Ryan didn't know how long he lay in bed, fuming over what Teresa had done, what she had told him before he finally fell asleep again. He also had no idea how long he slept. When he woke up, he saw Kirsten sitting in a chair, reading a magazine. She smiled when she saw that he was awake again. It would finally be her turn to talk to him.
"Hey, sweetie," she said, "You're awake. How do you feel?"
Ryan could only think to say, "Ok." before adding,
"She lied. There isn't going to be any baby. She lied."
"I know. She told me." Kirsten said, softly, "Ryan, I'm sorry. I know this has to be hard for you, but she was scared. I know it was wrong, but I can understand why she lied. She was afraid of losing you. I know how she feels. You're pretty hard to get over."
Ryan just stared at Kirsten for a second. He'd never consider himself hard to get over.
"Tell that to Dawn. Or Trey." he finally said.
Kirsten brushed the hair out of Ryan's face. He really needed a good haircut.
"I don't know about them," she told him, "But I do know how hard it was for me. And Sandy. And Seth. And Marissa. And Summer. We all missed you. A lot. And I'm glad you're finally coming home."
Ryan didn't know what to say. It was still hard for him to believe that he could possibly mean so much to people who have only known him for a year.
Lucky for him, he didn't have to answer Kirsten. A nurse came in to change his IV. She also gave him another shot of morphine, and something else that no one bothered to tell him about. Kirsten apparently knew what they were giving him, but no one felt the need to tell him. The nurse also took his temperature, blood pressure, and pulse and checked on the various tubes and whatnots attached to him. After the nurse was done, she smiled at both of them and left.
"What are they doing with me?" Ryan finally asked. He was starting to find it annoying that no one was telling him anything.
Kirsten began to explain what the doctor had already explained to her, "Right now, you're on IV antibiotics, for infection. When you go home, you'll continue on oral antibiotics. Obviously, you know that they're still giving you morphine for the pain. They'll either give you Tylenol with codeine or percocet when we go home. They found blood in your urine, so the catheter stays in until after they do another ultrasound on your kidneys that is scheduled for later on this afternoon. They also want to do some more x-rays and possibly another CAT scan. Your chest tube and IV will both come out before you're discharged, probably tomorrow morning. The stitches will remain in your lip and forehead for about ten days. There isn't much they can do about the fractures to your nose or ribs. Those will heal in time, with plenty of rest. And I do mean plenty of rest. Any other questions?"
"No." Ryan said. "I just thought they were supposed to, you know, clear things with me before they could do anything. Nobody's said anything to me about what's going on. They just come in and do what they want and leave. I'd like to know what they're doing before they do it. Decide if I really need it."
Ryan couldn't hide his annoyance. He was never big on hospitals to begin with, and it made him mad that they thought they could do what they wanted without informing him first. It wasn't right.
"Well, you've been a little out of it." Kirsten told him, "Besides, they don't need your consent to treat you. They needed ours, and we gave it to them. We haven't been able to go over any of the medical stuff with you, because you've been sleeping, which is what you need. But any questions you have, feel free to ask. Sandy and I aren't hiding anything from you, but we're also not going to clear any medical treatment with you. It's not your decision. It's ours."
Ryan again recognized the tone. This time it might be coming from Kirsten, but it was the same tone as Sandy's. He knew it meant not to argue with her, either.
"Where is Sandy?" Ryan asked. He figured it would probably be a good idea to change the subject.
"He took Teresa home so he could get your stuff, and then he had to go over to the police station and meet with Officer Greene. He should be back soon." Kirsten informed him.
Ryan sighed. He didn't get anywhere with Sandy, but he hoped he could get Kirsten to understand.
"Kirsten, I really don't want to press charges. I just want to drop it. Forget about it. Can't you, maybe, talk to Sandy? Tell him to drop it?" Ryan asked.
"No, Ryan. We're not going to drop it," she told him, "What Eddie did to you was wrong, and we're not going to forget about it. We are pressing charges."
"You don't understand." Ryan mumbled.
"Oh, no, I understand." Kirsten started, "I understand what it's like to have the phone ring at 5:30 in the morning. I understand what it's like to have a police officer tell you that one of your kids has been attacked and is in the hospital. I understand what it's like to not know, to wonder, and to be sick with worry as you race down to the hospital. And I understand what it's like to walk in here and see you like this. Know that you're hurt, in pain and understand that there is nothing I can do to make it better. So don't tell me I don't understand, because I do."
Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't know what to say. Kirsten had never said anything like that before. He felt bad that he had obviously upset them both, but at the same time he felt kind of good. It meant that he actually meant something to them. They were mad because they were worried about him. Mad because they cared. Hell, mad because they actually seemed to love him. So all Ryan could think to say was,
"Sorry. About everything."
"So are we, Ryan. Really sorry. About all of this. Everything that's happened since this spring." Kirsten said.
Kirsten was finding it hard to hide the frustration, the hurt and the anger from Ryan. She knew this wasn't the best time or place to talk to him about what happened, but she wasn't ready to drop it, either. Every time she looked down at his face, his battered, bruised face, and every time she thought about the injuries hidden under his covers, she got angry all over again. And her anger would go all the way back to the night he and Teresa shared together. She couldn't help but think that if Ryan had just been careful, had they just used protection, none of this would have happened. Ryan would be home, Seth would be home, and they would all be happy.
"Look, Ryan," Kirsten started, "We can't change what happened. But I hope you can learn from it. You know, the next time you want to be with someone that you'll be smart, careful."
Ryan's eyes grew big, and he swallowed hard. He couldn't believe what Kirsten was starting to talk about. Not now. Not The Talk. Not here, in the hospital, with Kirsten. He'd rather have her yell at him about whining about his medical treatment or not wanting to press charges against Eddie. Anything other then The Talk.
"Kirsten," Ryan asked, "Do we really have to talk about...... this?"
Kirsten shook her head and told him, "No, we don't. But I know Sandy wants to talk to you again about it."
Ryan couldn't help but roll his eyes. Not again.
"Again?" Ryan asked, "Why? It was........ painful enough the first time."
"But if you had listened the first time, we wouldn't be here now. So I think Sandy just wants to talk. Again. So this doesn't happen again. Ever again." Kirsten told him.
Ryan was quiet for a minute, trying to decide if he should tell Kirsten the truth, and finally decided it probably would be better if he did. That way, he could avoid The Talk again.
"Kirsten," Ryan started, "I, um, did listen the first time Sandy talked."
He hoped that was enough. That Kirsten would understand what he meant, and he wouldn't have to go into detail with her, not have to have The Talk with her.
Kirsten just stared at Ryan at first, trying to understand what he was saying. And then suddenly, she understood exactly what he meant.
"You mean you lied?" she demanded to know.
"I didn't lie. I ah....." Ryan wasn't really sure how to answer her.
"You told us that the baby was yours, and you knew it wasn't. You lied to us. Why?" Kirsten demanded.
Ryan began to panic. It probably would have been better if they continued to think that he and Teresa weren't careful, instead of them knowing he had lied.
"I had to." Ryan explained, "Teresa would have gone back to Eddie. Married him. He'd continue to hit her and then he would start abusing their children. I couldn't let that happen. I had to keep her safe, away from Eddie."
He wanted Kirsten to understand. He thought he was doing what was best for Teresa, for the baby. He needed her to know that, and not be so mad at him.
"Ryan," Kirsten started out calm, but quickly began to yell, "You need to stop. Right now. You need to stop trying to save the world. You are not responsible for everyone. You can't save everyone. It's not your job. Did you even realize what you were giving up? That you were sacrificing your entire life for someone else's child?"
Kirsten couldn't believe how mad she was. She knew she shouldn't be yelling at Ryan while he was lying in a hospital bed, badly beaten, but she was really mad at that point.
"Kirsten," Ryan began, almost begging her, "I'm sorry. I just. I know it was. Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I just didn't know what else to do. I knew Teresa couldn't do it alone, and I didn't want her to go back to Eddie. If you knew there was a chance the baby wasn't mine, you would have never let me go."
"A chance it wasn't yours?" Kirsten said, "If you used protection, then it wasn't yours, so you're right about not letting you go. So instead of seeing this for what it was, a tragic, scary situation for Teresa, you took it upon yourself to sacrifice your life and everything and everyone in your life to go protect Teresa and her baby. Ryan......"
But at that point, Kirsten didn't know what she should say next. She was never the one who yelled or lectured Ryan when he did something to deserve it. It was always Sandy. Kirsten took a deep breath, and looked down at Ryan. He looked so upset, almost on the verge of tears, and she realized she and Sandy both needed to address this whole mess with him.
"Alright, you know what," she said, "I don't think this is the time or the place to continue this conversation. But believe me, this isn't over. We're all going to talk about this when we get home."
"So does this mean you're going to tell Sandy?" Ryan asked. But given the way Kirsten stressed the word "all", he already knew the answer.
"No." she told him, "You are."
Ryan nodded. Yeah, he knew she would say that.
"You think he's going to be mad?" he asked. Ryan was kind of hoping that some of Kirsten's anger would evaporate if he continued to make small talk. But realized it hadn't when she said,
"What do you think?" with the tone. He really hated the tone.
Ryan laid his head back and sighed. It was amazing how quickly they could make him feel like a kid again. Two weeks ago Ryan was worried about having enough money to pay the rent, about buying food, and about the prospect of raising a child. And now? He was worried about talking to Sandy, about the lecture he knew was coming, and about the prospect of being grounded. It wasn't that he didn't want to be just a kid. He just wasn't used to it, and wasn't sure if he knew how to be one.
Ryan looked over at Kirsten, trying to figure out what to say next, but she was furiously flipping through her magazine, turning pages without even looking at them. Ryan knew she was still really mad at him, and he figured that maybe it would be a good idea if he didn't say anything for a little while. He thought it would give her a chance to be not so mad at him anymore.
"Hey, sweetie," she said, "You're awake. How do you feel?"
Ryan could only think to say, "Ok." before adding,
"She lied. There isn't going to be any baby. She lied."
"I know. She told me." Kirsten said, softly, "Ryan, I'm sorry. I know this has to be hard for you, but she was scared. I know it was wrong, but I can understand why she lied. She was afraid of losing you. I know how she feels. You're pretty hard to get over."
Ryan just stared at Kirsten for a second. He'd never consider himself hard to get over.
"Tell that to Dawn. Or Trey." he finally said.
Kirsten brushed the hair out of Ryan's face. He really needed a good haircut.
"I don't know about them," she told him, "But I do know how hard it was for me. And Sandy. And Seth. And Marissa. And Summer. We all missed you. A lot. And I'm glad you're finally coming home."
Ryan didn't know what to say. It was still hard for him to believe that he could possibly mean so much to people who have only known him for a year.
Lucky for him, he didn't have to answer Kirsten. A nurse came in to change his IV. She also gave him another shot of morphine, and something else that no one bothered to tell him about. Kirsten apparently knew what they were giving him, but no one felt the need to tell him. The nurse also took his temperature, blood pressure, and pulse and checked on the various tubes and whatnots attached to him. After the nurse was done, she smiled at both of them and left.
"What are they doing with me?" Ryan finally asked. He was starting to find it annoying that no one was telling him anything.
Kirsten began to explain what the doctor had already explained to her, "Right now, you're on IV antibiotics, for infection. When you go home, you'll continue on oral antibiotics. Obviously, you know that they're still giving you morphine for the pain. They'll either give you Tylenol with codeine or percocet when we go home. They found blood in your urine, so the catheter stays in until after they do another ultrasound on your kidneys that is scheduled for later on this afternoon. They also want to do some more x-rays and possibly another CAT scan. Your chest tube and IV will both come out before you're discharged, probably tomorrow morning. The stitches will remain in your lip and forehead for about ten days. There isn't much they can do about the fractures to your nose or ribs. Those will heal in time, with plenty of rest. And I do mean plenty of rest. Any other questions?"
"No." Ryan said. "I just thought they were supposed to, you know, clear things with me before they could do anything. Nobody's said anything to me about what's going on. They just come in and do what they want and leave. I'd like to know what they're doing before they do it. Decide if I really need it."
Ryan couldn't hide his annoyance. He was never big on hospitals to begin with, and it made him mad that they thought they could do what they wanted without informing him first. It wasn't right.
"Well, you've been a little out of it." Kirsten told him, "Besides, they don't need your consent to treat you. They needed ours, and we gave it to them. We haven't been able to go over any of the medical stuff with you, because you've been sleeping, which is what you need. But any questions you have, feel free to ask. Sandy and I aren't hiding anything from you, but we're also not going to clear any medical treatment with you. It's not your decision. It's ours."
Ryan again recognized the tone. This time it might be coming from Kirsten, but it was the same tone as Sandy's. He knew it meant not to argue with her, either.
"Where is Sandy?" Ryan asked. He figured it would probably be a good idea to change the subject.
"He took Teresa home so he could get your stuff, and then he had to go over to the police station and meet with Officer Greene. He should be back soon." Kirsten informed him.
Ryan sighed. He didn't get anywhere with Sandy, but he hoped he could get Kirsten to understand.
"Kirsten, I really don't want to press charges. I just want to drop it. Forget about it. Can't you, maybe, talk to Sandy? Tell him to drop it?" Ryan asked.
"No, Ryan. We're not going to drop it," she told him, "What Eddie did to you was wrong, and we're not going to forget about it. We are pressing charges."
"You don't understand." Ryan mumbled.
"Oh, no, I understand." Kirsten started, "I understand what it's like to have the phone ring at 5:30 in the morning. I understand what it's like to have a police officer tell you that one of your kids has been attacked and is in the hospital. I understand what it's like to not know, to wonder, and to be sick with worry as you race down to the hospital. And I understand what it's like to walk in here and see you like this. Know that you're hurt, in pain and understand that there is nothing I can do to make it better. So don't tell me I don't understand, because I do."
Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't know what to say. Kirsten had never said anything like that before. He felt bad that he had obviously upset them both, but at the same time he felt kind of good. It meant that he actually meant something to them. They were mad because they were worried about him. Mad because they cared. Hell, mad because they actually seemed to love him. So all Ryan could think to say was,
"Sorry. About everything."
"So are we, Ryan. Really sorry. About all of this. Everything that's happened since this spring." Kirsten said.
Kirsten was finding it hard to hide the frustration, the hurt and the anger from Ryan. She knew this wasn't the best time or place to talk to him about what happened, but she wasn't ready to drop it, either. Every time she looked down at his face, his battered, bruised face, and every time she thought about the injuries hidden under his covers, she got angry all over again. And her anger would go all the way back to the night he and Teresa shared together. She couldn't help but think that if Ryan had just been careful, had they just used protection, none of this would have happened. Ryan would be home, Seth would be home, and they would all be happy.
"Look, Ryan," Kirsten started, "We can't change what happened. But I hope you can learn from it. You know, the next time you want to be with someone that you'll be smart, careful."
Ryan's eyes grew big, and he swallowed hard. He couldn't believe what Kirsten was starting to talk about. Not now. Not The Talk. Not here, in the hospital, with Kirsten. He'd rather have her yell at him about whining about his medical treatment or not wanting to press charges against Eddie. Anything other then The Talk.
"Kirsten," Ryan asked, "Do we really have to talk about...... this?"
Kirsten shook her head and told him, "No, we don't. But I know Sandy wants to talk to you again about it."
Ryan couldn't help but roll his eyes. Not again.
"Again?" Ryan asked, "Why? It was........ painful enough the first time."
"But if you had listened the first time, we wouldn't be here now. So I think Sandy just wants to talk. Again. So this doesn't happen again. Ever again." Kirsten told him.
Ryan was quiet for a minute, trying to decide if he should tell Kirsten the truth, and finally decided it probably would be better if he did. That way, he could avoid The Talk again.
"Kirsten," Ryan started, "I, um, did listen the first time Sandy talked."
He hoped that was enough. That Kirsten would understand what he meant, and he wouldn't have to go into detail with her, not have to have The Talk with her.
Kirsten just stared at Ryan at first, trying to understand what he was saying. And then suddenly, she understood exactly what he meant.
"You mean you lied?" she demanded to know.
"I didn't lie. I ah....." Ryan wasn't really sure how to answer her.
"You told us that the baby was yours, and you knew it wasn't. You lied to us. Why?" Kirsten demanded.
Ryan began to panic. It probably would have been better if they continued to think that he and Teresa weren't careful, instead of them knowing he had lied.
"I had to." Ryan explained, "Teresa would have gone back to Eddie. Married him. He'd continue to hit her and then he would start abusing their children. I couldn't let that happen. I had to keep her safe, away from Eddie."
He wanted Kirsten to understand. He thought he was doing what was best for Teresa, for the baby. He needed her to know that, and not be so mad at him.
"Ryan," Kirsten started out calm, but quickly began to yell, "You need to stop. Right now. You need to stop trying to save the world. You are not responsible for everyone. You can't save everyone. It's not your job. Did you even realize what you were giving up? That you were sacrificing your entire life for someone else's child?"
Kirsten couldn't believe how mad she was. She knew she shouldn't be yelling at Ryan while he was lying in a hospital bed, badly beaten, but she was really mad at that point.
"Kirsten," Ryan began, almost begging her, "I'm sorry. I just. I know it was. Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I just didn't know what else to do. I knew Teresa couldn't do it alone, and I didn't want her to go back to Eddie. If you knew there was a chance the baby wasn't mine, you would have never let me go."
"A chance it wasn't yours?" Kirsten said, "If you used protection, then it wasn't yours, so you're right about not letting you go. So instead of seeing this for what it was, a tragic, scary situation for Teresa, you took it upon yourself to sacrifice your life and everything and everyone in your life to go protect Teresa and her baby. Ryan......"
But at that point, Kirsten didn't know what she should say next. She was never the one who yelled or lectured Ryan when he did something to deserve it. It was always Sandy. Kirsten took a deep breath, and looked down at Ryan. He looked so upset, almost on the verge of tears, and she realized she and Sandy both needed to address this whole mess with him.
"Alright, you know what," she said, "I don't think this is the time or the place to continue this conversation. But believe me, this isn't over. We're all going to talk about this when we get home."
"So does this mean you're going to tell Sandy?" Ryan asked. But given the way Kirsten stressed the word "all", he already knew the answer.
"No." she told him, "You are."
Ryan nodded. Yeah, he knew she would say that.
"You think he's going to be mad?" he asked. Ryan was kind of hoping that some of Kirsten's anger would evaporate if he continued to make small talk. But realized it hadn't when she said,
"What do you think?" with the tone. He really hated the tone.
Ryan laid his head back and sighed. It was amazing how quickly they could make him feel like a kid again. Two weeks ago Ryan was worried about having enough money to pay the rent, about buying food, and about the prospect of raising a child. And now? He was worried about talking to Sandy, about the lecture he knew was coming, and about the prospect of being grounded. It wasn't that he didn't want to be just a kid. He just wasn't used to it, and wasn't sure if he knew how to be one.
Ryan looked over at Kirsten, trying to figure out what to say next, but she was furiously flipping through her magazine, turning pages without even looking at them. Ryan knew she was still really mad at him, and he figured that maybe it would be a good idea if he didn't say anything for a little while. He thought it would give her a chance to be not so mad at him anymore.