[Rating] PG-13
[Word Count] 659
[Line] "I thought you of all people would understand."
[Points] 5
You smile at me. I love your smile; it's so rare that its beauty is multiplied ten-fold. I smile back, and squeeze your hand. But you must have caught something, because your smile disappears. You frown at me. You're worried, I can tell. My heart clenches, but all I can do is shake my head, reassuring you that I'm fine.
Even though I most certainly am not fine.
You chew your bottom lip. You don't believe me; but then, I'm not surprised you don't. You know me better than anyone. You can spot my white lies a mile away.
We reach a tree. I sit down with my back against the rough bark. You sit next to me, and you lean your head on my shoulder.
"'Soka…" I start. Your head lifts; you look at me.
"Mm?"
"I…want to tell you. About… my past." I say slowly. Just talking about it brings wave after wave of raw pain. You must be able to feel this, because you bring a hand to my cheek, and you press your forehead to mine.
"Okay." You say. I take a long, wavering breath.
And I tell you. I tell you everything. I tell you about the children hating me; about Ruka being the only one who cared about me. I tell you about Ruka leaving me; about being so desperately alone. I tell you… about that day. The day when everything went horribly wrong. I tell you about trying to kill myself the first time; about being brought to Muraki Sr.'s hospital. I tell you about living with no food or water for eight long years. I tell you about finally, finally being able to kill myself and escape from the world that had hurt me so badly.
You are silent through this speech. You don't say a word. Your breathing is steady, calm. Too calm.
You pull your head away. You sit back on your heels. Your face is like stone.
"You're a monster." You say coolly. I feel as though someone has stabbed me in the heart.
"I hate you." You say in a steady tone. I'm having trouble drawing a full breath. I choke as tears come flowing from my eyes, I bring a hand to my mouth to stifle my sobs.
"I never want to see you again." You say, still in that horrible indifferent voice that tears through me with every word. You stand and turn away from me. I realize your leaving me, forever.
"Please!" I gasp. "Please, Hisoka. I love you." I plead. You don't look at me. You don't even turn around. You just call back over your shoulder.
"I thought you of all people would understand!"
"I don't love you. I won't love a demon." You say. You walk away.
I stop choking. I stop breathing. I'm frozen, my eyes wide in disbelief. The tears are still pouring down my face, but I don't even notice them. All I see is the one person I truly love walking away from me. Hating me.
I curl up in a ball under the tree. Without even thinking, I feel my lips chanting; they're summoning Touda again. For the final time. And as the flames eat away at me, burning me, all I can notice is that this hurts less, much less, than your final words to me.
I wake up. You're there; you're holding me. Your hands are stroking my hair and you whisper soothing things to me.
I cling to you, sobbing. You ask what I dreamed, but I can't tell you. I can't. And you understand that, so you just hold me, rocking back and forth.
"Shh, Tsuzuki. It's okay. It's just a dream." You tell me over and over. But as much as I want to believe you, I can't.
I can't believe that when the day comes for me to tell you everything, you won't hate me.
I can't believe you.
[Word Count] 659
[Line] "I thought you of all people would understand."
[Points] 5
You smile at me. I love your smile; it's so rare that its beauty is multiplied ten-fold. I smile back, and squeeze your hand. But you must have caught something, because your smile disappears. You frown at me. You're worried, I can tell. My heart clenches, but all I can do is shake my head, reassuring you that I'm fine.
Even though I most certainly am not fine.
You chew your bottom lip. You don't believe me; but then, I'm not surprised you don't. You know me better than anyone. You can spot my white lies a mile away.
We reach a tree. I sit down with my back against the rough bark. You sit next to me, and you lean your head on my shoulder.
"'Soka…" I start. Your head lifts; you look at me.
"Mm?"
"I…want to tell you. About… my past." I say slowly. Just talking about it brings wave after wave of raw pain. You must be able to feel this, because you bring a hand to my cheek, and you press your forehead to mine.
"Okay." You say. I take a long, wavering breath.
And I tell you. I tell you everything. I tell you about the children hating me; about Ruka being the only one who cared about me. I tell you about Ruka leaving me; about being so desperately alone. I tell you… about that day. The day when everything went horribly wrong. I tell you about trying to kill myself the first time; about being brought to Muraki Sr.'s hospital. I tell you about living with no food or water for eight long years. I tell you about finally, finally being able to kill myself and escape from the world that had hurt me so badly.
You are silent through this speech. You don't say a word. Your breathing is steady, calm. Too calm.
You pull your head away. You sit back on your heels. Your face is like stone.
"You're a monster." You say coolly. I feel as though someone has stabbed me in the heart.
"I hate you." You say in a steady tone. I'm having trouble drawing a full breath. I choke as tears come flowing from my eyes, I bring a hand to my mouth to stifle my sobs.
"I never want to see you again." You say, still in that horrible indifferent voice that tears through me with every word. You stand and turn away from me. I realize your leaving me, forever.
"Please!" I gasp. "Please, Hisoka. I love you." I plead. You don't look at me. You don't even turn around. You just call back over your shoulder.
"I thought you of all people would understand!"
"I don't love you. I won't love a demon." You say. You walk away.
I stop choking. I stop breathing. I'm frozen, my eyes wide in disbelief. The tears are still pouring down my face, but I don't even notice them. All I see is the one person I truly love walking away from me. Hating me.
I curl up in a ball under the tree. Without even thinking, I feel my lips chanting; they're summoning Touda again. For the final time. And as the flames eat away at me, burning me, all I can notice is that this hurts less, much less, than your final words to me.
I wake up. You're there; you're holding me. Your hands are stroking my hair and you whisper soothing things to me.
I cling to you, sobbing. You ask what I dreamed, but I can't tell you. I can't. And you understand that, so you just hold me, rocking back and forth.
"Shh, Tsuzuki. It's okay. It's just a dream." You tell me over and over. But as much as I want to believe you, I can't.
I can't believe that when the day comes for me to tell you everything, you won't hate me.
I can't believe you.