Just A Stupid Mistake
By: Alana Haseen
Summary: Duo, mentally and physically tired, faces death and realizes what he has to lose in life and what he will miss when his time comes.
Rating: PG-13, I stay on the side of caution. Mild swearing, depression, blood, stuff.
Disclaimer: Ok so we all should know that I don't own ANY of the characters in this story, except the characters that don't really matter but I don't own them either because they are based on real people. Anyway, I DO own the story and the plot of the story and...wait there really is no plot...Well I own the story. If you read this, yay you, personally this was a piece of writing I didn't like reading for its own reasons but I wrote it and am posting it so lets pretend that we do like reading it and I am done repeating what I just said. Uh, so a lot of this is actually non-fictional and those of you who know me (few of ya right? ::grins::) should be able ta tell what parts are real and what I just kinda made up because I had to fit it in around Duo's life. And this is long. And I'm done. Review if ya want. If not just take comfort in knowing that I don't know where you live and even if I did I am too lazy to do anything about it.
I remember someone once asking me, actually I think it was Heero, what I would do or how I would act if I knew I was going to die. When I gave my answer I don't think the situation ever really sat in my brain. I don't think I ever put myself in that situation, and now look at me. Sitting in bed holding close the few treasures that have been given to me over the years, tokens and presents from the other pilots.
It's scary.
Never really thought I'd ever say something was scary considering the relative cool I kept when I was forced onto the streets and stuff but this...I am not even able to describe the fear dread, or stupidity. That's all it was too, my own stupidity, I never claimed to be smart but then I never claimed much anyway.
So I'm just supposed to wait for death. For gods sake, I just get to wait and it sucks. Going to bed every night with the fear of never waking up again, moreso then anyone my age should feel. The symptoms are kinda not bad so I am giving myself AT LEAST another week and then we shall see, won't we?
Personally I am kinda conflicted right now, do I tell them and have people to wait with me or do I keep it to myself? I think that I am going to wait for the blood to become more visible, maybe what I saw today was just my mind playin' with me. Fuckin' mind. Maybe I should warn them, tell them of what is going on, but then they will just think me dramatic and won't believe me until I am actually dead. It's all just there, and I hate it.
Why now? That's really what I wanna know. Things have gotten really better, I've got a pending relationship that feels SO right and SO good. The other pilots and I are not exactly at each others throats ALL the time, so why now? I mean is the world trying to tell me that I'm never going to be better again? Believe me, I get that.
It is rather late and I am really tired. Let's hope that I will be able to sleep tonight.
Duo Maxwell
He failed miserably:
Begin dream
"Guys...I uh, really need to talk to ya," Duo's voice was quiet and unreadable but his eyes spoke stronger then ever. The four other pilots, who were now seated at the lunch table, looked up at him. He was fidgeting with the end of his braid and looking at the floor.
"What is it Duo?" Quatre asked, seeing Duo play with the ends of his hair meant that something was bothering the boy.
"I ju-just...just wanna ge-get...get this o-out before so-something happens," Duo's sentence was stuttery and almost incoherent.
"Ok then, we're waiting." Trowa already knew what Duo was going to speak about but didn't know what the braided boy was going to say about it. There was NOTHING to say about it.
"I'm...I'm a little sick," Duo forced his eyes from the he tile to the eyes of the other pilots.
"So...?" Trowa asked wanting Duo to finish with what he was saying without sugar-coating it.
"I just...felt that everyone should know because I don't want anyone to be left in the dark. It's looking pretty bad right now, seeing as some of the symptoms are not letting up." Duo finished his statement with a long hard cough. When he removed his hand from its place over his mouth blood was there, on the palm of his hand.
His eyes widened in fear and then...
End dream
Duo bolted up from his bed, head pounding and heart racing. It took half of a minute for his eyes to adjust and when they did he found that it was 12:32.
"Well I slept longer then I thought I would have." He smirked to himself and flipped over, trying to fall asleep again. His head was killing him but he was too afraid to take anything for it.
Rolling over again he started thinking about whether or not he was actually going to tell the other pilots about it. Afterall, Trowa already knew so if something DID happen Tro could make sure that the others knew what happened but...then that would seem so impersonal, almost cruel. He just couldn't decide what he was going to do about things.
Finally he gave up tossing and turning and gave in to his sleep, gave in to that need for rest that was bothering him since the night before. Letting go and falling into the darkness of sleep, wishing to wake up the next morning.
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BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Duo's alarm clock rang and cursing to it he got up and set it for an extra 45 minutes. He wanted to sleep damnit. It was 4:50 and he just wanted to sleep, except his stomague was not letting him. It hurt like hell.
Rising from his bed he puled out a shirt, a pair of pants and socks, his outfit for the day. Taking his clothing into the bathroom with him and throwing his cloths on the side of the dirty ass bathtub he went to the bathroom. He was overwhelmingly relieved to not see blood but confused about what he saw the day before.
Splashing water on his face he continued with his daily morning routine of eating, household chores and running out the door with a mug of coffee to keep him awake. He was still thinking about what might happen to him and whether or not he was going to mention any of it to the others, afterall he wasn't seeing any blood today.
On the bus his music blared the lyrics of one of his favorite songs Breakdown by Tantric. It was a good song that spoke to Duo every time he listened to it. The lyrics meshed wonderfully with the tunes of the music. The bus driver looked up from the road and into the mirror at Duo, wanting to talk but knowing that when Duo had his headphones on he was literally unreachable to the world.
Duo's eyes were down, reading a piece of his own writing as he was taking the long journey to work. He felt the eyes of the bus driver on him and he knew that the guy wanted to talk, but he was too busy reading his writing. Looking up from the notepad in front of him he could see the preventers complex coming up ahead of him, he was almost at work and he was dreading it. He was dreading seeing the other pilots, ok he wasn't just dreading seeing the other pilots but he was dreading seeing ANYONE because he knew he would have an urge to go up and just give any person a giant hug. He wanted a hug too, a really big hug from anyone who would give it.
The bus came to a screeching halt by the entrance gate of the complex and Duo stood up. Pulling off his headphones he walked down the he isle of the bus, said goodbye to the bus driver and walked off into the sunlight. Taking one look at the buildings ahead of him he considered running but knew that running from this wasn't going to get him anywhere but to his grave. Yeah he bet good money he'd be able to get far and stay hidden if they tried to look for him but mentally he was unsure of himself.
He took a deep breath and walked in.