"Need"
I was vaguely aware of Doug entering the room, his easy manner light on the ears and unobtrusive. I carried on with my work, half-listening to the doctors conversation. Moments later, as I turned from the counter towards the bed, the trauma doors were thrown open. The edge of the door caught me on my cheekbone, just below my eye. I was forced backwards, and sank against the metal cupboard door, seeking solidity as my vision and my head clouded.
Clarity returned when the shots began. I didn't hear any of the confrontation that led up to the gun being fired. I'd seen gunshots in their hundreds since I started working here, but I had never until that moment ever heard one being fired, or seen one in real life. I lifted my head slowly, to see the man standing there, his aim so true, so determined. My heart jumped into my mouth, but I daren't flinch. I was barely breathing, keeping myself safe, hiding from this mans wrath.
With the second shot, I put my hands over my eyes and curled myself up as small as I could against the cupboard. Every muscle was rigid, tense. I was terrified. I counted a further two shots, then a clatter as the gun fell to the floor. I glanced up, saw its black metal lying against the linoleum floor. My gaze ran over the weapon, and towards the spot where seconds before my colleagues had stood discussing the patient. Liam was quietly sobbing, his blue eyes bright with tears, and his mother was screeching, a woman possessed, an intrusive sound that made it hard to think clearly.
I felt my heartbeat miss involuntarily when I saw the bloodied body of Dr Ross, spread over the floor by the bed, my supervisor crouched next to him, his arm bloody and his face as white as a sheet. My hands shaking, I crossed slowly towards them.
"What can I do?"
Every medical instinct in me told me he was dead. They screamed it at me, tried to force me to face up to this reality. I couldn't. Not yet. Not until I heard it said, not until we had at least tried.
"Calm her down. Get Mark, and keep Carol out of here!"
The answer came, sudden and rapid. He was breathing heavily, performing CPR mechanically. I turned to Diane, who was on the point of hyperventilating, and tried to figure out what to say. Her ex-husband had just tried to kill their son, and in the process had shot the doctor trying to treat Liam. What could I say? I didn't know. I just knew I had to stop her shrieking. I put my hands on her shoulders.
"Diane…Diane…"
I repeated, trying to make her focus on me. Eventually, her eyes locked into mine, wild and shocked. Her chest heaved uncontrollably. I tried to stay upright as her whole weight collapsed against me unexpectedly. I didn't have to get Mark, as the attending arrived moments later, bursting in through the trauma room doors. I stroked Diane's back rhythmically. My ears half-heard the conversation below me. Mark seemed remarkably calm. His best friend was dead after all. A chill shot down my spine and made me stiffen. Dead. Dr Ross, Doug, friend to all, was dead. I didn't cry. I gripped Diane harder, rocking us both slowly.
I heard Carter move, and shuffle towards the door. I had failed to keep Carol away, I realised. I had failed to protect the nurse from the brutality, the violence and the shock of this scene. The footsteps stopped as suddenly as they began, and I turned in time to see him fall to the floor.
Diane tightened her hold on me, and I struggled to free myself. I twisted away from her grip, realising in that moment just who needed me the most. Realising who it was I needed to help.
I was vaguely aware of Doug entering the room, his easy manner light on the ears and unobtrusive. I carried on with my work, half-listening to the doctors conversation. Moments later, as I turned from the counter towards the bed, the trauma doors were thrown open. The edge of the door caught me on my cheekbone, just below my eye. I was forced backwards, and sank against the metal cupboard door, seeking solidity as my vision and my head clouded.
Clarity returned when the shots began. I didn't hear any of the confrontation that led up to the gun being fired. I'd seen gunshots in their hundreds since I started working here, but I had never until that moment ever heard one being fired, or seen one in real life. I lifted my head slowly, to see the man standing there, his aim so true, so determined. My heart jumped into my mouth, but I daren't flinch. I was barely breathing, keeping myself safe, hiding from this mans wrath.
With the second shot, I put my hands over my eyes and curled myself up as small as I could against the cupboard. Every muscle was rigid, tense. I was terrified. I counted a further two shots, then a clatter as the gun fell to the floor. I glanced up, saw its black metal lying against the linoleum floor. My gaze ran over the weapon, and towards the spot where seconds before my colleagues had stood discussing the patient. Liam was quietly sobbing, his blue eyes bright with tears, and his mother was screeching, a woman possessed, an intrusive sound that made it hard to think clearly.
I felt my heartbeat miss involuntarily when I saw the bloodied body of Dr Ross, spread over the floor by the bed, my supervisor crouched next to him, his arm bloody and his face as white as a sheet. My hands shaking, I crossed slowly towards them.
"What can I do?"
Every medical instinct in me told me he was dead. They screamed it at me, tried to force me to face up to this reality. I couldn't. Not yet. Not until I heard it said, not until we had at least tried.
"Calm her down. Get Mark, and keep Carol out of here!"
The answer came, sudden and rapid. He was breathing heavily, performing CPR mechanically. I turned to Diane, who was on the point of hyperventilating, and tried to figure out what to say. Her ex-husband had just tried to kill their son, and in the process had shot the doctor trying to treat Liam. What could I say? I didn't know. I just knew I had to stop her shrieking. I put my hands on her shoulders.
"Diane…Diane…"
I repeated, trying to make her focus on me. Eventually, her eyes locked into mine, wild and shocked. Her chest heaved uncontrollably. I tried to stay upright as her whole weight collapsed against me unexpectedly. I didn't have to get Mark, as the attending arrived moments later, bursting in through the trauma room doors. I stroked Diane's back rhythmically. My ears half-heard the conversation below me. Mark seemed remarkably calm. His best friend was dead after all. A chill shot down my spine and made me stiffen. Dead. Dr Ross, Doug, friend to all, was dead. I didn't cry. I gripped Diane harder, rocking us both slowly.
I heard Carter move, and shuffle towards the door. I had failed to keep Carol away, I realised. I had failed to protect the nurse from the brutality, the violence and the shock of this scene. The footsteps stopped as suddenly as they began, and I turned in time to see him fall to the floor.
Diane tightened her hold on me, and I struggled to free myself. I twisted away from her grip, realising in that moment just who needed me the most. Realising who it was I needed to help.