Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or anything that comes with it. Big, rich companies own it. I do not. So please, this is just me practicing my writing skills. I need my money for college.
Erm. :bows deeply: much apologies for only recently getting back to the SM fandom. If you've been following my FFN account, you'll see I've been writing a lot of Prince of Tennis lately – it's the fandom I follow mostly now. I'm writing this I suppose 'cause my tenipuri fics are getting way too emotional for boys. This one is from Kobayashi's POV. It's short and will be connected with Saori's, which is coming up next. Then I'll get to Mamoru next, and finish it off, I suppose.
Yet again - overlap. But new stuff will come out.
Warning: Some mild language
Winter Blues
Chapter 4: Blue as the Competition
I had been researching a paper for my thesis when Motoki, a friend of a friend's from undergrad, called me. Oh hey Motoki, I say. It's been awhile, huh? He asks me about Chiba Mamoru - of course I remember him! I say. That guy that Saori liked, right? His next words are shocking - He's in the hospital.
I gasp. Mamoru… in the hospital? What the hell happened? He says Mamoru was in a coma… how can this be? I wonder. Mamoru was always so strong, so resilient. How could he be in a coma? I realize that Motoki was still talking on the phone. Hm? Visit him? All right. He tells me to meet him at some arcade, and to bring Saori.
I hang up, and look at the picture sitting on my desk, next to my phone. It is a picture of Mamoru, Saori and me, at our Azabu graduation. I haven't seen much of either of them since then, although we do talk on the phone and on the internet quite often. Actually, it's been awhile since I last spoke with Saori… It probably is time to give her a call anyway.
Saori… it's me. Hey. Yea I know; I've been busy with my thesis. Listen…
Oh geez how do I tell her this? Shimatta. I mean, she liked the guy. For all I know, she still does. And at the same time…I like her. Mamoru… temae.
Listen… There's something wrong with Mamoru. He's in the hospital. I don't know. Motoki just called. We're going to meet up at the Crown Arcade, then go visit him. Hai. Two o'clock. All right I'll drop by soon.
So I guess that's about the extent of our connection. Why does Mamoru have to be the guy with everything, and yet he still can't figure out that he's so lucky? I mean I've heard rumors about his childhood, and I feel sorry for him and all, but still, his recent past and present are so good. They must more than make up for. The girl he loves at least loves him back. As does the woman I love. Can't he see how lucky he is now, and how bright his future appears?
Wow it's cold outside today. And it's still snowing, too. As though the sky is crying perfect crystal tears for Mamoru no baka. I toss on an extra sweater and prepare to go meet Saori. Mamoru was the one with a car – the guy made enough money during his stint as a model and at his tech job to have one helluvan expensive car, even at Azubu. Seriously, the guy had everything going for him. I mean, he was good-looking – him and his young, blonde girlfriend made quite a handsomely striking couple – he was intelligent, far superior to myself naturally, and he was diligent and hard-working, not easily distracted. Sure I know his youth was difficult and he lacked the love of parents and everything, but even then, he's so lucky now. The past should remain in the past, and looking at the present and into the future, well, it's such a bright and shining future for him!
Oh wait… I turn around and backtrack a few steps. I was so lost in my thoughts I completely walked right by Saori's apartment complex. Walking into the lobby, I rub my hands as the hot blast of air greets my chilled skin. She is already there to greet me. In her black overcoat over what looked like some business suit, she looks as successful, beautiful, and independent as always. I don't see what Mamoru doesn't see in her. I mean, kami-sama she's absolutely perfect. There's an English song that this relationship reminds me of. Something like, "I remember when you fell in love, / I could not believe… / That it was not with me," and "Do you know I exist, just to promise you this, / Endlessly to be true to you, / And if you answer my prayer, / I cross my heart and I'd swear / Endlessly to be true to you". A B44 song, if I remember correctly. And "Sometimes the thing you need, / Is the one thing you can't see / If you put your faith in me, / How beautiful you and I would be."
Saori…
She walks up and hugs me. I hug her back. She fits into my body perfectly. But no, she's not mine. I let go of her for fear that I may hold on too long. Mamoru…
We head towards the Crown Arcade. Ahh.. yes now I remember… it's part of the facility Motoki-kun's family owns – the Crown Arcade and the Crown Parlor. Saori apparently remembers it well, and we go straight there without getting lost. It's amazing how strong her memory is. I mean, after all this time, and with so much on her hands, and she's still oh so much better than me at navigation, in this sense anyway. I already forgot where a good friend of mine lived. How sad.
The bell on the door rings as I push it open for Saori. Her face is blushed from the cold, scarf and all. Motoki and Reika are ready, waiting for us.
It's not like Motoki to space out. I can't believe Mamoru's child-like fit has him so worried. He walked right past Mamoru-san's room, and would've continued to the end of the corridor if Reika hadn't stopped him. I don't get it. Mamoru has his perfect girl and mine, and friends like Motoki who care so deeply about him as to visit him on Christmas Eve, when Motoki's parlor should be at its busiest, and who gets so worried as to space out when he's usually a very level-headed man. And yet he still got himself depressed. I mean if his life is an indication of a life deserving of depression, then the rest of the world should be even more depressed. What the hell was that idiot thinking?
I follow Motoki and Reika into the room. Tsukino-san is already there, and she looks totally horrible. I mean seriously, she looks as though she hasn't seen a bathroom in days. Presumably because she's been with Mamoru. I can't believe this guy. He's got a girl that cares this much for him, and he's just a self-centered little bastard who can't see how good he's got it. Still, Reika seems shocked at the woman-child's condition, and pretty much drags the woman out, presumably to get cleaned up.
While the others are concentrating on what Reika is doing, I head over to Mamoru's bedside. Mamoru no baka, wake up you bastard. I hear Saori and Motoki gasp, but I don't care. I'm still too angered at him. I heard about your attempted suicide thing. I can't believe you could be in that condition and not tell anyone! It's not like you had much to be depressed about! You have so much - a couple of girls who love you, a stable job - which, with your almost nerdy smartness, is guaranteed to get you success - a good place to live… I could feel a knot forming in my throat, but I had to continue. What could you possibly lack? And you know you could always come talk to us.
I had to stop here. Yes Mamoru you bastard. I rubbed at my eyes to keep the tears from coming. Tears of what, I am not quite sure. It could viably be anger at Mamoru's stupidity. Or, dare I believe it, it could be pity for the guy who couldn't realize what he had and almost lost it all. I look over at Saori, hoping she doesn't hate me or anything for what I've said. I can't stand it. Mamoru no baka… You've got it all, and you just don't know it. I mean, I don't know much about that Tsukino girl, but if you passed up Saori for her, she must be amazing.
A few days later, I get a follow up call from Motoki. Mamoru-san awoke? All right. Oh he's going home today? Should we visit him again? What? Usagi-chan.. You mean Tsukino-san? She broke up with him? Why? How's he taking it?
I don't know why I'm even faking all this interest in Mamoru's life. I mean, OK the blonde doesn't want him anymore; he's still got Saori. But no, Saori deserves better than the man that didn't want her first off. Not necessarily me, but definitely not Mamoru, especially not when he's so blind to what he has. Maybe this would be better for him. For a change, he could see what it's like to not have everything. To not have the woman you love love you back. Then maybe he'll realize how much life can really suck. Then maybe he'll realize how good he had it back then.
But no. Even though he is part of what's keeping Saori from me, even though he's got life so much better than me, I shouldn't wish this evil upon him. Unrequited love… that I and Saori must suffer from it is enough. It shouldn't chain off like this. It's just not right. And it's not right to wish pain upon another. I just don't know how he could possibly be so blind. I mean, what was that saying that sensei was always trying to teach us… something like you never know what you have until it's gone. Well maybe this will be a good opportunity for Mamoru to reassert what he did have, to realize how well his life was going.
Motoki and I agreed to visit Mamoru that night. Once again, I find myself calling Saori to ask her along on a visit to the same man who's keeping her unhappy. I don't know why we do this. But nonetheless, Mamoru was a good friend, and love and all that sap shouldn't be allowed in the way of friendship. Plus he's currently upset; probably when he needs us the most.
So I'm on Mamoru's doorstep. Motoki's about to knock. Why am I doing this? It's not like I necessarily still want to talk to him. I'd been upset at him just a few days ago. I steel myself up. I can't yell at him again. Not when he's now lost it all. The sound of Motoki's fists against the wooden door ring a hollow sound, but I can still feel it reverberated in my mind. The door opens. Apart from looking pale and weak and skinny, Mamoru doesn't look like one who's been in a coma. He just looks like he had a cold or something.
It's probably a good thing Saori said she had some other business to take care of tonight. It wouldn't particularly do for her to see big, strong, cool Mamoru looking so weak and helpless like this. No, not at all.
Politeness and custom is overrated, I think. Mamoru tries to serve us tea and talk about the weather. How boring. I don't want to talk about the weather. Motoki takes the glasses from him, not allowing him to serve us. How're you holding up? I ask instead. He looks at me, but it feels like he's looking right through me. Was my question not even worth that much to him? I suppose he's depressed, and I should be supporting him. But how does a guy support another guy? Especially in our case.
I leave after awhile. I think Motoki and Mamoru could probably talk better without me around. Instead, I find myself walking to Saori's apartment. I want to talk to her. I had forgotten that she was busy tonight though, as no one answers. But I can't wait any longer. Mamoru lost his love because he hid from her. I will not do the same.
0.0 Writer's block can last for over a year and come back and slam you. Honest. I'm already started on Saori's section. I want something happy to happen soon to balance it a little, don't you? Side story, I know, but eh.
Lady of Light
6/04
Erm. :bows deeply: much apologies for only recently getting back to the SM fandom. If you've been following my FFN account, you'll see I've been writing a lot of Prince of Tennis lately – it's the fandom I follow mostly now. I'm writing this I suppose 'cause my tenipuri fics are getting way too emotional for boys. This one is from Kobayashi's POV. It's short and will be connected with Saori's, which is coming up next. Then I'll get to Mamoru next, and finish it off, I suppose.
Yet again - overlap. But new stuff will come out.
Warning: Some mild language
Winter Blues
Chapter 4: Blue as the Competition
I had been researching a paper for my thesis when Motoki, a friend of a friend's from undergrad, called me. Oh hey Motoki, I say. It's been awhile, huh? He asks me about Chiba Mamoru - of course I remember him! I say. That guy that Saori liked, right? His next words are shocking - He's in the hospital.
I gasp. Mamoru… in the hospital? What the hell happened? He says Mamoru was in a coma… how can this be? I wonder. Mamoru was always so strong, so resilient. How could he be in a coma? I realize that Motoki was still talking on the phone. Hm? Visit him? All right. He tells me to meet him at some arcade, and to bring Saori.
I hang up, and look at the picture sitting on my desk, next to my phone. It is a picture of Mamoru, Saori and me, at our Azabu graduation. I haven't seen much of either of them since then, although we do talk on the phone and on the internet quite often. Actually, it's been awhile since I last spoke with Saori… It probably is time to give her a call anyway.
Saori… it's me. Hey. Yea I know; I've been busy with my thesis. Listen…
Oh geez how do I tell her this? Shimatta. I mean, she liked the guy. For all I know, she still does. And at the same time…I like her. Mamoru… temae.
Listen… There's something wrong with Mamoru. He's in the hospital. I don't know. Motoki just called. We're going to meet up at the Crown Arcade, then go visit him. Hai. Two o'clock. All right I'll drop by soon.
So I guess that's about the extent of our connection. Why does Mamoru have to be the guy with everything, and yet he still can't figure out that he's so lucky? I mean I've heard rumors about his childhood, and I feel sorry for him and all, but still, his recent past and present are so good. They must more than make up for. The girl he loves at least loves him back. As does the woman I love. Can't he see how lucky he is now, and how bright his future appears?
Wow it's cold outside today. And it's still snowing, too. As though the sky is crying perfect crystal tears for Mamoru no baka. I toss on an extra sweater and prepare to go meet Saori. Mamoru was the one with a car – the guy made enough money during his stint as a model and at his tech job to have one helluvan expensive car, even at Azubu. Seriously, the guy had everything going for him. I mean, he was good-looking – him and his young, blonde girlfriend made quite a handsomely striking couple – he was intelligent, far superior to myself naturally, and he was diligent and hard-working, not easily distracted. Sure I know his youth was difficult and he lacked the love of parents and everything, but even then, he's so lucky now. The past should remain in the past, and looking at the present and into the future, well, it's such a bright and shining future for him!
Oh wait… I turn around and backtrack a few steps. I was so lost in my thoughts I completely walked right by Saori's apartment complex. Walking into the lobby, I rub my hands as the hot blast of air greets my chilled skin. She is already there to greet me. In her black overcoat over what looked like some business suit, she looks as successful, beautiful, and independent as always. I don't see what Mamoru doesn't see in her. I mean, kami-sama she's absolutely perfect. There's an English song that this relationship reminds me of. Something like, "I remember when you fell in love, / I could not believe… / That it was not with me," and "Do you know I exist, just to promise you this, / Endlessly to be true to you, / And if you answer my prayer, / I cross my heart and I'd swear / Endlessly to be true to you". A B44 song, if I remember correctly. And "Sometimes the thing you need, / Is the one thing you can't see / If you put your faith in me, / How beautiful you and I would be."
Saori…
She walks up and hugs me. I hug her back. She fits into my body perfectly. But no, she's not mine. I let go of her for fear that I may hold on too long. Mamoru…
We head towards the Crown Arcade. Ahh.. yes now I remember… it's part of the facility Motoki-kun's family owns – the Crown Arcade and the Crown Parlor. Saori apparently remembers it well, and we go straight there without getting lost. It's amazing how strong her memory is. I mean, after all this time, and with so much on her hands, and she's still oh so much better than me at navigation, in this sense anyway. I already forgot where a good friend of mine lived. How sad.
The bell on the door rings as I push it open for Saori. Her face is blushed from the cold, scarf and all. Motoki and Reika are ready, waiting for us.
It's not like Motoki to space out. I can't believe Mamoru's child-like fit has him so worried. He walked right past Mamoru-san's room, and would've continued to the end of the corridor if Reika hadn't stopped him. I don't get it. Mamoru has his perfect girl and mine, and friends like Motoki who care so deeply about him as to visit him on Christmas Eve, when Motoki's parlor should be at its busiest, and who gets so worried as to space out when he's usually a very level-headed man. And yet he still got himself depressed. I mean if his life is an indication of a life deserving of depression, then the rest of the world should be even more depressed. What the hell was that idiot thinking?
I follow Motoki and Reika into the room. Tsukino-san is already there, and she looks totally horrible. I mean seriously, she looks as though she hasn't seen a bathroom in days. Presumably because she's been with Mamoru. I can't believe this guy. He's got a girl that cares this much for him, and he's just a self-centered little bastard who can't see how good he's got it. Still, Reika seems shocked at the woman-child's condition, and pretty much drags the woman out, presumably to get cleaned up.
While the others are concentrating on what Reika is doing, I head over to Mamoru's bedside. Mamoru no baka, wake up you bastard. I hear Saori and Motoki gasp, but I don't care. I'm still too angered at him. I heard about your attempted suicide thing. I can't believe you could be in that condition and not tell anyone! It's not like you had much to be depressed about! You have so much - a couple of girls who love you, a stable job - which, with your almost nerdy smartness, is guaranteed to get you success - a good place to live… I could feel a knot forming in my throat, but I had to continue. What could you possibly lack? And you know you could always come talk to us.
I had to stop here. Yes Mamoru you bastard. I rubbed at my eyes to keep the tears from coming. Tears of what, I am not quite sure. It could viably be anger at Mamoru's stupidity. Or, dare I believe it, it could be pity for the guy who couldn't realize what he had and almost lost it all. I look over at Saori, hoping she doesn't hate me or anything for what I've said. I can't stand it. Mamoru no baka… You've got it all, and you just don't know it. I mean, I don't know much about that Tsukino girl, but if you passed up Saori for her, she must be amazing.
A few days later, I get a follow up call from Motoki. Mamoru-san awoke? All right. Oh he's going home today? Should we visit him again? What? Usagi-chan.. You mean Tsukino-san? She broke up with him? Why? How's he taking it?
I don't know why I'm even faking all this interest in Mamoru's life. I mean, OK the blonde doesn't want him anymore; he's still got Saori. But no, Saori deserves better than the man that didn't want her first off. Not necessarily me, but definitely not Mamoru, especially not when he's so blind to what he has. Maybe this would be better for him. For a change, he could see what it's like to not have everything. To not have the woman you love love you back. Then maybe he'll realize how much life can really suck. Then maybe he'll realize how good he had it back then.
But no. Even though he is part of what's keeping Saori from me, even though he's got life so much better than me, I shouldn't wish this evil upon him. Unrequited love… that I and Saori must suffer from it is enough. It shouldn't chain off like this. It's just not right. And it's not right to wish pain upon another. I just don't know how he could possibly be so blind. I mean, what was that saying that sensei was always trying to teach us… something like you never know what you have until it's gone. Well maybe this will be a good opportunity for Mamoru to reassert what he did have, to realize how well his life was going.
Motoki and I agreed to visit Mamoru that night. Once again, I find myself calling Saori to ask her along on a visit to the same man who's keeping her unhappy. I don't know why we do this. But nonetheless, Mamoru was a good friend, and love and all that sap shouldn't be allowed in the way of friendship. Plus he's currently upset; probably when he needs us the most.
So I'm on Mamoru's doorstep. Motoki's about to knock. Why am I doing this? It's not like I necessarily still want to talk to him. I'd been upset at him just a few days ago. I steel myself up. I can't yell at him again. Not when he's now lost it all. The sound of Motoki's fists against the wooden door ring a hollow sound, but I can still feel it reverberated in my mind. The door opens. Apart from looking pale and weak and skinny, Mamoru doesn't look like one who's been in a coma. He just looks like he had a cold or something.
It's probably a good thing Saori said she had some other business to take care of tonight. It wouldn't particularly do for her to see big, strong, cool Mamoru looking so weak and helpless like this. No, not at all.
Politeness and custom is overrated, I think. Mamoru tries to serve us tea and talk about the weather. How boring. I don't want to talk about the weather. Motoki takes the glasses from him, not allowing him to serve us. How're you holding up? I ask instead. He looks at me, but it feels like he's looking right through me. Was my question not even worth that much to him? I suppose he's depressed, and I should be supporting him. But how does a guy support another guy? Especially in our case.
I leave after awhile. I think Motoki and Mamoru could probably talk better without me around. Instead, I find myself walking to Saori's apartment. I want to talk to her. I had forgotten that she was busy tonight though, as no one answers. But I can't wait any longer. Mamoru lost his love because he hid from her. I will not do the same.
0.0 Writer's block can last for over a year and come back and slam you. Honest. I'm already started on Saori's section. I want something happy to happen soon to balance it a little, don't you? Side story, I know, but eh.
Lady of Light
6/04