Hold Me Through
By: Keleshnar
Disclaimer: Not mine. Unfortunately, it's that simple.
Spoilers: extremely small ones to "Stigma"
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter is mild PG-13)
A/N: I'm starting a new thing this chapter, perhaps for now on in the story. This chapter's words are rose and music. If you're curious about this, want to suggest a word, etc., just drop me a line. Oh, I used the Vulcan Language Dictionary and the Vulcan Language Guide ( and ) as references to parts of the story, and I also made up both T'Pol's teacher and the Denobulan god. Three more things: 1) I know I'm terrible at updating, but please have pity on me 2) Review, please. Feed an author. 3) Betas are good! Thanks Monica! Anyway, now to the story…
Chapter Nine: Secrets of a Sort
"Well, I think I'll head to the mess hall. Malcolm, you have the bridge until I get back," Jon said as he stood up, stretched, and headed for the turbolift. Jon nodded in acknowledgement to the Sithian guard as he got on the 'lift and pushed the button for C Deck. Grand Hines had suggested having his crew rotate around the ship in security positions to familiarize themselves with Enterprise's crew and the way she was run, at least for the first few weeks. So far their agreement had worked out very well. Some of the crew had even mentioned that the Sithians seemed to fit in socially, making it very agreeable on both sides. Enterprise had avoided two dangerous anomalies, too, because Grand Hines forewarned the Captain of the anomalies' positions.
Jon walked down the hall, wondering whether T'Pol was already eating. It was well after their normal lunchtime, so he was sure she was starving even though she'd had a snack a few hours before. In the last week, her appetite had grown considerably. Dr. Phlox said that it was a normal and healthy development, but it was a little disconcerting for anyone who watched her.
They had both purposely taken lunch late again, hoping that they could finally go see the Doctor today. Jon felt nervous but excited about the visit. As he walked into the mess hall, he saw T'Pol put her tray on a table in the back of the room and carefully slip into the seat. Only two other crewmen were in the mess hall at this hour, and they weren't paying any obvious attention to the Captain and Sub-Commander. He smiled, got himself some food, and joined her.
'I was wondering when you would come,' she sent to him.
"Well, I'm here now." He replied aloud. It still took a lot of concentration for him to reply back to her mentally, so he tended to just responded verbally.
As they began to eat, Jon noticed what she was having – plomeek soup, and peanut butter… again. That was her constant craving recently. She had been eating so much peanut butter lately, and in such vast quantities, that Chef had asked her to only take a spoonful or so per sitting so that she didn't eat it all in two months or less. T'Pol looked up when she noticed Jon staring at her, her spoon on its way to her mouth, and gave him a look that said 'What?' along with her famous arched eyebrow. He just shook his head in amusement.
A few minutes later, they were finishing up their lunches in silence when Jon heard, or rather, felt, T'Pol's sudden but slight intake of breath. She also immediately put her left hand onto her stomach. Jon moved his chair around so that he was sitting directly next to T'Pol. He took her hand in his and placed them both on her abdomen, waiting for the next kick of their unborn child. As the next kicks came, they felt their love through their mutual gaze as they stared at each other while connecting to their child.
The child had been a late kicker and didn't kick too often, but he/she really seemed to like peanut butter, because whenever T'Pol ate peanut butter, there would be a 'kicking spell'. It had become sort of a ritual for the two of them to sit there through the kicking, one of each of their hands on T'Pol's stomach, and just let go of their thoughts. Jon looked at her and smiled, and T'Pol looked right back and gave as close to a smile as she would in public.
After their child had stopped kicking, they finished their meals. Jon took their trays and put them in the dirty dish shelve while T'Pol worked on standing up and heading to the door. The two other crewmen had already left, so Jon went to the comm. unit by the door and called for the Doctor.
"Archer to Phlox."
"Phlox here, Captain. Sickbay is free and I am expecting you," Phlox said, knowing what Jon's question would be.
"Thanks, Doc. We'll be there soon. Archer out."
* * * * *
When Jon and T'Pol entered sickbay, Dr. Phlox came out of his office with a wide grin on his face – not the scary-looking grin, just a happy-looking grin. Jon helped T'Pol onto a biobed, where she let out a long and slightly frustrated sigh. 'I am not fond of the restrictions associated with having large bulk.' She thought. Jon heard part of it and laughed. The Doctor just eyed them and ignored them – he knew enough about their bond not to ask.
As the Captain helped T'Pol get fully settled and comfortable, Phlox went over to one of his workstations and picked up two test tubes full of liquid and poured them both into a glass container that looked sort of like a beaker. He stirred them together, and then brought the container over to T'Pol. She looked at it warily, as it was filled with an opaque, slightly green liquid.
"Drink up!" the Doctor said. "It probably will not taste very good though, sorry; the flavoring I have been trying is not working very well." He was referring to the other serums that he had been making recently for T'Pol from the plant with high levels of trilithium that had been found on a planet they'd passed. Jon hadn't been with her when she'd taken the other experimental medicines, but she'd reported that they helped her Pa'Nar symptoms significantly.
T'Pol nodded, took a deep breath as if to prepare herself, and then drank the odd-looking liquid as fast as she could. She squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to hold her repugnance in, and then made a slightly disgusted yet controlled face as she handed the glass back to Dr. Phlox. Jon grinned, amused at her obvious dislike for the taste.
"Grape flavoring's not very good, huh?" he said, both joking and trying to distract her from the unpleasant taste. He succeeded – she arched her eyebrow in question, and he explained.
"All of the little-kid liquid medicines, which was basically every medicine because you can't swallow pills as a kid, taste horrible when they're not flavored. Flavorings were added to many of them, and some still tasted bad, though others were better. Grape was by far the best type."
"Oh," she commented simply. She couldn't help but add on something else in her mind, though, which she mentally sent to Jonathan. 'Most Vulcan children can swallow pills easily. Interesting.'
'Ha ha.' He sent back sarcastically.
Phlox put the glass away and brought back a device that looked like a hypospray to collect a sample of blood from T'Pol to run tests on. T'Pol tipped her head to the side so that Phlox could easily access her neck, and there was a little whoosh as the device began to draw the blood needed. As he took the device away and put the sample of blood next to one of his analysis machines, he nodded and said, "All done… Now, would you like to know the gender of your child, since you've both been dying to find out for a while, I presume."
Jonathan smiled at the thought of finally knowing more about their child, and nodded. T'Pol was slightly perplexed about the particular euphemism the Doctor used, but it did seem fitting, as she was very eager to find out the gender of the child she had been carrying for over half a year.
'Half a year…' she thought as the reality of those words sank in. 'It has been so enjoyable and gone by so fast.' Jonathan saw her wistful face and reached out to hold and lightly squeeze her hand in excitement, the grin still very evident on his face. The Doctor, meanwhile, was shuffling around, looking for the chromosome analysis of the baby. He found it a minute later in his office. He walked out to the couple, who were both now sitting on the biobed holding hands, looked at the sheet, and smiled his biggest smile yet as he announced,
"Captain, Sub-Commander, congratulations! You're going to have a son!"
* * * * *
Those few words had more power than Jon had imagined. He suddenly felt like he was floating a few feet in the air, but at the same time he had an exciting, pleasant tingly feeling all throughout him. It was as if his whole body had fallen asleep and he was pressing himself to the ground so that he felt the pins and needles, except it was joyous. 'Son,' he thought. 'A son…' he couldn't wait to see his baby boy out of the womb! His relationship with his father had been very deep, and he treasured it immensely, so he couldn't wait to begin forming such a relationship with his own son.
He looked to T'Pol and saw two things – that she was very serene and also that she was holding in her feelings. He mentally urged her to share her feelings while he took his hand out of hers and initiated the Vulcan embrace that T'Pol had taught him, caressing her first two fingers with his own. There was a pause on her 'end of the line,' as it were, and then he felt a shockwave of her feelings, which were soon joined and strengthened by his. Neither of them could name all of the emotions that were intermixed, but love, joy, and happiness were very prominent.
Dr. Phlox got out the ultrasound machine and showed Jon and T'Pol the first images of their son. The two were alternating between holding hands and doing the Vulcan hand embrace. Both of their eyes widened in excitement when they felt him kick and also saw him do so on the ultrasound screen. Dr. Phlox let them just enjoy looking at their son and was moving the ultrasound 'stick' around on T'Pol's belly. T'Pol was silently talking to herself as the Dr. showed them different views. 'Yes, there's his leg, his foot, his five tiny toes… a hand, another hand… yes, it's certainly a boy…'
She had seen other ultrasounds of unborn children in her science courses and in her outside life, but those all seemed so average, different. This was special and unique. Her son. She suddenly understood all of the slightly Pollyanna human sayings about children: "children are the hope of the future," "the dreams of children today are the reality of tomorrow," and the like. The life of her child was the most precious thing to her now, and she knew that she would do everything in her power to make his life richer and to keep his hope for the future alive.
Once Phlox was finished with the ultrasound and saved a copy of the ultrasound video to both officers' personal files, he declared that their child was as healthy as could be expected. He also mentioned that he still had to check the blood sample T'Pol just gave to check up on an odd protein that was in the last sample she'd given. T'Pol also heard him say he'd contact them in about half an hour after he'd completed his test. Jonathan was already bounding out the doors of sickbay as Phlox finished talking to T'Pol, childlike in his joy, which reflected the cause of his excitement. T'Pol's amusement at his buoyant mood was visible only through her eyes as she walked in a stately manner down the corridor after him.
* * * * *
They only met a few people on their trip from sickbay to Jon's quarters. Near the lift on E deck, Jon passed Par-Grand Isces, who looked surprised and watched the Captain warily, like one would a mad dog. Isces seemed to show relieved comprehension when Jon yelled, "It's a boy!" as he turned the corner to the turbolift. Jon waited there at the 'lift for T'Pol, his cheeks a little rose-colored from the adrenalin and the embarrassment.
Right after the 'lift doors opened up on C deck, Jon saw Malcolm and Hoshi headed toward them, talking. As soon as Hoshi saw him (T'Pol was still behind the corner), she greeted him with, "Hi Captain."
"Hi, Hoshi, Malcolm." Jon replied.
"Sir," came Malcolm's formal hello. Jon then realized that Malcolm, the person supposedly in charge of the bridge right now, was walking around the halls. His face showed his confusion, and Malcolm replied before the Captain could even get the actual question out of his mouth.
"We just changed shifts, sir. Adjustment schedule?" Jon nodded his confirmation to the question; he had just remembered that the crew would be rotating positions somewhat along with the Sithians to give everyone more experience in different positions. That, too, had been the Grand's idea.
While the two men were conversing, Hoshi saw T'Pol and moved over to talk to her. Hoshi wasn't sure what it was, but she could just tell that something was up with the older woman. "Ma'am?" she asked, knowing that T'Pol would understand her true question. T'Pol cleared her throat just in the slightest to answer, purely by accident, but it were as if someone at a dinner party had 'clanged' their fork on a cup to silence everyone for a toast. All three people immediately turned their attentions to her. T'Pol put her hands behind her back, unconsciously emphasizing her belly, hid a smile in her eyes, and declared,
"Our child is going to be a boy." Suddenly there was a lot of happy chatter going between the four. Hoshi was (carefully) hugging T'Pol in congratulations, and Malcolm was shaking hands with Jon and talking about being a father. Jon knew that Malcolm's relationship with his father was pretty estranged, so he didn't want to press the subject too much. Malcolm knew, however, how important a figure Jon's father was in the Captain's life, and also how great a father the Captain would make. When Malcolm told Jon this, Jon simply broke into a wide grin and thanked him while silently replaying the words in his own head. Father. God, it sounded like music to his ears. Beautiful, tear-jerking music.
Just as the two groups were on their way again – as T'Pol commented, they didn't want to keep Malcolm and Hoshi from their next post – Hoshi turned around and called back to Jon, "Oh, Captain. Admiral Forrest sent a message for you. I had it forwarded to your quarters."
"Thanks, Hoshi." T'Pol could feel some unsettlement coming over Jonathan and arched her eyebrow in question as they walked toward his quarters. He turned to her outside his door and said, "I still haven't told Forrest about our child." He opened the door and motioned for her to go first, continuing the conversation as they entered. Porthos barked and ran over to them in greeting, but was ignored except for a small pat on the head by Jon.
"Have you told Soval or your parents yet?" He didn't think she had, and his thoughts were confirmed when she shook her head.
"I have not been able to think of the appropriate way to phrase the message." She said. That basically summed up how Jon felt, too. There were so many wrong ways to write it, and evidently neither one of them had come up with the right way. "We shall have to do it soon, however," she continued. "Or otherwise we will have to explain why there is suddenly another crew member on board."
He nodded in acquiescence and then changed to a much more pleasant topic, making a mental note to send the daunting message to Forrest soon. "So, have you been thinking about any names?" Jon asked. T'Pol paused in thought, during which time Jon playfully picked up Porthos and whispered to him, "You're 'gonna have a nephew, Porthos! What do you think about that, huh?" The beagle just barked happily and wagged his tail.
Once Jon put his dog back on the floor, where he contentedly ran around their feet, T'Pol mentally asked him not to take any offense to her statement and said, "I was hoping he could have a Vulcan first name."
Jon thought about it for a second, and then replied, "That's fine with me, as long as you don't mind if he keeps the Archer surname." With that major decision crossed surprisingly easily, Jon walked over to his bed, where T'Pol was sitting, and sat down next to her. "Were you thinking of any particular names?"
She looked down for a minute, reflecting, then let Jon in on her thoughts. "When we were looking at the ultrasound, I thought of the name T'Kez. It is the male version of the name of one of my mentors on Vulcan, whose name was T'Cesh. She was a strong woman, very admirable and smart." She didn't tell Jonathan the rest of what she had been thinking – when she had seen her son moving and kicking inside her, she had thought of her old mentor, but two Vulcan words had also come to her mind. She wasn't sure why she thought of them, but once she had she knew somehow that they would fit her son and his life. The words were ket'es and sha'es or in English, "integrity" and "identity or individuality." She didn't share this part with Jonathan, though, because she knew he wouldn't be able to fully understand the underlying meaning of the words. She had a feeling that because of his origins, T'Kez's sha'es would be viewed negatively by other people, especially Vulcans.
Jon smiled, though, and said, "I think that's a great name. I like it."
He moved closer to her to caress the side of her face, and then delicately traced a line with his fingers down her neck and chest to her swollen abdomen. T'Pol's insides started to flutter and she moved forward to first take his face in her hands and then kiss him. First it was light, purely a joyful celebration of their son, but it soon turned more heated with very intimate kisses and tongues exploring each other while their minds danced in sync. Jon tore his mouth away from hers and moved down to her neck, leaving a trail of kisses. He moved even lower and caressed her breasts lightly, which were swollen because of the pregnancy, and grinned slightly when he heard her low moan. He grinned even more as his head went down and met her mouth, the passion of the embrace searing both of them.
"Phlox to Captain Archer." They both jerked from the sudden noise, and Jon's head snapped up. He looked at T'Pol, who was breathing heavily, and carefully helped her to a sitting position before answering the comm.
"Archer here, Doc." Jon was breathing deeply, trying to catch his breath after his 'romantic exercise.' He felt like a teenager being caught in his bedroom with his girlfriend by his parents. If Phlox noticed his erratic breathing rate, though, he didn't let on.
Phlox waited a few seconds without saying anything, as if thinking of the best way to deliver the news, and gave the couple time to refocus their attention.
When Phlox didn't continue, T'Pol gave Jonathan a slightly worried look. "Doctor, what is it?" she asked, worry apparent in her voice. A solemn mood fell over Jon and T'Pol, and they knew the news wasn't good.
Finally Phlox spoke. "I wanted to tell over the comm system so you could have the privacy you'll probably need," Another pause. "T'Pol, Captain, I'm afraid I have bad news…" he sighed a deep, sad sigh. "When I compared the gene sample I took today with my previous one, I confirmed an abnormality I hoped to Trisnak was a mistake." He heard the horrified gasp coming from the other end of the comm line and quickly went on.
"It's not fatal, don't worry. But it certainly won't help his position."
"Position?" Jon whispered in question and continued in his thoughts, 'Why 'position' and not 'condition'?'
T'Pol's face looked as if it were made of stone. She had a terrible feeling that she knew what the problem might be linked to, so she asked Phlox, "Does it have to do with the Pa'Nar Syndrome?"
He cleared his throat and said, "No… not directly. I believe it was caused by the trilithium medicine that I formed and gave you from that plant." The plant she had found, and the medicine she had willingly taken, even though no one knew if there would be side effects. "The medicine has significantly reigned in the Pa'Nar Syndrome in both of you, but it stemmed another reaction in him."
"What is it, Doctor!" Jon almost yelled. He couldn't bear the anxiety and stress of being in limbo about his child's condition.
There was a final pause from sickbay, and then "In response to the Pa'Nar Syndrome and its medicine, your son has manipulated his genes to better deal with what is happening to him. In doing this, he has become capable of forming mind-melds."
Jon understood somewhat what this meant because of his experience with the Vulcans at the Interspecies Medical Exchange conference on Dekendii III, but when he looked at T'Pol he realized that this had worse implications than he thought. Her eyes were watering from the fear showing in them, and Jon knew that he needed to take her in his arms and comfort her, even if he didn't totally understand why. He thanked the Doctor and closed the comm. connection and went over to her, cradling her and rocking back and forth a little. She just held on like a small scared child and wept inside. Tears were pouring through their mental connection, and Jon added to that through actual tears that fell onto her hair. He wiped them away and kissed her cheek lovingly, whispering "I love you" into her ear.
She circled her stomach with her hand, held on tighter than ever, and sent to him, 'Yana wanimo mene itisha1.'
* * * * *
They stayed like that for a good half hour, just holding onto each other and comforting each other. T'Kez started to kick again, as if he were trying to communicate with his parents and comfort them as well. Eventually they both got up from their positions and started to write the dreaded letters to Admiral Forrest and Soval, respectively. Certain parts were left out of those letters, of course, but T'Pol couldn't help but dwell on them as she wrote – how her child would be despised and rejected by almost all Vulcans now, how her decisions affected her child, how she regretted some of those decisions, but most of all how even through it all, she felt that he was the best thing that she had ever created or done, and that she would stand up for and by her family no matter what happened. And she knew Jonathan would do the exact same.
Cont…
1 "You are my life"