Time in the Blessed Realm does not seem to either pass swiftly or
slowly. It just is. I spent many days in the same way with Fëanáro on that
journey. Sometimes we would speak, other times would be silent. And while I
would feel alone, I always knew he was there, which for some reason or
another comforted me. He showed me many things, some of which I had already
seen but never in the same way, and some that were altogether new. Yet time
did pass, and I found myself before the door of my father's house once
more. I knew that there would be no one inside, so I went straight to the
forge, where I was at once enveloped by the familiar smell of metal.
However there was no one there and I guessed my father had stepped outside
for a breath of air.
While I waited, I sat down and began linking a few more pieces to an unfinished chain that lay on the table. My father came in a few moments later. He glanced at me and smiled, but did not say a word. I decided I would give him his time and see what game he was planning on playing this time. After a moment he spoke.
"What is it you found that you are so happy about?" I should have expected as much from him. There was absolutely no hiding anything from him. But I decided I might as well try.
"What makes you think I found anything? The same as it always is. The sky, the ocean, the earth."
"Of course." There was no fooling him. "Do you know who I met with on my way in?" I should have known he could not find out everything for himself. "Fëanáro- and I could hardly believe how content he seemed. I told him how thankful you were for that pendant." He looked at me, his eyes sparkling, enjoying every moment he was using to build up his story, the end of which I was already well aware of. "He told me he had already been thanked. And you tell me you did not find anything." He was so pleased with his tale that he allowed himself a little laugh.
"Very well, I will not tell my tale, since you already seem to know it." I said, with mock displeasure.
"I am sure I will hear it in full before long. But now I must go to your mother. Do not stay here all night." With that, he hurried on up the stairs and I was alone once more.
I took up a piece of charcoal that lay beside me and drew what came to mind on the parchment before me. There were tall cliffs, with waves rising up their sides, and a simple stone with gems locked inside. And then I began a face. A face formed of perfect lines, like the faultless designs of precious gemstones. Eyes that burned precise holes in the face, glowing like flaming stars from beneath arched brows. All bordered by a glistening frame of deep black. Perhaps he was not quite as flawless as I made him appear, but it was the image I had of him at that moment. And it is an image I still carry with me, and am able to look upon with fondness.
Not wanting to spoil something I already deemed perfect in the simple form of a sketch, I let the image lie. And when I lay down to sleep that night, my mind saw only beautiful fire.
~
I woke late to find golden light already streaming into my room. I felt as thought new life had been breathed into my spirit, and the haze around my mind seemed to drift away. Unfortunately my mother came in at that moment wearing one of her rare worried expressions.
"Mother?" I smiled at her, hoping her frown would fade, but it did not.
"Nerdanel," she began, "the Valar create many paths for us in life. There is no doubt that all of them will lead to happiness of some sort, and yet there are some roads that are wiser than others." She sighed heavily, and all I wanted to do was embrace her, but I was afraid also to touch her. "There are some among us who are greater than the rest." She looked at me, hoping perhaps that she would not have to say anymore. I knew plainly of what it was she spoke, yet I could find no suitable response, so I let her continue. "Nerdanel, tell me what you know of him."
I hardly knew where to begin. I had only just begun to solve the puzzle for myself, and now I had to explain it to my mother. Not to mention I would have liked to have told her myself, but then again I should have known that my father would never keep quiet. "I know he is the greatest Elda I have ever met, and that he will become even greater." This answer was obvious, and was not the one she was looking for. "Mother, you must know something. The Valar have spoken to me. There is no need for you to worry for me: I am in their protection. My mind is set on following the course they have made for me."
She smiled, but I could tell she was not entirely convinced. "Very well." She began to leave, but stopped suddenly to say a last word. "Nerdanel, your father showed me your drawing. It was beautiful. I dreamt last night that I saw it, yet it was stained red," she looked as if she might cry, but then all of sudden she smiled and was her self again. "No, you are right. I needn't be troubled. I am sorry to have bothered you."
I nearly shouted after her, but I was too startled to speak. The Valar never sent dreams needlessly. No, I thought. It was only a warning, nothing more. There would be no blood split in Aman. But I heard also another voice, deep inside me, whispering that that would only be so if I played my part. A heavy weight descended on my soul.
While I waited, I sat down and began linking a few more pieces to an unfinished chain that lay on the table. My father came in a few moments later. He glanced at me and smiled, but did not say a word. I decided I would give him his time and see what game he was planning on playing this time. After a moment he spoke.
"What is it you found that you are so happy about?" I should have expected as much from him. There was absolutely no hiding anything from him. But I decided I might as well try.
"What makes you think I found anything? The same as it always is. The sky, the ocean, the earth."
"Of course." There was no fooling him. "Do you know who I met with on my way in?" I should have known he could not find out everything for himself. "Fëanáro- and I could hardly believe how content he seemed. I told him how thankful you were for that pendant." He looked at me, his eyes sparkling, enjoying every moment he was using to build up his story, the end of which I was already well aware of. "He told me he had already been thanked. And you tell me you did not find anything." He was so pleased with his tale that he allowed himself a little laugh.
"Very well, I will not tell my tale, since you already seem to know it." I said, with mock displeasure.
"I am sure I will hear it in full before long. But now I must go to your mother. Do not stay here all night." With that, he hurried on up the stairs and I was alone once more.
I took up a piece of charcoal that lay beside me and drew what came to mind on the parchment before me. There were tall cliffs, with waves rising up their sides, and a simple stone with gems locked inside. And then I began a face. A face formed of perfect lines, like the faultless designs of precious gemstones. Eyes that burned precise holes in the face, glowing like flaming stars from beneath arched brows. All bordered by a glistening frame of deep black. Perhaps he was not quite as flawless as I made him appear, but it was the image I had of him at that moment. And it is an image I still carry with me, and am able to look upon with fondness.
Not wanting to spoil something I already deemed perfect in the simple form of a sketch, I let the image lie. And when I lay down to sleep that night, my mind saw only beautiful fire.
~
I woke late to find golden light already streaming into my room. I felt as thought new life had been breathed into my spirit, and the haze around my mind seemed to drift away. Unfortunately my mother came in at that moment wearing one of her rare worried expressions.
"Mother?" I smiled at her, hoping her frown would fade, but it did not.
"Nerdanel," she began, "the Valar create many paths for us in life. There is no doubt that all of them will lead to happiness of some sort, and yet there are some roads that are wiser than others." She sighed heavily, and all I wanted to do was embrace her, but I was afraid also to touch her. "There are some among us who are greater than the rest." She looked at me, hoping perhaps that she would not have to say anymore. I knew plainly of what it was she spoke, yet I could find no suitable response, so I let her continue. "Nerdanel, tell me what you know of him."
I hardly knew where to begin. I had only just begun to solve the puzzle for myself, and now I had to explain it to my mother. Not to mention I would have liked to have told her myself, but then again I should have known that my father would never keep quiet. "I know he is the greatest Elda I have ever met, and that he will become even greater." This answer was obvious, and was not the one she was looking for. "Mother, you must know something. The Valar have spoken to me. There is no need for you to worry for me: I am in their protection. My mind is set on following the course they have made for me."
She smiled, but I could tell she was not entirely convinced. "Very well." She began to leave, but stopped suddenly to say a last word. "Nerdanel, your father showed me your drawing. It was beautiful. I dreamt last night that I saw it, yet it was stained red," she looked as if she might cry, but then all of sudden she smiled and was her self again. "No, you are right. I needn't be troubled. I am sorry to have bothered you."
I nearly shouted after her, but I was too startled to speak. The Valar never sent dreams needlessly. No, I thought. It was only a warning, nothing more. There would be no blood split in Aman. But I heard also another voice, deep inside me, whispering that that would only be so if I played my part. A heavy weight descended on my soul.