Attention all Inu/Kag fans~!! Beware, Inu/Kik content straight ahead but you can't skip it, you MUST read it. Besides, its actually interesting! Hee hee~ sorry!!
Disclaimer: Do I own Inuyasha? ::sounds like the little train that could:: I wish I did, I wish I did, I wish I did, I wish I did~
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To Be With You Tomorrow
Part Seven :: Kagome, Inuyasha and Kikyou (part 2)
Chapter Twenty-Five :: Kagome's Soul, Kikyou's Memories
As the Shinidamachuu brought the two mikos down, Kikyou tossed Kagome down carelessly and the younger miko twirled, twisting on her knees to look up angrily at the dead one. Kikyou's back was turned as she carefully put down her things --her bow and quiver and what appeared to be a small urn-- and she didn't seem too worried that they were in an open clearing and Kagome was very easily able to escape.
"Aren't you being stupid by doing this?" Kagome asked defiantly, trying to keep the wobble from her voice. Kikyou turned. "How?"
"You're not even worried that I'll escape! If I'm bait for Inuyasha or something you're doing a bad job of it, I could escape any time I liked!"
Kikyou smirked. "Go ahead and try. The barrier I've erected won't let you or myself out until I'm through with you. We'll see how many times you run yourself into it before you get the picture. How's that for ignorant?"
Kagome fumed, more than a little pissed off by the other miko's audacious words. Truth was, Kagome was scared, she would have been lying if she hadn't admitted at least that.
After all, all she had ever tried to do was help Kikyou get over the hate, for both the dead miko's sake, and the sake of the hanyou they both loved. And Kikyou had tried to kill her, and then lied to Inuyasha about it.
And even despite that little injustice, Kagome had defended Kikyou's cause to Uramiko when the demon miko called Kikyou a plaything. And for what?
To be rewarded by having her soul stolen.
Kagome thought that she must've looked especially stupid, rescuing from imminent death her only love rival, who was murderous all by herself.
"What are you sulking about," Kikyou asked softly, and Kagome snapped awake from her reverie, looking up. Kikyou's face was twisted in a confused frown, and she had slipped off her haori, leaving only the white yukata underneath and the navy hakama. She had also undone her hair, and it was draped over her shoulders elegantly.
Kagome felt a stab of jealousy at that; even though everyone said there was a resemblance, she had never been able to see it, but it was true that Kikyou was more beautiful. Much more, as she was a full- grown woman, complete with curves and intelligence and maturity to match.
*Body and brains, no wonder Inuyasha loved her,* she thought bitterly, and suddenly pulled herself out of the second reverie to find Kikyou carefully folding the school uniform top that Kagome had been wearing.
Had being the key word.
Kagome covered her chest with a squeal, even though she still wore her bra, "What are you doing?!!"
"You and I need to be as close together as I can get, and I refuse to bare my chest to you, and I believe you would not want to do that either," replied Kikyou in a monotonous tone, her eyebrows rising as if she were telling Kagome something the younger girl should have known.
"What are you going to do to me?!!" Kagome demanded and Kikyou lifted her right arm, pulling up the sleeve. There was a indentation in her arm, almost like...
"Erosion of soil...?" Kagome wondered, and Kikyou nodded. "I thought about what you had told me in Kitsuko Forest, that I had been resurrected by the kijou Urasue. And I asked Uramiko's fool grandson Torou what he knew. He told me I had in fact been killed by a demon named Naraku, and resurrected by kijou Urasue." She paused.
"Since this is true, that meant I was made of bones and dirt from my grave. So I traveled to a village in Musashi, and found the gravesite of the human miko, Kikyou." She smiled bitterly, "I had wanted to believe you were lying, but it seems you told the truth. So I stole some of the gravesoil there and replaced my right arm with the new soil."
Kagome lowered her eyes. Kikyou looked angry. "However, my grave must have been destroyed at some point, because I can only remember bits and pieces." Kagome looked up in surprise, and blinked. "How do you remember anything at all??"
"Gravesoil absorbs the last feelings of those whose ashes it surrounds. The dirt of my grave absorbed the feelings I had when I died..." She lifted her eyes to Kagome's, "You said before that you are me, I assumed you meant that you are my reincarnation and that we share the same soul."
Kagome nodded.
"Well then, somewhere in your soul, you carry the memories of MY life. And I wanted you to share your soul with me so that I may remember myself." She looked down, "In the memories I now have, all feel is an incredible sadness... betrayal, and hatred. I died hating Inuyasha." It was not a question. It was obvious Kikyou knew that much.
Kagome nodded anyway, and Kikyou's face took on an expression of grief. "I don't really remember WHY I hated him. I know why, because you told me in Kitsuko Forest, but I don't remember it."
Kagome nodded and then looked at Kikyou defiantly. "What made you think I would WANT to help you?" she asked, trying to sound as vile as she could muster. Kikyou tilted her head. "I don't expect you would want to. But you will."
Kagome glared at her as Kikyou leaned forward, and placed her hands on Kagome's naked shoulders, her red eyes closed. She pressed her forehead to Kagome's, and the younger girl sheered away a little bit, confused. Kikyou opened her eyes and looked at Kagome, who was looking at the dead miko the way she looked at Miroku when he was being perverted.
"Relax," Kikyou said, "I don't know if this will hurt or not, but you need to relax, and... please trust me."
Kagome pressed her lips together to hold back the several obscene comments that threatened to explode from her mouth and relaxed, leaning against Kikyou. Both of them were completely relaxed, holding each other's shoulders, and then Kagome winced.
It hurt, a little, like she had been working out for weeks on end, and she ached everywhere. There was a sickening drop, and she fell forever, for five hundred years. And when she opened her eyes, she wasn't next to Kikyou anymore, she was standing in a meadow.
She was slightly taller, a little less pudgy than her fifteen-year-old form, but her breasts were much larger, and her hips were wider. Her hair was longer, pulled back at the nape of her neck. She was wearing loose, light clothing, and she felt the slight weight of her bow and a quiver slung.
And she wasn't sure how to place the feeling, but she was OLDER. Not by much, four or five years at the most, but she just felt it.
"Kikyou-sama! Kikyou-sama!"
Kagome turned, as if the one they were calling were her. An older man hobbled up to her. "Kikyou-sama, he's at it AGAIN~!!"
"From which side," Kagome asked seriously, and in the recesses of her mind, gasped. She sounded just like Kikyou. She looked down over herself. Everything she had felt was exactly in place. By the looks of her fully-matured body, she was at least twenty, an adult woman. She was wearing the typical medieval yukata, red hakama and a stark-white haori over it.
*Oh God, am I.. in Kikyou's body??*
*No,* replied Kikyou's voice, *Just 'my' mind.*
Kagome was surprised by the sudden appearance of Kikyou and the dead miko said, *I can hear your thoughts, and I didn't suddenly appear, I've been here your whole life.*
*Where are we??*
*In the recesses of your soul, where my memories still reside. These are the memories of Kikyou, the human miko who protected the Shikon no Tama.*
Kagome nodded and returned to the vision of the past, watching herself run toward the village in Musashi where Kikyou had been born and raised.
As they reached the Shikon no Tama's shrine, Kagome noticed a flash of red out of the corner of her eye. She spun, not of her own will; it was more like she was watching a movie, but she could feel everything as she went, even though she had no control over what she did.
She spun, firing an arrow as she went, and subsequently heard a short gasp of surprise. Fie more arrows flew, on target, without even really aiming. She went forward then, through the trees, and found a young silver-haired hanyou boy, six arrows pinning his limbs to a large oak tree.
He had perky white dog ears on the top of his head, was dressed in red from head to toe, and his long silver hair shielded his face from view, but Kagome knew who it was. She pulled a seventh arrow, and level it at Inuyasha's throat.
The hanyou swallowed thickly, his body tensing as he prepared for the final blow, and Kagome felt her resolve dwindle. *Shoot him,* she heard Kikyou's voice from the memory say, *Shoot him and the three months of having to stay up nights and days making sure this stupid hanyou boy stays away from the jewel will be over.*
'Kikyou' narrowed her eyes, and released the bowstring. She took the arrow and slipped it back into its quiver and then turned, walking away.
"You bitch!"
Kikyou stopped. She could hear the boy straining as he tried to release himself from the arrows. But he seemed preoccupied with something else. "Why the hell don't you ever finish me off!!!"
She spun to face him. "Stop coming around here. I'm tired of wasting arrows."
The hanyou growled low in his throat. "Then fucking kill me and get it over with! You coward!" He continued yelling obscenities as she walked away, his voice fading in the background.
As she returned she was greeted by a little black haired girl. "Oneesama~!" Shocked, Kagome realized the child was Kaede. Kaede smiled at her sister. "Oneesama, the guard had asked me to report to you that the Shikon no Tama is safe still. Also, a bath has been prepared for you, and by the time you finish, dinner will be done." Kagome smiled. "Thank you Kaede."
There was whispered praise as Kagome walked down the dirt street in the village, but despite the multitude of people in the village, watching as she headed back to the shrine, Kagome felt a strong emptiness. The feeling was so... overwhelming that she wanted to cry. It was loneliness.
In a room full of people, she was alone.
Kagome turned and looked back over the people, who had gone on about their business. She took no pride in the fact that the reason those people could live without fear was because of her power. She only watched in sadness. And loneliness.
~*~
"Inuyasha?? I know you're there. Won't you come out and sit with me?" There was a rustling of tree leaves and then a sulking hanyou stomped out and plopped down, sheering away from the miko lest she jump and try to murder him.
Today again they had met, and again she had not killed him. She had sworn to protect the Shikon no Tama, but Inuyasha was the first one who bore a human form and coveted the jewel. She had told him the first time they met that she would kill him but, contrary to her word, Kikyou had NOT killed him. In fact, it seemed like she was going out of her way not to slay the hanyou.
The truth was, somewhere in him she saw herself. A lonely soul, just wanting attention. Inuyasha however could act on his thoughts in a way Kikyou could not. Kikyou fancied herself trapped in an invisible barrier, where she could scream and no one would hear. She could cry and no one would see. Alone.
And she saw Inuyasha, her enemy but not her enemy, trapped in the same invisible walls. She had found this likeness simply from watching him, and she wanted to know him. It was the first time someone like him had appeared. Kagome, in Kikyou's body, smiled faintly. "It's the first time... that you and I have spoken like this."
"So what about it??" demanded the silver-haired boy, and Kagome tilted her head sadly, looking over the village. *Inuyasha...*
"Inuyasha," She turned to look at him. "How do I look? Do.. I seem human?" Inuyasha's face twisted in an odd look of confusion and bewilderment. "What? What the hell are you talking about, bitch?"
"......I must never show anyone my weaknesses. I must never waver. If I did, some youkai would get the better of me. I'm human, but I mustn't act human." She lifted her gray eyes to the sky.
"Inuyasha, between you and me, there is a resemblance. Between me... and you, the hanyou..." She looked a little bittersweet, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. "That is why I cannot kill you."
"Keh," he snorted, stomping up, "What's this? You're complaining? Why don't you cut off the weakling act and just act like yourself?!" He started to stomp away, but turned when Kagome made a soft noise. "It is really... not like me?"
Inuyasha looked irked, and Kagome smiled at him. "It is really not like me? Or... is the person you know... not really the real me? Which one is real?"
Then she caught the look on Inuyasha's face, and looked surprised. It was the same expression he got around her, when he KNEW she was about to sit him. Except it was more tender, and more guilty. His lip quivered slightly.
"I don't know," he said softly, "I don't know who is real..." And Kagome suddenly realized he didn't mean her, he meant himself.
*Oh, the masks we wear.* For a moment their souls touched, for that moment, she wasn't alone. Someone understood her pain.
But before Kagome could say anything else, his face twisted angrily, and his defenses were slammed into place again. "Don't ask me any more stupid questions, you bitch, just leave me alone!" And with that he dashed into the forest.
And once more she was pulled back into her lonely, invisible room. Kagome hated the feeling. The feeling she was experiencing now was sadness, and devastating loneliness. The one thought she could muster was "even the youkai think I shouldn't be human..." She wanted to cry.
But she could not. She was human, but she couldn't afford to be human.
~*~
"Oneesama, that man gives me a bad feeling."
Kikyou looked down at Kaede, and the little girl huffed as she carried a basket that was easily twice her size. It was filled with herbs. Kikyou herself held one as they walked through the fields, plucking medicinal herbs.
"What man?"
"That Onigumo man. He's always cackling to himself, and... he says odd things."
Kikyou tried to hide the slight smirk she had; Kaede was such a scary little thing. She was frightened by almost everything. Kikyou had not done the child any justice after their parents died, having to raise her herself, terrified that her only family would now be lost, and she had overprotected the girl. Now the child was terrified of every and anything.
"Like what odd things, Kaede?"
"Odd things like 'Your ane-ue has the Shikon no Tama, right? She's always so calm and demure. I'd love to see her look flustered for even a moment.' Odd things like that."
"Kaede, he's just babbling. He's very sick, you know."
"Well he can burn in Hell for all I care."
Kikyou spun, her voice raising just so. "Do not speak like that! Onigumo-dono is very injured. He will never move from that place again and I bid you please respect him because I asked you to, if for nothing else."
Kaede pouted. "Oneesama, why do you care about that Onigumo man anyway? It's not the world will miss him! Besides, you have Inuyasha no niichan."
Kikyou blushed slightly. "Wha... What is that supposed to mean!?! Inuyasha is a demon, Kaede!"
Kaede rolled her eyes. "You mean you're NOT in love with him?" Kikyou turned around, hiding her face. "O-o-o-of course NOT!!! And besides even if I did--!!"
Kaede smiled innocently. "I like Inuyasha no niichan, Oneesama. You should tell him sometime that you love him. It would probably make him feel better. It's not as if it's a secret how he feels for you."
Kikyou groaned. "Kaede, stop it with your nonsense, you're possessed or something!!!" After a moment she slowed to a stop, and then turned and knelt, looking at Kaede with a gentle look. Her eyes were wide and filled with a strange wonder, and her cheeks were pink. "Kaede, what exactly is it that's not a secret? How does Inuyasha... feel about me?"
"You didn't know?" Kaede asked flatly, as if she was shocked Kikyou hadn't realized. The little girl smiled. "Inuyasha is in love with you, Oneesama!"
~*~
"Kikyou," Inuyasha began, and Kagome looked up at him, her fingers tracing over the lines in his hands. She was sitting in front of him, her back against his chest, the hanyou's arms around her shoulders. "Yes?"
The hanyou looked incredibly serious. "Kikyou... do you love me?"
Kagome turned her face away. "Yes, I do... You've stayed with me for months now. It's nice to be able to see you so often, even if... it must be in secret... I like being with you." She leaned her head against his arm, and Inuyasha reveled in this, tugging one hand from hers and reaching up to comb through her long hair. Her scent wafted under his nose and he bent his neck, burying his face in her throat.
"Kikyou... if you love me, do you want to stay with me?"
She thought for a moment. "Yes, I do."
"Would you stay with me forever? Live with me??"
Kikyou stiffened, and stared through the ground. "How do you mean? Do you mean... marry?" Inuyasha nodded. "Would it be alright??" Kikyou shook her head a bit, pulling herself away from him and answered very firmly, "...No. I cannot marry a demon, or even half of one."
There was silence for a long time as Inuyasha tensed up against her, and finally Kikyou turned to look at him. And immediately she regretted her words.
Inside, Kagome saw the devastated look on Inuyasha's face. With that one word, she had crushed him. She had pulled him out of the emotional barriers he had built up over his 17 years of life, and with one word, thrust him back in, locked it and threw away the key.
Inside, Kagome was seething. *You heartless bitch...* she cursed to herself, and then immediately reeled, surprised at her own tenacity. In her head, Kikyou sounded surprised. *My, you're protective of him...* Kagome pressed her lips together, trying not to cry. *How could you-- ...she say that to him...??*
Kikyou sounded genuinely remorseful. *I don't know.*
Miffed with Kikyou's amnesia, Kagome retreated back to her side of her soul and sat to think. She had always wondered if Kikyou really loved Inuyasha, because it was apparent he loved her deeply, but with all the things she had done to him, it had made the younger miko wonder.
"Inuyasha?" In the memory, the hanyou didn't reply, but roughly he shoved her away from him and got up. Kikyou looked up at him from her place on the grass. She couldn't see his eyes. "Inuyasha...??"
"You bitch." She froze, the pain in his voice so palpable she could almost touch it. It emanated off him like fury, and she could feel it slam into her. "You fucking heartless, cold, cruel..." His voice broke slightly and he stopped to gather his bearings, before running into the forest. Kikyou gasped. "Inuyasha~!!! Wait!!"
*He.. didn't let me explain...*
Kikyou sat back on the grass and locked her arms around her knees. "How can I say to him that... because I love him, my power over the jewel is weakening......... How can I say that to myself, it's sounds so pathetic~!"
She laughed bitterly, an ugly, despicable sound coming from her. "I'm such a fool.." she said sadly, "I knew better.. than to fall in love... with *him* of all people... And yet I did... and now I'm no longer pure enough to hold the jewel. I can feel the beginnings of evil in it.... because I love a youkai."
She buried her face in her forearms and began to cry. "Why?! Why do I have to love him so much?? ......If I am destined to such a fate, to... protect this damned jewel, and I cannot show these feelings... why can't I just rid myself of them?"
Kagome watched in agony. *Kikyou...*
That was it, wasn't it? She had her answer.
Of course Kikyou had loved Inuyasha. She had loved him so much that she despised it. *Kikyou looked at her feelings for Inuyasha as a weakness... As long as she felt human, she couldn't do her duty...* Kagome lowered her face. *I don't want to see the rest... I don't want to...!*
But of course she had to.
It was not the end, by a long shot.
~*~ To be continued ~*~
a/n :: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAh~~~~~~~~~ Tragedy~! Angst~! Wheeeeee~ I'm loving this~~ Hee hee~ But you realize, there's tragic scenes coming up that Kagome HAS to go through (since she's reliving all of it, and I mean ALL.OF.IT.) and I'm sort of enjoying torturing her~
Kagome:: ::pout:: Inuyasha, why don't you, like... kick her or something! You're supposed to be protecting me~!
Inuyasha:: ::not sympathetic at ALL:: Hey, the pressure's been on me since chapter 7~~ ::dances around the room:: Sweet reprieve~~
Kagome:: I hate you both~
Tessen:: grin:: See you in chapter 26~ Okie, ja~
~*~ V^-^V ~*~
~Tessen
Disclaimer: Do I own Inuyasha? ::sounds like the little train that could:: I wish I did, I wish I did, I wish I did, I wish I did~
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To Be With You Tomorrow
Part Seven :: Kagome, Inuyasha and Kikyou (part 2)
Chapter Twenty-Five :: Kagome's Soul, Kikyou's Memories
As the Shinidamachuu brought the two mikos down, Kikyou tossed Kagome down carelessly and the younger miko twirled, twisting on her knees to look up angrily at the dead one. Kikyou's back was turned as she carefully put down her things --her bow and quiver and what appeared to be a small urn-- and she didn't seem too worried that they were in an open clearing and Kagome was very easily able to escape.
"Aren't you being stupid by doing this?" Kagome asked defiantly, trying to keep the wobble from her voice. Kikyou turned. "How?"
"You're not even worried that I'll escape! If I'm bait for Inuyasha or something you're doing a bad job of it, I could escape any time I liked!"
Kikyou smirked. "Go ahead and try. The barrier I've erected won't let you or myself out until I'm through with you. We'll see how many times you run yourself into it before you get the picture. How's that for ignorant?"
Kagome fumed, more than a little pissed off by the other miko's audacious words. Truth was, Kagome was scared, she would have been lying if she hadn't admitted at least that.
After all, all she had ever tried to do was help Kikyou get over the hate, for both the dead miko's sake, and the sake of the hanyou they both loved. And Kikyou had tried to kill her, and then lied to Inuyasha about it.
And even despite that little injustice, Kagome had defended Kikyou's cause to Uramiko when the demon miko called Kikyou a plaything. And for what?
To be rewarded by having her soul stolen.
Kagome thought that she must've looked especially stupid, rescuing from imminent death her only love rival, who was murderous all by herself.
"What are you sulking about," Kikyou asked softly, and Kagome snapped awake from her reverie, looking up. Kikyou's face was twisted in a confused frown, and she had slipped off her haori, leaving only the white yukata underneath and the navy hakama. She had also undone her hair, and it was draped over her shoulders elegantly.
Kagome felt a stab of jealousy at that; even though everyone said there was a resemblance, she had never been able to see it, but it was true that Kikyou was more beautiful. Much more, as she was a full- grown woman, complete with curves and intelligence and maturity to match.
*Body and brains, no wonder Inuyasha loved her,* she thought bitterly, and suddenly pulled herself out of the second reverie to find Kikyou carefully folding the school uniform top that Kagome had been wearing.
Had being the key word.
Kagome covered her chest with a squeal, even though she still wore her bra, "What are you doing?!!"
"You and I need to be as close together as I can get, and I refuse to bare my chest to you, and I believe you would not want to do that either," replied Kikyou in a monotonous tone, her eyebrows rising as if she were telling Kagome something the younger girl should have known.
"What are you going to do to me?!!" Kagome demanded and Kikyou lifted her right arm, pulling up the sleeve. There was a indentation in her arm, almost like...
"Erosion of soil...?" Kagome wondered, and Kikyou nodded. "I thought about what you had told me in Kitsuko Forest, that I had been resurrected by the kijou Urasue. And I asked Uramiko's fool grandson Torou what he knew. He told me I had in fact been killed by a demon named Naraku, and resurrected by kijou Urasue." She paused.
"Since this is true, that meant I was made of bones and dirt from my grave. So I traveled to a village in Musashi, and found the gravesite of the human miko, Kikyou." She smiled bitterly, "I had wanted to believe you were lying, but it seems you told the truth. So I stole some of the gravesoil there and replaced my right arm with the new soil."
Kagome lowered her eyes. Kikyou looked angry. "However, my grave must have been destroyed at some point, because I can only remember bits and pieces." Kagome looked up in surprise, and blinked. "How do you remember anything at all??"
"Gravesoil absorbs the last feelings of those whose ashes it surrounds. The dirt of my grave absorbed the feelings I had when I died..." She lifted her eyes to Kagome's, "You said before that you are me, I assumed you meant that you are my reincarnation and that we share the same soul."
Kagome nodded.
"Well then, somewhere in your soul, you carry the memories of MY life. And I wanted you to share your soul with me so that I may remember myself." She looked down, "In the memories I now have, all feel is an incredible sadness... betrayal, and hatred. I died hating Inuyasha." It was not a question. It was obvious Kikyou knew that much.
Kagome nodded anyway, and Kikyou's face took on an expression of grief. "I don't really remember WHY I hated him. I know why, because you told me in Kitsuko Forest, but I don't remember it."
Kagome nodded and then looked at Kikyou defiantly. "What made you think I would WANT to help you?" she asked, trying to sound as vile as she could muster. Kikyou tilted her head. "I don't expect you would want to. But you will."
Kagome glared at her as Kikyou leaned forward, and placed her hands on Kagome's naked shoulders, her red eyes closed. She pressed her forehead to Kagome's, and the younger girl sheered away a little bit, confused. Kikyou opened her eyes and looked at Kagome, who was looking at the dead miko the way she looked at Miroku when he was being perverted.
"Relax," Kikyou said, "I don't know if this will hurt or not, but you need to relax, and... please trust me."
Kagome pressed her lips together to hold back the several obscene comments that threatened to explode from her mouth and relaxed, leaning against Kikyou. Both of them were completely relaxed, holding each other's shoulders, and then Kagome winced.
It hurt, a little, like she had been working out for weeks on end, and she ached everywhere. There was a sickening drop, and she fell forever, for five hundred years. And when she opened her eyes, she wasn't next to Kikyou anymore, she was standing in a meadow.
She was slightly taller, a little less pudgy than her fifteen-year-old form, but her breasts were much larger, and her hips were wider. Her hair was longer, pulled back at the nape of her neck. She was wearing loose, light clothing, and she felt the slight weight of her bow and a quiver slung.
And she wasn't sure how to place the feeling, but she was OLDER. Not by much, four or five years at the most, but she just felt it.
"Kikyou-sama! Kikyou-sama!"
Kagome turned, as if the one they were calling were her. An older man hobbled up to her. "Kikyou-sama, he's at it AGAIN~!!"
"From which side," Kagome asked seriously, and in the recesses of her mind, gasped. She sounded just like Kikyou. She looked down over herself. Everything she had felt was exactly in place. By the looks of her fully-matured body, she was at least twenty, an adult woman. She was wearing the typical medieval yukata, red hakama and a stark-white haori over it.
*Oh God, am I.. in Kikyou's body??*
*No,* replied Kikyou's voice, *Just 'my' mind.*
Kagome was surprised by the sudden appearance of Kikyou and the dead miko said, *I can hear your thoughts, and I didn't suddenly appear, I've been here your whole life.*
*Where are we??*
*In the recesses of your soul, where my memories still reside. These are the memories of Kikyou, the human miko who protected the Shikon no Tama.*
Kagome nodded and returned to the vision of the past, watching herself run toward the village in Musashi where Kikyou had been born and raised.
As they reached the Shikon no Tama's shrine, Kagome noticed a flash of red out of the corner of her eye. She spun, not of her own will; it was more like she was watching a movie, but she could feel everything as she went, even though she had no control over what she did.
She spun, firing an arrow as she went, and subsequently heard a short gasp of surprise. Fie more arrows flew, on target, without even really aiming. She went forward then, through the trees, and found a young silver-haired hanyou boy, six arrows pinning his limbs to a large oak tree.
He had perky white dog ears on the top of his head, was dressed in red from head to toe, and his long silver hair shielded his face from view, but Kagome knew who it was. She pulled a seventh arrow, and level it at Inuyasha's throat.
The hanyou swallowed thickly, his body tensing as he prepared for the final blow, and Kagome felt her resolve dwindle. *Shoot him,* she heard Kikyou's voice from the memory say, *Shoot him and the three months of having to stay up nights and days making sure this stupid hanyou boy stays away from the jewel will be over.*
'Kikyou' narrowed her eyes, and released the bowstring. She took the arrow and slipped it back into its quiver and then turned, walking away.
"You bitch!"
Kikyou stopped. She could hear the boy straining as he tried to release himself from the arrows. But he seemed preoccupied with something else. "Why the hell don't you ever finish me off!!!"
She spun to face him. "Stop coming around here. I'm tired of wasting arrows."
The hanyou growled low in his throat. "Then fucking kill me and get it over with! You coward!" He continued yelling obscenities as she walked away, his voice fading in the background.
As she returned she was greeted by a little black haired girl. "Oneesama~!" Shocked, Kagome realized the child was Kaede. Kaede smiled at her sister. "Oneesama, the guard had asked me to report to you that the Shikon no Tama is safe still. Also, a bath has been prepared for you, and by the time you finish, dinner will be done." Kagome smiled. "Thank you Kaede."
There was whispered praise as Kagome walked down the dirt street in the village, but despite the multitude of people in the village, watching as she headed back to the shrine, Kagome felt a strong emptiness. The feeling was so... overwhelming that she wanted to cry. It was loneliness.
In a room full of people, she was alone.
Kagome turned and looked back over the people, who had gone on about their business. She took no pride in the fact that the reason those people could live without fear was because of her power. She only watched in sadness. And loneliness.
~*~
"Inuyasha?? I know you're there. Won't you come out and sit with me?" There was a rustling of tree leaves and then a sulking hanyou stomped out and plopped down, sheering away from the miko lest she jump and try to murder him.
Today again they had met, and again she had not killed him. She had sworn to protect the Shikon no Tama, but Inuyasha was the first one who bore a human form and coveted the jewel. She had told him the first time they met that she would kill him but, contrary to her word, Kikyou had NOT killed him. In fact, it seemed like she was going out of her way not to slay the hanyou.
The truth was, somewhere in him she saw herself. A lonely soul, just wanting attention. Inuyasha however could act on his thoughts in a way Kikyou could not. Kikyou fancied herself trapped in an invisible barrier, where she could scream and no one would hear. She could cry and no one would see. Alone.
And she saw Inuyasha, her enemy but not her enemy, trapped in the same invisible walls. She had found this likeness simply from watching him, and she wanted to know him. It was the first time someone like him had appeared. Kagome, in Kikyou's body, smiled faintly. "It's the first time... that you and I have spoken like this."
"So what about it??" demanded the silver-haired boy, and Kagome tilted her head sadly, looking over the village. *Inuyasha...*
"Inuyasha," She turned to look at him. "How do I look? Do.. I seem human?" Inuyasha's face twisted in an odd look of confusion and bewilderment. "What? What the hell are you talking about, bitch?"
"......I must never show anyone my weaknesses. I must never waver. If I did, some youkai would get the better of me. I'm human, but I mustn't act human." She lifted her gray eyes to the sky.
"Inuyasha, between you and me, there is a resemblance. Between me... and you, the hanyou..." She looked a little bittersweet, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. "That is why I cannot kill you."
"Keh," he snorted, stomping up, "What's this? You're complaining? Why don't you cut off the weakling act and just act like yourself?!" He started to stomp away, but turned when Kagome made a soft noise. "It is really... not like me?"
Inuyasha looked irked, and Kagome smiled at him. "It is really not like me? Or... is the person you know... not really the real me? Which one is real?"
Then she caught the look on Inuyasha's face, and looked surprised. It was the same expression he got around her, when he KNEW she was about to sit him. Except it was more tender, and more guilty. His lip quivered slightly.
"I don't know," he said softly, "I don't know who is real..." And Kagome suddenly realized he didn't mean her, he meant himself.
*Oh, the masks we wear.* For a moment their souls touched, for that moment, she wasn't alone. Someone understood her pain.
But before Kagome could say anything else, his face twisted angrily, and his defenses were slammed into place again. "Don't ask me any more stupid questions, you bitch, just leave me alone!" And with that he dashed into the forest.
And once more she was pulled back into her lonely, invisible room. Kagome hated the feeling. The feeling she was experiencing now was sadness, and devastating loneliness. The one thought she could muster was "even the youkai think I shouldn't be human..." She wanted to cry.
But she could not. She was human, but she couldn't afford to be human.
~*~
"Oneesama, that man gives me a bad feeling."
Kikyou looked down at Kaede, and the little girl huffed as she carried a basket that was easily twice her size. It was filled with herbs. Kikyou herself held one as they walked through the fields, plucking medicinal herbs.
"What man?"
"That Onigumo man. He's always cackling to himself, and... he says odd things."
Kikyou tried to hide the slight smirk she had; Kaede was such a scary little thing. She was frightened by almost everything. Kikyou had not done the child any justice after their parents died, having to raise her herself, terrified that her only family would now be lost, and she had overprotected the girl. Now the child was terrified of every and anything.
"Like what odd things, Kaede?"
"Odd things like 'Your ane-ue has the Shikon no Tama, right? She's always so calm and demure. I'd love to see her look flustered for even a moment.' Odd things like that."
"Kaede, he's just babbling. He's very sick, you know."
"Well he can burn in Hell for all I care."
Kikyou spun, her voice raising just so. "Do not speak like that! Onigumo-dono is very injured. He will never move from that place again and I bid you please respect him because I asked you to, if for nothing else."
Kaede pouted. "Oneesama, why do you care about that Onigumo man anyway? It's not the world will miss him! Besides, you have Inuyasha no niichan."
Kikyou blushed slightly. "Wha... What is that supposed to mean!?! Inuyasha is a demon, Kaede!"
Kaede rolled her eyes. "You mean you're NOT in love with him?" Kikyou turned around, hiding her face. "O-o-o-of course NOT!!! And besides even if I did--!!"
Kaede smiled innocently. "I like Inuyasha no niichan, Oneesama. You should tell him sometime that you love him. It would probably make him feel better. It's not as if it's a secret how he feels for you."
Kikyou groaned. "Kaede, stop it with your nonsense, you're possessed or something!!!" After a moment she slowed to a stop, and then turned and knelt, looking at Kaede with a gentle look. Her eyes were wide and filled with a strange wonder, and her cheeks were pink. "Kaede, what exactly is it that's not a secret? How does Inuyasha... feel about me?"
"You didn't know?" Kaede asked flatly, as if she was shocked Kikyou hadn't realized. The little girl smiled. "Inuyasha is in love with you, Oneesama!"
~*~
"Kikyou," Inuyasha began, and Kagome looked up at him, her fingers tracing over the lines in his hands. She was sitting in front of him, her back against his chest, the hanyou's arms around her shoulders. "Yes?"
The hanyou looked incredibly serious. "Kikyou... do you love me?"
Kagome turned her face away. "Yes, I do... You've stayed with me for months now. It's nice to be able to see you so often, even if... it must be in secret... I like being with you." She leaned her head against his arm, and Inuyasha reveled in this, tugging one hand from hers and reaching up to comb through her long hair. Her scent wafted under his nose and he bent his neck, burying his face in her throat.
"Kikyou... if you love me, do you want to stay with me?"
She thought for a moment. "Yes, I do."
"Would you stay with me forever? Live with me??"
Kikyou stiffened, and stared through the ground. "How do you mean? Do you mean... marry?" Inuyasha nodded. "Would it be alright??" Kikyou shook her head a bit, pulling herself away from him and answered very firmly, "...No. I cannot marry a demon, or even half of one."
There was silence for a long time as Inuyasha tensed up against her, and finally Kikyou turned to look at him. And immediately she regretted her words.
Inside, Kagome saw the devastated look on Inuyasha's face. With that one word, she had crushed him. She had pulled him out of the emotional barriers he had built up over his 17 years of life, and with one word, thrust him back in, locked it and threw away the key.
Inside, Kagome was seething. *You heartless bitch...* she cursed to herself, and then immediately reeled, surprised at her own tenacity. In her head, Kikyou sounded surprised. *My, you're protective of him...* Kagome pressed her lips together, trying not to cry. *How could you-- ...she say that to him...??*
Kikyou sounded genuinely remorseful. *I don't know.*
Miffed with Kikyou's amnesia, Kagome retreated back to her side of her soul and sat to think. She had always wondered if Kikyou really loved Inuyasha, because it was apparent he loved her deeply, but with all the things she had done to him, it had made the younger miko wonder.
"Inuyasha?" In the memory, the hanyou didn't reply, but roughly he shoved her away from him and got up. Kikyou looked up at him from her place on the grass. She couldn't see his eyes. "Inuyasha...??"
"You bitch." She froze, the pain in his voice so palpable she could almost touch it. It emanated off him like fury, and she could feel it slam into her. "You fucking heartless, cold, cruel..." His voice broke slightly and he stopped to gather his bearings, before running into the forest. Kikyou gasped. "Inuyasha~!!! Wait!!"
*He.. didn't let me explain...*
Kikyou sat back on the grass and locked her arms around her knees. "How can I say to him that... because I love him, my power over the jewel is weakening......... How can I say that to myself, it's sounds so pathetic~!"
She laughed bitterly, an ugly, despicable sound coming from her. "I'm such a fool.." she said sadly, "I knew better.. than to fall in love... with *him* of all people... And yet I did... and now I'm no longer pure enough to hold the jewel. I can feel the beginnings of evil in it.... because I love a youkai."
She buried her face in her forearms and began to cry. "Why?! Why do I have to love him so much?? ......If I am destined to such a fate, to... protect this damned jewel, and I cannot show these feelings... why can't I just rid myself of them?"
Kagome watched in agony. *Kikyou...*
That was it, wasn't it? She had her answer.
Of course Kikyou had loved Inuyasha. She had loved him so much that she despised it. *Kikyou looked at her feelings for Inuyasha as a weakness... As long as she felt human, she couldn't do her duty...* Kagome lowered her face. *I don't want to see the rest... I don't want to...!*
But of course she had to.
It was not the end, by a long shot.
~*~ To be continued ~*~
a/n :: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAh~~~~~~~~~ Tragedy~! Angst~! Wheeeeee~ I'm loving this~~ Hee hee~ But you realize, there's tragic scenes coming up that Kagome HAS to go through (since she's reliving all of it, and I mean ALL.OF.IT.) and I'm sort of enjoying torturing her~
Kagome:: ::pout:: Inuyasha, why don't you, like... kick her or something! You're supposed to be protecting me~!
Inuyasha:: ::not sympathetic at ALL:: Hey, the pressure's been on me since chapter 7~~ ::dances around the room:: Sweet reprieve~~
Kagome:: I hate you both~
Tessen:: grin:: See you in chapter 26~ Okie, ja~
~*~ V^-^V ~*~
~Tessen