It was a very long time before such dark thoughts crossed my mind again,
and the heaviness of my heart passed as swiftly as it had come.
Preparations were being made for the festival to be held by Finwë, in
honour of someone whom he had not yet named. It was to be a magnificent
feast, or so most people gathered from Finwë's long counsels with the Valar
of late. I wondered if it was to honour the spirit of Míriel, for Finwë had
been deeply grieved over the loss of his wife for many years. Perhaps he
was going to try and lighten his long sorrow with song and dance. I was to
be proved quite wrong by the time we finally departed for Finwë's tower in
Tirion.
I stepped into a carriage that afternoon beside my mother and father, both dressed in their very best attire. My mother in a long gown of deep blue, wearing jewels of a dark red color, all made by my father. Mahtan wore a robe of deep red and orange, with his simple copper circlet sitting on his brow. I wore a dark green to match the color of my eyes, along with a circlet to match my father's. And I wore around my neck the same pendant that had been given to me by Fëanáro, in a time that seemed so long ago now. It could not have been that long since I had last seen him, yet I was eager to meet with him again. All my life I had entertained myself with the study of people. Before, I had found many of them a challenge to comprehend, but in the end I would solve the riddle. Yet now I had met one whom I could not understand. Each time I thought of him, my bewilderment would only increase. He fascinated me, and that was why I needed to meet with him again.
~
The festival was certainly lavish. Every elf in Valinor was present, or so it seemed. They were for the most part Noldorin, with a very few of the Teleri, and many of Ingwë's folk, including Ingwë himself.
The many Vanyar were explained as soon as I discovered who it was that this festival was being held for. A maiden named Indis, Ingwë's sister, born long ago by the shores of Cuiviénen. She was in all ways beautiful and majestic, with a hint of pride and yet of compassion alike, as could be found in all her people. Long golden hair, brighter and more luminous compared even with her own people, fell like the golden rays of Laurelin down her back. Her skin almost glowed, pale and bright as the stars, enveloped in a gown of dark silver. So taken aback was I by this guest that I failed to notice my own King standing beside her until much later. The two of them together appeared like a King and Queen of the Ainur; honourable, flawless and worshipful.
Though all others seemed awed by this magnificent pair, I tried to keep my senses. In every smiling face around me, I could see only disrespect, disloyalty and faithlessness. As beautiful as the pair seemed, I could not look upon them without hearing my mind scream to me that the Noldor already had a Queen. Surely, Finwë could not love again. It was unnatural, twisted for an Elda to love twice. Yet as the night wore on, I continued like all others to revere and respect Finwë. He was the King, and it was incorrect to question him. Yet I could not help but wonder if I was the only one who saw evil in this union. Seeing the joy in the faces around me, I began to think I was. Guiltily, I slipped outside to breathe.
Telperion had already waxed fully, and his light spilled forth, blending with that of the Mindon high above. It was only now that I realised who it was that was missing. Before there were far too many people (all of which seemed to want a word with me) that I had been unable to think clearly. But now I realised that among all those faces, there was one I had not seen: Fëanáro's. I remembered how odd I had found it when I had seen Finwë and Indis, and now I could finally understand why. I was also able to explain now why Fëanáro had become so troubled when I mentioned Míriel. Yet I thought it strange that he hadn't even mentioned the Vanyarin princess. This only created another riddle from the answer of the previous one. Musing to myself, I had not even noticed the presence of another behind me.
"Daughter of Mahtan." Behind me stood Finwë, and awkwardly, ashamed that I had both failed to notice him and that I had only just been thinking rather unkindly of him, I bowed low, acknowledging his presence. "King Finwë Noldóran."
"Your father tells me that you have come to know my son well these past few days." He certainly did not hesitate is coming to a point, a trait Fëanáro must have inherited from him.
"I have met him, my lord."
"Perhaps you noticed then that he is not present this evening?" He looked at me, distress clouding the smile that had been on his lips only moments ago.
"I did, lord." Then, seeing that Finwë awaited a further question, I said: "My lord is there a reason for this?"
"I was hoping you might tell me. But I can imagine well enough why he does not come. " He smiled at me, changing his mind. "I should not trouble you." He walked away, and suddenly I felt pity for him, the High King of the Noldor, looking so worried. It was the first time I came to realise that the King was just another Elda, no matter how splendid he appeared. I remembered Fëanáro's words, when he said the Kings and Princes were in Tirion. Yet I began to believe that perhaps they were not always in Tirion either.
"No, King Finwë," I said as he stepped away, and he turned back around. "You did not trouble me. Gladly would I lend an ear to anything you would have to say."
"You are kind, Lady Nerdanel. I should refuse your offering, and yet I must admit I am longing to speak with someone. I can tell already that you have no trouble in understanding and listening. I am sure you will one day be very wise, Nerdanel."
I could hardly believe that it was indeed King Finwë speaking to me. But perhaps there was nothing to believe. As I had told myself only a moment ago, I told myself again. He was for now not King, but simply Finwë.
"I do not doubt that you know my son well, no matter how brief the time you have known him has been." I must have been noticeably amazed by his awareness, because he smiled, saying: "No, I did not perceive all this on my own. Your father has told me much, and besides that I have only to observe Fëanáro to see that some change is upon him. He often spends days alone, and of late he will not speak to me. He says there are very few Eldar whom he feels he can speak to any longer. Am I wrong in assuming that you are one of those whom he will speak to?"
"My lord, he did tell me much." I had no intention however of saying more than was asked of me.
"That is good news. Nerdanel, there is a favour I would ask of you, if are willing. I will not ask you to tell me what goes through my son's mind, but simply to try and discover that for yourself. And if you can in any way, I would be very pleased if you would try to comfort him, so that he might smile again."
"Of course my lord, I will do what I can." It was indeed no simple task, but in sympathy and obeisance of this great King, I knew I would have to try.
"My thanks, lady Nerdanel. I am in your debt, and shall be sure to repay your kindness promptly." And then he left, returning with a smile on his face once more. He was King again.
Notes:
Finwë's long counsels: This is indeed a reference to the debate of the Valar concerning the severance of the marriage of Finwë and Míriel. Nerdanel was right in guessing that they concerned Míriel, but she was obviously rather mistaken in assuming the exact topic of them, as is obvious.
Ingwë as Indis' brother: Tolkien does not say anything more than that they were close kin. Although the Shibboleth of Fëanor does say that she may have been his niece, I have chosen to make them siblings, since no final note was made on this.
Noldóran: This is a name mentioned in the Shibboleth of Fëanor, which means only 'King of the Noldor.'
Thanks to my friends Tinuviel-luthien and Itarille for beta-reading this. I have been forgetting to thank them.
Please leave your feedback, good or bad, because my muse really can't live without reviews.
I stepped into a carriage that afternoon beside my mother and father, both dressed in their very best attire. My mother in a long gown of deep blue, wearing jewels of a dark red color, all made by my father. Mahtan wore a robe of deep red and orange, with his simple copper circlet sitting on his brow. I wore a dark green to match the color of my eyes, along with a circlet to match my father's. And I wore around my neck the same pendant that had been given to me by Fëanáro, in a time that seemed so long ago now. It could not have been that long since I had last seen him, yet I was eager to meet with him again. All my life I had entertained myself with the study of people. Before, I had found many of them a challenge to comprehend, but in the end I would solve the riddle. Yet now I had met one whom I could not understand. Each time I thought of him, my bewilderment would only increase. He fascinated me, and that was why I needed to meet with him again.
~
The festival was certainly lavish. Every elf in Valinor was present, or so it seemed. They were for the most part Noldorin, with a very few of the Teleri, and many of Ingwë's folk, including Ingwë himself.
The many Vanyar were explained as soon as I discovered who it was that this festival was being held for. A maiden named Indis, Ingwë's sister, born long ago by the shores of Cuiviénen. She was in all ways beautiful and majestic, with a hint of pride and yet of compassion alike, as could be found in all her people. Long golden hair, brighter and more luminous compared even with her own people, fell like the golden rays of Laurelin down her back. Her skin almost glowed, pale and bright as the stars, enveloped in a gown of dark silver. So taken aback was I by this guest that I failed to notice my own King standing beside her until much later. The two of them together appeared like a King and Queen of the Ainur; honourable, flawless and worshipful.
Though all others seemed awed by this magnificent pair, I tried to keep my senses. In every smiling face around me, I could see only disrespect, disloyalty and faithlessness. As beautiful as the pair seemed, I could not look upon them without hearing my mind scream to me that the Noldor already had a Queen. Surely, Finwë could not love again. It was unnatural, twisted for an Elda to love twice. Yet as the night wore on, I continued like all others to revere and respect Finwë. He was the King, and it was incorrect to question him. Yet I could not help but wonder if I was the only one who saw evil in this union. Seeing the joy in the faces around me, I began to think I was. Guiltily, I slipped outside to breathe.
Telperion had already waxed fully, and his light spilled forth, blending with that of the Mindon high above. It was only now that I realised who it was that was missing. Before there were far too many people (all of which seemed to want a word with me) that I had been unable to think clearly. But now I realised that among all those faces, there was one I had not seen: Fëanáro's. I remembered how odd I had found it when I had seen Finwë and Indis, and now I could finally understand why. I was also able to explain now why Fëanáro had become so troubled when I mentioned Míriel. Yet I thought it strange that he hadn't even mentioned the Vanyarin princess. This only created another riddle from the answer of the previous one. Musing to myself, I had not even noticed the presence of another behind me.
"Daughter of Mahtan." Behind me stood Finwë, and awkwardly, ashamed that I had both failed to notice him and that I had only just been thinking rather unkindly of him, I bowed low, acknowledging his presence. "King Finwë Noldóran."
"Your father tells me that you have come to know my son well these past few days." He certainly did not hesitate is coming to a point, a trait Fëanáro must have inherited from him.
"I have met him, my lord."
"Perhaps you noticed then that he is not present this evening?" He looked at me, distress clouding the smile that had been on his lips only moments ago.
"I did, lord." Then, seeing that Finwë awaited a further question, I said: "My lord is there a reason for this?"
"I was hoping you might tell me. But I can imagine well enough why he does not come. " He smiled at me, changing his mind. "I should not trouble you." He walked away, and suddenly I felt pity for him, the High King of the Noldor, looking so worried. It was the first time I came to realise that the King was just another Elda, no matter how splendid he appeared. I remembered Fëanáro's words, when he said the Kings and Princes were in Tirion. Yet I began to believe that perhaps they were not always in Tirion either.
"No, King Finwë," I said as he stepped away, and he turned back around. "You did not trouble me. Gladly would I lend an ear to anything you would have to say."
"You are kind, Lady Nerdanel. I should refuse your offering, and yet I must admit I am longing to speak with someone. I can tell already that you have no trouble in understanding and listening. I am sure you will one day be very wise, Nerdanel."
I could hardly believe that it was indeed King Finwë speaking to me. But perhaps there was nothing to believe. As I had told myself only a moment ago, I told myself again. He was for now not King, but simply Finwë.
"I do not doubt that you know my son well, no matter how brief the time you have known him has been." I must have been noticeably amazed by his awareness, because he smiled, saying: "No, I did not perceive all this on my own. Your father has told me much, and besides that I have only to observe Fëanáro to see that some change is upon him. He often spends days alone, and of late he will not speak to me. He says there are very few Eldar whom he feels he can speak to any longer. Am I wrong in assuming that you are one of those whom he will speak to?"
"My lord, he did tell me much." I had no intention however of saying more than was asked of me.
"That is good news. Nerdanel, there is a favour I would ask of you, if are willing. I will not ask you to tell me what goes through my son's mind, but simply to try and discover that for yourself. And if you can in any way, I would be very pleased if you would try to comfort him, so that he might smile again."
"Of course my lord, I will do what I can." It was indeed no simple task, but in sympathy and obeisance of this great King, I knew I would have to try.
"My thanks, lady Nerdanel. I am in your debt, and shall be sure to repay your kindness promptly." And then he left, returning with a smile on his face once more. He was King again.
Notes:
Finwë's long counsels: This is indeed a reference to the debate of the Valar concerning the severance of the marriage of Finwë and Míriel. Nerdanel was right in guessing that they concerned Míriel, but she was obviously rather mistaken in assuming the exact topic of them, as is obvious.
Ingwë as Indis' brother: Tolkien does not say anything more than that they were close kin. Although the Shibboleth of Fëanor does say that she may have been his niece, I have chosen to make them siblings, since no final note was made on this.
Noldóran: This is a name mentioned in the Shibboleth of Fëanor, which means only 'King of the Noldor.'
Thanks to my friends Tinuviel-luthien and Itarille for beta-reading this. I have been forgetting to thank them.
Please leave your feedback, good or bad, because my muse really can't live without reviews.