I don't own Golden Sun
Oath by Smurf Cat
Felix lingered at the edge of town somewhat as he sat, looking out at the bright, glorious sunset of Vale. He had missed them for so long, missed his hometown, and missed being loved. He didn't know what was wrong with him. One minute he would care for her in the deepest, most personal way, and the next... the next he wouldn't care at all, as if his inspiration to love her was taken away.
Is that all it is? He would think. Am I just inspired to love her, or do I really love her? Felix didn't know. It was true that he wanted to love Mia, but sometimes he would conclude that he was forcing himself to love her. Maybe it was just that she needed him. He knew that she had feelings for him that went deeper than anything else within her. Or maybe she had been lying to Felix about those feelings, lying even to herself.
Felix had to support her. She was helpless. She needed him. It had all started when Alex had passed away. As Felix observed the look on Mia's face, Alex's final words of eternal love to her, Mia's responses, he was dragged into all of this mess. Alex had beckoned to him, summoned him to his final resting place; his deathbed. As Felix had been there that day, Alex had made him swear with an oath to protect Mia for him.
"Felix?" Felix could still hear Alex's final words repeating over and over in his head, "Felix, promise me something as my... dying wish..."
"Anything" he had answered. He had wanted to do anything for his only friend, his last fried, his dying friend. He had fought hard to keep the tears from coming that day. He told himself that warriors didn't cry, didn't show emotion. He knew now that that was all a lie.
"Protect Mia for me." Answered Alex, his voice withering, coming out from before him and falling, as Alex himself would soon be doing in eternal damnation. "Love her for me."
"Love her?" Felix had asked, confused. He had had no idea why Alex had wanted him to love Mia for him. He had always thought that love should be so jealous that you wouldn't want others to love your special someone even when you, against all odds, could not. Another lie. Alex was wise; he didn't deserve to die.
"Yes." Answered Alex, his voice failing him. "Love her as if she were your own..."
Felix could hear Mia's soft crying as she looked longingly into Alex's face. He was yet confused.
Alex turned to Mia, "Love Felix, Mia. He is the only one whom I would ever entrust you to. I love you..."
Those had been his final dying words. His eyes only saw mere moments after he had been finished with them. Felix had seen that the two of them had come to an understanding.
"I promise." It was then that Felix, the speaker of those words, broke into tears, crying like a little girl who has just lost her pet kitten. He had looked so pathetic that day. He still remembered...
He wanted to love her... he willed himself to, perhaps too much sometimes...
But there were some times that Felix could not love her, though he tried. She would blame him for their having to be together. It was unlike Mia to be cruel or rude, but Felix understood that she was acting this way as a result of pain. He took all her words and all her blame on himself, trying not to fight back, but then he would break under the weight of her words and do it anyway. He supposed that he was just weak.
And then there were the times when Mia would try to act loving toward him. They would kiss, touch... Mia had yet to give herself to Felix. They had been married for most of the three years that Alex had been gone. Felix didn't want to force Mia to give him anything that she felt she could not give up. He did want her though. The marriage had only been an excuse to live together under the same roof and to fulfil the oath that Felix had made to Alex. Perhaps one day it would be for love...
He did wonder though if Mia was still sane. She had seen the man that she had loved so much all her life, die. Felix had lost his best friend that day, now three years ago. He supposed that neither of them was truly sane anymore. You don't recover the loss of a friend or the loss of a lover. Felix knew that he had lost Mia that day before he had even gained her. How could Alex have expected them to truly love the other, to forget him? Then again, Alex had been wise in all the days that he had walked the lands of Weyard.
Ever since that day, Mia had come to live with Felix. Felix was her lover now, like it or not. It was like a betrothal, except made by your dead best friend. That was a morbid thought, and Felix had many of them these days. They had had their fights about the matter. Mia would lash out in her hurt and loss. Felix felt as though she had been forgetting that he had lost something as well. How could he have thought that? He shouldn't have been so selfish.
The fights would always end in; "I'm not the one who broke you, Mia. That was Alex. He left you! He left us all!"
It hadn't been Alex's fault for dying. The wounds were to blame for that. Mia had found him scarred and beaten one too many days too late at the foot of Mt. Aleph. Felix didn't want to think about it. He shunned away the memories of Alex's death.
Felix wanted freedom from that moment in time. He wanted for all the memories to go away and leave him alone forever, to pile them in the back of his head where they would never bother him ever again. He wanted Mia to talk to him, to open up and relieve herself of all her scars instead of bottling them up all the time. He could feel that she was falling deeper with each and every passing day. He wanted to lift her up, be all that she would need, fulfil his oath to Alex, but he knew that hoping upon a day such as that was hopeless. It was like thinking Alex could come back.
Vale wasn't Vale anymore without him. Felix had no friends anymore. He was alone.
Felix turned and walked back down the beaten old road as the sky began to turn to a deep purple. As he came home and walked through the door of his home, he greeted Mia. She turned away.
"What is it now?" asked Felix. He knew that it sounded rude, probably hurtful. He wanted to take it back, but it was too late now.
"What's wrong with you, Felix?" asked Mia, breaking into tears. "You used to be different. You used to care about me. Now you're always angry and bitter. You've changed."
Felix sat there silent, taking her words in. he had no solution to give her, none that she would accept anyway.
"Do you even care that you've changed?" she cried out at him, rivers flowing down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry." Felix offered. "Now that he's gone. It's all changed. I want to be able to talk to you and love you, but I just can't. I don't feel like you're letting me..."
Felix knew that that wasn't going to be the correct answer. It wouldn't be enough for Mia. It never was. He had tried this approach before, only to plummet in defeat.
"I'd let you, if you'd just try!" Screamed Mia.
Felix closed his eyes, knowing that he'd failed... again. "I want to make this work. You need to cooperate with me. Alex entrusted you to me."
"So now you say that you're better than me? Alex was all I had!"
Felix turned and walked away. He didn't have time for this. He didn't want to hurt her again. He headed toward the bedroom.
It wasn't as though he was trying to hurt her. He just did. He didn't want her to fear him; he wanted her to love him. He was lost at this point, with no direction in which to follow. He wanted so badly to find a way out of all this.
He wondered what was keeping Mia going. Perhaps he was better off not knowing. And while he saw her physically each day, trying to act happy and pretend that her mind was present, he knew that she was losing her sanity. He had lost his a long time ago. That was no secret. He wondered why Mia kept denying it.
Felix stopped as he entered his bedroom, their bedroom. Mia had hardly ever let him touch her. He pushed away that thought. He needed to make things work between them. It was coming to the point of desperation. They could learn to do without the memories of the past, of Alex, if they could only let them go. This fallout was killing them. It had created a barrier between them over the years and had only grown thicker when given time and the opportunity to do so.
Felix would have to break that barrier tonight.
Felix walked out of his bedroom and back to where Mia was. He gazed at her. She glance back at him, her eyes still wet with tears.
"I'm sorry." Those had been the words that Felix had needed to say all this time. "I'm sorry Alex died, I'm sorry I'm so cold... I'm sorry for not making you come out from behind this barrier..."
Felix could see that he was pushing it. Mia gazed back, her tears thinning, "thank you."
Felix would forgive her for not saying her apologies as well. It was something that he would have to sacrifice, do without for the good of his oath to Alex. "I know that you're lying when you say that you love me. I can feel it in your voice."
It was Mia's turn. "It's just that I'm at a loss..."
'Take your time,' thought Felix. 'Come out of your barrier slowly. I will wait for you'
"Alex... I loved him." there was truth to her words. "He wants me to love you. I promise you that I'm trying!" At this point, Mia had broken into tears once again; "I want to love you so much... I promised him."
"I know." Said Felix. "He was my best friend... my only friend..."
He fought the urge to produce tears of his own. He must be strong for Mia. "I won't give up trying if you won't."
Mia looked up at him, and then, stumbling, she rushed into his arms. Felix held her tightly, knowing that it was what she needed.
"I want to be free from this nightmare!" she declared into his strong chest.
"We can come out of it together. Love is an act of will, so is forgiveness. I don't have a solution to how we can forget..."
"It is enough," Said Mia. "That you love me, and then... I promise that I will try to love you... no, I'll will myself to love you. If it's the last thing I do, I'll love you!"
"And I will forgive you... and learn how to forgive myself." Said Felix as he held her tighter to his breast.
And then the words came. They came naturally this time, the feeling overwhelmed him; "I love you."
"Mia looked up into his face. "I will try," She said softly, "with all my heart to return that love to you."
"That is enough for me." Said Felix as he held her. Somehow, the barrier had been shattered; it was no more. From this day forth there would be communication flowing between them. Felix would never let that barrier snake its ugly way back to where it had been.
'I promised you, Alex,' Thought Felix as he held his best, and lost friend's love. 'I intend to keep that promise.'
And as they sat there, unwilling to leave the other's arms, Mia spoke the words that she had longed to give meaning to all these years. Now she willed meaning into them. She would love Felix as she had Alex; "I love you too."
First of all, I love Imilshipping. Alex/Mia is the way to go. I normally don't do anything with Felix unless he's with Sheba (can't exactly put him with Jenna). My three main couples are Valeshipping, Imilshipping, and Lighthouseshipping. While I don't mind Felix/Mia, it's not something that I would just sit down and write a fic to, or read a fic about it.