Disclaimer: For the disclaimer, warnings, etc., please see the first chapter.

Black

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Chapter 9 - Trust and Betrayal

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Morning, all, Remus yawned, as he and Sirius shuffled into the kitchen for breakfast, bleary-eyed and tousle-haired. They slumped into their seats, still too sleepy to complain as Mrs. Lupin set bowls of porridge in front of them.

Morning, lads, Mrs. Lupin said, eyeing them nervously and twisting her wedding band around and around. Er - sleep well?

Very well, Sirius smiled up at her, and she forced herself to smile back.

Heloise Lupin turned back to the stove, stirring the porridge as she stared straight ahead at the wall, lost in her own thoughts. She had walked in on Remus and Sirius that morning, intending to wake them up, but instead of finding everything as it had been the night before, Sirius had been in bed with Remus. It wasn't too bad; both boys had been fully clothed, but there had been an all-too-obvious quality about the way they lay so comfortably in each other's arms that made her suspect they were more than just friends.

She snuck a peek over her shoulder at the lads. They certainly weren't acting suspicious; Remus was eating his porridge with his usual expression of distaste; Sirius was reading the Daily Mail. Heloise bit her lip. Should she keep quiet, and leave well enough alone, or should she confront the boys? Or perhaps consult Devereaux first? Like all mothers, she only wanted the very best for her children, and she genuinely liked Sirius... but still... another boy...

Are you okay, Mum? Remus was looking at her in some concern. He always had been able to tell when she was worried about something. She couldn't really keep it from him... if she was wrong, they could all have a good laugh about it.

Well... I... She turned off the heat under the porridge and sat down at the table. Sirius was looking at her over the paper, one slender eyebrow raised in an expression of curiosity. Mrs. Lupin took a deep breath. I -

Good morning, her husband's jovial voice called. Devereaux came into the room, straightening his tie. Sirius silently folded up the paper and placed it at Mr. Lupin's seat while Mr. Lupin poured his coffee. He pecked his wife on the cheek and smiled at his son and Sirius. What's wrong, Heloise? You look pale.

Oh - I... Heloise wrung her hands helplessly. It's nothing.

Her husband's moustache quirked slightly and he pushed his spectacles up on his nose. Heloise, dear, I can tell when you're chewing something over in your mind. What is it?

It was no use. Devereaux knew her better than anyone else, and was better and more experienced at reading her emotions than Remus was. With a soft sigh, Mrs. Lupin summoned all her courage, wanting to put her question delicately, but the words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Remus, Sirius, I have to ask you... what... what exactly... are your feelings toward each other?

Both boys stared at her for a few moments, apparently taken by surprise. Er - how do you mean, Mum? Remus finally asked.

I... I came to wake you up this morning and... and you were in bed together, she whispered. Seeing the look on Devereaux's face, she added hastily, They - they weren't doing anything... they were only sleeping - and they were still dressed...

There was a long pause. Remus' cheeks were turning pink, Mr. Lupin was frozen with his spoon halfway to his mouth, but Sirius merely shrugged.

The cat's out of the bag, then. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, ma'am. We were going to tell you, but... we were... scared.

Remus tried to look as if the story wasn't new to him. We thought you'd be angry... or hate us both... He dropped his head quickly, trying to appear as if he was on the verge of tears. He felt guilty about lying - this was the second time he had told a major lie to his parents - but he had to.... he had never intended to tell his parents at all... not for fifty years, at least.

But his comment had struck a nerve. Mrs. Lupin got up and went around the table to hug her son, tears in her eyes. Oh, Remus... I could never hate you... But I wish you'd been honest with us...

I'm sorry, Mama, Remus murmured, hugging back.

Mr. Lupin finally put down his spoon and cleared his throat. Er - boys... It's not like I have any particular complaint with any of this - after all, it's your decision - but don't you think... it's a little... unusual? I mean -

I know it's sudden, Sirius said softly. And if I had my way I'd rather have told you first. But... I love Remus. I don't care what other people really think - like you said, sir, it's our decision - but I want you to know I'd never hurt your son, or force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. His voice was soothing, like butter on a burn, and Remus could tell his parents were relaxing visibly. Not for the first time, he was glad of Sirius' excellent lying ability. He made it sound as if they had never even kissed - and all for the better. If his parents knew sex was involved... I know how people can be. I swear, I'll protect Remus from anyone who ever tries to hurt him. Sirius continued.

Remus was touched, his heart swelling with love for the ebony-haired young man. The things he was saying... it was the sweetest thing Sirius had said to him since the first time he told Remus he loved him. He had never realised, never dared to think, that Sirius truly felt this way about him. He reached for his lover's hand under the table and squeezed it gently, looking into Sirius' eyes, this time with real tears glimmering in his own.

Mrs. Lupin smiled and kissed Remus. If you're happy, then I'm happy, lamb.

Remus turned bright red and buried his face in his hands. Sirius and Mr. Lupin laughed, the tension in the air dissolving. Her heart suddenly lighter, Mrs. Lupin beamed at Sirius. If her son had to have a boyfriend, she supposed this sweet, well-mannered, courteous boy was the best choice. Better than some of the slutty, ill-mannered girls Remus could have brought home...

---

Thank you, Remus said quietly, as he and Sirius were on their way back to Sirius' house later that afternoon. I always thought my parents would go mad at me the first time I ever brought someone home... but Mum loves you, I can tell. There's not too many people she takes a shine to, at least not when they're possible significant others for her children. He smiled, looking up at Sirius. And... for what you said. I... had no idea... no idea you felt like that. A-about me. He stopped walking and put his arms around his mate. I... I love you. And I want to protect you, too. Last night... your father... I felt like I could have taken him on...

Sirius muttered, stroking his hair. Remmie, no. You can't do that. He'd... he was right. I'm not big enough to stand up to him for long... and you...

I know... I'm too small. Remus sighed and rested his head against Sirius' chest, breathing in the scent of tobacco clinging to him. Believe me, I know. After all, I have two very tall older brothers who always teased me about my size.

Poor baby. Sirius laughed softly and slung an arm around his lover's shoulders, but it felt like an arrow of ice had pierced his heart. He didn't deserve to be loved like this... Remus and his parents obviously thought Sirius was merely a very nice kid whose family just didn't have a lot of money. Remus did know the horrible truth about his family... but ... the murders. If any of the Lupins ever found out... ever... it would be over. And Sirius doubted Mr. and Mrs. Lupin would have to say much to get Remus to drop him - if Remus knew he was a murderer, he wouldn't ever want to see Sirius again...

But that wouldn't happen, Sirius resolved. He would keep the truth from Remus and his family at all costs. He couldn't bear the thought of losing him... if Remus ever left him, Sirius would kill himself.

They reached the Blacks' townhouse. Everything was silent, but both boys thought it best for Remus to head straight home. The brunette stood on tiptoes to kiss Sirius on the lips. Good luck. He looked worried sick.

Sirius kissed him back. It'll be okay, love. I can handle him, savvy? Promise.

Remus whispered, squeezing his hand. I... I love you.

Love you too. Sirius stood on the front steps and watched as his lover walked away. Before he turned the corner, Remus looked back, the worried expression on his face still evident. Sirius waved to him, trying to assure him that everything would be all right. His lover waved back timidly before rounding the corner.

Sirius wasn't exactly eager to go inside yet; vague images of his father lying in wait for him like a lion on one of the nature programmes kept crossing his mind. Instead, he sat down on the steps and lit a cigarette. He closed his eyes.



He looked up. Regulus was standing at the foot of the steps, looking slightly concerned. It was the first time in a long time that Regulus had looked even remotely concerned about Sirius; they had been close as small children, but had somehow drifted apart over the years. It might have had something to do with Sirius dressing in black and wearing makeup; he was generally feared or detested by the neighbours, and so Regulus spent a lot of time denying that they were related.



His younger brother sat down beside him, looking nervous. He fanned away the cigarette smoke that wafted into his face. You'd better be careful, he blurted out. Da - he could kill you. I think he will. Last night... after you left... he was in such a bad mood... Mum and I couldn't even be in the same room with him. He spent the whole night drinking and chuckling to himself. It was really scary.

Sirius snuffed out his fag. Da's always scary. You know that.

Yeah, but... it was worse than usual.... he's not... not right...

Don't worry about it. Sirius stood, and ruffled his brother's short, shaggy hair. Is he home right now?

No, he left before I did. Regulus got to his feet as well, and looked up at Sirius. But still... you should be careful. I... don't want you to get hurt.

For Regulus, this was an uncommon break of character. His brother's honest concern made Sirius feel worse; he didn't deserve any of this. He was a killer... he deserved to die. But he wouldn't die by his father's hands. Never.

---

When Remus returned to school on Monday, he soon discovered how fast news traveled. A surprising amount of people had heard about his fight with O'Shea and the resulting visit from the police; it looked as if they were ready to condemn Remus and Sirius in their minds, no matter what the papers would say. The only people who didn't avoid him were James, Lily, and Grace. But even still, it seemed like they approached him rather timidly.

Er... Remus? Lily spoke up. Is... is it true... the police and all?

Remus sighed. Well... I don't know what you've heard. The simple truth is this - I got into a fight with O'Shea, he went and lied to the police - told them I was the one who killed Williams... tried to get Sirius in trouble as well. He was lying. Neither of us so much as touched either Williams or O'Shea, I swear.

We believe you, mate, James said; but the three teenagers' faces showed great relief for people who had believed in him all along. It's just that... you know how this stuff gets around. We wanted to know... you know, we wanted to hear it from you.

It's okay, his friend replied softly. Sometimes you just need to hear things from... from the horse's mouth.

Lily hugged him. But it would have been exciting to know a murderer!

You think everything bad is exciting, James groaned. Murderers, guys in makeup - what next?

Guys in makeup are ATTRACTIVE, James, Lily grumbled.

She's right, you know, Grace informed James.

No, she's not! Remus, back me up on this!

You're on your own, Jim, Remus sniggered. I'm not stupid enough to get between two girls who think they're right.

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Sirius was sprawled on his bed, reading a magazine and smoking a cigarette, his favourite drink of Coke and vodka by his left hand. He was skipping supper that night - not that anyone cared. His mother was eager to avoid any confrontations at the table, and his father... well, his father wasn't exactly happy with him. Sirius was so thin it really wasn't that wise for him to be skipping meals, but he really wasn't hungry.

He took another sip of Coke and vodka. He had been avoiding the rest of the family since he returned home, not wanting to attract any attention to himself. He had narrowly escaped trouble with his father while mixing his drink; Mr. Black had returned home just as Sirius put the vodka he had nicked from the liquor cabinet back in its proper place. Thankfully, his father had noticed nothing amiss, but even so, the way he had been acting was very odd, just as Regulus had mentioned.

He flipped idly through his magazine, not really seeing any of the articles or pictures, his mind racing. He couldn't banish his guilty feelings. He wondered dully if it would just be easier to turn himself in and end it all. No! He wouldn't. He wasn't going to give it up... wasn't going to give Remus up... if it wasn't necessary. He was probably overreacting - the police didn't have a clue, they couldn't possibly know he was the one who killed Williams and O'Shea. If they knew anything, no matter how slight, they wouldn't have been as easy on him as they had.

Sirius sighed and tossed his magazine to the floor, finishing off his drink. He stubbed out his cigarette and stripped, then switched off the light and stretched out naked on the bed. He closed his eyes, lying perfectly still for a long time, well past midnight. He had a headache from going over and over the same thoughts without pause, and the vodka seemed to have made it worse than better. Heaving a sigh, he got out of bed, pulled on his jeans, and tiptoed downstairs for some aspirin.

He had thought everyone else was in bed, but the bluish-white flicker of the telly could be seen in the hall. The sound was on faintly, and Sirius assumed his father had fallen asleep on the sofa. He peeked into the living room.

His father was lying on the couch, his back to the door. He had a large drink in one hand, and empty bottles were lined up neatly on the floor. With a twinge of unease, Sirius realised his father's drinking had begun to escalate over the past few days. He swallowed. Regulus' suspicions seemed to be more on the level than Sirius had first thought. There really wasn't something right with their father.

Careful not to make any noise, Sirius tiptoed into the bathroom and took three aspirin. On his way back upstairs, he peered into the living room again. What he saw made him freeze, and made his blood run cold.

Mr. Black had a knife. It was stained with blood, and he was holding it with a handkerchief wrapped around the handle, as if it was germy and he didn't want to touch it. He was smiling, turning the knife slowly, watching it gleam in the light from the telly.

It couldn't be. It couldn't be! Sirius nearly stopped breathing. Had that been... had that been the knife he had used to kill O'Shea? Williams, too? What was his father doing with it? Where had he found it? Sirius couldn't remember what he had done with it after coming home the night of his encounter with O'Shea. It was a huge blank in his mind, just like the murder itself. He closed his door quietly behind him and collapsed on his bed. It was too much to hope that his father hadn't figured out what he had done. Would his father keep quiet? Of course not; he hated Sirius, and would gladly take any chance to rid himself of his eldest son. The only question was, how long would it be before he went to the police?

Putting his arm over his eyes, Sirius sighed heavily. He had absolutely no choice. The idea made him cringe, but he had to tell Remus everything. Everything... what he had done. He couldn't let the police be the ones to break the news to his lover, or for Remus to hear about it from the school gossip pool. Then, if Remus still wanted him, they'd flee the country. Go someplace where absolutely no one knew them... just to keep the authorities off their backs.

No, that wouldn't work. Even if they changed their names, there was too great a chance that someone would figure out what was going on. There was only one thing that could be done... he'd have to make sure that his father never said a word.

---

Remus was leaning against a tree in the park, eyes closed and his face tilted up to the sun. It had been getting a lot warmer lately. He was waiting for Sirius, who had phoned him that morning and asked to meet him in the park. There had been a strange, deadened quality in Sirius' voice when he phoned that had made Remus both nervous and wildly curious; what did Sirius want to talk about?

Hey, Remmie.

He opened his eyes. Sirius was there, looking glum. His hair was hanging in his eyes, and his lipstick and eyeliner only served to emphasize the paleness of his skin. He also looked as if he hadn't gotten much sleep. He raised a hand to his lips, taking a drag on a cigarette, and Remus noticed his black nail polish was chipped.

Siri? What's wrong? You look... you look like hell, Remus said softly.

Sirius sighed, staring at the ground. I need you to come home with me. We really need to talk.

Remus felt as if his heart had leapt into his throat. He took his lover's hand. Siri - what -? This could mean nothing good, especially with Sirius looking the way he did. He wouldn't even look up, only turned and pulled Remus from the park. He was totally silent all the way back to his house, though Remus tried several times to get him to speak. But he remained quiet until they were in his bedroom, the door shut.

Finally looking up at Remus, Sirius felt his heart give a nervous jump in his chest. He had made sure everyone was gone before bringing Remus here; he really didn't know where else he could have broken this news to him. His bedroom was the only place they could talk without fear of being overheard. But it was so hard to get the words to come, especially when looking into Remus' worried, concerned gaze, sitting here on the bed where they had first made love. But it had to be said.

I did it, Remmie, he whispered. Tears spilled down his cheeks, unbidden; Sirius made no attempt to stem the flow. He only gripped Remus' hand harder. I did it, Remmie. I killed them.

Remus blinked, unable to believe his ears. W-what? Siri, what are you talking about?

Sirius whispered, making Remus' heart stop dead in his chest. O'Shea. I did it, Remmie. I killed them.

It was as if the entire world had stopped moving. Sirius continued to cry, his shoulders shaking helplessly, as Remus sat, dumbfounded and unable to say a word, his mind trying to comprehend what had just been said. Sirius couldn't possibly be lying; his tears drove any thought of fabrication from Remus' mind. And why would Sirius say he had killed them if he hadn't done it?

Remus whispered, his lips numb. Why, Siri?

For you, Sirius choked out. For you, Remmie. When I saw how they treated you... what they wanted to do to you... I couldn't... I couldn't help myself. I murdered them both. Stabbed them. Must have moved their bodies, as well, though I don't remember doing it - I don't remember anything. I know I killed them, but I can't remember doing it. He looked up, his face shining with tears. I - I think I'm going mad. I'm so scared, Remmie... I think I'm losing my mind.

The horror that had come over him at Sirius' confession couldn't compete with the sorrow and pity Remus felt for his lover. He pulled Sirius into his arms, stroking the long hair and letting the other boy weep on his shoulder. It was the very worst Remus had ever felt. Though he was shocked and in disbelief over what Sirius had done, he couldn't help feeling sorry for him as well. At the same time, he was scared witless; what were they going to do? And some very small, very secret part of him was pleased. Pleased that Sirius loved him so fiercely and so deeply that he would actually kill for him. He pushed that thought away and hugged Sirius tighter, trying to comfort him. It was a long, long time before Sirius finally got himself under control.

I... I love you so much, Remmie, he sniffled, gently disengaging himself from his lover's embrace. But if you... if you want to leave me... I won't stop you. You must hate me for this. You can't love a murderer... I won't even ask you to try. I - I don't deserve it. Even if you leave... turn me in... I'll never stop loving you. I did everything for - for you, my love. Sirius started to turn away.

Remus grabbed him before he could get up, pulling him close. No, Siri, no - I won't - I love you, I couldn't - He stopped, swallowed hard, and kissed Sirius firmly on the lips. Listen to me - I... I won't tell anyone about this. It's our secret.

Remmie -

Remus hissed. We won't say anything. Not one word. The police don't know anything. They can't possibly convict either of us. If we keep quiet, that is.

No - it won't work - Sirius whispered, as Remus pressed closer to him. He - he knows. My father knows.

Remus kissed him again, breathless, as Sirius lowered his head and nuzzled his neck. It doesn't matter - it doesn't matter, he gasped, lying back on the pillows and pulling Sirius down on top of him. That secret, pleased feeling was still working within him, making him feel nearly desperate with desire.

Sirius gazed down at him, his eyes shining with a strange mixture of lust and fear. It does - he could go to the police any day now -

He won't, Remus said softly as Sirius undressed them both. It'll be okay.

How do you know? Sirius panted, placing kisses along Remus' collarbone. You don't know how much he hates me - any reason to get rid of me - he'll do it, I know he will -

Remus groaned loudly as Sirius moved inside him, closing his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low, breathless, somehow animalistic.

Kill him, he growled in Sirius' ear, his fingers tangled in his lover's sweaty hair. Kill him, my love. Make him pay for what he's done to you.

Sirius moaned, his focus narrowing down to nothing but the writhing brunette under him and the glorious pleasure. He was barely aware of what he was agreeing to, only that Remus had given voice to the decision Sirius had made the night before - the only way to stop his father telling anyone would be to kill him. he breathed again, as Remus cried out loudly. He nipped his lover's earlobe. Yes, Remmie, he breathed. I'll kill him. I'll make him regret ever lying a finger on me... on any of us... on you...

---

Afterwards, they lay silently side-by-side, a warm breeze coming through the open window and drying the sweat on their bare bodies. Sirius kept chewing over Remus' proposal in his mind. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself safe - he knew Remus would never betray his secret. If his father was out of the way, it would be all right. No one would ever have to know who the murderer was. The beatings would stop, as well.

He looked down at Remus, who was starting to drift off to sleep. But whatever happened, he vowed, he wouldn't let Remus be a part of it. He wouldn't stain the innocence of his lover by committing a murder right in front of him. Remus wouldn't need to know how it was done, or when. The less he knew, the better.

He closed his eyes and pushed his thoughts away. He was exhausted, especially after getting no sleep the night before. But he hadn't even begun to feel drowsy when his bedroom door flew open, hitting the wall and rebounding with such force that it almost closed all over again.

Mr. Black was standing in the doorway. He kicked the door as it swung back at him, sending it crashing back into the wall. Remus jerked awake and cried out in fear, sitting up quickly. Sirius moved in between his lover and his father as Remus hastily pulled the sheets up to cover himself. Mr. Black was unsteady on his feet; his huge face was ruddy and the smell of alcohol was coming off him in waves. He must have been drinking in earnest someplace; Sirius swallowed hard and tried to hide his fear as he pulled on his jeans, never taking his eyes off his father for a second.

I've got you now, you murdering little bastard, Mr. Black said. He raised his fists and began to advance on Sirius.

To Be Continued...

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(A/N: PRISONER OF AZKABAN!!!! The movie, that is. I saw it the day it came out, and ohhhh... it was shibby! I loved it! Gary Oldman and David Thewlis were very good as Sirius and Remus, though their costumes and appearances left a little something (or a lot something) to be desired. At least their ACTING was convincing. WARNING, MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD - my favorite line in the entire film was spoken by Snape. While watching Sirius and Remus yelling at each other in the Shack, he comments, Bickering like an old married couple... At which point I squeaked and clapped; Meg, who was sitting beside me, jabbed me with her elbow; Liz, sitting behind me, kicked my seat; and Candis and Laura, sitting on my other side, squealed out loud. Ahhh. Thank you, PoA script writers. We're all so happy... And the hug!!! When Moony transformed and Sirius was telling him to remember who he was in his heart... SO CUTE! And the part where Paddy and Moony were fighting was kind of hot, in an odd, kinky way. (Drool.) Between this movie and books 3 and 5, I have enough evidence to keep me going for a looooong time. Hahaha!

And now for a big shout of thanks to Mithua, who drew me a gorgeous picture of Sirius to go with this story! -bows- Thank you so much! It really captured the moment when Remus first saw him, it truly did. And now I shall shamelessly beg - anyone who wants to draw pictures from this story, please do! I only ask that you send me a copy! Please??)