The Art of Change

The next three weeks were three of the oddest of Nathan's young life. Lucas was okay, and of course nothing stopped Whitey, not even being told his best point guard had suffered an emotional crisis, but everyone else, to varying degrees, wanted to treat him as if he was made of glass. Karen started making him lunches and dropping them off at school on her way to open the cafe or sending them with Lucas. Peyton and Jake didn't seem to know how to act around him, so it inevitably got awkward. Haley, who he had finally asked out, spent their first week as a couple opening doors for him, as if he was too brittle to do it himself, although she had mercifully stopped when he'd pointed out what she was doing. After that she was mostly normal, if still a little overly cheerful.

The biggest change though, was Dan, who had undergone such a radical change of character Nathan wondered exactly which one of them had had the breakdown. He was tiptoeing around Nathan as if the slightest little thing would make him break, asking him how his day went without mentioning basketball, and offering to help him drill rather than insisting on it. He'd even made a few tentative efforts to talk about Deb. At first Nathan felt too raw from his "mother episode", as they referred to it and had demurred, but eventually he was able to open up. What shocked him was that Dan had opened up as well, and told him some stories about their brief time together that had reassured Nathan as to the nature of his parents' relationship. Overall, it was like Dan had been kidnaped by aliens and had his brain swapped. Lucas, after the first day of a Lucas week, had gone so far as to say "Who are you and what have you done with my father," but Dan had just given them a rather scary smile and ignored them. Not that Nathan was arguing. He always agreed to Dan's requests for practice simply because he had no idea what was going on and didn't want to reject Dan that severely. What he discovered, after all the pressure vanished, was that he genuinely enjoyed playing with Dan. They could have fun. Dan still got competitive, but Nathan had developed a strategy for that, and would start playing poorly as soon as Dan got aggressive. That would always make him stop and though the old Dan would probably have started haranguing him about his focus sliding and not giving in to pressure, this new, weird Dan would offer to help him fix whatever he was having trouble with. Nathan had no idea if this was what having a father was supposed to be like, but all-in-all he really liked it.

"Next case!" The bailiff's voice completely startled him out of his reverie. They were once again standing outside Judge Krueger's courtroom, awaiting their day in court on permanent custody. Mrs. Plumber had arrived with Whitey, and given him a smile and quick wink when noone else was looking. Nathan had grinned and returned a thumbs-up and everyone found their way into the courtroom. The judge swept in and got right down to business. "And here we all are again, together with some new friends. New people, introduce yourselves, starting with you," she said, pointing to Whitey. After that was disposed her, she called Elizabeth to the stand.

"Miss Holly, I understand you have some progress to report."

"Yes your honor. I was asked by the court to specifically address two issues, the relationship between Lucas and Nathan and the relationship between Dan and Nathan. The first appears to be almost entirely addressed. Luke and Nathan have healed the division between them and appear well on their way to developing a normal relationship as brothers."

"Thank you. Before we get to the second, let's stay on this one for a bit. What precipitated this blessed event, may I ask?"

The therapist grinned. "They were... stranded together, rather far from home. It gave them an opportunity to air some of their grievances."

"Ah yes," said the judge, looking at her notes. "It says here we have you to thank, Mr. Durham. I would be remiss if I didn't add that putting two young boys off a bus far from home is hardly a tactic I'd advocate in the future, despite the happy outcome."

"Your honor, it was an extraordinary action for an extraordinary situation. If I never have such a pair on my team again as Lucas and Nathan before that night, I'll consider my life complete."

"I suspect you're right, Coach. Lucas."

"Yes your honor?" Lucas remembered his encounter with the judge in Las Vegas, and was a little scared.

"What do you have to say? Have you reconciled yourself with whatever it was that made you dislike Nathan at first?"

Lucas looked down then up again. "Your honor, I can't help it. I still feel like Dad cheated on Mom when he hooked up with Nathan's mother. Mom keeps telling me that she doesn't feel that way, but he knew she was pregnant. Even if they were technically broken up or on a break or whatever, that's still cheating to me. I hated the idea, so I hated Nathan. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn't his fault. Dude, I'm so, so sorry." This last was to Nathan who just nodded in acknowledgment.

"I'm very pleased to hear you say that Lucas. Nathan, anything to add on this subject?"

"Not really, your honor. We both did stuff while we were fighting that we are still making up for, but we're working through it and learning how to be brothers."

"Excellent. Then we can put that issue to rest. Now, on the second issue. Miss Holly, would you care to report on how things are getting on between Nathan and his father?"

Elizabeth paused, and considered her reply. "To be honest, your honor, if we were having this hearing a month ago, I would have to report that it was not what I considered to be a sound and healthy parent child relationship. Mr. Scott has a temper and puts an inordinate amount of pressure on both boys to excel, which to him means only to excel at basketball. Nothing else seems to be a part of the metric. I once asked him about Nathan's grades, and he didn't know off the top of his head. However, recent events have caused me to revise that opinion."

"You are referring to this episode three weeks ago."

"Yes, your honor. That seems to have functioned as some kind of wake up call for Mr. Scott, and the alteration in his behavior has been extraordinary. I cannot however, testify as to whether the change is permanent, it being so recent."

"Of course. Mr. Durham, you've probably known Mr. Scott the longest and know the most about his personality. Would you care to comment?"

Whitey stood. "Your honor, I've known Dan Scott since he was 11 years old and trying to get me to let him on the team with his older brother Keith. Since Lucas hit the squad Danny's done nothing but make my life miserable. Well, last week we made the post-season and he didn't even come over to gloat that it was all 'cause of his boys, even though it was. I gotta figure when Nathan cracked up, that just put the fear of God in him, cause I ain't never seen him like this. I have no idea who this guy even is."

Nathan winced a little at Whitey's typifying his little incident as 'cracking up', then looked over at Dan to see what he was thinking of all this frank and honest analysis of his character. He looked positively ashen.

"An honest answer, Mr. Durham. Thank you. Now I think it's time to hear from the boy at the center of this. Nathan, would you come up here and take the seat by me?" Elizabeth removed herself from the stand and Nathan took her spot. "What say you, Mr. Carver? We've heard that your father is a changed man, is he changed enough to be the father you need?"

Nathan cleared his throat nervously. "Ma'am, can I be honest?"

"I would hope for nothing less, Nathan."

"I don't think that's the right question."

The judge arched her eyebrow. "Really. And why not?"

"Because... I think my mom can explain it better." He reached into his jacket and pulled out an envelope. "Those letters she wrote Dan and Karen? She wrote me one too. She'd rewrite it every year on my birthday. Do you mind if I read the last one?"

"Please."

He cleared his throat again.

"My dear sweet boy:

If you are reading this that can mean only that I am gone and you are off to live with your father. Maybe you've met him already, and maybe you haven't, but I'll get to that later. What I want you to know first, last, and always, is that you could not have been any more perfect a son. You are the source of all joy in my life and there is nothing on this earth that could have made me trade one minute with you. The day you were born is the day I knew real love, and that feeling has never left me once in the 15 years since.

Now, for whatever reason I have had to leave you. I would never have wished this on you, my child, who has never known any family but me in the whole world, but I truly believe that you will be fine. I've tried to not tell you much about Dan, simply because we were together so briefly and I didn't want to get anything wrong, but I can tell you he is a good man, and he was a devoted enough father to return to Karen and their son when he knew it was necessary. Yes, you have a brother. I don't know his name, but I know he has good parents, so I believe he will be good as well.

I'm selfish enough to not regret keeping you to myself all these years, but now that is no longer possible, so I am sending you to the best place you could possibly be. You are going to have a real family, Nathan, the one thing I could never give you. Consider this my final bequest to you. Try and learn from them as you learned from me, and I learned from you. Make them your life and your home as you and I have made each other our life and home. I will be watching you always, Nathan. Make me proud."

Nathan folded up the letter and put it back in his pocket. He'd made it through with only the slightest breaks and trembles in his voice, and now he felt empty, like every piece of him was open, exposed. Karen was weeping, while Lucas looked like he was about to. Dan's face was hidden in his hands, his arms trembling. Whitey had given up all pretense and wrapped his arm around Mrs. Plumber, eyes red. Even the lawyers and Mrs. Lawlor looked like they were only barely keeping it together. Judge Krueger squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "Tell me, young man, did the men who killed your mother receive the death penalty?"

"Pled out, your honor. Life without parole."

"Good," she said. "That means I can drive over the Nevada and beat the living shit out of them for murdering such a rare person. Thank you for sharing her words with us."

"Yes, ma'am."

"But, now you must tell me why I asked the wrong question."

Nathan looked down again. "She told me what I had to do, and I didn't do it. I only did what Dan told me, because he was my father, this mythical creature I'd always wanted without knowing anything about what having one meant. I thought it meant pleasing him, and being what he wanted me to be. I forgot her last words. Family learns from each other, and I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain. So I let him dictate everything about me and change me without giving anything back in return. I thought how he thought, and believed what he believed, because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. That was what set up the fight with Lucas at that game. That was the same night I realized what was going on, but he was still there. Lucas and I tried to use The Art of War to come up with this ridiculous revenge plot to try and change Dan, and I didn't even realize that that was the kind of thing he would do. He was still in my head, whispering and I couldn't hear anyone else. It's like I had done too good a job of blocking my past and starting over, and I'd forgotten everything Mom ever said. I had to let her back in. When I did, well, you know what happened. I freaked out. But that turned out to be a good thing. Because I saw what I had done. You can't have a present without a past. You can't have a future without both. And you can't have a family without everyone's pasts and presences interacting and shaping each other's futures. So don't ask if Dan has changed enough. Ask if I have, ask if Lucas or Karen or Mrs. Plumber or Whitey or Keith has. Because we all let him do this to us. We're as much to blame as he is."

The silence that had followed the letter was nothing to what came after Nathan finished this time. It was as if someone had set off a stun grenade in the room, and noone knew what to do after the boom and the flash. Noone seemed to breathe or move, for an eternity. Finally Judge Krueger
shook herself and woke up. "Mr. Carver, you are truly wise beyond your years." She turned to
Dan. "Care to respond, Mr. Scott?"

Dan stood. He'd been feeling nauseous since before Nathan had read Deb's letter, and hearing about how his boys had felt the need to launch some kind of revenge against him had set up a weird fluttering in his chest. He felt like he couldn't breathe. "Your honor," he gasped, and then stopped because all the air was leaving the room, no air, and everyone was looking at him, and they were sucking all the air from the room getting smaller why the room smaller, but there was no time no time to wonder about the shrinking room because he was on the floor and all the people were around him shouting stop shouting using all the oxygen and one face swam into
focus his son so recently discovered so new so much like his mother so smart his boy last chance and reaching up arm hurting so badly being stabbed must tell smart boy with mother's eyes
whispering "Three weeks wasn't enough" before the tiny airless room and all the people swam away across the night sky over the Nevada desert.