AN: Sorry for the long delay, I've had a mountain of homework to do lately, and with my swimming as well, I've had no time to update. But now it's the weekend, and finally I have some free time, so here's the fourth chapter! cries I can feel this story coming to a close soon…
aracortien: Yes, I wanted to show Rajin as a different character, one with some real emotion that was so contrasting to his usual behaviour, and how times can change that. Zell will become more of an obstacle, and I want to show him for the emotional and temperamental person I believe him to be.
Ameli Stoncius: Don't be disheartened! I'm very glad that you like my writing style, but I never mean to make anyone feel that way! I'm sorry XD. I'm very flattered by your compliments. Thank you so much! They're a real encouragement.
Fuu-sama: Hi! Welcome back! Yes, poor Fujin…But then we authors just can't leave her alone, just because she's so darn interesting! Who couldn't resist playing with such a unique character like her? One of these days she'll be left alone. I'm sure of it. Until then…
Act 4 - Comfort; Safety; Protection
The weekend dawned on us, leaving the days filled with freedom and relaxation. Freed from the chains of school life, I strolled down the hallways and out into the early morning sunshine of the balcony in the Quad. Letting the wind brush gently against my face, I leant over the railing and stared nostalgically over the green stretches of horizon, longing to run wild through the woodland. My eyes shifted to the glimmering ocean that lay serenely like a carpet over the earth. I could see Dollet on the horizon, the communication tower standing tall against the hills.
There I had told Leonhart of my 'romantic dream'. Some dream that turned out to be…
A new burst of cold air blew against my ear, causing me to shiver with a strange delight in the tingling effects it had against my face. I turned to see Fujin standing before me, her arms tucked innocently behind her back. I smiled and moved away from the tempting call of nature to greet my dearest and most treasured friend.
She was the only 'romantic' dream I had now…
"Good morning," I said. "You're up early." I took her hand and led her back to the balcony wall where she leaned over beside me, closing her eye in bliss as the breeze caressed her pale skin.
"SUNRISE." She said, pointing out to the newborn orb of fire hovering over the yellow tinted seas.
"Yeah." I said distantly, thinking about how I used to watch the sun rise every morning from the long grass, and see it set every night over the red stained waters. Sometimes it looked awash with blood, and I remembered how I used to shiver with disgust at the mere thought of our bloody past.
"SAD." She said, her voice weighted down with concern as she gazed up at me seeing the despondency set in my face.
"Oh, it's nothing. Just thinking." I said, not wanting to face talking to her about moving away again. I knew she wouldn't want to go…
She remained silent for a moment, but the silence was suddenly very uncomfortable. "TELL." She said suddenly, her eye looking out toward the horizon. Not looking at her, I hung my head between my shoulders, staring down at the grey and black paint-work and the lines of metal bars running across my vision. They reminded me of prison cells.
"Don't worry about it," I sighed. "It's nothing, really." I said, wrapping an arm around her shivering body. She leaned closer into my embrace, sapping the heat from me.
"NEGATIVE." Fujin whispered, but I knew she wouldn't push the issue further. Stepping behind her, I enfolded her, snaking my arms around her waist and resting my head atop hers. She placed her small hands over mine and I closed my eyes, savouring her precious touches.
Birds cawed above us, and the sun eventually rose high into the sky, filling the new day with morning brightness. Kissing her hair I walked away, her hand still entwined in mine and leading her down to the Garden entrance, we took a short morning walk together before Rajin would finally be awake. We would often have to abruptly throw water over his emotionless face in order to pull him from his dreams, but that didn't even work sometimes…
I looked down at Fujin, relieved that she was finally getting better. But then again, I was sure it wouldn't be very long before she would return to the clutches of her illness. Ever since I had known her, Fujin had always been a sickly person, falling subject to coughing fits and colds at the slightest change in the world's atmosphere. Perhaps being a wind seer, she was vulnerable to those sorts of things, but I didn't really know. She'd never told me why.
"Fujin, have you ever felt like you don't belong somewhere?" I said, the words falling out of my mouth before I could stop them, as we walked silently along a deserted street toward the harbour. She stopped suddenly, letting go of my hand. She stared at me for what seemed like hours, the fear in her eye slowly killing the guilt building up inside me, staining my heart an even darker shade of rotten black.
"AFFIRMATIVE." She whispered, averting her gaze. I knew that would be her answer. I went to speak again, but at the last minute held back my words. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else that might hurt her.
I had seen her live. I had seen her walking down those corridors sometimes without a care in the world. People didn't stare at her anymore, and nobody dared to touch her in case they risked running across my path. She had power and confidence when she walked down those halls. And I had never seen her look so calm before in my life. Before, everyday held a new shade of fear etched into her features, and I saw the worry in her eye. Although she didn't show it, I knew she was scarred, frightened of being caught and being torn away from us. It had made me want to do everything I could to protect her, and to make sure she would never be afraid again. And I had managed to give her that…somehow.
"QUESTION?" she said, obviously wondering why my words had disappeared.
"Never mind." I said.
"OUTSIDE?" she said. My eyes widened slightly as I turned my head back, stunned by her words. Trailing my gaze from Fujin along the ground I sighed loudly, and as we reached the docks, I sat down on the concrete slabs letting my legs hang over the side. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Fujin sat down beside me.
"BELONG." She mused in the silence. Seagulls cried around us, the waves lapping softly over each other. "WHERE…"
Breathing in deeply, I inhaled the salty air and the wet ocean vapour, somehow feeling at peace with the comfortable atmosphere. There really was something irreplaceable about sitting down here, being in the centre of nature's wake, rather than merely admiring the scenery from Garden's high windows and balconies.
"Where did you not belong Fujin?" I said glancing down at her. She had taken to lying back against the ground, her laced hands stretched up toward the sky. Letting her fingers go, she made swirling patterns with her hands, the sun flickering in and out of her fingertips.
"FIRST, YOU." I was taken aback slightly, and was about to speak when she silenced me. "SECOND, GARDEN," she paused for a moment. "THIRD…" she took a deep breath. "YOU." Fujin said quietly, her head turning toward me.
"Why me?" I said concerned. I could understand Balamb, but…me? I had tried to make her feel more comfortable, not the opposite…She didn't reply for a while, and stared up at the sky as if contemplating her answer.
"When I first met you," Fujin said, still not looking at me. "You made me feel out of place, and even worse about myself." She said, her head now turning to look at me, her eye very serious.
"Yeah," I said rubbing the back of my neck in shame. "Sorry 'bout that."
She smiled sadly and sat back up resting her head on her knees, hugging her legs with her arms. "And now," she said pausing, a light blush gracing her face. "You make me feel…strange." She said quickly, burying her head in her hands.
I turned away, my heart pounding in my ears, completely embarrassed. I didn't want to even look at him after I made such a fool of myself. Why did I even say that?
"Fujin…" a gentle and understanding voice called softly from my side. A hand placed itself on my shoulder and pulled me toward its warm owner. One finger tilted my chin up out of the darkness of my clothes and up into the shadowed figure of Seifer's face. The waves splashed against the harbour walls, rolling away and lapping over each other as seabirds cried high above us in the blue skies. But the only sound I could hear was my own breath inhaling and exhaling nervously in the silence.
"Please," I breathed. "Don't."
He looked at me strangely, his eyes confused, but he let me go and sat back. Yet for some reason I remained frozen, caught in the invisible embrace that was left behind. I hated myself instantly for tearing my body away from him and for being so cold. I looked up at him, my eye wide with sorrow as he stared hurtfully at me. I wanted to apologise; my mouth moved up and down, but no words were spoken between us.
Seifer got up suddenly and walked briskly away from me while I sat there transfixed in my own troubles. I had seen the hurt in his eyes, the rejection and the confusion clouding over his usual brilliant green eyes. And I was ridged with fear.
"WAIT." I said, closing my eye tightly as I felt the tears rise to their post within me. The sound of fading footsteps halted. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to be alone…not again…
I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, and how much I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to spend the rest of my days by his side, never fearing what the world would deal us, or being afraid of what the future might hold. I wanted his safety, his protection and most of all the comfort that he would give me…if only he knew how I felt…for he had already told me that he loved me…
I heard his footsteps begin to tread down on the cold, hard floor and I straightened up in terror. He was walking away, and I would be left alone… "SEIFER!" I cried frantically spinning around, tears falling from my eye. I looked up and caught the gaze of a tall figure inches away from me.
Without thinking I leaped up from the ground and jumped at him, holding him tightly to me. "APOLOGISE." I cried into Seifer's shirt. He said nothing, standing perfectly still. "DIDN'T MEAN…" I mumbled, overcome with the need to make him understand how much I was sorry.
"It's ok," He said above my head, pushing me away to hold me at arms distance. "I know."
Suddenly I couldn't breathe, and my head swam with the crashing waves of nausea. My whole body felt numb as a breeze blew past me, my heart beating tenfold. Something was there, blocking my throat, and my hands rushed to my neck as my eye sprung wide with alarm. Breathing in rapidly to inhale the precious air, I choked and spluttered as I clawed the skin grasped tightly in my fingers.
"Fujin?" a faint murmur asked anxiously. I fell to the floor, kneeling with one hand supporting my heaving body. Weakly I looked up as Seifer fell on his knees, his blurry face still visibly full of concern and fear.
"I…love you." I whispered raggedly, before I found myself being pushed to the floor, my world tumbling downward as I fell, my vision swaying in different directions. As I felt my sight darken, my lips were covered and air rushed through my mouth as if I could breathe once more. My eye snapped open as I breathed out, and I clamped it shut again as everything came racing through my head as Seifer breathed for me, giving me the precious oxygen I needed while I breathed out again.
"Don't die on me," he whispered.
The lump slipping down to my stomach, I gasped for air as I sat up, still shocked from my near death experience. I felt Seifer's comforting hand on my back, rubbing gently up and down, but it as then I began to cough violently, specks of blood staining my hands.
"The winds are blowing again…" I choked out before I blacked out, my brain shutting down both my sight and my mind.
---
I awoke to the familiar sight of the infirmary and shot up in my bed, shouting Seifer's name. Breathing hard I looked around the seemingly empty room, my eye darting from each object that stood motionless in the heavy morning sunlight streaming in through cracks in the curtains. Flinging the covers off of me, I fell out of the bed crumbling to the floor. My legs had buckled underneath me, and groping my way across the dusty ceramic tiles, I scrambled toward the door.
Pushing myself up onto my feet, I tumbled forward as I ran blindly down the corridor, my only concern being Seifer. I didn't feel safe without him, and ever since we'd moved here, I was always scarred to go anywhere without him. I knew people stared at me behind closed eyes, unveiling their true nature after I had walked past them. I knew that people loathed us, despite some forgiving us. And I knew that if I weren't by Seifer's side, I would never feel safe walking down these halls.
But before I knew it I was falling through the air again, my face slamming into the cool, solid ground. I felt my head rush with a sickening swell of nausea as my hands flailed in front of me. Crashing down to the floor, I winced at the sharp pain enveloping my left leg and I bit my lip as the bullet needles of hurt wove an indescribable wave of agony around me.
Among the gasps of stunned students walking through the halls, a faint apology drifted through the tense and scrutinising silence. "Oops, sorry 'bout that. I didn't see you." A sarcastic, ominous voice protruded in the tormenting air.
Scrunching my eye in anguish, I pushed my shaking arms up from the ground, locking them in a straight line. Then sliding across the floor, ignoring the all too familiar, hateful voice, I made my way slowly toward the railing where I would pull myself up. The wall of people rushed back, not wanting to be anywhere near me as I clambered across the floor. But their heads weren't fixed on me. Their eyes for once were not staring and making judgements. They were looking at my aggressor.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me before. You scumbags have no right to be here." He growled.
"Zell! Leave Fujin alone!" Selphie's voice shrieked through the crowds. I heard her push her way through the shell-shocked warriors and I heard the sound of her hand slap the unaffected skin of Zell's face.
Reaching my destination, I reached for the shining golden metal and clasped my weak, unsteady fingers around its cool, refreshing metallic bounty. Pushing with all my remaining strength, I seized the gold bar with my other hand and heaved myself up, cringing as the pain flared in my leg. I slumped back down, the pain being too much to handle, my hands still holding stubbornly onto the bar.
"Get out of my way Selphie!" Zell roared. "How could you stand up for a monster like her?! Don't you remember what she did? Don't you remember what Seifer did to us?! He almost destroyed this Garden, and you're saying I should leave her alone?"
My head hit my support in defeat, and I was about to let go when I felt myself being lifted up, my arms being slung around someone's shoulder. Opening my eye I looked up weakly to see Irvine and Quistis on either side of me. They looked straight ahead, and as I joined to meet the point of their gaze, my eye widened in unsuspecting shock. Squall stood defensively in front of the three of us, his back turned. From the distance I saw Zell cower slightly.
"Seifer may well have done those things. Fujin may well have helped him," Squall said coldly, picking up where Selphie's defensive argument had stopped. "But that still doesn't give you the right to make her life hell. As a SeeD you should know that. Maybe Cid judged you wrongly. Maybe you shouldn't be a SeeD at all if that's your attitude. And maybe you've judged her wrongly too."
Rustles of clothes being swayed and knocked against each other suddenly emanated through the crowd of gathered bodies, and through it I heard the salvation I'd been searching for…
"Let me through! Get out of my way! Come on, move it!" A flurry of white and black fell through the front line as Seifer's trench coat twirled around him as he ran over to me. Limp as an un-mastered marionette, my body was handled toward Seifer's hands as Irvine pulled away. Quistis still propped me up on my other side as Irvine and Rajin walked forward to join Squall, guarding any possible entrance to us.
A brave student then walked from the crowds, and I recognised him as the boy from before. His head still wrapped in a bandage, he glanced briefly at me before taking a place beside Rajin who nodded respectfully down at him. Whispers spread through the wall around us, and slowly more and more people came to our aid, singling Zell out from the huge sea of SeeDs.
"Looks like you're the only one who's still trapped in the past Zell." Squall said. Enraged Zell growled loudly and stomped off furiously. I felt everyone's eyes trail after him and gradually people went back to what they had been doing, the barrier of people dwindling in number.
"Are you ok?" Seifer whispered in my ear, but I couldn't reply. Feeling as if I couldn't support myself, Seifer collected me from Quistis, silently thanking her, and together we dropped to the floor.
"Fujin," Squall said walking over, kneeling down on the floor. "Are you all right?" Clutching my leg, I hastily shook my head leaning against Seifer.
"Squall," a new feminine voice said questioningly. "I've got a Cura, let me help." Craning my head up and opening my eye from the depths of my pain, I gasped in fear as Squall stepped aside, revealing Rinoa.
She knelt beside us, and stretched her hands over me. A blue light engulfed us, and a wave of warmth overflowed through my body, ridding it of all injury and agony. I closed my eye briefly in bliss, and as the blue light faded, I looked at Rinoa, thanking her without words. She smiled at me and held out her hand. Taking it, I pulled myself up.
Behind me Seifer placed his hands on my shoulders. "Thank you." He said gratefully.
"GRATITUDE." I said looking away. I didn't deserve to be looked at with such forgiveness.
"Fujin, look at me," Rinoa said. Timidly I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. "Don't worry about Zell. He's just…well…he just can't take the fact that both of you have changed from the war." Taking my hand again, Rinoa caught my gaze. "Give him some time." She said, before letting my hands drop to my sides. Everyone then turned and nodded before leaving us. Rajin the trotted over to the two of us, and Seifer slipped his hand into mine, leading me to an unknown place.
What I had thought before wasn't true. Everybody was here to protect us. Everybody would come together and fight as one body.
---
"Are you sure you're all right?" Seifer asked, having taken me to my room to rest. Rajin had gone on ahead to his own dormitory, obeying Seifer's request.
"AFFIRMATIVE." I said, tired of answering the same question for the fourth time.
"Absolutely sure?"
"AFFIRMATIVE!" I shouted.
"Yep, you're back to normal," Seifer said walking toward me. "Well, get some rest. I don't want you spoiling our fun later ok?" he said with a cruel, luring smirk on his face.
"FUN?" I said, swearing that my heart skipped a beat as he towered above me, my feet stepping backward from his overwhelming presence. Bending down he caught me in his arms, whispering seductively in my ear,
"Yeah, I thought we could go fishing later." Shuddering at the sound of his voice, it took me a moment to realise what a fool he'd made of me. Fuming with rage, I threw the nearest thing I could get my hands on at him. And when I saw it was only a pillow, I ran at him, hitting his chest with my fists.
"IDIOT!" I screamed, almost knocking him backward. But before I could even touch him, his hands intercepted my punches and instead, spun me around, trapping me with my own arms pulled tightly across my stomach. "LET GO!"
He did so, but grabbed my waist in return. Still holding me from behind, he rested his head on my shoulder, and whispered again in my ear. "Unless you want to do something else." I stopped struggling.
"F…FISHING." I said nervously. He let me go and I stumbled forward. Looking at him, his eyes stared at me, his face very serious.
"Did you mean what you said before?" he said, his voice different from a moment ago. Gazing back, I nodded. "Say it." Pausing, I looked at him frightened. He was being so solemn… "Say it Fujin, please." His words sounding more desperate he walked toward me, taking my small hands in his.
"I…" Looking at his pleading face, I faltered. "I…"
No…I had to be strong…I couldn't cower…I had bared my ugly face to the most respectable people in this building, and now I was running away from a simple sentence.
"I love you." I said more confidently.
"Thank you." He breathed, and at once his lips closed the shrinking space between us. Like a deer caught in the headlights of its fate, my mind had been paralysed, my heart pounding quickly against my chest. I was unsure of what to do, but somehow I found myself responding, perching my hands on Seifer's sloping shoulders. Like the waves of the sea, his presence washed over me, coveting everything I held dear as he wrapped me in his tumbling embrace.
"I'll never let you go," he said into my hair, his hand rifling through the short strands of silver.
But I could feel his apprehension in his hands. They trembled around me, quivering like falling droplets of rain. I suddenly remembered what he had said to me earlier, and I realised what he had meant.
"Please, don't leave…" I whispered. "You can't…" I held him tighter, never wanting to leave his side, for I knew that the second I looked away, he would be gone…
"Fujin…" Seifer murmured. But I didn't want to hear his words. Leaning up, mustering every single shred of courage, I kissed him, wanting to be close to him as I could, wanting to feel him before I lost him. I wouldn't sit back and let him walk out of my life…I loved him too much to let him go…