Chapter 4: Confessions
It had been three days and three nights since Janyn's dream. It still lingered in the back of her mind. She never told Aragorn about it, she never told him anything, and he did not ask. Sometimes she felt she would explode and tell Aragorn everything she knew about the world, but he did not press conversations, or push any questions, and thus, she remained quiet. What was else was she to do? But on the third day of their travels, she decided to open up. She had been rehearsing scenario after scenario of conversations the two might have. Most the time, in her mind, he would fall it love with her, but she knew that that was near impossible. If only, she'd tell herself, if only we could be in love! But pinning away was not helping matters and she'd have to make a stand.
She cleared her throat, and loudly said, 'my home, what do you think of it?'
Aragorn gave her a puzzled look. The question had, after all, been quite out of the blue, and he was not really sure how to answer. He didn't want to say anything that may offend the maiden.
'It is nice.' He turned his head away.
Janyn cut in front of him. 'You lie! Tell me the truth.'
After a short staring contest, Aragorn sighed. 'It's the sadist place I've ever been. And you are the sadist person I've ever talked too. And I have talked, if you can call it that, to Gollum too.' Aragorn was sure Janyn would get mad, or worse, cry. But instead she laughed. Defying all the possible reactions Aragorn ever thought of, she laughed.
'My lord,' She smiled. 'I am not sad. I am not anything. I am not allowed to feel emotions the same way Men do. I cannot be sad, or angry, nor can I be happy.'
Aragorn squinted. 'But isn't that sad that you can't feel emotion.'
'It's not that I can't. It's that I'm not allowed.'
'Is it that you don't want to?'
'No!' Janyn yelled. 'I'm just not allowed to. I don't even notice my limitations anymore.'
Aragorn thought on that day, back in Gondor. She was happily skipping down the street humming to herself. She seemed perfectly content then. And also, she smiles, although usually out of sheer amusement of seeing Aragorn stumble with words. She's also cried before. In Ithilyn, he remembered, she didn't smile or cry.
'I think you have emotion.' Aragorn said remotely. He realized afterwards, he'd live to regret it. 'Here, in Middle Earth.' Janyn stopped and looked up at him in doubt. He continued. 'Ever since you have arrived here in Middle earth, I've seen you laugh and cry. I've seen your shy personality and I've seen your decaying heart.' These words were very harsh, although Aragorn did not mean them to be so. Janyn grew red with insult and Aragorn could see he pulled a string.
'What do you know?' she yelled. 'Seeing isn't everything. You know nothing about me! You don't know who or what I am. All you know is my name and that I'm shy and scared. Well, maybe I'm not. You cannot judge me on your first impression!'
'I have known you for three days.'
'Which is little more than mere acquaintance. And my heart is not decaying! I do love!'
'Love is an emotion.'
Janyn was now extremely angry. Who was he to rebut her? She looked at his face and began to cry. It was then she realized that what he spoke of was true. She was crying! In Ithilyn she would have no more that a tear on her face, but here, she was sad. The fact that Aragorn had been correct hurt her pride, and damaged her already low self-esteem. She sat on a nearby rock and rested her forehead on her knees. Aragorn just stood closely by, watching her cry. He was afraid of comforting her, for her reactions have been quite unpredictable and he might only hurt her more. If only he knew that she needed him now.
Aragorn sat on the thin layer of snow; his cloak was wrapped around him. He squinted into the distance, where a grey cloud was forming. The day was lifeless, the mood was dreary and all about them the cold air stung at their faces. Aragorn looked back at Janyn, her head was still bowed. He stood up and stretched casually, he was not completely sure of what he was doing. He ventured closer to Janyn. She felt the soft material of the ranger's cloak wrap around her body. She lifted her head and saw him smiling at her.
'You looked cold.' Said he.
She did indeed feel cold. Her dress was made of a light material and gave no warmth. She was grateful for his gesture. 'Thank you.' She said quietly. 'But now you will freeze. Here.' She took his wrist and sat him down beside her. His body was warm against her cold skin. And she then draped the cloak aver both of them. Her face was red from embarrassment, Aragorn's too, for she had never been so close to a man before, but the cold hid there pink faces. They leaned in towards each other for warmth, and neither seemed to want to get up. The day was fading quickly to night, and the two gave no effort to travel any further. They decided to rest until daylight.
It had been three days and three nights since Janyn's dream. It still lingered in the back of her mind. She never told Aragorn about it, she never told him anything, and he did not ask. Sometimes she felt she would explode and tell Aragorn everything she knew about the world, but he did not press conversations, or push any questions, and thus, she remained quiet. What was else was she to do? But on the third day of their travels, she decided to open up. She had been rehearsing scenario after scenario of conversations the two might have. Most the time, in her mind, he would fall it love with her, but she knew that that was near impossible. If only, she'd tell herself, if only we could be in love! But pinning away was not helping matters and she'd have to make a stand.
She cleared her throat, and loudly said, 'my home, what do you think of it?'
Aragorn gave her a puzzled look. The question had, after all, been quite out of the blue, and he was not really sure how to answer. He didn't want to say anything that may offend the maiden.
'It is nice.' He turned his head away.
Janyn cut in front of him. 'You lie! Tell me the truth.'
After a short staring contest, Aragorn sighed. 'It's the sadist place I've ever been. And you are the sadist person I've ever talked too. And I have talked, if you can call it that, to Gollum too.' Aragorn was sure Janyn would get mad, or worse, cry. But instead she laughed. Defying all the possible reactions Aragorn ever thought of, she laughed.
'My lord,' She smiled. 'I am not sad. I am not anything. I am not allowed to feel emotions the same way Men do. I cannot be sad, or angry, nor can I be happy.'
Aragorn squinted. 'But isn't that sad that you can't feel emotion.'
'It's not that I can't. It's that I'm not allowed.'
'Is it that you don't want to?'
'No!' Janyn yelled. 'I'm just not allowed to. I don't even notice my limitations anymore.'
Aragorn thought on that day, back in Gondor. She was happily skipping down the street humming to herself. She seemed perfectly content then. And also, she smiles, although usually out of sheer amusement of seeing Aragorn stumble with words. She's also cried before. In Ithilyn, he remembered, she didn't smile or cry.
'I think you have emotion.' Aragorn said remotely. He realized afterwards, he'd live to regret it. 'Here, in Middle Earth.' Janyn stopped and looked up at him in doubt. He continued. 'Ever since you have arrived here in Middle earth, I've seen you laugh and cry. I've seen your shy personality and I've seen your decaying heart.' These words were very harsh, although Aragorn did not mean them to be so. Janyn grew red with insult and Aragorn could see he pulled a string.
'What do you know?' she yelled. 'Seeing isn't everything. You know nothing about me! You don't know who or what I am. All you know is my name and that I'm shy and scared. Well, maybe I'm not. You cannot judge me on your first impression!'
'I have known you for three days.'
'Which is little more than mere acquaintance. And my heart is not decaying! I do love!'
'Love is an emotion.'
Janyn was now extremely angry. Who was he to rebut her? She looked at his face and began to cry. It was then she realized that what he spoke of was true. She was crying! In Ithilyn she would have no more that a tear on her face, but here, she was sad. The fact that Aragorn had been correct hurt her pride, and damaged her already low self-esteem. She sat on a nearby rock and rested her forehead on her knees. Aragorn just stood closely by, watching her cry. He was afraid of comforting her, for her reactions have been quite unpredictable and he might only hurt her more. If only he knew that she needed him now.
Aragorn sat on the thin layer of snow; his cloak was wrapped around him. He squinted into the distance, where a grey cloud was forming. The day was lifeless, the mood was dreary and all about them the cold air stung at their faces. Aragorn looked back at Janyn, her head was still bowed. He stood up and stretched casually, he was not completely sure of what he was doing. He ventured closer to Janyn. She felt the soft material of the ranger's cloak wrap around her body. She lifted her head and saw him smiling at her.
'You looked cold.' Said he.
She did indeed feel cold. Her dress was made of a light material and gave no warmth. She was grateful for his gesture. 'Thank you.' She said quietly. 'But now you will freeze. Here.' She took his wrist and sat him down beside her. His body was warm against her cold skin. And she then draped the cloak aver both of them. Her face was red from embarrassment, Aragorn's too, for she had never been so close to a man before, but the cold hid there pink faces. They leaned in towards each other for warmth, and neither seemed to want to get up. The day was fading quickly to night, and the two gave no effort to travel any further. They decided to rest until daylight.