Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or anything that comes with it. Big, rich companies own it. I do not. So please, this is just me practicing my writing skills so that hopefully, one day I can get into college and be able to afford it.
R&R please. I will take requests on the people I should write. This one is Chibi-Usa's story. Although she's not one of my favorite characters, she is Mamoru's daughter, and therefore one of the closest people to his being.
Each chapter will have a overlap, so it won't pick up right where the last one left off. This one begins in the middle of Blue as the Lover, where the inner senshi and Chibi-Usa visit Usagi and Mamoru in the hospital
Winter Blues
Chapter 2: Blue as the Daughter
I sit in the waiting room, where Makoto told me to. I sit and wait. Something has happened to otou-san, I know it.
There is a pile of gifts next to me. They're from Makoto, Ami and Minako. They're for my okaa-san. Well, really, she's still only Usagi and he's only Mamoru, but I like calling them kaa-san and tou-san. They will be in the future.
She's in there, with otou-san. After that man called last night telling okaa-san to go to the hospital, she didn't come home.
I look at the tiled floors as I kick my feet. Why are hospitals always white, pale blue, or pale green? That's all I've ever seen hospitals colored.
Neo-Queen Serenity-sama sent me back in time again. She wants me to learn a "very important" lesson, as she puts it. I don't know what this lesson is, but somehow, I'm supposed to find out simply by being here.
Mako-chan returns for me. Come, she says. Someone needs you right now. I follow her into the room. I see okaa-san. I run into her arms. She shushes me, and says, Don't cry, Chibi-Usa, honey. It's OK, I'm here.
I love her. I don't tell her this because in reality, she is not my okaa-san. She is the past self of my real okaa-san. So I think she can wait for me to tell her I love her.
In the hospital room, I see otou-san's past self lying on the hospital bed, tubes and things going into and coming out of him. I see a bag of blood slowly dripping into him. I want to cry, but I swallow the tears for later. I'm a lady, however small, and ladies don't cry. Instead, I ask okaa-san if tou-san is going to be OK. I also ask her what is wrong with him.
I don't know sweetie, she replies. But tou-san will be OK, don't you worry. He's just a little sick right now; he'll be OK as soon as the doctors make him all better, OK?
I nod. I don't think it's OK, or else okaa-san wouldn't be on the verge of tears. She talks with the other girls for awhile. Ami-chan tells her she should go home. She answers that she need to be with otou-san. She says that all he has are herself and me.
I'll stay, kaa-san, I offer. I don't want otou-san to be alone on Christmas, either, but he's not very good company the way he is, and I don't want okaa-san to be alone either. She refuses, and makes us leave.
The girls take me to Crown Arcade. We get milkshakes; Ami-chan pays for mine. Motoki-kun comes back to our table with five milkshakes; chocolate for me, Makoto, and Minako, and vanilla for Ami and Rei. I want chocolate; I like chocolate when I'm upset. The dark color and slightly bitter taste is comforting. Rei has always liked vanilla. She says that the white is almost like eating something to blot out the red anger or black hurt inside her. I don't know what she means; how can your emotions have colors, and how can a milkshake cover them up? But Rei-chan is smart like that. She gets things I don't, or can't.
Motoki-kun gives me my milkshake. I take a gulp, but find it hard to swallow. There is something in my throat, something bitterer than the bitterest of medicines. Where are Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun? Motoki asks. He doesn't know yet. Ami explains to him what happened to otou-san, and how okaa-san is in the hospital with him. That's awful! he gasps. Reika and I will be sure to visit them later today. Visiting hours end at four, right? Ami nods, and he thanks her and walks away.
Later that day, the girls drop me off at okaa-san's home. I am careful to refer to okaa-san as Usagi-chan though. Her parents do not know the real truth of our family. They don't know that I am Mamoru and Usagi's daughter. My imagination shows me an image of Kenji-san after he finds out. I giggle; the image isn't pretty. They know about what happened to my otou-san, their future son-in-law, and what happened to him, and why okaa-san is there with him, but they won't visit until tomorrow. Tomorrow, I won't go with them. I don't want to see otou-san looking so dead again. He isn't dead, and he will be OK. I'm still here, still in existence. That means he must pull through this; that means he must survive.
It is December 27. Okaa-san just came home. How in kami-sama did you get home? Kenji-san asks. And why are you so wet? he adds, obviously looking at her soaked-to-the-bone state.
I walked, she replies dully.
I gasp. She walked all those miles from the hospital here? Oh kaa-san, I whisper.
Ikuko-mama springs up. You what!? she cries. You must be freezing! And she is. I can tell. She's shivering, and her lips are blue. But her eyes - her eyes are the coldest part of her body. Ikuko-mama starts fussing about her. She tells Shingo to draw a hot bath and Kenji-san to make hot tea. Meanwhile, she pushes okaa-san into her bedroom and towels her dry. I hug Luna to my chest; Luna has not seen okaa-san since she left for the hospital. She tells me to put her down, and she runs off after those two. I sit on the bottom step of the stairs. I cannot do anything for okaa-san that neither Ikuko-mama nor Luna can do; I would just get in the way. I wonder how otou-san is doing.
I am so useless. I'm not really a part of this family. I mean, the rest of them all take care of a member of their family so collectively. Each one of them takes part in making sure my okaa-san doesn't get sick. And me? I do nothing. I can't do anything, because I am a worthless, useless, CHILD. Is this what Neo-Queen Serenity-sama's wanted me to learn? I rest my head on the stairway railing. I've learned my lesson kaa-san, I whimper into the cool wood. I know now - you always thought I was annoying. You always thought I was just an annoyance that entered your life to take away from your time with your friends and tou-san. Please, just let me come home. I promise - I'll stop being annoying. You won't even notice I'm there. Please - just don't make me stay here when you and tou-san are going through so much. Please…
It must be me. There is no other explanation. I mean, okaa-san is breaking up with otou-san. Yesterday, Ikuko-mama made sure okaa-san went off to bed immediately after forcing her into the bath and forcing her to drink the tea. She said that whatever reason okaa-san had for breaking up with otou-san, it must be reasonable and justified, and therefore could always wait until tomorrow. Well, it is now "tomorrow," and she just told the family. Kenji-san, who has only recently accepted otou-san as his future son-in-law, looks happy. Never mind, he is now frowning. I crawl into okaa-san's lap at the same time Luna curls around her neck. She hugs me and nuzzles Luna. Why? Ikuko-mama asks. You and he love each other so…
Okaa-san doesn't respond. She just stares glumly at the coffee table. She hugs me tighter though. I think if she hugs any tighter, I won't be able to breath. I wonder what will happen to me. If okaa-san doesn't marry otou-san, then I won't be born. How can I be? Oh but how can I be so selfish? Okaa-san is obviously hurting. I see tears welling up in her eyes, but she blinks them away. She is already becoming like my real okaa-san - her future self. She refuses to cry, just like a real lady. She is so different from when I last visited, when she would cry over anything. But, she is upset.
It has to be me. I am so selfish, while the two of them are so giving. I always think of myself first. Just now, I had thought of what would happen to me, instead of what would happen to them two. I mean, okaa-san and otou-san have the strongest bond anyone could have - a soulmate bond.
Okaa-san gets up. She sits me down on the couch, and puts Luna in my lap. I am going back, she announces. He shouldn't have to be alone. Even if he and I are not meant to be, he should not be alone. Kenji-san won't let her walk though. Ikuko-mama helps them compromise - she calls Haruka-chan and has her drive over.
Can I go with you? You really shouldn't be alone there - what if you get sick or something?
She glares at me. It's OK, she bits out. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.
I sink back into the cushions. Yes, I'm useless. So why doesn't kaa-san call me home? That must be what she wants me to learn, so why can't I go home already? Or is that a part of the lesson? She doesn't want me home, so she decided to just leave me here? I just hope that whenever I am, I can stop being such a pest to okaa-san and otou-san. Oh… is it me? Is that why otou-san's in the hospital? Could I have put him there? Maybe I was so annoying he, I don't know, couldn't take it anymore?
My New Year's resolution is to stop being such a pain. In fact, I will become the perfect lady. That way, otou-san will get better quicker, and okaa-san will see that there is nothing wrong with her, and that it's all my fault, and will take him back. It is not New Year's yet, but I must start practicing now. Besides, I'm already ten; I should be acting more like a lady. In exactly half a year, I'll be eleven. Luna-P is going over the rules of etiquette with me right now. I practice curtsies, pleases, thank you's and your welcome's, smiling grac… graciou… kindly like okaa-san, and other things Luna-P thinks I ought to be able to do. Luna-P also gives me make-believe scena…scenar…scenes to teach me the proper responses. I will become a lady, and otou-san and okaa-san will see that they are doing a good job raising me.
I ask Luna-P for a break. She floats a little off onto the windowsill. I lay down on the bed and think. I wonder what I could've done to make okaa-san so upset and ready to leave otou-san. I think about the past, back to the Dark Moon Family times. That could've started it. I mean, otou-san was spending all his time with me and nearly none with okaa-san. He even broke up with her. And I kept calling him my boyfriend and making fun of her. I was such a child back then, I don't know how she put up with me. No, wait, she didn't. I giggle, but Luna-P glares at me. I immediately stop. Ladies do not giggle, especially when their father is in a coma and their mother is ready to break up with him, all because of them.
I sigh. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe they are better off without me. I haven't seen nor heard okaa-san since Haruka picked her up two days ago. I worry about her. I hope she didn't try walking anywhere in that snow again.
Okaa-san did say she and I were otou-san's only family. But then why doesn't she want me to be with her? It must be because of something I've done. And she won't tell me what is wrong with otou-san either. Why does he have blood dripping into him? He didn't have any bandages, except around his lower arms, so he couldn't have been in an accident. Something must have happened to his arms.
I'm so confused! I don't know why otou-san won't wake up, and I don't know why okaa-san is so upset, and I don't know what I did wrong but I know I did something! Why can't life be simple again? Is this Neo-Queen Serenity-sama's "very important" lesson? That life isn't simple? Or that sometimes people get sick or upset and you don't know what to do but you know you did something and you feel horrible about it? Kaa-san, I've learned my lesson! I cry out into the room. Please! Take me home! I don't want to see any more of this suffering! Tears stream down my face, but I make no effort to wipe them away.
I fell asleep in that position that day. Luna came in and covered me up with a blanket. I don't know how she managed to do it, but somehow, that cat did. I wish I had her ability to sense what other people need. She always knows what to say to cheer up okaa-san, or to give courage to the senshi, or to help put things into perceptive for otou-san. She figured out so easily that I needed a blanket, and she was able to get me one. If I were more like her, I would be able to figure out what otou-san needs, and what okaa-san needs. Then I could help otou-san so he would wake up, and I could help okaa-san so she won't break up with otou-san. I know I'm not perfect; I'm not asking to be perfect. I doubt anyone really is perfect. All I want to be is just a little better. Just a little - enough so that I can be a better daughter to the two who have taken such good care of me.
Artemis is here now, too. He was just over at Ami's, who got an update on otou-san's condition. He says otou-san awoke earlier today. I am glad; at least otou-san has a chance at winning back okaa-san now. But he says that okaa-san looks more depressed than when he was still sleeping. I wish I were there to comfort her. I don't think okaa-san really wants to break up with otou-san. Honest. I think there's another reason she's breaking up with him. It's possible it's my fault; somehow, everything always is. I mean, back in the days of the Dark Moon Family, if I had been a good girl, I wouldn't have taken the ginzuishou, and Neo-Queen Serenity-sama would've had the ginzuishou to fight the Dark Moon Family and she wouldn't have been put into that crystal thing. Also, if I hadn't been outside the castle, then she wouldn't have had to come look for me, so she wouldn't have even been in the line of fire of the enemy. As if that wasn't enough, the only reason Wiseman almost succeeded was because I listened to him and became Wicked Lady and helped him open up the Dark Gate. It was my fault. Then with the Amazoness Quartet, Helios nearly couldn't come help us because I was selfish and I got what I wanted. I became an adult and Helios couldn't come help the senshi fight. That was all my fault, too. Then of course, there were the Death Busters. All because I couldn't let the Outers harm Hotaru, Mistress Nine came out, and she even took my heart crystal. All my fault, once again. Everything is always my fault. And when you think about it, for most of those events, I really wasn't even alive! I hadn't even been born yet, and I was causing all that trouble. I really am a very bad person.
Ikuko-mama walks into the room. How am I feeling? I can't let her know that I know that otou-san woke up, so I tell her I feel the same as usual. Really? Mamoru-san woke up? I fake looking really excited, when I actually already know more than she does. After all, can't let the truth out. We're going to go visit them today? OK. I'll get ready.
She leaves. I change, and tell Artemis and Luna to behave while we go visit my parents. Of course they will; cats over a millennia years old who once helped run a kingdom don't need to be told to behave. Unlike me - I am not as old nor as wise as they are. I wish I were more wise, and had the knowledge, grace, attitude, and carriage they do. If I could be more like the two guardian cats, I'd know why otou-san is so sick, and I'd know what I did wrong, and I'd know how to become a better daughter. I probably also wouldn't do whatever it was, and they wouldn't be in that mess. Cats are such wise creatures. I am so jealous of their behavior. I mean, they're cats. Mere guardians. I am a princess, and yet they know more than I do about how to be a person. How to act towards one's superiors, in their case, and parents, in mine.
I get into the taxi Kenji-san called. Kenji-san sits in the passenger seat. Ikuko-mama sits behind him. I sit in the middle, squished between Shingo and Ikuko-mama. Shingo is upset. It's obvious - he's not playing any video game or anything. Before, on trips to even the nearest of places, such as the hospital, he always had a game out. But not today - no, today he left the games at home. It is like a sign of respect for my otou-san. How strange - he already is respecting otou-san, when in the future, he will respect him so much more.
I wish I had shown otou-san the same respect Shingo is showing him now. I wish I had shown okaa-san that respect too. They are my parents; they deserve the highest degrees of respect from me. I'm a horrible daughter. Even Shingo would make a better Neo-Prince of Crystal Tokyo than I a Neo-Princess. At least he can feel when something is wrong and knows he shouldn't be doing things such as play video games. I hate myself. I am a princess. I have had the training of a princess, and a senshi. And yet, a common boy - my uncle, but a common boy without training nonetheless - has bested me as far as being a polite person and member of society goes. He knows how to show respect to his elders, while I, a princess, still have not gotten it.
When we get into the hospital, okaa-san is already in the room. We enter, and she stands up. I see a stack of books next to her - the only title I can make out is "Mela…to…nin". Melatonin. I whisper it, getting a feel of the word.
Ot…Mamoru-san! I cry, as I look up from the book and see otou-san's blue eyes smiling at me. My parents' faces change for a split second when I slipped and almost called him otou-san in front of Ikuko-mama and the family, but the smiles immediately return as they greet us. I run up to otou-san's bed, and Kenji-san lifts me up to the bed. How are you feeling? I ask, looking at him. He tells me he feels fine, and asks me how I am. I grin at him and describe the presents the girls got me for Christmas. He smiles back and tells me that's nice and how nice the girls are. I'm about to ask him why Usagi-chan is going to break up with him, but okaa-san lifts me off the bed and tells me that Mamoru-san is still sick, and so I shouldn't talk to him too much or he'll be even more tired. Ikuko-mama tells us to go wait for them out in the waiting room.
So here I am again, sitting in the same seat I was almost a week ago. I pull my knees up to my chest and I rock myself back and forth. Shingo just stares at the wall. I don't get it. Otou-san isn't that sick, is he? Did I make him sick? Am I the real reason okaa-san wants to break up with him? Is it because she's afraid that if she marries him, then they'd be bound to have me as a child, and that thought frightens her so much she'd just rather not marry him at all? Oh kami-sama, what if that's it? It must be - that's the only reason she could have for wanting not wanting to be with someone she obviously loves so much.
It's the third - four days after otou-san woke up. He is being discharged from the hospital today. For the past four days, okaa-san hasn't left the hospital at all. She says that because otou-san is awake, he needs her company, needs her there, more than ever before. The doorbell rings, and Haruka calls out for someone to hurry up and open the door. I run down the hall and down the stairs. I hope I am the first to get there. I reach the main hallway, only to see Shingo taking otou-san's arm, and he and Haruka helping otou-san into the house. Otou-san looks awful - he looks even worse than when we visited him when he just awoke.
Mamoru-san! Mamoru-san! I hop up and down as I watch the three maneuver their way to the couch. Haruka and Shingo lay him down on it, and I see him wince in pain. Mamoru-san, are you OK? I walk up to the couch and kneel in front of him. Wait, where's Usagi-chan? Otou-san's grimace deepens. I turn to Haruka. Where is she?
Okaa-san walks in the door just then. She closes the door, and I run to hug her. Usagi-chan, why is Mamoru-san so upset? She grimaces.
Oh no you didn't really break the engagement, did you? Shingo asks.
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So, hate it? Love it? Want more? C&C or email! (lady_of_light00@hotmail.com)
Cliffhanger, yes? ^_^ my first real cliffhanger - did Usagi really break up with Mamoru? What will happen now? And don't expect the next chapter to cover that - the next chapter will be Motoki. ^_^ The chapter after Motoki will be Mamoru. I got a request for Mamoru! But I didn't see it until I already got Motoki's planned out, so his will come first.
Once again - the point of this fic is to encourage people who think someone they know, be it themselves or an acquaintance, is suffering from depression or other psychological disorders to seek help. It can affect other people, too - more than you think.
Lady of Light
1/03
R&R please. I will take requests on the people I should write. This one is Chibi-Usa's story. Although she's not one of my favorite characters, she is Mamoru's daughter, and therefore one of the closest people to his being.
Each chapter will have a overlap, so it won't pick up right where the last one left off. This one begins in the middle of Blue as the Lover, where the inner senshi and Chibi-Usa visit Usagi and Mamoru in the hospital
Winter Blues
Chapter 2: Blue as the Daughter
I sit in the waiting room, where Makoto told me to. I sit and wait. Something has happened to otou-san, I know it.
There is a pile of gifts next to me. They're from Makoto, Ami and Minako. They're for my okaa-san. Well, really, she's still only Usagi and he's only Mamoru, but I like calling them kaa-san and tou-san. They will be in the future.
She's in there, with otou-san. After that man called last night telling okaa-san to go to the hospital, she didn't come home.
I look at the tiled floors as I kick my feet. Why are hospitals always white, pale blue, or pale green? That's all I've ever seen hospitals colored.
Neo-Queen Serenity-sama sent me back in time again. She wants me to learn a "very important" lesson, as she puts it. I don't know what this lesson is, but somehow, I'm supposed to find out simply by being here.
Mako-chan returns for me. Come, she says. Someone needs you right now. I follow her into the room. I see okaa-san. I run into her arms. She shushes me, and says, Don't cry, Chibi-Usa, honey. It's OK, I'm here.
I love her. I don't tell her this because in reality, she is not my okaa-san. She is the past self of my real okaa-san. So I think she can wait for me to tell her I love her.
In the hospital room, I see otou-san's past self lying on the hospital bed, tubes and things going into and coming out of him. I see a bag of blood slowly dripping into him. I want to cry, but I swallow the tears for later. I'm a lady, however small, and ladies don't cry. Instead, I ask okaa-san if tou-san is going to be OK. I also ask her what is wrong with him.
I don't know sweetie, she replies. But tou-san will be OK, don't you worry. He's just a little sick right now; he'll be OK as soon as the doctors make him all better, OK?
I nod. I don't think it's OK, or else okaa-san wouldn't be on the verge of tears. She talks with the other girls for awhile. Ami-chan tells her she should go home. She answers that she need to be with otou-san. She says that all he has are herself and me.
I'll stay, kaa-san, I offer. I don't want otou-san to be alone on Christmas, either, but he's not very good company the way he is, and I don't want okaa-san to be alone either. She refuses, and makes us leave.
The girls take me to Crown Arcade. We get milkshakes; Ami-chan pays for mine. Motoki-kun comes back to our table with five milkshakes; chocolate for me, Makoto, and Minako, and vanilla for Ami and Rei. I want chocolate; I like chocolate when I'm upset. The dark color and slightly bitter taste is comforting. Rei has always liked vanilla. She says that the white is almost like eating something to blot out the red anger or black hurt inside her. I don't know what she means; how can your emotions have colors, and how can a milkshake cover them up? But Rei-chan is smart like that. She gets things I don't, or can't.
Motoki-kun gives me my milkshake. I take a gulp, but find it hard to swallow. There is something in my throat, something bitterer than the bitterest of medicines. Where are Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun? Motoki asks. He doesn't know yet. Ami explains to him what happened to otou-san, and how okaa-san is in the hospital with him. That's awful! he gasps. Reika and I will be sure to visit them later today. Visiting hours end at four, right? Ami nods, and he thanks her and walks away.
Later that day, the girls drop me off at okaa-san's home. I am careful to refer to okaa-san as Usagi-chan though. Her parents do not know the real truth of our family. They don't know that I am Mamoru and Usagi's daughter. My imagination shows me an image of Kenji-san after he finds out. I giggle; the image isn't pretty. They know about what happened to my otou-san, their future son-in-law, and what happened to him, and why okaa-san is there with him, but they won't visit until tomorrow. Tomorrow, I won't go with them. I don't want to see otou-san looking so dead again. He isn't dead, and he will be OK. I'm still here, still in existence. That means he must pull through this; that means he must survive.
It is December 27. Okaa-san just came home. How in kami-sama did you get home? Kenji-san asks. And why are you so wet? he adds, obviously looking at her soaked-to-the-bone state.
I walked, she replies dully.
I gasp. She walked all those miles from the hospital here? Oh kaa-san, I whisper.
Ikuko-mama springs up. You what!? she cries. You must be freezing! And she is. I can tell. She's shivering, and her lips are blue. But her eyes - her eyes are the coldest part of her body. Ikuko-mama starts fussing about her. She tells Shingo to draw a hot bath and Kenji-san to make hot tea. Meanwhile, she pushes okaa-san into her bedroom and towels her dry. I hug Luna to my chest; Luna has not seen okaa-san since she left for the hospital. She tells me to put her down, and she runs off after those two. I sit on the bottom step of the stairs. I cannot do anything for okaa-san that neither Ikuko-mama nor Luna can do; I would just get in the way. I wonder how otou-san is doing.
I am so useless. I'm not really a part of this family. I mean, the rest of them all take care of a member of their family so collectively. Each one of them takes part in making sure my okaa-san doesn't get sick. And me? I do nothing. I can't do anything, because I am a worthless, useless, CHILD. Is this what Neo-Queen Serenity-sama's wanted me to learn? I rest my head on the stairway railing. I've learned my lesson kaa-san, I whimper into the cool wood. I know now - you always thought I was annoying. You always thought I was just an annoyance that entered your life to take away from your time with your friends and tou-san. Please, just let me come home. I promise - I'll stop being annoying. You won't even notice I'm there. Please - just don't make me stay here when you and tou-san are going through so much. Please…
It must be me. There is no other explanation. I mean, okaa-san is breaking up with otou-san. Yesterday, Ikuko-mama made sure okaa-san went off to bed immediately after forcing her into the bath and forcing her to drink the tea. She said that whatever reason okaa-san had for breaking up with otou-san, it must be reasonable and justified, and therefore could always wait until tomorrow. Well, it is now "tomorrow," and she just told the family. Kenji-san, who has only recently accepted otou-san as his future son-in-law, looks happy. Never mind, he is now frowning. I crawl into okaa-san's lap at the same time Luna curls around her neck. She hugs me and nuzzles Luna. Why? Ikuko-mama asks. You and he love each other so…
Okaa-san doesn't respond. She just stares glumly at the coffee table. She hugs me tighter though. I think if she hugs any tighter, I won't be able to breath. I wonder what will happen to me. If okaa-san doesn't marry otou-san, then I won't be born. How can I be? Oh but how can I be so selfish? Okaa-san is obviously hurting. I see tears welling up in her eyes, but she blinks them away. She is already becoming like my real okaa-san - her future self. She refuses to cry, just like a real lady. She is so different from when I last visited, when she would cry over anything. But, she is upset.
It has to be me. I am so selfish, while the two of them are so giving. I always think of myself first. Just now, I had thought of what would happen to me, instead of what would happen to them two. I mean, okaa-san and otou-san have the strongest bond anyone could have - a soulmate bond.
Okaa-san gets up. She sits me down on the couch, and puts Luna in my lap. I am going back, she announces. He shouldn't have to be alone. Even if he and I are not meant to be, he should not be alone. Kenji-san won't let her walk though. Ikuko-mama helps them compromise - she calls Haruka-chan and has her drive over.
Can I go with you? You really shouldn't be alone there - what if you get sick or something?
She glares at me. It's OK, she bits out. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.
I sink back into the cushions. Yes, I'm useless. So why doesn't kaa-san call me home? That must be what she wants me to learn, so why can't I go home already? Or is that a part of the lesson? She doesn't want me home, so she decided to just leave me here? I just hope that whenever I am, I can stop being such a pest to okaa-san and otou-san. Oh… is it me? Is that why otou-san's in the hospital? Could I have put him there? Maybe I was so annoying he, I don't know, couldn't take it anymore?
My New Year's resolution is to stop being such a pain. In fact, I will become the perfect lady. That way, otou-san will get better quicker, and okaa-san will see that there is nothing wrong with her, and that it's all my fault, and will take him back. It is not New Year's yet, but I must start practicing now. Besides, I'm already ten; I should be acting more like a lady. In exactly half a year, I'll be eleven. Luna-P is going over the rules of etiquette with me right now. I practice curtsies, pleases, thank you's and your welcome's, smiling grac… graciou… kindly like okaa-san, and other things Luna-P thinks I ought to be able to do. Luna-P also gives me make-believe scena…scenar…scenes to teach me the proper responses. I will become a lady, and otou-san and okaa-san will see that they are doing a good job raising me.
I ask Luna-P for a break. She floats a little off onto the windowsill. I lay down on the bed and think. I wonder what I could've done to make okaa-san so upset and ready to leave otou-san. I think about the past, back to the Dark Moon Family times. That could've started it. I mean, otou-san was spending all his time with me and nearly none with okaa-san. He even broke up with her. And I kept calling him my boyfriend and making fun of her. I was such a child back then, I don't know how she put up with me. No, wait, she didn't. I giggle, but Luna-P glares at me. I immediately stop. Ladies do not giggle, especially when their father is in a coma and their mother is ready to break up with him, all because of them.
I sigh. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe they are better off without me. I haven't seen nor heard okaa-san since Haruka picked her up two days ago. I worry about her. I hope she didn't try walking anywhere in that snow again.
Okaa-san did say she and I were otou-san's only family. But then why doesn't she want me to be with her? It must be because of something I've done. And she won't tell me what is wrong with otou-san either. Why does he have blood dripping into him? He didn't have any bandages, except around his lower arms, so he couldn't have been in an accident. Something must have happened to his arms.
I'm so confused! I don't know why otou-san won't wake up, and I don't know why okaa-san is so upset, and I don't know what I did wrong but I know I did something! Why can't life be simple again? Is this Neo-Queen Serenity-sama's "very important" lesson? That life isn't simple? Or that sometimes people get sick or upset and you don't know what to do but you know you did something and you feel horrible about it? Kaa-san, I've learned my lesson! I cry out into the room. Please! Take me home! I don't want to see any more of this suffering! Tears stream down my face, but I make no effort to wipe them away.
I fell asleep in that position that day. Luna came in and covered me up with a blanket. I don't know how she managed to do it, but somehow, that cat did. I wish I had her ability to sense what other people need. She always knows what to say to cheer up okaa-san, or to give courage to the senshi, or to help put things into perceptive for otou-san. She figured out so easily that I needed a blanket, and she was able to get me one. If I were more like her, I would be able to figure out what otou-san needs, and what okaa-san needs. Then I could help otou-san so he would wake up, and I could help okaa-san so she won't break up with otou-san. I know I'm not perfect; I'm not asking to be perfect. I doubt anyone really is perfect. All I want to be is just a little better. Just a little - enough so that I can be a better daughter to the two who have taken such good care of me.
Artemis is here now, too. He was just over at Ami's, who got an update on otou-san's condition. He says otou-san awoke earlier today. I am glad; at least otou-san has a chance at winning back okaa-san now. But he says that okaa-san looks more depressed than when he was still sleeping. I wish I were there to comfort her. I don't think okaa-san really wants to break up with otou-san. Honest. I think there's another reason she's breaking up with him. It's possible it's my fault; somehow, everything always is. I mean, back in the days of the Dark Moon Family, if I had been a good girl, I wouldn't have taken the ginzuishou, and Neo-Queen Serenity-sama would've had the ginzuishou to fight the Dark Moon Family and she wouldn't have been put into that crystal thing. Also, if I hadn't been outside the castle, then she wouldn't have had to come look for me, so she wouldn't have even been in the line of fire of the enemy. As if that wasn't enough, the only reason Wiseman almost succeeded was because I listened to him and became Wicked Lady and helped him open up the Dark Gate. It was my fault. Then with the Amazoness Quartet, Helios nearly couldn't come help us because I was selfish and I got what I wanted. I became an adult and Helios couldn't come help the senshi fight. That was all my fault, too. Then of course, there were the Death Busters. All because I couldn't let the Outers harm Hotaru, Mistress Nine came out, and she even took my heart crystal. All my fault, once again. Everything is always my fault. And when you think about it, for most of those events, I really wasn't even alive! I hadn't even been born yet, and I was causing all that trouble. I really am a very bad person.
Ikuko-mama walks into the room. How am I feeling? I can't let her know that I know that otou-san woke up, so I tell her I feel the same as usual. Really? Mamoru-san woke up? I fake looking really excited, when I actually already know more than she does. After all, can't let the truth out. We're going to go visit them today? OK. I'll get ready.
She leaves. I change, and tell Artemis and Luna to behave while we go visit my parents. Of course they will; cats over a millennia years old who once helped run a kingdom don't need to be told to behave. Unlike me - I am not as old nor as wise as they are. I wish I were more wise, and had the knowledge, grace, attitude, and carriage they do. If I could be more like the two guardian cats, I'd know why otou-san is so sick, and I'd know what I did wrong, and I'd know how to become a better daughter. I probably also wouldn't do whatever it was, and they wouldn't be in that mess. Cats are such wise creatures. I am so jealous of their behavior. I mean, they're cats. Mere guardians. I am a princess, and yet they know more than I do about how to be a person. How to act towards one's superiors, in their case, and parents, in mine.
I get into the taxi Kenji-san called. Kenji-san sits in the passenger seat. Ikuko-mama sits behind him. I sit in the middle, squished between Shingo and Ikuko-mama. Shingo is upset. It's obvious - he's not playing any video game or anything. Before, on trips to even the nearest of places, such as the hospital, he always had a game out. But not today - no, today he left the games at home. It is like a sign of respect for my otou-san. How strange - he already is respecting otou-san, when in the future, he will respect him so much more.
I wish I had shown otou-san the same respect Shingo is showing him now. I wish I had shown okaa-san that respect too. They are my parents; they deserve the highest degrees of respect from me. I'm a horrible daughter. Even Shingo would make a better Neo-Prince of Crystal Tokyo than I a Neo-Princess. At least he can feel when something is wrong and knows he shouldn't be doing things such as play video games. I hate myself. I am a princess. I have had the training of a princess, and a senshi. And yet, a common boy - my uncle, but a common boy without training nonetheless - has bested me as far as being a polite person and member of society goes. He knows how to show respect to his elders, while I, a princess, still have not gotten it.
When we get into the hospital, okaa-san is already in the room. We enter, and she stands up. I see a stack of books next to her - the only title I can make out is "Mela…to…nin". Melatonin. I whisper it, getting a feel of the word.
Ot…Mamoru-san! I cry, as I look up from the book and see otou-san's blue eyes smiling at me. My parents' faces change for a split second when I slipped and almost called him otou-san in front of Ikuko-mama and the family, but the smiles immediately return as they greet us. I run up to otou-san's bed, and Kenji-san lifts me up to the bed. How are you feeling? I ask, looking at him. He tells me he feels fine, and asks me how I am. I grin at him and describe the presents the girls got me for Christmas. He smiles back and tells me that's nice and how nice the girls are. I'm about to ask him why Usagi-chan is going to break up with him, but okaa-san lifts me off the bed and tells me that Mamoru-san is still sick, and so I shouldn't talk to him too much or he'll be even more tired. Ikuko-mama tells us to go wait for them out in the waiting room.
So here I am again, sitting in the same seat I was almost a week ago. I pull my knees up to my chest and I rock myself back and forth. Shingo just stares at the wall. I don't get it. Otou-san isn't that sick, is he? Did I make him sick? Am I the real reason okaa-san wants to break up with him? Is it because she's afraid that if she marries him, then they'd be bound to have me as a child, and that thought frightens her so much she'd just rather not marry him at all? Oh kami-sama, what if that's it? It must be - that's the only reason she could have for wanting not wanting to be with someone she obviously loves so much.
It's the third - four days after otou-san woke up. He is being discharged from the hospital today. For the past four days, okaa-san hasn't left the hospital at all. She says that because otou-san is awake, he needs her company, needs her there, more than ever before. The doorbell rings, and Haruka calls out for someone to hurry up and open the door. I run down the hall and down the stairs. I hope I am the first to get there. I reach the main hallway, only to see Shingo taking otou-san's arm, and he and Haruka helping otou-san into the house. Otou-san looks awful - he looks even worse than when we visited him when he just awoke.
Mamoru-san! Mamoru-san! I hop up and down as I watch the three maneuver their way to the couch. Haruka and Shingo lay him down on it, and I see him wince in pain. Mamoru-san, are you OK? I walk up to the couch and kneel in front of him. Wait, where's Usagi-chan? Otou-san's grimace deepens. I turn to Haruka. Where is she?
Okaa-san walks in the door just then. She closes the door, and I run to hug her. Usagi-chan, why is Mamoru-san so upset? She grimaces.
Oh no you didn't really break the engagement, did you? Shingo asks.
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So, hate it? Love it? Want more? C&C or email! (lady_of_light00@hotmail.com)
Cliffhanger, yes? ^_^ my first real cliffhanger - did Usagi really break up with Mamoru? What will happen now? And don't expect the next chapter to cover that - the next chapter will be Motoki. ^_^ The chapter after Motoki will be Mamoru. I got a request for Mamoru! But I didn't see it until I already got Motoki's planned out, so his will come first.
Once again - the point of this fic is to encourage people who think someone they know, be it themselves or an acquaintance, is suffering from depression or other psychological disorders to seek help. It can affect other people, too - more than you think.
Lady of Light
1/03