It was a quiet ride over to the doctor's office, as was the wait in the waiting room. Ryan still didn't feel much like talking, and Kirsten wasn't exactly sure what she should say. She didn't want to tell him she was sorry. She wasn't sorry that they lectured him or grounded him. He got what he deserved, so for that she wasn't sorry. And since she wasn't sure if he was so upset about getting in trouble, or if there was something more bothering him, Kirsten decided it would be better to let Sandy talk to him. Sandy always seemed to know what to say.
Luckily, it was only a very quiet five minute wait before the nurse came to call Ryan into the examining room. He just looked at Kirsten for a brief moment when she also stood up and headed for the examining room with him. The last time she brought him to the doctor, it was for his sports physical for soccer, and she waited in the waiting room, so Ryan wasn't exactly sure why she was following him this time.
The nurse turned as both Ryan and Kirsten walked into the examining room. She didn't say anything at first, but wondered why this woman was accompanying her teenage son into an examining room.
"So what brings you here today?" she asked Ryan. She knew just by looking at Ryan's bruised face and the slow way he walked what his answer was going to be, but she always asked the same question.
"He was jumped. Attacked. Five days ago, in Chino." Kirsten said, before Ryan got the chance to answer, "He got out of the hospital on Tuesday, and we're here today for a check up. To make sure his injuries are healing correctly."
The nurse simply nodded and made some notes in Ryan's file before asking, "I can see the bruising to your face, but where else were you injured?"
Kirsten again answered before Ryan had a chance to open his mouth, "He suffered a broken nose, some fractured ribs, a partially collapsed lung, a concussion, bruising to his left kidney, lacerations to his lip and forehead which required stitches as well as numerous contusions to his upper body. I have a copy of the medical records that my husband picked up from Chino Valley Medical Center. They explain everything."
The nurse just looked from Ryan to Kirsten as she accepted the medical records.
"How do you feel now, Ryan?" she asked, hoping the mother would take the hint and let her son answer for himself.
Ryan just shrugged and quietly said, "Fine. Just sore. And a little tired."
And then Kirsten added, "The doctor at Chino Valley gave him percocet for the pain. It makes him sleepy."
"Mrs. Cohen," the nurse asked, "Are you planning on staying in the examining room?"
Kirsten just looked from Ryan to the nurse as she said, "Yes. Why?"
"Well, in my experience," the nurse said, trying to choose her words carefully, "I have found that most teenagers don't like having their mothers with them in the examining room. It makes them uncomfortable."
"How many teenage assault victims have you seen?" Kirsten shot back, but then she saw Ryan look at her and then look away, and she knew sarcasm wasn't what Ryan needed.
"Look," Kirsten explained, "normally, I wouldn't come in. The last time Ryan was here, I didn't come in. But this time, Ryan was seriously injured, and I'm just concerned so I would like to be here when the doctor comes in."
The nurse looked at Ryan for his response since he was staring blankly at his mother. He just shrugged his shoulders and looked away. He wasn't about to go into this with the nurse, and he certainly wasn't going to start another argument with Kirsten.
Well, the nurse thought, if it didn't bother the kid to have her there, it didn't bother her. She just hoped she could get Ryan to answer her questions.
"It was just your upper body and face that were injured?" she asked.
When Ryan only nodded, the nurse said, "Ok, then you'll just need to remove your shirt."
As Ryan slowly removed his shirt, the nurse could see why Mrs. Cohen was upset. The poor kid was covered with bruises. She tried to continue taking his vitals and other information with as much professionalism as possible, but Mrs. Cohen was right. She had never treated a teenage assault victim. Not like this one.
"Okay," she said as she finished up, "The doctor will be in shortly. Take care, Ryan. I'll see you later."
It was again a very quiet five minute wait before the door opened and a doctor walked in.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Andrews. I'm covering for Dr. Jackson this week. I would say it was nice to meet you, but I can see that for you, it's not nice."
Ryan just looked at this Dr. Andrews. He liked Dr. Jackson. Dr. Jackson didn't make stupid jokes. Dr. Andrews then turned to Kirsten and said,
"Mrs. Cohen, nice to meet you. If you don't mind, I'd like to examine Ryan now, and then you can come back in."
"I'd like to stay." Kirsten said.
Dr Andrews just nodded. The nurse had already informed him that the mother was being overprotective.
"Most teenagers don't like having their mothers in the examining room. It's embarrassing to them." Dr.Andrews also explained.
"It's only his face, his back and his chest. I've seen them before. And I know all of the injuries. So I would like to stay, if you don't mind." Kirsten told him.
The doctor again just nodded and then turned to Ryan and said, "Ryan, do you mind if your mother stays?"
All Ryan wanted was for them to stop saying 'mother'. He didn't care if Kirsten stayed or not. The only thing that was bothering him was that they kept saying mother, and Kirsten wasn't correcting them. Ryan looked at Kirsten for a minute, but when she looked back at him, he quickly turned his head.
"Doesn't matter." He finally said, "She can stay."
Kirsten continued to look at Ryan. She saw the look in his eyes after the doctor asked about his mother. She finally made the connection. She understood what had Ryan so upset. Sandy used the word 'abandon.' He told Ryan that it was like Ryan abandoned them. Just like Dawn.
The doctor's exam was relatively quick but painful. He asked Ryan to take deep breaths so he could listen to Ryan's lungs, and that still hurt. He also pushed and pressed on just about every bruise and mark on Ryan's body and that also still hurt. It all still hurt a lot. Ryan tried to be quiet. He didn't want Kirsten to know that it still bothered him as much as it did.
When he was done, Dr. Andrews made some notes in Ryan's file and then explained,
"Everything seems to be healing as well as can be expected. I'd like to see Ryan again next week. At that time, we can remove the stitches and take some x-rays. Are there any questions?"
"What about the percocet?" Ryan asked. "Do I still need to take it?"
"As long as you're not in too much pain, then you don't have to take it. That's up to you. Just continue to limit your physical activity until your next appointment." Dr. Andrews said.
"So he should still stay in bed?" Kirsten asked. They both noticed the look on Ryan's face at that question. Dr. Andrews guessed that it was something that was probably discussed in length at home.
"You need to continue to rest, Ryan." Dr. Andrews told him, "As much as possible. It doesn't necessarily have to be in bed all the time, but if you decide to move to the couch, stay on the couch. Don't go back and forth. The more rest you get the faster you will heal. Understand?"
At first Ryan just nodded, but then asked, "For how long?"
"Definitely for this week, until your next visit. We'll take some x-rays and I'll give you a more definite answer then. Anything else?" Dr. Andrews said.
Ryan thought for a minute and then asked, "When can I go back to work?"
Dr. Andrews was about to tell Ryan to give it at least four more weeks, but he didn't get the chance.
"Next summer" was the answer, and it came from Kirsten.
Ryan started to say, "But I thought...." but didn't finish the sentence. One look at Kirsten and he stopped mid sentence. Instead he looked down at his feet.
"You're supposed to spend the rest of the summer relaxing and recovering, and you can't work during the school year, so next summer you can worry about getting a job again." Kirsten explained.
"Your mother's right." Dr. Andrews told him, "Your injuries need time to heal, so as long as you have her permission, I'd say try to enjoy the rest of your summer. Slowly and carefully."
Ryan only nodded and looked away. He wished to hell that this guy would stop calling Kirsten his mother. He knew it had to be making her extremely uncomfortable.
They both quietly walked out of the doctor's office, and got into Kirsten's car without saying anything.
As Kirsten pulled out of the parking lot, she finally said, "Dr. Andrews seemed nice. He's not Dr. Jackson, but he was good. Seemed to know what he was talking about. What did you think?"
Ryan just shrugged and looked out the window. "He was all right." Ryan said, "I'm, uh, sorry about what they said back there." He knew he had to apologize for them mistakenly calling her his mother.
"When?" Kirsten asked.
"You know," Ryan said, with his eyes still glued to the window, "about being in the examining room with me."
"Why? They were right." Kirsten laughed, "Most seventeen year olds don't want someone in the examining room with them. You're all too mature to have us hold your hand. And normally, I wouldn't, but this time was different."
"That's not what I meant." Ryan sighed. Why did she have to make this difficult?
"No?" she asked, trying to sound like she didn't know what he was referring to.
"Kirsten...." Ryan started. Why is she making this hard? Why couldn't she just accept his apology and be done with it.
"Ryan..." she said, in the same tone Ryan was trying to use with her. She was hoping to joke with him and that would let him know that it was okay. But when she saw he was still upset, she told him, "Look, if you think it bothers me when someone refers to me as your mother, then you're wrong."
"I just thought..." Ryan started to say, but Kirsten interrupted him,
"Ryan, don't think. It doesn't bother me." She thought about it for a minute before admitting, "Honestly, I like it. Okay? I like it when someone refers to my sons. With an S, meaning more then one son. I'm sorry if that bothers you, but it is going to happen."
"I didn't say it bothered me," Ryan said, quickly, "It's just....."
Kirsten waited for him to finish, but when he didn't, she asked, "Just what?"
Ryan looked at her briefly before looking back out the window and said, "I just don't see why."
"Why?" Kirsten asked, "Why we like it when someone thinks you're our son? Don't you think you're important enough?"
Ryan just mumbled, "Yeah, something like that."
Kirsten thought about her answer. She didn't want to give him some sugar coated cookie cutter answer that she knew Ryan wouldn't believe.
She finally looked at him and said, "Why not?"
Ryan looked back at her, confused by her answer. "Huh?"was all he could think to ask.
"I said, Why Not. Why wouldn't you be important enough to us?" Kirsten answered, "Ryan, you spend so much time wondering why that you never ask yourself why not. Think about it. I think you'll be surprised by what you come up with."
"It's just." Ryan tried to explain, "I've never really mattered to anyone before. I just. I don't know."
"Well, you matter to us. A lot. You matter to a lot of people. So ask yourself Why Not. Ok?" Kirsten told him. She hoped that would be enough to help him, but he just mumbled,
"Yeah, ok." and continued to look out the window.
She waited a few minutes before she softly said, "Ryan."
But when he still wouldn't turn his head away from the window she said "Ryan" a little louder and with more force so he would finally look at her.
"You're not Dawn." she told him.
Ryan could only stare at her, with a look of total confusion.
"You're not Dawn." Kirsten said again, "You didn't leave us because you couldn't handle the responsibility of being with us. You left to try to take on more responsibility then you should have. There is a difference. A huge difference."
"We know that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt us" Kirsten continued, "So it is okay to forgive yourself. You made a mistake. Yes, it was a big mistake, but you are still a kid. I know you sometimes have trouble remembering that, but that's okay, too. Because we're here to remind you. We love you, sweetie. And you're stuck with us. So just try to remember that, too. Okay?"
"Yeah." Ryan said, "Why not?"
"Yeah. Why not." Kirsten repeated and then changed the subject, "Want to stop at the burger place and get some burgers and cheese fries for everyone for lunch?"
Ryan finally laughed and said, "Yeah. Why not."