediately...so much for meaningful conversation.
She blinked at me.
"Dance?"
I sighed heavily.
"Dancing? Music? Movement?"
"Spike...I don't know."
Thought for a moment about it and then looked her hard in the eyes.
"Is this you trying to stay 'normal' or are you running from it even more?"
"You're a vampire. I think the answer is: Duh."
"Vampire. Sounds like you're kind of normal to me." I raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"My own twisted version of normal?"
"Think everyone probably has their own definition."
"You're smart sometimes, Spike."
The third song we danced to was slow, thankfully. Long night of patrol plus dancing to hip-hop equals exhaustion, and I wasn't about to sit down now.
Buffy wrapped her arms around my neck and smiled sheepishly.
"You're a good dancer...I didn't know."
"Mmm." I pulled her tighter...and she let me.
"I mean, I should have known. You're good at...everything else."
I chuckled as she rested her forehead against my chin.
"This is really nice, Spike."
"Perfect."
"I miss you."
"Can't miss me, I'm right here."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah...miss you, too." I kissed her forehead gently, then she surprised the hell out of me, quickly pressing her lips on mine. Could have died happily right then. Of course, she pulled away quickly and looked at the floor.
"It's a little crazy, huh?"
"What's that?"
"That I still don't know how to do this with you."
"Not crazy...I don't mind."
"I'm sorry though."
"What the hell for?"
"That I'm too far from normal to love you."