-You cast your demons out and not to pull your halo down around your neck and tug you off your cloud, but I'm more than just curious, how you're planning to go about making your amends to the dead. Recall the deeds as if they're all someone else's, atrocious stories. Now you stand reborn before us all, so glad to see you well, overcome and completely silent now.-

She stopped drinking.

Nathan supposed that was a good thing. But, when she stopped drinking, taking drugs, and pills. She seemed to just stop altogether.

She stopped talking. She stopped feeling. She stopped caring. She stopped living.

While nobody would consider her life before actually living, she still went on. Though not in the best way possible, losing herself in alchohol and drugs, she still clung on to something, a piece of humanity.

Now, it was all gone. She just... stopped.

And, it killed him inside because it was because of him. He promised her he would make the pain stop inside but he didn't. She did.

She made the pain stop. She did it by making herself stop, she shut herself down.

Nathan didn't think that was possible for someone to just do that. To just stop feeling so suddenly but Haley was already on edge before this. She was already so close to giving up but she held on, to what, he didn't know.

And, now, seeing her walk down the hallways, arms hanging limply at her sides, her face sallow and pale, he felt remorse. The effects of guilt were taking it's toll on her. Utterly and completely.

Before, she pushed the guilt and pain away with temporary releases, sex, drugs, and alchohol. It made the pain stop but it also built up more and more of it. And, now, that she stopped, it all hit her at once.

She didn't seem to care though.

She walked down the hallways, her eyes staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. The gaze seemed to go straight through him, piercing through his soul and through his heart, all the way to the opposite wall.

She passed him. He wanted to speak, to say something, anything to her. To help her snap out of whatever stage she was in but he couldn't.

He was scared. He didn't know how to handle girls who were like this. He could handle crying, drunk girls but he couldn't handle someone who had completely shut down. The lack of reciprocation was something he could never deal with. The stoney composure reminded him too much of his father.

He still wanted to save her. He made a promise to himself and her that he would save her. The only question now was how and was he even strong enough? He honestly didn't know and at this point, he was scared to even fathom the answer.

He couldn't fail. If he chose to put himself in that comprimising position to help Haley, he couldn't fail. Not again. Not like he did last time.

After all, this was his fault. She went from being a girl in denial to being a girl in a numb and cold world.

Right now, Nathan wasn't sure which one was worse.

Probably the latter, the one she was in right now. And, he pushed her there. He pushed her over the edge. He pushed her into a mental breakdown and into the cold and confined position she was in now.

This was his fault.

--

"Someone's here for you, Haley."

Haley didn't move. She merely stayed there on her bed, lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling, a glassy film over her eyes.

She heard his voice. His soft, rich, and relaxing voice that used to soothe her nightmares echoed through the room. She didn't quite catch his words, all she focused on was his voice. She used to relish in that sound, especially the way he said her name.

He pronounced it correctly and said it like everyone else but it was just the way it sounded to ears. It made her feel different and special. She liked that.

Feeling the bed sink down by her legs, she clenched her fists together, ready for him to touch her, take her clothes off, have his way with her and then leave. After all, isn't that what they all did?

She slowly closed her eyes, forcing herself to fall back further into her mind, away from Nathan, away from her house, away from all of it. In the small place in her mind, no one could hurt her. She was happy. She was still with her brother.

There, no apologies were needed. There, perfection was acquired. There, she was happy. And safe.

Jolted into reality, Haley's eyes shot open as she felt Nathan shaking her, his eyes filled with worry.

"Haley!"

She looked up at him, cocking her head to the side, her lips forming a tight line.

His fingers dug into her skin as she saw his jaw tigthen. Examining him, a fleeting thought of why he was here passed through her mind but quickly faded away as she focused on getting back to her place of solace and peace.

She didn't like this world she was in. It was harsh and it hurt. Her own world was so much better.

Nothing hurt there.

"Haley, what's happening to you?"

She felt the tears spring up in her eyes and wondered for the reason behind them. Why did she care so much that Nathan cared about her? He was just another guy that was trying to fool her into something that wasn't true. She was smarter now, she was beginning to catch on.

Yet, that voice and the expression on his face told her heart differently.

But, she didn't listen.

Her heart was dead, cold, and numb. Just like her soul.

She closed her eyes again but was abruptly interrupted by Nathan who looked straight into her eyes, asking, "Haley, what are you doing to yourself?"

Her expression was blank as she gave him no answer.

"What have I done to you?" He whispered softly in horror.

She closed her eyes again and placed her hand on his, hoping it would give him some sort of reassurance he obviously needed. Maybe then, he would leave and she could go back.

She wanted to go back.

He looked down at her hand upon his and held onto it tightly, thinking it was a sign of hope. He kissed her knuckles gently and whispered into her ear, "I'll be here for you. I won't leave."

Haley's eyes shot open at his words as she suddenly pulled her hand back, the intimacy in his words piercing through the wall she had so desperately put up.

"Why?" She whispered hoarsely.

It was the first time she had spoken that day.

Smiling at the response he managed to get from her, he asked in return, "Why what?"

"Why do I matter?" She asked before looking up at her ceiling, "Why does anything matter? It's so much easier not to care. To not let it matter." She whispered numbly, "It doesn't hurt that way."

"I won't let you do this to yourself," Nathan touched her shoulder gently, "This won't help you."

"How would you know?" She asked, a bit of anger tinting her voice.

"I don't," he answered honestly, "I can't even begin to know how much pain you're in right now but I can tell you, ignoring it isn't going to help. It'll just bring more pain."

She shook her head ruefully, "So, you're just going to tell me to deal with it?" A little more life came into her voice, "That some day I'll forget the pain and move on?"

"No," he said quietly, "You won't. You won't forget the pain. And, truthfully, things won't get better because you'll always remember."

Haley stared at him tearfully, visibly shaking.

He chose his next words carefully, "You shouldn't forget. You shouldn't try to push it away and hope that it will disappear into the background because it won't, becauses your brother meant that much to you," he said softly, "You shouldn't shut down though. You need to go on living."

Haley was quiet for a few moments before she looked down and fiddled with her fingers, "It seems so unfair. That I'm here on this earth, still alive, just barely but alive, breathing, living to some extent. And, he's gone," her voice was filled with realization as she looked up at Nathan, the tears spilling over, "He's really gone."

Haley leaned the side of her head onto Nathan's shoulder as she sobbed quietly, her hands clawing desperately to his chest. She sobbed violently, letting all the pain, all the misery, and all the pent up emotion she had kept inside.

She cried until she could cry no more. Until there were no tears left. And until, she had no more energy.

"Why are you doing this for me?" She asked quietly as she leaned on him still.

"I don't know," he answered honestly, caressing her hair gently.

"Aren't you supposed to profess your love for me now?" She asked quietly.

"Maybe," he whispered into her hair, "Or promise you forever and tell you that I'll never leave your side."

"Empty promises lead to broken dreams," Haley said as she closed her eyes, her hand in Nathan's.

"Which is why I'm not doing any of it."

She looked up at him, slightly surprised, "I'm weak."

"And, I'm not taking advantage."

Haley simply stared at him, not saying a word as her fingertips gently traced the outline of his lips. "You're passionate," she said softly before her fingertips travelled down to his adam's apple and then down his neck, "And, rash. You're bold, controlling," her hands moved to the back of his ear, "And manipulative." Pulling his head down gently towards her, she nipped at his lips, hoping to gauge some sort of reaction, "Why are you acting different around me?" She pushedd her lips onto his hard and broke the kiss, pulling back, panting, "I'm not fragile."

"You said it yourself, you're weak."

"I am," she said strongly, "But, I can take it."

"I don't want you to 'take it'," he said as he kissed the side of her face softly, givng her butterfly kisses all the way down her neck, "I don't want to force anything onto you anymore. You've had enough of that." He looked into her eyes and kissed her softly on the lips. Haley found herself returning the kiss before smacking her lips together with a satisfied moan when he pulled back.

"I told you, I'm not taking advantage."

She studied him for a moment before she said softly, "I don't love you."

His eyes flashed with pain before he swallowed hard, "I know."

"I don't even know if I'm capable of love anymore," she said honestly before caressing the side of his face.

He leaned into the touch and closed his eyes, "I'm still here."

"You're a fool," she said, a small laugh escaping her lips, "For putting so much hope in something you don't even know will last."

Nathan shrugged before kissing her softly, "I'm rash," he kissed her neck, "And bold," he kissed her cheek, "And passionate," he pulled back, smiling, "Remember?"

She nodded, "I could get used to that."