The students cautiously walked into the DADA classroom. They were
disappointed to find no Miss Daniels - just old Professor Battye snoring
behind the desk. They chose their seats, and all turned to look at the
door.
"I wonder what's taking her so long" Hermione whispered.
There was a voice from the back of the room. "Who are we waiting for exactly?"
Everyone turned around, and there she was, sitting in the farthest desk, smiling slightly. "Uh" said everyone.
She stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. "You all know my name - you can call me Mal, what with not being a professor and all. So... I see the good professor isn't quite ready to begin - why don't we all get to know each other?" She flashed a smile like a tiger's and carefully eased a sheet of paper out from under the Professor's hands. "Ah... hm. I see you've had remarkable bad luck in teachers - four out of five, actually. Let's see, two were servants of Voldemort and are dead, one was a complete and utter pillock and has lost his memory and the other was a dominating bureaucrat who was attacked by centaurs. Interesting. Ah, and I see the werewolf only taught you about creatures of the night - an area which, I must say, ought to have been covered by your Care of Magical Creatures teacher."
Harry and Ron exchanged angry glances - she had just put down Lupin and Hagrid! However, she then continued:
"Well, we're not about to be attacked by enraged pixies in this class. We'll be working on defence against dark wizards, as this seems a tad more relevant to the current situation. Hands up all who know the expelliaramus spell. Shield charm? Impediment jinx?" She went through a list of defensive spells as most people put their hands up, having been in the DA last year or, in the Slytherins case, being either dark enough to know these things (eg Malfoy) or really, really thick (like Crabbe and Goyle).
"Oh goody. Then we can get started on the creative stuff. If we get stuck we can always wake Professor Battye up. Now then, first off-"
"Excuse me, miss" drawled Malfoy. "You don't seem to have your wand."
She raised an eyebrow. "So?"
"Oh come on, you can't do magic without a wand!"
"Is that so, mister... Malfoy?" She smiled and began to pace the front of the room, "Well, here's an interesting fact - wands are quite a recent development, originally invented by fairies for magic-focusing purposes. In the old days, a wizard would have a staff - useful for storing up magic, but cumbersome to carry around. Witches, on the other hand, used... their hands," here she absently raised hers and Malfoy, startled, floated up to the ceiling, "Or a piece of string..." She picked some twine up off the desk and tied a knot in it as she talked, spinning Malfoy around crazily, "Or-" She turned "Just... their minds..."
Malfoy fell back into his chair. She smiled at him. "Still think you can't do magic without a wand, Malfoy? I haven't even begun to mention potions, divination or the various uses of runes. Or don't those count as magic?"
Malfoy just gaped at her, along with the rest of the class. Harry glanced at Hermione, and the look in her eyes somewhat reminded him of the one she got upon finding a new book at the library.
"Well? Why isn't anyone writing this down?"
They all got out their quills.
***
As they wrote, Mal handed out sheets of paper. When they all finished writing, she said: "Right, this is an outline of the course you're supposed to be following. Mr Battye and I have made some modifications, and will make some more after this class as it is evident you are all competent at basic defence spells and recognizing dark creatures.
"Our first topic will be titled Spell for the Situation. I have no idea who thought up that name, but the idea is sound - because for every fix you may get into there are a number of spells you could use, and it is wise to have all of them at hand in your memory so that you can choose the most useful."
Harry nodded thoughtfully, remembering the Triwizard tournament, when he and the other contestants each used different methods to beat the dragon. Of course, the others methods hadn't even occurred to him at the time. However, he could see Malfoy raising his eyebrows at Blaise Zabini and knew that they were going to be trouble makers this year, as they had with all the good teachers.
Mal also appeared to have realised this - she strode over to the teachers desk, saying "I see some of you are less than convinced - this is good. You should always question statements for which you have not seen proof." She shook Professor Battye's shoulder gently.
"Snoooooooooorhtht! Mmm? Whassat? Do I have a class?"
"Don't worry, Professor, I've got it under control."
"Ah, jolly good. Mmm, carry on then. I say, did you know that Balrogs love the smell of orchids? Like catnip, mmm. Interesting fact, that. Hmm- snooorht"
With that he slid further down in the chair and began to snore again.
Mal smiled. "Ah, the benefits of a narcoleptic encylopedia. Well, now. Let's say one of us was suddenly in the middle of the forest with an enraged Balrog. All we know about them is that they're dangerous and what the Professor told us - that they hate orchids. Even with those measly bits of information, we have several options available to us. Neville Longbottom, name the first one."
Neville jerked up in surprise. "Uh... look around for some orchids?"
Pansy Parkinson sniggered loudly, however Mal appeared not to notice.
"Well, that is a rather obvious conclusion. In fact I rather think that if there were any orchids in the immediate vicinity, the Balrog would not be a problem. ...yes, Ms... Granger?"
Hermione's hand had been up since Neville answered. "Miss, you could use the accio charm to summon some orchids!"
Mal smiled. "Well, that is ONE option. However, I wouldn't say it was the first one. No, the first one is in fact the rather obvious action of getting the hell out of there with all speed. Why are you looking so surprised? I for one have no interest in sparring with angry monsters, and if for some reason I couldn't apparate - why, I have legs, do I not?"
Ron whispered to Harry: "Wow, this is useful."
"Shh," he whispered back. "There might be more."
"Indeed there is, Potter."
"Huh?" (she HEARD me??)
"If, for example, the Balrog were guarding something you need, and you must get past it, you could, as Ms Granger said, use the accio charm. Now say, for example, you are not in a forest, but rather in a dungeon. There are no orchids in accio-reach. At this point, you could do this-" She picked up Seamus's wand from his desk and pointed at the floor. "Florius orchida!"
A bouquet of orchids appeared on the floor. The class gaped at it.
"Sorry I borrowed your wand, but I'm not supposed to be teaching this class wandless magic, just informing you of its existence. Now, another spell you could use in an enclosed space is this: Orchidus nasium!"
The room was immediately filled with an overpowering scent of orchids. Mal placed the wand back on Seamus's desk.
"So there you have it - one random fact, three different spells. If you were me, or one of my advanced final-year students and had lost your wand, you could also achieve something by staring into the Balrog's eyes and thinking hard about orchids. Oh, and there goes the bell. Homework is to find out one thing about wandless magic you didn't know and learn one new defensive spell of your choice - preferably one the rest of the class already knows, I'd like you all on the same level. See you tomorrow!"
And with that, she left. The room was silent except for the persistent sounds of Battye's snores and Hermione's quill scratching across the parchment. The former suddenly stopped.
"Mmmm?" Said Professor Battye, opening one eye. "Eh, class dismissed."
***********
WHY is she here? WHAT is she planning? And WHY did Dumbledore hire Battye in the first place?
*******
Reviews(pathetic amount)
Foureyedsnail: Yeah, I'll do that for the next one
COME ON PEOPLE!!!!
"I wonder what's taking her so long" Hermione whispered.
There was a voice from the back of the room. "Who are we waiting for exactly?"
Everyone turned around, and there she was, sitting in the farthest desk, smiling slightly. "Uh" said everyone.
She stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. "You all know my name - you can call me Mal, what with not being a professor and all. So... I see the good professor isn't quite ready to begin - why don't we all get to know each other?" She flashed a smile like a tiger's and carefully eased a sheet of paper out from under the Professor's hands. "Ah... hm. I see you've had remarkable bad luck in teachers - four out of five, actually. Let's see, two were servants of Voldemort and are dead, one was a complete and utter pillock and has lost his memory and the other was a dominating bureaucrat who was attacked by centaurs. Interesting. Ah, and I see the werewolf only taught you about creatures of the night - an area which, I must say, ought to have been covered by your Care of Magical Creatures teacher."
Harry and Ron exchanged angry glances - she had just put down Lupin and Hagrid! However, she then continued:
"Well, we're not about to be attacked by enraged pixies in this class. We'll be working on defence against dark wizards, as this seems a tad more relevant to the current situation. Hands up all who know the expelliaramus spell. Shield charm? Impediment jinx?" She went through a list of defensive spells as most people put their hands up, having been in the DA last year or, in the Slytherins case, being either dark enough to know these things (eg Malfoy) or really, really thick (like Crabbe and Goyle).
"Oh goody. Then we can get started on the creative stuff. If we get stuck we can always wake Professor Battye up. Now then, first off-"
"Excuse me, miss" drawled Malfoy. "You don't seem to have your wand."
She raised an eyebrow. "So?"
"Oh come on, you can't do magic without a wand!"
"Is that so, mister... Malfoy?" She smiled and began to pace the front of the room, "Well, here's an interesting fact - wands are quite a recent development, originally invented by fairies for magic-focusing purposes. In the old days, a wizard would have a staff - useful for storing up magic, but cumbersome to carry around. Witches, on the other hand, used... their hands," here she absently raised hers and Malfoy, startled, floated up to the ceiling, "Or a piece of string..." She picked some twine up off the desk and tied a knot in it as she talked, spinning Malfoy around crazily, "Or-" She turned "Just... their minds..."
Malfoy fell back into his chair. She smiled at him. "Still think you can't do magic without a wand, Malfoy? I haven't even begun to mention potions, divination or the various uses of runes. Or don't those count as magic?"
Malfoy just gaped at her, along with the rest of the class. Harry glanced at Hermione, and the look in her eyes somewhat reminded him of the one she got upon finding a new book at the library.
"Well? Why isn't anyone writing this down?"
They all got out their quills.
***
As they wrote, Mal handed out sheets of paper. When they all finished writing, she said: "Right, this is an outline of the course you're supposed to be following. Mr Battye and I have made some modifications, and will make some more after this class as it is evident you are all competent at basic defence spells and recognizing dark creatures.
"Our first topic will be titled Spell for the Situation. I have no idea who thought up that name, but the idea is sound - because for every fix you may get into there are a number of spells you could use, and it is wise to have all of them at hand in your memory so that you can choose the most useful."
Harry nodded thoughtfully, remembering the Triwizard tournament, when he and the other contestants each used different methods to beat the dragon. Of course, the others methods hadn't even occurred to him at the time. However, he could see Malfoy raising his eyebrows at Blaise Zabini and knew that they were going to be trouble makers this year, as they had with all the good teachers.
Mal also appeared to have realised this - she strode over to the teachers desk, saying "I see some of you are less than convinced - this is good. You should always question statements for which you have not seen proof." She shook Professor Battye's shoulder gently.
"Snoooooooooorhtht! Mmm? Whassat? Do I have a class?"
"Don't worry, Professor, I've got it under control."
"Ah, jolly good. Mmm, carry on then. I say, did you know that Balrogs love the smell of orchids? Like catnip, mmm. Interesting fact, that. Hmm- snooorht"
With that he slid further down in the chair and began to snore again.
Mal smiled. "Ah, the benefits of a narcoleptic encylopedia. Well, now. Let's say one of us was suddenly in the middle of the forest with an enraged Balrog. All we know about them is that they're dangerous and what the Professor told us - that they hate orchids. Even with those measly bits of information, we have several options available to us. Neville Longbottom, name the first one."
Neville jerked up in surprise. "Uh... look around for some orchids?"
Pansy Parkinson sniggered loudly, however Mal appeared not to notice.
"Well, that is a rather obvious conclusion. In fact I rather think that if there were any orchids in the immediate vicinity, the Balrog would not be a problem. ...yes, Ms... Granger?"
Hermione's hand had been up since Neville answered. "Miss, you could use the accio charm to summon some orchids!"
Mal smiled. "Well, that is ONE option. However, I wouldn't say it was the first one. No, the first one is in fact the rather obvious action of getting the hell out of there with all speed. Why are you looking so surprised? I for one have no interest in sparring with angry monsters, and if for some reason I couldn't apparate - why, I have legs, do I not?"
Ron whispered to Harry: "Wow, this is useful."
"Shh," he whispered back. "There might be more."
"Indeed there is, Potter."
"Huh?" (she HEARD me??)
"If, for example, the Balrog were guarding something you need, and you must get past it, you could, as Ms Granger said, use the accio charm. Now say, for example, you are not in a forest, but rather in a dungeon. There are no orchids in accio-reach. At this point, you could do this-" She picked up Seamus's wand from his desk and pointed at the floor. "Florius orchida!"
A bouquet of orchids appeared on the floor. The class gaped at it.
"Sorry I borrowed your wand, but I'm not supposed to be teaching this class wandless magic, just informing you of its existence. Now, another spell you could use in an enclosed space is this: Orchidus nasium!"
The room was immediately filled with an overpowering scent of orchids. Mal placed the wand back on Seamus's desk.
"So there you have it - one random fact, three different spells. If you were me, or one of my advanced final-year students and had lost your wand, you could also achieve something by staring into the Balrog's eyes and thinking hard about orchids. Oh, and there goes the bell. Homework is to find out one thing about wandless magic you didn't know and learn one new defensive spell of your choice - preferably one the rest of the class already knows, I'd like you all on the same level. See you tomorrow!"
And with that, she left. The room was silent except for the persistent sounds of Battye's snores and Hermione's quill scratching across the parchment. The former suddenly stopped.
"Mmmm?" Said Professor Battye, opening one eye. "Eh, class dismissed."
***********
WHY is she here? WHAT is she planning? And WHY did Dumbledore hire Battye in the first place?
*******
Reviews(pathetic amount)
Foureyedsnail: Yeah, I'll do that for the next one
COME ON PEOPLE!!!!