I'm sitting in the dentist's office right now. I'm waiting in the big move-y chair waiting for someone to shove their hand into my mouth. But Dr. Singer and Carol the hygienist are deep in discussion about what color toothbrushes they should order for next year. Currently there's a drag out between die-hard green-and-white fans and pink-and-purple people. It's riveting, really. But it'll take a while, so I'm going to tell all about my day. Excitement excitement. The most exciting thing that happened today was I flunked a paper for Com. Arts. Now, I'm not grades-girl. But I'm no flunkie either. The assignment was "Modern Mythology". Turns out "Drinking Diet Pepsi Will Make You Thin and Sexy" wasn't exactly the kind of myth Ms. Madison had in mind. So I flunked, but since my original paper was so good, I get a weekend to rewrite it. Ms. M isn't so bad. She's usually really nice, but sometimes she gets the nastiest look on her face. Like she wants to turn you into a rat or something. So guess who I had to talk to for ideas? That's right, my main freaky man Ham. His paper was so good, it's not even finished yet. He's still madly researching. I went to see him in the library and he told me all about his topic. Apparently he's going to write about some vampire named "William the Bloody". Yeah, cheesy, huh? I'll give you the abridged version of the story. Old Bill gets turned into a vampire, wreaks some havoc in Europe, moves to America, wreaks more havoc, leaves, comes back to *shock* wreak havoc, falls in love with some chick who's supposed to kill him or something, she falls in love with him despite her solemn duty to shove a stake through his heart…they have kinky sex and everyone goes home happy. Ta-da. I mean, come on. Somebody pass the butter and salt for this high quality corn. But at least I have a topic now. Vengeance demons. Would that be a fun job or what? I mean, you get to eviscerate people! For a living! Though I can't imagine the dental plan being too good. Ha ha, having dental thoughts. Oh, and Operation Barbiefy-Uncle-Angel went off without a hitch. He didn't even notice it in the bathroom mirror! Must not pay too close attention in the morning. Hey! New voice in the argument….what the hell! Orange toothbrushes? That's the most idiotic suggestion! Orange? Who wants an orange toothbrush????
Later
I'm grounded. Well, not exactly grounded. But I'm getting a strong feeling that I'm in big trouble. I don't know what they're all freaked out about? I mean, the Catholic club at school was selling crucifix necklaces for a fundraiser, and being the charitable soul I am, I bought one for everybody. So I hung them on a door knob until I could hand them out. I left to do something, next thing I know, Dad is swearing, Uncle Angel is shouting and I'm grounded. I don't know what the big deal is. They were just necklaces. I can't believe they got so freaky. Maybe they're Jewish. Or have very bad repressed memories of Catholic school nuns. But neither is any reason to wig out on me! Maybe they're vampires. Ha, I made a joke. Aren't I hilarious? Another note? Uncle Angel is not very threatening with pink hair. But he still somehow manages to be all ho-hum broody. Someday, I'm going to have to ask him to give me lessons in brooding. I mean, come on, I'm a teenager. It's my sacred duty to brood. Though I might want to wait till the whole "I not only dyed his hair pink but freaked him out with crucifixes" thing blows over. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stare at my ceiling.