CHAPTER FOUR
A/N: Thanks for the reviews!: AGreatBallOfFire, JessicaPaige, jj, ER Fan, L, Margaret*Elizabeth, tars, Coffee Luv and MORT, Destiny-TWoP, dupton (I hope you feel better!), JennyGreenteeth, Mary, Randall, Melissa, NaomiP, joey, kate, and alis. You guys are great and definitely made my day! Thanks so much again. If I forgot anyone, I'm sorry!
Some parts of this chapter will include spoilers that I've read up to the first two episodes of Season 11. I didn't realize they were spoilers for Season 11 until I double-checked. *sigh* I guess we're going to have to wait for our good Luke & Sam moments until this fall. Oh well. It's worth it, right? =]
Also, I can't really remember what the hell type of car Luka drives, and I'm too lazy to go through my ER tapes, so I stuck him in a black Lexus. I don't really know why. I kind of picture him as an SUV type of guy, so maybe I'll have him trade in that Lexus for one later on in the story.
One more thing, I can't really make a good estimate about Luka's age. I don't remember ever hearing how old he was on the show. I've sort of had a few of my friends give me what they thought was a good age. I stuck him at 34. Adding in his past, estimated years of med school in Croatia, a few years before County…I ended up with 34/35. I can't picture him as really being any older than that. The real Goran is 32, so I guess 34/35/36 it is. I'll take a poll: Leave an age in your reviews, and I'll pick one. For now, he's 34 going on 35. Sorry if that seems too young or something. Can't believe I'm rambling on about this…okay! Enjoy the chapter! =]
xo; Mari
* * * *
Luka quickly avoided a collision with two paramedics and a gurney as he rushed through the ambulance bay. He spotted Sam almost halfway down the street, clearly heading away from County General as fast as she could.
"Sam!"
Sam turned her head and paused in her tracks. She was so upset at that moment that part of her brain told her feet to keep moving—run away as fast as she could. You've only been doing it your entire life. The other half of her said to wait and talk to Luka. This wasn't just something Sam could solve on her own. Whether she wanted to admit it or not right now, she needed Luka's help. Sam needed him to be there for her. And maybe, it wouldn't be so bad talking to him and letting him in.
So that's what she did. She waited as the April wind blew through her hair, letting her mind go completely blank. Sam only hoped that in the thirty seconds it would take Luka to reach her that she had something decent to say to him.
Luka found himself standing in front of Sam sooner than he had expected. They both looked at each other for what seemed like hours—but was literally only a minute or so.
Sam rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet and nervously stepped closer to him. "I—" She couldn't get the words out and furiously wiped at her eyes instead.
Luka opened his arms and pulled Sam close to him. She rested her head against his chest, letting her own arms wrap around his back. Nothing needed to be said—they simply weren't ready to face reality in that moment. For a short time, the world was shut out and it was just Luka Kovac and Sam Taggart. No one else. It wasn't until the sirens of the incoming ambulance blared that Sam finally broke the silence.
"I got your lab coat all wet," she smiled sadly.
Luka let out a laugh and kissed the top of Sam's head. "I'll wash it. I'm more worried about you right now."
"I'm fine…I just made an ass out of myself but I'm fine. At least people don't have to talk about me anymore. I think I cleared everything up for them."
"Don't worry about them. Morris should know by now that all test results are confidential. If it makes you feel any better, Kerry is probably exploding at him right now." Luka brushed a tear off her cheek with his thumb and smiled. "Have you eaten anything at all today?"
Sam shook her head. "I couldn't get anything down before my shift. Not even coffee."
"Let's get something to eat then. And talk. I think we need to."
"We can't just walk out." Although Sam really didn't care much about returning to work today, she was glad that Luka had brought up the fact that they needed to talk. For once, it was he who finally realized that it was about time to.
"I'll go back in and find Kerry and tell her I'll be back in for the night shift and you're taking the day off. I'll get you something to eat, we'll go back to my place, and I'll pick up Alex from school." Luka wrapped his arm around Sam's shoulders.
"But—"
"Don't argue with me," he laughed. They reached the doors of the ambulance bay and Sam paused.
"Well…you go in. I don't think I can go in there right now."
Luka nodded with understanding. "I'll be right back." He kissed her forehead and Sam rested up against the wall, hoping that for the time being, no one would come outside and say anything to her.
* * * *
Luka tore through the ER, brushing past Pratt and Chuny. He found Kerry hovering outside trauma one, still scolding a very pale looking Morris.
Kerry saw Luka approach her and sternly glared at Morris. "Back to work, Morris. Now. We'll continue this before I leave for the day."
Morris said nothing but walked quickly down the hall, apparently afraid to be within five yards of Luka at the current moment. Kerry shook her head and threw a piece of paper in the garbage before focusing her attention on Luka. "Is Sam all right?"
Luka nodded. "She's okay for now. Listen, Kerry, if it's not too much trouble I'd like to get her the day off—"
"Tell her she can have Wednesday and Thursday off as well if she needs it. I've been pretty hard on her lately and now I know why she's not been able to focus. Take the day off and be with her, Luka. She looks like she needs you."
"Thanks, Kerry," Luka replied.
"No problem. Congratulations, the both of you." She placed a hand on Luka's arm before heading back towards admit.
Luka didn't know how Kerry Weaver could be so sure about things, but he was instantly glad that he didn't have to come right out and tell her that he was the father of Sam's baby. Not that he would have minded, but it would have been a little awkward talking to his boss about something like this. He and Kerry had never been very close as colleagues and continuously butted heads over important, opinionated issues in the ER.
Without waiting for a chance to run into anyone else, he made his way into the lounge, grabbed his bag out of his locker, and headed out into the ambulance bay where Sam was still waiting.
* * * *
Sam and Luka reached Luka's apartment around ten-thirty. They would have gotten there sooner, but Luka insisted on stopping at a local deli so he could get Sam a bagel and orange juice and a coffee for himself. The ride had been pretty much silent for the most part, until Luka unlocked his apartment door and dropped his car keys on the coffee table.
"Anything else I can get you?"
Sam shook her head and sat down on the couch. She pulled the bagel out of the bag and set her orange juice next to it. Luka disappeared into the kitchen for a minute, and Sam could hear him checking his messages on the answering machine and opening the refrigerator door. She broke off a small piece of the bagel and popped it into her mouth, trying as best she could to eat. She knew she needed to start eating, but something about the events of the day, the nauseous feeling left over from the morning, and the upcoming "talk" with Luka made her lose whatever small appetite she had worked up.
Luka brought his coffee back into the living room with him and sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table, facing Sam. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at her as she continued staring at the bagel.
"You need to eat."
"I'm trying."
"Try harder."
"You try eating this when you feel like you're about to puke all over yourself and the leather couch."
Luka made a face and then smiled, staring to laugh. "That was cute."
Sam raised an eyebrow at him and starting drinking her orange juice instead. "What was?"
"That little face you just made when you tried to tell me off. It was cute."
"So now just my facial expressions are cute?"
Luka just laughed again and took a sip of his coffee. "You're not too bad yourself."
"Yeah?" Sam smiled. "Well neither are you."
Luka started playing with the coaster on his coffee table. "So when exactly did you…find out? That you were pregnant?"
"Sunday. I thought it was just a cold and a sore throat. And yeah, I guess it was. But I never really expected that to happen. We were pretty careful, weren't we?"
"I know one night we didn't use anything," Luka pointed out.
"Yeah," Sam agreed.
"You'd be six weeks then, if it was that night I'm thinking of. You've had morning sickness?"
"Just this morning. That's why I was late for work," Sam answered him. She picked at her bagel and ate another piece of it grudgingly. "I made an appointment with Coburn Friday at two. I just wanted to get things checked out."
"I want to go with you."
Sam nodded and washed the bagel down with orange juice. This conversation was going a lot better than she thought it would. Still, they had things to talk about—especially things that revolved around each other's past. Right now, Sam just wanted to work on getting the support she needed out of Luka, and it seemed like she was. "What time are you on Friday?"
"From five to five. I'll make sure I'll get a break or something right then. I won't miss it. Oh, Kerry said you could have tomorrow and Thursday off if you want it."
Sam's eyes lit up and she smiled. "Really?"
"Yep."
"That's good. I need the sleep and my apartment is a mess. I don't get how you keep yours so clean. Mine can look like this for an hour and then that's it."
He laughed and started rolling the coaster back and forth. "There's only one person living here. I don't have time to make a mess. I usually just eat, sleep, and go to work."
Sam had never realized how lonely Luka must have been, living all alone. There were a lot of things she didn't know about him. "Are you going back to County later?"
"No. Kerry gave me the day off. She says congratulations."
"Oh." She smiled and picked up the orange juice again. "Look…I need to know, before we get too involved in everything else…what are we? What are we doing? I don't want to go around thinking we're something we're not anymore. I don't want to be confused one day and happy the next. Are we just the casual friends with benefits, or do you want something more? Because that's okay, if you just want to be friends. I mean, friends is great. I guess. I don't want to think you have to be a hero. You really can't go wrong with just being—"
Luka leaned over the table, cupping Sam's face in his hands. He kissed her lips softly, and then planted another gentle kiss on her forehead before pulling away. "I've been really stupid. I don't know…I'm not very good with expressing my feelings. I like to keep them locked up. I guess I've been changed so much that it's hard for me to show a reaction sometimes. And I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted you to think that you were just someone else that I had seduced a few times and forgotten about. I should have told you about Gillian—I should have told you about a lot of things. I want to, Sam. I really want to sit down and tell you everything. But I want to ask you something, and say yes, no, think about it, whatever you want to do."
Sam nodded. "Okay."
"I'd really like for you and Alex to move in here with me."
She set her orange juice back down on the table and stared at Luka, blinking. Had that really just come out of his mouth? Sam didn't know what to say. This was a huge step in their relationship. "Can I think about it? I just want to smooth things over with Alex about…the Steve situation before I make a decision. I haven't gotten a real chance to talk it over with him."
Luka nodded. "Yeah, sure. I won't ask you about it again until you bring it up." He eyed her half eaten bagel and empty orange juice container. "Do you want to go back to your place or stay here? Are you tired?"
"Yeah, I am. Is it okay if I lay down for awhile?"
"Sure. I could use a nap too."
Sam stood up from the couch and carried her trash into the kitchen, where she dropped it into the garbage can. Luka followed and leaned against the wall, waiting for her. As they passed down the hall, he grabbed an extra blanket out of the linen closet and carried it with him.
Sam kicked off her sneakers and crawled onto the bed, pulling the large fleece blanket over her. She waited as Luka sprawled out next to her on his side. He adjusted the blanket over them and pulled her closer to him.
"I don't want you to feel like you have an obligation to me," she said softly.
Luka kissed her forehead and ran his fingers through her hair. "I don't feel obligated. I want to be with you. I love being around you and Alex. Don't think that I'm just doing this because I feel like I have to. There's a big difference between have and want."
Sam nodded and brushed her cheek against the material of Luka's shirt. "I love being around you too."
"That's good. I'm glad you're not sick of me by now," he joked.
"I want to let you know that you don't have to tell me everything right away. When you're ready…I'll be ready to listen."
"Thanks." Luka kissed her a final time and shut his eyes briefly. "What time does Alex have to be picked up?"
"Two-thirty."
"Okay. I'll take care of it."
* * * *
Luka parked his black Lexus outside of Alex's elementary school and drummed his fingers along the steering wheel. Should he sit here? Should he get up and wait outside the car? Luka didn't know. He had been a parent before, a long time ago, but since then, he felt that sometimes with Alex, his skills were a little bit rusty. He thought Alex was a great kid, but it had been a long time. Almost twelve long years since Danijela, Jasna, and Marko died in the bombing at their apartment in Vukovar. He thought about it now. Jasna would have been fourteen, and Marko, twelve. He wanted to know what they would have looked like. Would they look more like himself or Danijela? He would never know. He never could bring himself to think about them long enough.
Distantly, Luka heard the bell of the school ring and thought for a minute that maybe he should have brought Sam with him. It wasn't that he didn't want to be alone around Alex, it was just that it was hard for him to do this right now. To see the smiling faces of children crossing the playground with their friends and knowing that he had never gotten to see his own children grown to this age. It was just something he had to get used to. He was going to be a parent all over again in eight months, and would be partly a parent to Alex too.
Still, he would have been a little more comfortable with Sam in the passenger seat. Luka had dropped her off at her apartment. She had wanted to get a shower and straighten things up before Alex got out of school. Luka had agreed, saying he would be back in twenty minutes.
He glanced out the window and saw Alex heading towards him with a boy around his age. Alex had glanced up and spotted Luka, and with a little hesitation, he said goodbye to the boy and approached the car.
"Hey Luka. I didn't know you were picking me up."
Luka nodded as Alex opened the car door and sat down, placing his book bag and skateboard in the backseat. "Yeah. Your mom asked me to. Is that okay?"
"I think it's cool. Is Mom okay?"
He nodded again and signaled out of the parking spot. "Yeah, she's fine. Her boss sent her home early and she's off the next two days."
"Cool! Wait, she didn't get fired, did she?"
"No. Her boss just wanted to give her some time off."
"Okay." Alex adjusted his hat on his head and looked out the car window as they turned the corner. "Don't you have work today?"
"I did, but your mom needed my help so I took a half day."
"What are we doing tonight then?"
Luka laughed. "Whatever you want to. We could rent a movie and get dinner if you want."
"Yeah. I only have math homework."
Luka wasn't really surprised at how well he was getting along with Alex on the ten minute car ride back to Sam's apartment. They had always gotten along, talking about everything and anything. Luka was pretty big on both American and European sports, and Alex thought that was awesome. He told Luka that Sam wasn't a big sports fan, except for the 'girly' ones like gymnastics and figure skating.
The ride had been much easier than Luka had originally expected—and once again, the memories of his past faded into the background.
* * * *
"Ten more minutes on Tony Hawk and then you're getting ready for bed!" Sam called out to Alex as she walked with Luka down the hall. She opened the linen closet and handed Luka a towel and washcloth.
"Did you want to watch that DVD tonight or tomorrow?"
"How tired are you?" Sam laughed. "Because I'm worn out."
"Me too. We'll watch it tomorrow."
Sam smiled and kissed Luka outside of the bathroom. "Shampoo and soap's already in the shower."
"Come in with me?" Luka begged, giving Sam a guilty look.
"Don't look at me like that," she smiled. "You know I can't."
"Fine, then you owe me a shower date."
"Fine. I'll be in my room when you're done."
"Okay." Luka smiled and closed the bathroom door behind him. Sam continued towards Alex's room. The nine-year-old was busy playing PS2 and hadn't realized his mother was now sitting on the edge of his bed watching him.
"You're getting pretty good at that," Sam remarked. "Me and you should play sometime."
"I beat you last time," Alex laughed. "No offense Mom, but you kind of suck."
"That's because you never give me a chance," Sam defended herself with a smile. "I'll kick your butt anytime. I'll even bet you five bucks."
"Cough it up. You're going down. I'll kick your ass."
"Hey," Sam laughed.
"Sorry. I'll kick your butt."
"That's better."
"Is Luka sleeping over tonight?"
"Yup. What do you want for breakfast in the morning? He told me to ask you."
Alex thought about this for a minute as he shut of his PS2. "Chocolate chip pancakes."
"Deal. We haven't had that in awhile. Breakfast of champions." Sam ruffled Alex's hair. "I brought your toothbrush into the kitchen because Luka's using the shower."
"Cool."
Sam smiled to herself as she followed Alex out into the kitchen. Things were going pretty good right now and finally getting back on track.
Maybe for once in her life, everything would go right instead of wrong.
* * * *
Review please!! =]