"OH MY GOD!" Xander began.
"GODDESS FOR ME!" Willow said with an equal look of excitement.
"Okay, K man this is some crazy shit right here." J sighed.
"Don't be so uptight, Slick. They're your adoring public." K replied.
"Men in Black! Here! Real! This is so awesome!" Xander exclaimed again.
"It's up there on the coolness scale!" Willow added, laughing.
"It's up there with my best friend being a lesbian level cool!" Xander added.
"It's being in a relationship with two hot babes cool!" Willow replied.
"It's Uncle Rory's car, saving the world, with no one knowing cool."
"It's mystical orgasm on the ceiling cool!"
"It's…mystical orgasm on the ceiling?" Xander asked Willow, with an arched eyebrow.
Willow blushed.
"It's just a thing we do sometimes. On good days." Willow said, quietly.
J looked to K and gave him what would affectionately be known as the "Why are we in a house full of crazy people" look.
"I don't get it, what's the big deal?" Kennedy asked, walking up beside Willow and Xander and looking at the two Men in Black.
"Well, it's an orgasm on the ceiling. I mean I've had them in bed, the floor, on a table, washing machine—"Xander started.
"I meant about these guys!" Kennedy shouted.
"They're Men in Black!" Willow said as if that explained everything.
"And?" Kennedy asked, somehow more confused.
"Didn't you watch that show with Peter Graves?!" Xander asked.
"Who?" Kennedy asked.
"The Biography Guy." Tara filled in from across the room.
"Oh…was the show Biography?" Kennedy asked.
"…THEY'RE MEN IN BLACK!" Willow and Xander said together.
"Yeah, but that doesn't answer a lot of questions other than you know, males in dark clothing." Buffy stated.
Xander looked to K.
"Care to demonstrate?" Xander asked.
"Why sure." K said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pair of sunglasses. J did the same with a sigh.
"Everyone who's not Kennedy close their eyes!" Willow ordered.
"Why is everyone but me closing their—"
A bright flash flooded the room.
"I don't get it, what's the big deal?" Kennedy asked as everyone else opened their eyes.
"Heh. What was that? About a minute?" Xander asked excitedly.
"Just about. She's missing one minute of her memory." K said proudly, "But I'll fill her in about us now. We're a special group of people who monitor and police aliens on earth. And it's okay for me to tell you that, because I'm just going to wipe your memories of ever meeting us later anyways."
"Except mine. Vampires can't be flashy thinged. You said that." Spike said speaking up.
"No, we'll just blow your head off if you ever mention this to anyone." K replied.
"…Fair enough." Spike said, nodding.
"Hard to believe huh?" J asked the room.
"Huh?" Xander asked, "We live on a Hellmouth. We see demons everyday. We totally buy it."
"We prefer to call them inter-dimensional aliens thanks. Riles them up being called demons." K replied.
"Actually it doesn't, but whatever floats your boat mate." Spike added.
"So…alien hunters…you guys ever deal with Queller demons, because they live on the moon." Buffy asked.
"I think we should really get to the issue at hand ma'am. My partner and I have been tailing a very dangerous alien we call a Predator in this town since last night. Your blonde friend there helped me out when I ran into him in bar an inter-dimensional alien…. ah hell, a demon bar." K explained.
"Same bugger we took on in the graveyard last night." Spike added to the story.
"No wonder we couldn't research it." Robin Wood stated, as he eyed J. Something about him was familiar.
"That was an alien?" Buffy asked.
"Wow. We fought an alien." Tara smiled.
"Get out the check sheet. Vampires, demons, robots, gods, people, and now aliens." Xander laughed, a little too excited. Willow was too.
"We rule." She smirked.
"Plus he had Harmony working with him." Spike said.
The room erupted in laughter. Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Spike were roaring in giggles. Tara joined in, less familiar with Harmony, but laughter was addictive. Even Kennedy snickered a little.
"Phew. Okay now, hee hee, back to business." Buffy said before laughing again, "Oh she never learns does she? Okay, I'm good now. I am. So let me guess, you think we should work together on this?"
"No I do not. I think it's stupid and overly reckless to bring in civilians on this, but Blondie had other ideas." K said looking to Spike.
"Stupid and reckless sums it up." Robin said in reply.
Spike merely flipped him the bird.
"Well normally I'd go with Spike on this, but you may be right. You guys are professionals and should take out the alien. We have a big vampire problem to deal with at current, so we just need to stick with what we know." Buffy stated.
"Nice to see someone with a strategic mind here." K smiled, "Now we can get to the neuralizing."
"About time." J said, uncomfortable at Robin's glances and wishing he hadn't run into his old friend and had to neuralize him once already that morning.
"Yeah, 'bout that time, but you see I figure we go another road. I got me a once in a lifetime idea that benefits folk like us in these situations." Spike smirked, "So hold off with the memory erasing because you'll like this."
"What is it?" Buffy asked, wondering what the most wonderful man in the world (for returning Mr. Pointy to her) was thinking.
"We each got our problems right. Big mean vampire in town wants us dead. Big mean alien in town also wants us dead. So I thinks to myself, self we should help ourselves help each other." Spike smirked.
"Are you insinuating—" K began.
Spike grinned sardonically.
"You're bloody right I am. One night only, live from Sunnydale, we got Bacchus versus the Predator, twelve full rounds, last nasty standing. Then we all jump in and waste whoever's left." Spike said smiling.
"I like this plan." Buffy smirked in a way that looked so evil that Spike would have appreciated it when he was soulless.
"That's just a tad too risky." K stated, "I'm not sure if that would be such a good idea."
"Hold on K. I'm liking how it sounds. Yeah, we each got our problems right? So we just let our monsters fight, kill each other, then neuralize these guys when it's all done." J said as he put his hand to his chin.
"Can we not be neuralized?" Buffy asked.
"No." J and K said at once.
"WE'RE GONNA BE NEAURALIZED!" Xander shouted causing Willow to squeal in joy.
"I really worry about those two." Spike said to Tara, who merely nodded.
"Neuralize? What's that?" Kennedy asked, confused.
"You're really just going to play with our memories?" Robin asked, wondering where he'd seen J before.
"It's not so hard. You get used to it." J stated, "Well not you specifically, I mean it's not like I've neuralized you before or anything. Just you know…saying is all."
"Okay, I'm still going with my idea to neuralize everyone here and maybe blow off the vampire's head." K said, putting his sunglasses on.
"Not so fast." Buffy started, "Willow here can erase memories too. With a gesture. You go to erase ours, we erase yours."
"What?" Willow asked, with a hint of sadness at not being neuralized, but then got over it, "Yeah! I can even erase Spike's memory!"
Spike shuddered, "Randy Giles. God that was scary."
"And you might not be able to erase Tara's mind either since she's technically supernatural too. And if you even point a gun at her I'll take your skin off. I've done it before." Willow said defensively.
"Awww. Thank you sweetheart." Tara smiled.
"Would you do that for me?" Kennedy pouted.
"Kennedy too." Willow added.
"Awww." Kennedy said kissing Willow. It was a small peck that suddenly became an open mouth kiss. Then tongue came into play and the girls did these little moans. They were soon the center of attention.
"Um guys." Buffy started.
"Buffy for God's sake don't interrupt this." Xander said, eyes wide.
"Yeah, just let it go." J added, watching with a grin.
Buffy sighed and looked over to a leering Spike. She shot him a look and immediately he snapped out of it.
"Girls." Tara said, "Business first. Pleasure later."
"Oh right. Sorry." Willow said sheepishly.
"Well she is, but not me." Kennedy smirked.
"There's no way in hell I'm going to be able to talk you out of all this am I?" K asked, looking at Buffy.
"None. We team up now; we play with each other's minds later." Buffy said extending a hand.
K took it and shook it. Then he grimaced in pain as to how a girl who weighed all of a hundred pounds had a grip like Andre the Giant.
The trunk of the MIBs' car opened and Xander immediately seemed as turned on as he had been when he saw Willow and Kennedy kissing.
"OH. MY. GOD!" Xander said with excitement.
"These are some of our weapons. Since you seem to have some degree of firearms training, it's probably best that you help us out here." K said as Xander drooled over the gigantic plasma cannon.
"Yes…help…is that thing nuclear? 'Cause there was this one time…when we fought Cthullu and this guy had like shoulder mounted nuclear missiles and he was all "Hey, you're gonna be sterile" and I was like no way. Can that happen?" Xander asked.
"Just give him the damn Noisy Cricket." J groaned.
"Okay, Spike said that he told Harmony to take the Predator to that construction site, but we have no way of knowing if she actually did take it there." Willow started.
"So what do we do?" Tara asked.
"Can Poe fly yet?"
"I t-think he's a little too weak just yet."
"I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT WEAK!" Poe squawked, "Just cautious."
"One day I'm going to do a spell to figure out what he's saying." Willow smiled.
"You might not like what you hear." Tara said, petting her crow, "Maybe we could do a locator spell? Like that time in college when we tried to locate the Polgara demon?"
"You remember how to do it?" Willow asked.
"Yeah. We do the spell, and the map has little dots of light. Different ones for different demons. If a vampire light pops up at that site, we at least know Harmony is there. The Predator might even show up if we compensate and look for things that aren't demons, but aren't human either." Tara said, with a confidence that made Willow proud.
"You always were better at the fine details than me." Willow smiled, "But you'll have to try and drag Kennedy out of the basement to help you. I need to surf the net. Find out what I can about Bacchus, if anything. Maybe e-mail Giles. I just hope he's not afraid of computers anymore."
"You think Kennedy can really help with the spell?" Tara asked.
"Oh sure. You just blow powder." Willow replied.
"One more time?" Kennedy asked, looking at the abundance of powder on the floor.
Tara sighed.
"How to say this? Kennedy, sweetheart, you know I love you, but I think maybe you should stick to the slaying and steer clear of the magick." Tara winced as she said.
"Okay, just as long as you do something for me." Kennedy grinned.
"Striptease?" Tara asked, playfully.
"You damn right." Kennedy smiled.
Buffy repeatedly fired her hands into the punching bag downstairs as Robin strained against it, holding it in place. She had been delivering blow after blow for over five minutes straight and quite frankly, he was feeling it through the bag! Still he gritted his teeth and flexed, pushing into the bag with all of his superior size and weight. Still the punches came, followed by the occasional kick that hurt his ribs even through the body bag.
"Maybe I AM getting too old for this shit?" he thought, "Nah. But where's Spike when you need him to take a beating?"
"You're serious?" Spike asked Willow.
"Well yeah. I mean if you want to find a vampire, you have to think like one. And since you already do think like one—"
"Yeah. Got ya." Spike said, "This go to getting me some more points to actually being treated like a person even if I'm a not exactly said person?"
"As long as you don't kidnap me and try to turn me, yeah." Willow nodded.
"Alright then. Let's see, I'm an old vampire who likes to play around with people. I'll need somewhere dark, cool, and big." Spike started.
"Big for minions?" Willow asked.
"Maybe, but Bacchus doesn't strike me as the minion having kind. He's more the do it yourself model. I mean he very well might have minions though. The guy was worshipped as a god after all. God of wine at that! The vineyard?" Spike asked.
"The one Connor lived in?" Willow questioned.
"Nah, I doubt it. Peaches Jr. wouldn't have gone to New York with the Bit if it was, seeing as how Big Bad woulda eaten him. Any other vineyards in town?" Spike said, sitting beside her.
"Let me check." Willow said typing on the keys on her laptop, "Nope. Jeez, twelve cemeteries in town, but just one vineyard."
"Okay, so he's probably not there. But the guy was the god of wine, and he still goes by Bacchus, so he's still connected to that. He may not be at the vineyard, but I'll wager a few pounds that he's close." Spike said staring at the computer screen.
"So you think he's still looking at himself like a god?" Willow asked.
"Yeah. I think so. Most big evil types do see themselves that way. I know I did. Now where would I be if I was a vampire god?" Spike thought.
"A TEMPLE! Or wait…ooh a church!" Willow said suddenly, "Those lessons with Stephen are paying off. He told me gods are real showy people. They like to think about how big and powerful they are and their homes usually reflect that. Remember how Glory lived in that big penthouse?"
"Yeah Red, but the only problem there is that a church is consecrated ground. It's gotta be condemned or something before a vamp would ever set foot in it and still be comfortable." Spike explained.
Willow smirked as she looked at the computer screen.
"Yeah, and not a mile from it is that old church you used for that ritual when you kidnapped Angel." Willow said smugly.
"You might want to go and get Glinda and the other bin…. girl's mind back on business then, because I hear "You Look So Fine" by Garbage playing upstairs." Spike said.
"That's Tara's stripping song. Don't worry I'll get them to work. And we'll find out whether a vampire is living there or not." Willow said getting up.
"Can I use your computer?" Spike asked.
"Uh sure. Why?" Willow asked.
"See if my horse came in." Spike grinned.
"Oh, gambling…. uh sure. I'll be back." Willow said, heading up stairs.
Spike turned and smirked.
"Let's see…. history…and voila. Oh Red, you've been a very wicked little witch haven't you? Lesbian porn. Lesbian porn. God I love living here." Spike chuckled.
"What do we have?" Buffy asked as everyone was gathered in the dining room a few short hours later.
"Tara and I managed to do the locator spell. There's a definite vampire trace at the Sunnydale Arms construction site. And there's something else non-human." Willow explained, "And we did the same for that old church where Spike thought Bacchus might be held up. One very strong vamp signal there."
"How can we be sure that's your guy though?" K asked.
"Vampires usually live in nests. You find one you find another. Older ones usually live alone but have minions nearby." Robin began to explain.
"Were there any other traces?" Buffy asked.
"No. Not even in the sewers near there. It's weird. Almost like a trap." Willow said.
"It's not a trap. I can smell a trap a thousand miles away. They're just afraid of him. Powerful, super old nasty shows up in town and the demon world usually stays clear of them, feel them out at first before showing any reverence." Spike answered.
"Okay about the construction site, shouldn't there be people there working?" K asked.
Xander smiled proudly, "You're looking at the foreman. Work's been called off for the day because of a gas leak, which while in essence is a lie, when the place gets badly damaged like we know it will it'll cover my ass. Plus, you know, no snacks for Harmony."
"Or trophies for our Predator." K chimed in, "So I'm guessing that Agent J and I will be stationed at that front?"
"With Xander. He knows that place like the back of his hand and can help with the shooting. Spike and Willow will join you there after sunset. I need my best fighter and my gun there." Buffy said to her lover and her friend.
"What about the rest of us?" Robin asked.
"I need you guys to hang back. You're all the back up we'll have if it gets too bad. I know you guys have skills, but this Predator could've killed us all. And we know that Bacchus has killed lots of Slayers. Normal humans won't stand much of a chance with him, even if they are you guys. As for you," Buffy said turning to Tara, "you're still a little out of it. We don't know how badly hurt you really are. Don't come out there unless we absolutely need you. And you two, don't dare come out there without Tara."
Robin and Kennedy nodded, albeit somewhat reluctantly.
J tossed Robin a communicator.
"If worse comes to worse though, you can call in some MIB reinforcements in the area quarantining the Predator's ship. They'll come and help blow the shit out of these guys if you decide you need them.
"Okay." Robin nodded.
"And don't get all cocky and everything. It got your ass kicked by that Bebop guy back in New York enough times when you were a teenager." J warned.
"What? How did you know about that?" Robin asked, mouth agape.
J sighed and put on his sunglasses. K did likewise as he reached for his Neuralizer. A bright flash of light immediately flashed through the room.
"And don't you say anything to him." J said to Spike.
"Barely like the wanker." Spike replied.
"I won't either." Tara said sheepishly, "Flashy thing doesn't work on me either."
"Alrighty then kids, I just have one little question now." K said, turning to Buffy, "Where are you going to be in all this?"
"Me? I'm going to church." Buffy answered quickly.
"You're going to try and lure Bacchus out by yourself?" Willow asked incredulously.
"Yep. I'm going hunting just like I need to. He's going to pay for the lives of all of those children." Buffy answered.
"Well, won't he be like faster than you since he's so old?" Willow asked, worried.
"Well Red, the Slayer's got a few tricks up her sleeve." Spike started, "I reckon she can make him limp after her just a bit."
"Well still, that's really risky." Willow replied.
"Willow, I can do this. I'm going to lure him out and have him chase me across town. More than that I'm going to try and go in before sunset, so I can put some distance between us before he can chase me down. But I also want your help on this one." Buffy said to her friend.
"What do you need?" Willow asked.
"Keep in contact with me in my head. If it gets too bad or I can't get him to follow me, I want you to teleport me out of there. Then I want you to nail his ass with one of those fireballs you tried to kill Jonathan and Andrew with." Buffy explained, "It might kill him or slow him down enough for us to finish the job after we take care of the Predator."
"Okay. I'll do my best." Willow said nodding.
"I know you will. Now I think its time to get ready." Buffy said.
"Time to saddle up?" Xander asked with a smile.
"Boy howdy." Buffy replied.
A jewelry box full of silver rings was emptied onto the table. They were carefully put on until one was on each finger. Each ring had a single cross emblem on them. A carpenter's belt was attached at the waist. It didn't contain nails or tape measurers today. It had garlic, small bottles of Holy Water, crossbow bolts, and the occasional wooden stake, one of which was Mr. Pointy. Spike's wrist mounted crossbow adorned her arm like a bracelet. She pulled on the leather jacket given to her by Angel long ago. A battle-axe hung to her back by a strap. She slowly pulled on combat boots, with crosses cut into the soles to add a little extra kick. Twin bowie knives were then placed in the boots themselves. She anointed her head with oil, and drew a crucifix pattern on her forehead. In her arms, she held the largest water gun that Xander could find, completely filled with Holy Water. All in all, Buffy was a sight to behold when she turned to her friends and allies.
"Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting vampires." She smirked.
"And you just blew the whole badass image." Spike groaned.
"Did not!" Buffy yelled back.