Il futuro, come lei voleva (The future, as she wanted it)
The tree was still quite small, only just taller than the young man standing in front of it. When it wasn't painted dark pink with flowers in the spring, you might not even notice it, especially given its spot in the corner of the yard, away from the main garden and house. At the moment it was even less noticeable, the dank winter having stripped it of its greenery. To most people, it was not a special tree, but to him, it was more than the rest put together, for it was under this tree, entwined in its roots, that his mother had been returned to the earth. They had done it on her birthday rather than the first anniversary of her murder, choosing to celebrate life rather than death. He hadn't hesitated when debating what kind of tree to plant over the spot. In the hot Nevada springs she had talked frequently about missing the redbuds of the east, and now they would always be together. There was one more piece of his past in the ground as well. The minister had said "are you sure?" and they'd all said "yes" and so he'd said the words they'd written and thrown the book, with its annotations and tabs and margin notes, in the hole as well. "First time I've ever consigned an idea to the earth," he'd said afterward.
He hadn't though, not really, because you can't take an idea and excise it from your life, no more than you can remove your past, and it had taken a lot of growing and hard work to make their family. Dan had never turned into the big pussy cat one might hope, but if he was still a tiger, he was one who only rarely showed his claws, and then when he truly believed it necessary. His sons learned to pay attention to those moments, and learn from them, in a way they had never learned from him when he was all claws and no fur. He in his turn really listened to them, and learned to consider their input before making decisions, refusing them only when he had good reason. He had, for instance, refused to accede to a 17-year old Nathan's desperate pleas for a Mustang convertible, even though he had the money in his trust fund. "That money is for college and your mother did not send you to us so we could let you break your neck," he'd said, and Nathan had settled for a second-hand Taurus with a sunroof.
Overall, though, it had worked. Each one had given a little. Lucas went back to shooting guard provided that Dan never ever mention his scoring record again. Nathan had refused to change his last name but always used his middle name so there would be a Scott in there somewhere to limit the confusion when they were introduced as the Scott boys. Karen had finally let go of her anger toward Dan, as he had toward her, and while they had not reconciled and might never, there was still love there under all the rancor. It reassured both Lucas and Nathan that their parents still loved each other. And they were Nathan's parents. After much debate, the second adoption had gone through, although by common consent Nathan never called her Mom. To do so was too much like replacing Her, and just as he would not change his name, he would not overwrite her identity.
While in theory he still lived full time with Dan while Lucas bounced back and forth, those distinctions had long since broken down and the truth was they could be at either house at any time on no particular schedule. Noone really seemed to mind, since they were right across the street from each other. It was in a new house that stood the tree, and the boy, with a book and ashes beneath their feet. Dan had made good on his promise, and bought a second house for him and Nathan, as ridiculously large as his old one since there were some things about Dan that would never change. Nathan had been overjoyed at what his father had assured him was absolutely their last move, but the best part had come when he and Lucas were packing up his room, and found the poster, dusty, battered, and forgotten in the back of the closet. Lucas had run into the bathroom and vomited, after which they had both gone out on the lawn and had a ceremonial burning, scattering the last bitter ashes of their hatred for each other to the wind.
He sat on the grass, ignoring the cold crackle of the frozen dew. Today was her birthday, and he was here to celebrate and update her. She had said she would be watching, and there was so much he wanted to tell her. "Hey, Mom. Happy Birthday. Sorry it's been a while since I came to see you, but school's been insane, and what with practice and that weekend job I told you about doing clerical work in the crime lab, I'm starting to wonder if I'll survive senior year. I'm really liking the job by the way. As much as I like the idea of being a cop, I'm just not sure I can handle a job involving bullets after what happened to you. Forensics seems like it might be the right compromise. Everyone else here is good. The spot next to Karen's cafe just opened up and she's thinking about leasing it and opening a formal restaurant, so she's been locked in the kitchen cooking for the last few weeks. Susan is getting ready to retire and she and Dad are trying to structure a deal so he can buy the company. Which would be nice because then he could maybe cut back on his time a little and not work so hard. His cardiologist is worried about his blood pressure again. You'd think a guy who had a heart attack at 35 would know better, but you know Dad. He may have learned to lay off about some things, but work isn't one of them." He picked at the frozen grass wondering what to say next.
"Oh, Whitey and Ruth? Remember them? Well get this, they're living together now. I asked her why they didn't just get married and she just laughed and said 'Marriage is a young person's game, but I sure don't mind shacking up for a while.' Made Whitey turn a really interesting color. And speaking of married, guess who, of all people, has settled down. Tammi! She sent me the announcement along with a really nice note giving you all the credit. Jake and Peyton have decided to take the plunge after graduation, which is good since Jenny already thinks Peyton is her mother. You'd be so proud of our little Vegas Jenny by the way - she's only 3 and she knows the order of hands in poker. Jake says I'm corrupting her, but what can I say, she's a natural. The only problem is she calls me Uncle Vegas. I don't think she knows my real name, but it's cute. The cheerleading squad made her a little cheer uniform and miniature pom poms so now she runs around shouting 'Go Ravens!' and generally being a nuisance at games, which got us in trouble last week. Haley babysat her the rest of the game. She's good by the way, trying to choose a college, same as me. She and me and Lucas and Brooke, we decided we don't want to go to the same school because that would be too weird, but we do want to be near each other, so we're looking in the DC area because there are a lot of schools there and there's gotta be four schools that are good in English, Forensics and Criminal Science, whatever Brooke decides on, and basketball. I know, I know, but what can I say, I enjoy it, and I'm really really good. UNC and NC State were all over themselves to recruit both of us, but I'm not sure about going to school so near your family, who are still there, by the way, I checked, plus it's not like I need the scholarship. I don't know how you knew when you bought that house, but I told you what it sold for, because it was so well located to that new casino, and Dan's been really good about managing the trust, so there's enough money in there for four years of private school and then some. So thanks Mom. One more gift you're giving me from beyond the grave." The spot in the lawn where he'd been picking was by now quite denuded of grass. He leaned back on his hands, looking up at the tree and the grey winter sky beyond.
"I miss you, all the time. I miss when we used to lay in the back yard on summer nights, making up trips we could never afford to take. Remember that? We're taking one of them this year. Lucas and I have talked Haley and Brooke into going to Italy for spring break. Dad and Karen might come too, but that's a tricky area for them so we're letting them take their time to decide. We're going to go to Florence and see the Uffizi and the Basilica and the Pitti Palace like in the pictures you had, and we're going to Venice to ride in a gondola. I told Lucas we had to drink wine in the Piazza San Marco for you and he's all for it."
"I've been trying to learn a little Italian, to be ready. Did you know they have like seven different past tenses? No joke, there's one for stuff that was ongoing and one for stuff that only happened one and another one for something that happened once a really long time ago. Then there are compound forms. It's nuts. But it got me thinking. It's been almost two and a half years, but it feels like yesterday. So which form do I use for you? Is it the only once, or the only once a long time ago? Whichever it is, as long as I had to lose you, I'm glad I ended up here. It started out bad, Mom, really bad, but it ended up right where you wanted. I should have known I could trust you."
He looked back toward the house, where he could see Lucas waving at him to come in. "Listen Mom, I have to go. Dad's making dinner and then we're going to the movies. I'll come back and talk to you again soon, I promise. Maybe by then we'll have picked schools." He stood and touched his hand to his lips and then to the cold tree bark. "See you." He walked back toward his home, with a framed contract proudly displayed in the dining room. Inside waited his parents, brother, uncle, surrogate grandmother, girlfriend, college, Italy, and all the other gifts in the future tense his mother had given and continued to give him and would always continue to give him.
FINITO
The tree was still quite small, only just taller than the young man standing in front of it. When it wasn't painted dark pink with flowers in the spring, you might not even notice it, especially given its spot in the corner of the yard, away from the main garden and house. At the moment it was even less noticeable, the dank winter having stripped it of its greenery. To most people, it was not a special tree, but to him, it was more than the rest put together, for it was under this tree, entwined in its roots, that his mother had been returned to the earth. They had done it on her birthday rather than the first anniversary of her murder, choosing to celebrate life rather than death. He hadn't hesitated when debating what kind of tree to plant over the spot. In the hot Nevada springs she had talked frequently about missing the redbuds of the east, and now they would always be together. There was one more piece of his past in the ground as well. The minister had said "are you sure?" and they'd all said "yes" and so he'd said the words they'd written and thrown the book, with its annotations and tabs and margin notes, in the hole as well. "First time I've ever consigned an idea to the earth," he'd said afterward.
He hadn't though, not really, because you can't take an idea and excise it from your life, no more than you can remove your past, and it had taken a lot of growing and hard work to make their family. Dan had never turned into the big pussy cat one might hope, but if he was still a tiger, he was one who only rarely showed his claws, and then when he truly believed it necessary. His sons learned to pay attention to those moments, and learn from them, in a way they had never learned from him when he was all claws and no fur. He in his turn really listened to them, and learned to consider their input before making decisions, refusing them only when he had good reason. He had, for instance, refused to accede to a 17-year old Nathan's desperate pleas for a Mustang convertible, even though he had the money in his trust fund. "That money is for college and your mother did not send you to us so we could let you break your neck," he'd said, and Nathan had settled for a second-hand Taurus with a sunroof.
Overall, though, it had worked. Each one had given a little. Lucas went back to shooting guard provided that Dan never ever mention his scoring record again. Nathan had refused to change his last name but always used his middle name so there would be a Scott in there somewhere to limit the confusion when they were introduced as the Scott boys. Karen had finally let go of her anger toward Dan, as he had toward her, and while they had not reconciled and might never, there was still love there under all the rancor. It reassured both Lucas and Nathan that their parents still loved each other. And they were Nathan's parents. After much debate, the second adoption had gone through, although by common consent Nathan never called her Mom. To do so was too much like replacing Her, and just as he would not change his name, he would not overwrite her identity.
While in theory he still lived full time with Dan while Lucas bounced back and forth, those distinctions had long since broken down and the truth was they could be at either house at any time on no particular schedule. Noone really seemed to mind, since they were right across the street from each other. It was in a new house that stood the tree, and the boy, with a book and ashes beneath their feet. Dan had made good on his promise, and bought a second house for him and Nathan, as ridiculously large as his old one since there were some things about Dan that would never change. Nathan had been overjoyed at what his father had assured him was absolutely their last move, but the best part had come when he and Lucas were packing up his room, and found the poster, dusty, battered, and forgotten in the back of the closet. Lucas had run into the bathroom and vomited, after which they had both gone out on the lawn and had a ceremonial burning, scattering the last bitter ashes of their hatred for each other to the wind.
He sat on the grass, ignoring the cold crackle of the frozen dew. Today was her birthday, and he was here to celebrate and update her. She had said she would be watching, and there was so much he wanted to tell her. "Hey, Mom. Happy Birthday. Sorry it's been a while since I came to see you, but school's been insane, and what with practice and that weekend job I told you about doing clerical work in the crime lab, I'm starting to wonder if I'll survive senior year. I'm really liking the job by the way. As much as I like the idea of being a cop, I'm just not sure I can handle a job involving bullets after what happened to you. Forensics seems like it might be the right compromise. Everyone else here is good. The spot next to Karen's cafe just opened up and she's thinking about leasing it and opening a formal restaurant, so she's been locked in the kitchen cooking for the last few weeks. Susan is getting ready to retire and she and Dad are trying to structure a deal so he can buy the company. Which would be nice because then he could maybe cut back on his time a little and not work so hard. His cardiologist is worried about his blood pressure again. You'd think a guy who had a heart attack at 35 would know better, but you know Dad. He may have learned to lay off about some things, but work isn't one of them." He picked at the frozen grass wondering what to say next.
"Oh, Whitey and Ruth? Remember them? Well get this, they're living together now. I asked her why they didn't just get married and she just laughed and said 'Marriage is a young person's game, but I sure don't mind shacking up for a while.' Made Whitey turn a really interesting color. And speaking of married, guess who, of all people, has settled down. Tammi! She sent me the announcement along with a really nice note giving you all the credit. Jake and Peyton have decided to take the plunge after graduation, which is good since Jenny already thinks Peyton is her mother. You'd be so proud of our little Vegas Jenny by the way - she's only 3 and she knows the order of hands in poker. Jake says I'm corrupting her, but what can I say, she's a natural. The only problem is she calls me Uncle Vegas. I don't think she knows my real name, but it's cute. The cheerleading squad made her a little cheer uniform and miniature pom poms so now she runs around shouting 'Go Ravens!' and generally being a nuisance at games, which got us in trouble last week. Haley babysat her the rest of the game. She's good by the way, trying to choose a college, same as me. She and me and Lucas and Brooke, we decided we don't want to go to the same school because that would be too weird, but we do want to be near each other, so we're looking in the DC area because there are a lot of schools there and there's gotta be four schools that are good in English, Forensics and Criminal Science, whatever Brooke decides on, and basketball. I know, I know, but what can I say, I enjoy it, and I'm really really good. UNC and NC State were all over themselves to recruit both of us, but I'm not sure about going to school so near your family, who are still there, by the way, I checked, plus it's not like I need the scholarship. I don't know how you knew when you bought that house, but I told you what it sold for, because it was so well located to that new casino, and Dan's been really good about managing the trust, so there's enough money in there for four years of private school and then some. So thanks Mom. One more gift you're giving me from beyond the grave." The spot in the lawn where he'd been picking was by now quite denuded of grass. He leaned back on his hands, looking up at the tree and the grey winter sky beyond.
"I miss you, all the time. I miss when we used to lay in the back yard on summer nights, making up trips we could never afford to take. Remember that? We're taking one of them this year. Lucas and I have talked Haley and Brooke into going to Italy for spring break. Dad and Karen might come too, but that's a tricky area for them so we're letting them take their time to decide. We're going to go to Florence and see the Uffizi and the Basilica and the Pitti Palace like in the pictures you had, and we're going to Venice to ride in a gondola. I told Lucas we had to drink wine in the Piazza San Marco for you and he's all for it."
"I've been trying to learn a little Italian, to be ready. Did you know they have like seven different past tenses? No joke, there's one for stuff that was ongoing and one for stuff that only happened one and another one for something that happened once a really long time ago. Then there are compound forms. It's nuts. But it got me thinking. It's been almost two and a half years, but it feels like yesterday. So which form do I use for you? Is it the only once, or the only once a long time ago? Whichever it is, as long as I had to lose you, I'm glad I ended up here. It started out bad, Mom, really bad, but it ended up right where you wanted. I should have known I could trust you."
He looked back toward the house, where he could see Lucas waving at him to come in. "Listen Mom, I have to go. Dad's making dinner and then we're going to the movies. I'll come back and talk to you again soon, I promise. Maybe by then we'll have picked schools." He stood and touched his hand to his lips and then to the cold tree bark. "See you." He walked back toward his home, with a framed contract proudly displayed in the dining room. Inside waited his parents, brother, uncle, surrogate grandmother, girlfriend, college, Italy, and all the other gifts in the future tense his mother had given and continued to give him and would always continue to give him.
FINITO