The Predator pulled up a rack of beef and bit into it savagely. Its helmet sat at its side as it fed on any and everything it could in the meat locker. It was high time to eat anyway, and the seclusion made for the ideal place to treat a wound. And treat the wound it did.
It had had worse wounds of course. Like the time it killed that Force User. That was a tricky kill. Or the time the Xenomorph's skull had exploded with a blast of his plasma cannon. The acid blood of the creature had showered him, producing scars on his head and body that would never heal properly. Luckily his eyes had been spared. Then there was his hardest kill, one of the Kree Accusers. His back had nearly been snapped. Admittedly, the Accuser would have killed him had he not slashed at its eyes and then grabbed the Universal Weapon from its hands and fired it in its face. Still it was a good kill. So what was a glancing blast from a creature on a backwater planet such as earth?
"Hey ugly, what are you doing here?"
The Predator glanced up and saw a blonde female and two males standing there. Odd, she had the features of a being like Slay-Er while her companions had those of Slay-Er's ally, ridges and fangs. The female just stood there with her hands on her hips.
"You're like SO gross." The female stated.
"Yeah, he's one ugly mother…"
"Shut your mouth!" the blonde screeched.
"He was just talking about the demon." The other male said.
"Well that's okay." The female said.
These earth creatures were bizarre game that was for sure.
"Okay you two grab him and throw him out. This is our…help me out here." The female said.
"Lair?" one male said.
The blonde snapped her fingers, "Thank you. So we don't need some ugly demon trying to take over our lair. The sun's almost up too so we don't have time to find a new…lair. Get rid of him."
"He's kind of big." One of the males stated.
The blonde sighed, "Look, you're minions. Go be minion-y."
"Why did we sign up with her again?"
"Could have been the sex."
"Yeah that was probably it."
"I'm WAITING!" the blonde shouted.
"Okay, okay, Harm. Jeez."
"Okay, big guy, let's go."
The Predator was so not in the mood for this. He was hungry, injured, and tired. And in no mood to be toyed with.
"Are you deaf?!" one of the males hissed.
"Well he might be from another demon dimension where they don't speak English too." The other said.
"Ah. Got ya. Habla Engles?"
"I'm pretty sure they don't speak Spanish there either."
"WILL YOU TWO QUIT FOOLING AROUND?" Harmony yelled several feet behind them making both vampires jump.
"Okay! Fine! We'll handle…it." One vamp said turning around, "Where'd he go?"
"Um." Was all the other got out before he was run through by the spear of the Predator.
He shouted in pain as he was pinned to the wall by the spear. The other vampire roared and punched the Predator in the face. The Predator's head turned to the side as he was struck. Then it turned back to the vampire and if his alien features could smile then they were. A single blow sent the vampire flying back at the feet of Harmony.
"Get up stupid!" Harmony said looking down at the vampire.
"No way! I don't get paid enough to get punched like that!" the vampire explained.
"I don't pay you anyway. It's a master-minion thing." Harmony stated.
The vampire got up and looked at the Predator approaching them.
"No way!" the vampire replied.
"Look, you're not getting this here." Harmony said, her own features vamping, "I'm the master vampire and you're the minion. You'll do whatever the hell I tell you to do!"
The vampire looked at Harmony, then at the Predator and then made his decision.
"I'm gone." The vampire said, starting to run.
Harmony grabbed his shoulder and pulled something from her belt.
"That was a mi-stake!" she quipped as she staked the vampire, "And that had to be the funniest pun ever. Yay me. Still, I need to stop killing my own gang."
The Predator stopped in mid-step. The woman's features had changed. She plunged something into the heart of the running creature. It turned to dust. The weapon was like Slay-Er's. Two and two was still four, no matter what race you are in the universe. The Predator pulled Slay-Er's weapon from his belt and walked back to the vampire pinned by his spear. Jamming it into the heart, it watched the creature turn to dust. Yep, two and two were still four. This weapon apparently killed the creatures with the changing features when jammed into their chest cavity. They were different from the other creatures that ran around. The Predator thought hard.
The creature that fought at Slay-Er's face changed when it had gotten angry. The same as the female in here. Slay-Er was angry when they had fought though. Her face hadn't changed. Meaning, she wasn't one of them and that meant she didn't turn to dust when she died. The Predator reclaimed its spear and quickly began to put it on its head again. Slay-Er was his now. Her head belonged to him. Walking back towards the exit, the Predator walked into the small blonde vampire.
"Um. Hi." Harmony winced as she looked up at the Predator.
The Predator looked at her, and then shoved past. She was unworthy. She was beneath his notice.
"Hey! Watch who you're shoving! I've gone up against the Slayer before!" Harmony whimpered trying to sound tough.
The Predator stopped and looked back at her.
"Slay-Er?" it said, "Slay-Er!"
It walked back and made Harmony back up as it did. This one knew of Slay-Er. She may not be a trophy, but she may be of use.
"Uh yeah, the Slayer. I've uh…beaten her before. Yeah that's it." Harmony lied, "So you don't want to mess with me. Buster."
The Predator warbled and lifted Harmony by her shirt neck.
"Slay-Er." The Predator growled.
"Umm yeah…I just came back to town to…you know…kill her and stuff so uh…yeah. You want in on that?" Harmony asked, terrified.
The blades on the Predator's right arm sprang up making her flinch.
"Slay-Er." The Predator growled.
"I can take you to the Slayer! I swear! Just put me down and put the knives away and we'll go and kill her! I mean you'll kill her! You!" Harmony said closing her eyes, "Oh God, I know I'm a vampire and basically the spawn of Satan, but if you get me out of this I will build several churches in your honor!"
The Predator knew begging when he saw it. He knew pleading. Most of all he knew a coward. It tossed Harmony to the ground hard.
"Slay-Er!" the Predator roared.
"Okay! I'll take you to the Slayer! Just…don't kill me!" Harmony whined as she got up, "Oh man, now I have to build several churches."
"SLAY-ER!"
"Okay! Okay! I'm leading you now!" Harmony said as she walked along with the Predator following behind her. She smirked, "So, this is a team up right?"
"SLAY-ER!!!!" the Predator roared, already annoyed to no end.
"I'm taking you to her! No need to be a grouch!" Harmony said as they walked outside. She looked up to east and could see that the sky was pinkish in color, "Uh…we have to take a detour. Sunlight and vampires don't mix."
Harmony looked down and found a manhole and lifted the cover somewhat easily, given she was a vampire. She started down in when the three red dots appeared on her forehead. The Predator growled.
"I'm taking you to the Slayer! I swear! We just have to use the tunnels!" Harmony groaned as she started climbing down, the plasma shot just missing her head.
The Predator closed his eyes and counted to ten. Must keep temper under control. Think of it as a test of your warrior capabilities. It's no big deal. It doesn't affect you.
"Are you coming?!" Harmony's voice said from the sewers.
The Predator growled and started down into the manhole. It doesn't affect you. It doesn't affect you.
"So you think our guy is around here?" J asked as he and K drove up to the Double Meat Palace's meat locker on the outskirts of town.
"Almost positive, Slick. The Predator is a big boy. He going to have to eat and eat a lot of meat. And since Double Meat Palace is promoting the hell out of those new ribs of theirs, I think this meat locker is the place to be." K said as the car pulled to a stop.
"Guy can't hunt a rabbit?" J asked.
"Oh he can, but would rather not. He'd save all his energies for the big game. Plus when one of these things landed in L.A. in '97, it ate in a meat locker." K stated.
"So, you go through all that when you could have just said that they have a meat locker fetish." J replied.
"I live to make your life hell." K said as he got out of the car.
"Why don't I find that so hard to believe?" J said to himself as he got out, "Going to use the spectralizer and see if he was here?"
"No need to." K said pointing to traces of neon green blood in a path towards the meat locker.
"So you think he's in there?" J asked.
"Could be. But I think he may be in the sewers now."
"How do you figure?"
"Manhole cover is open and there's a blast mark. He might have been chasing someone into the sewer." K noted.
"We going to go in?" J asked.
"No. I will. I've got more experience at this sort of thing." K said.
"Now wait just a damn minute!" J started.
"Besides, I'll need you to monitor me from the car with the tracking device. If I go down there and get killed then fine. I'll know there's another MiB up here qualified to handle the situation." K stated.
"You're talking sense now." J smirked, "Hey K?"
"Yeah?"
"Be careful man."
"I'll be back, Slick. I've fought things that make this job look like a piece of cake."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Rogue Martian. Not the little kind either, the Big white shape shifters." K replied.
"Man, how'd you manage that one?" J asked.
"A Neuralizer and matches." K replied.
"Get in the damned hole."
K walked along in the sewers, sometimes knee deep in foul smelling, dirty, just plain nasty water. Using his Spectralizer, he followed any traces of Predator DNA he could find. K was an old pro at hunting aliens, so he noticed something interesting right off. Examining the Spectralizer readings and the path the Predator was moving on, K picked up on a very definite pattern. He reached for his communicator.
"Hey Slick. Slick you there?" K spoke into the device.
"Yeah man, find it yet?" J's voice replied.
"Not as of yet, but did you ever do any hunting as a kid?" K asked.
"Why yes I did. You know I went out with John Boy and Jim Bob and every other white guy on that farm I grew up on in the Midwest." J sighed on the other end of the communicator, "No K, I was born and raised in New York. I never went hunting."
"I did. I used to hunt deer. Deer will move around in a predictable pattern when being hunted in familiar woods. They'll go in specific directions. Our boy is going in a very specific direction. Which is odd because he's only been in town for a few days. It's like he knows the sewers like the back of his hand." K explained.
"Maybe he scoped them out?" J replied.
"I don't think so. Predators usually stay above ground. This is really odd. You tracking me?"
"Yeah. Of course."
"Alright. Keep doing that. Over and out." K said, pocketing his communicator.
Above ground, J did the same thing then smiled at the lady at the counter.
"Sorry about that. Business call." J said, making himself sound important.
"That's a cool cel phone." The lady winked at him, "So good lookin', figured out what you want yet?"
"Yeah. I'll have half a dozen glazed. Maybe get a few bear claws. The coffee here any good?" J asked.
"Best in Sunnydale. Well, except for the Starbucks." The donut lady admitted.
"Never liked Starbucks that much anyway." J smirked.
"We bake fresh, so it'll be a few minutes." The lady replied.
"Okay. I have to be doing something anyway." J said.
"What's the name for the order?" the woman asked.
"….Black. Yeah, Mr. Black." J said before wincing, "ummm Manny I. Black. Yeah."
"Give us ten or fifteen."
"I'll be back then." J said with a smile. The woman winked and went in back before J started heading for the door. He held it open for the guy he saw coming in.
"Thanks." The man walking in said.
"Welcome." J said walking out the door before turning and doing a double take. He threw the door back open nearly breaking its bell, "Wood?! Robin Wood?!"
Robin turned and looked at the strange man, "Uh yes?"
"Man it's been forever! How've you been?!" J asked enthusiastically.
"Uh I've been good. Do I know you?" Robin asked.
J paused then smacked his forehead for his stupidity.
"Duh. You wouldn't remember me. They wiped the memory of everyone I knew." J sighed.
"I see." Robin said, backing up ever so slightly.
"Edwards. James Edwards! We lived in the same neighborhood in New York growing up?" J asked.
Robin arched an eyebrow.
"Sorry. Not ringing any bells."
"We were best friends. Ever since your mom died, we started hanging out when your mom died. Like your uncle took care of you after that, which was odd because he was white." J stated.
Robin paused. This man knew about his mother dying. He knew about her Watcher taking him in and taking care of him. He knew his name. And what's more, the guy seemed vaguely familiar.
"Well, this is a Hellmouth." Robin sighed.
"We like to call it a revolving door." J replied.
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Look at you man, you buffed up." J stated, "What happened to you after high school?"
"Not much." Robin stated, well nothing much except for hunting for the vampire who killed his mother and then finding him in this town in love with the Slayer. Also he got his G.E.D., "I'm sorry but I honestly don't remember you."
"That's okay. I've been policing aliens in like this huge conspiracy thing. They wiped the memories of everyone I know; even my parents. So even you wouldn't remember me. It's for security. No one can know about it." J explained.
This was an odd guy.
"Yeah…right. So why'd you tell me?"
J reached into his front breast pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses and put them on his face before reaching into another pocket and producing another object. It was small, silvery and cylindrical.
"Well because in a second you're not going to remember any of this. It was nice seeing you Robin. I'd say we could hang out sometime, but…you know how it is." J said as he pressed the button on the Neuralizer. For an instant, Robin's entire universe was a white flash.
Robin looked around and found himself standing in the middle of the donut shop just looking at the door. Outside, the guy who held the door open for him was getting into his car. Robin wondered why he was staring at the door and shrugged before going to the counter and ringing the bell so he could get some service.