"I think we should ditch," Caitlin said as she took a bite out of her hot dog.

Haley raised an eyebrow, "We're not in high school anymore, Caity, if we 'ditch', we don't get paid."

Caitlin pouted before rolling her eyes, "I hate being a grown up. All these responsibilities. It sucks."

Haley laughed lightly, "Great way of summarizing it. But, hey, at least now you don't have to keep borrowing your parent's car."

"Like I need a car anyway," Caitlin said as she waved her hand about, "In New York here."

"Huh, good point," Haley paused, "You can drink." She stopped herself before addding, "Legally."

She smirked, "Like that ever stopped me."

Haley gasped dramatically, "Why, Cailtin Monroe! For shame."

"Right, I'm terrible, I know," Caitlin said with a grin, "But, seriously. I'm missing the younger years. All we had to worry about back then were acne, boys, school, and well, more boys."

"I like now," Haley said truthfully, "It feels more independent and hey, being a grown up isn't so bad." She stopped herself, "Man, I sound like a commercial."

"That you do, but because I love you, I didn't want to break it to you."

Haley smacked Caitlin lightly on the arm before she finished up her hot dog, "I've got another half hour before I've gotta get back."

"You could have the whole day if you just don't go back at all."

"Caitlin-" Haley's voice held warning as she looked at her friend with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, mother," Caitlin said, defeated, "I'll go back. Insert some numbers into the pretty machine and get paid close to minimum wage for it."

"Always the optimist."

"You know it."

"So," Caitlin said, dragging the word out, "What happened with Nathan? Specifics and detailed version though."

Haley snorted, "Way to be subtle."

"Tact and subtle are words that don't exist in my vocabulary," Caitlin stated as she grinned, "So, tell me. I'm looking forward to my daily dose of drama."

Haley raised an eyebrow, "I am not some mid-day TV show, thank you very much."

"No, you're just my best friend," Caitlin smiled, "Who I love very, very much."

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"Oh, come on, Haley," Caitlin whined, "I'm not letting you borrow my eye shadow anymore. That midnight pink one that I got from Shiseido," her eyes narrowed, "Which I think you're wearing right now!" She scoffed, "Geez, thanks for asking."

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you," Haley gave up with a small grin.

After a few moments of silence, Caitlin said impatiently, "Well...."

"I'm trying to figure out where to start." Haley replied with a smirk.

"Dear god, you're not writing a novel."

Haley laughed, "Okay, so you know how he came to my work early and we were about to head off to a peaceful lunch but hell, we didn't even make it out the damn elevator." She sighed, "He told me that he couldn't move on," Haley shook her head, "And, he acts like that's my fault."

"Is it?"

Haley looked up surprised, "What?"

"I don't mean to prod but there has to be a reason why he thinks that."

"He just wants to push everything onto me," Haley said decisively.

Caitlin raised an eyebrow.

"Don't look at me like that," Haley said with a frown.

Caitlin raised both of her hands up in defeat, "Sorry."

She sighed, "Damn it, I hate that you're always right."

"Hey, don't hate me cuz I'm perfect," Caitlin said, laughing lightly before she looked at Haley seriously, "So, is it your fault?"

Haley shrugged, "I don't know," she answered honestly, "I don't think it's just any one person's fault. I mean, could you really do that? Just blame a relationship's problems all on one person? It just doesn't make any sense."

Caitlin simply nodded.

"It just felt like we were slowly deteriorating," Haley said softly, "And, I wanted to remember him as something good."

"So, you were the one who did the actual breaking up?"

Haley looked down at the sidewalk and stopped walking, "I guess, officially, yes, but he was the one that left so it was more of a mutual thing."

"You didn't expect him to hold it against you?"

"No," Haley said, her voice rising, "I thought we could both be adults but he keeps attacking me and wanting to bring it up. It's over and done with and we both should've moved on. If he didn't, that's not my problem," she said, looking intensely at Caitlin, "Not anymore."

Caitlin nodded before asking, "If you've moved on, why does it even matter that he brings it up."

Haley's jaw tightened as she shook her head, "I don't like talking about it."

"Are you sure you've moved on then?"

"Maybe not completely," she said after a few moments, "But, I'm getting there."

"Really?" Caitlin leaned in and looked closely at Haley, "So, why is it every time I say 'Nathan', your jaw tightens and your eyes get darker."

Haley simply looked away before asking quietly, "Can we not talk about this anymore?"

"Sure," Caitlin said as she walked in step with Haley.

Was Caitlin right? Was she really as hung up on Nathan as she was before? It couldn't be possible. It had been 6 years and Haley had moved on as much as she could. She had pushed past the pain and grew up. She had become independent.

At least, she thought she did. Then, Nathan showed up again and just made everything so much more complicated. She was questioning everything now. Nothing made sense to her, she was even questioning her own judgment on how she acted with him 6 years back.

That was something she had never done before.

Sure, she asked herself about what she did wrong during the relationship and spent a few too many nights analyzing that aspect of their relationship but never the end. The break up, if you could even call it that, was the one thing Haley was sure of. She did the right thing.

She didn't want to see the only good thing in her life at that time collapse into nothing and so, she broke it off. But, in her mind, it had been broken off long before that.

Haley didn't want to ruin their relationship by having a grand breakup complete with fighting and tears. That would only bring insult to what she and Nathan had and so she stopped it, before it could get any worse.

Nathan had accused her of giving up. And, maybe, in a way, she did. But, she was so tired.

The fights had taken it's toll on her and she didn't want to remember him as a regret. Nathan meant more to her then that.

So, maybe it was true what Caitlin said, maybe she didn't move on yet. After all, if she truly did, talking about it with Nathan and seeing him wouldn't have had such an effect on her. But, what she said to him was the truth.

They couldn't go back.

They were different people now with different lives to lead. She wasn't going to just drop everything that she knew to be with him. She had to think realistically.

This was no longer high school where her worries and responsibilities consisted of school, working at the cafe, her friends and boyfriend. She was older now. She was more mature.

She had responsibilities that she couldn't drop. She refused to be selfish and forget her responsibilities for Nathan.

She had her own life now. A life that she was happy with. A life with loving friends and family. A life without a boyfriend but that wasn't what was important. The important thing was that she was happy.

And, she was. At least, she thought she was.

Despite that fact, she knew she could not give up what she had for something that may not even be.

She and Nathan were in the past and she had to learn to accept that and move on past it. Rekindling what they had would be the worst mistake she could make, not only because things would only become more tangled but also because she was still scared and not ready.

She was truly scared of him and the effect he had on her. All her life, no one else made her feel the way he did.

She wasn't ready to give up the control yet. And, maybe, she never would be. But, her relationship with Nathan had been a possession, he overcame her entire being and she let him, willingly. She had opened herself up to him completely.

She shouldn't have but she did.

She was young and she would've done anything for love. Now, she just saw how dangerous and foolish it was. A small part of the naive high school girl still remained in her and she knew that if she let Nathan in again, this time, she may not be strong enough to let go.

Not again.

--

"Why do you always do that?"

Nathan looked up tiredly at Brooke as he walked into the hotel room. He closed the door and leaned casually against it, staring at her with cold eyes.

"You always leave after we have sex. You never stay, at least not lately." Brooke's voice held determination and slight contempt, "Is there something wrong with me?"

"Brooke, I'm really not in the mood for this."

"Well, I could give a shit, Nathan because I am and I want to talk." She said, her voice cracking, "Do you even see what you're doing to me?" She asked, incredulously, the tears visible in her eyes, "Do you even care?" She asked softly.

He simply stared at her, his face stone.

"Stop standing there with that damn look on your face and talk to me," she walked towards him, her hands shaking, "I need you to talk to me, Nathan. I need you to just," she shook her head in defeat, "I need you to do something. Something, anything." She looked up at him intensely, "For me. Please."

Sighing in annoyance, Nathan walked past her, "Are you done?"

Brooke could feel her heart shatter in front of her as she suddenly found it hard to breathe, "Why do I let you do this to me?"

"I don't know, Brooke," he answered as he sat down onto the bed, his hand reaching for the remote.

She turned around, watching his movements, not believing he would have the nerve to turn on the TV while she was standing on the sidelines, slowly breaking down. "Do I even matter to you or am I just some girl that you fuck but means nothing to you?"

"What do you want me to say, Brooke?" Nathan asked, aggravated, "I love you? Fine, I love you. Happy?"

Brooke's eyes widened as she walked up to him, about to slap him before he stopped her, holding onto her wrist tightly. "Let go of me," she said with venom in her voice.

"Isn't this what you want, Brooke? For me to pay attention to you. Well, here I am, paying attention to you."

"You are such an asshole," she said, the tears stinging her eyes, "And, I hate myself for loving you."

He let her go in disgust as she stumbled back, the tears rolling freely down her face.

"Does that bother you? That I love you despite what do to me. Does that make you feel all manly that you have that control over me? Does it make you feel more worthy and not so useless that I want you?" She spat, "You throw me down, Nathan, and you make me stay down because you like that control. You're sick," She said, her hands at her sides, tightened into fists, "But I still love you."

He shook his head, not letting her words get to him.

"All your life, you've felt like you weren't enough," Brooke said, the truth stabbing in her words, "Your dad, basketball, Lucas," she looked straight into his eyes, "Haley. I know what happened. And, it just pushed you over the edge. Now, you get off on any kinda control you can get. You think I don't know that you've been out with her? I found out, Nathan," she said in anger, "I'm not some stupid little girl. That's why you've been so aggressive lately. It's because she's pushing you away again. She doesn't want you," she said harshly, "And you take it out on me."

"Shut up, Brooke," Nathan said calmly.

"Why? For once, someone is telling the truth."

"Shut up."

"Can't handle it?" She taunted, "Well, you know what? I don't care because I am done with you."

He looked up at her, his eyes glaring daggers.

"I can't take this anymore, what you've done with me. You mess with my mind, Nathan. You make me think that you love me when you don't even care if I fall off the face of the earth," Brooke said, her voice shattered, her soul broken.

"I love you," Nathan said as he walked towards her, his eyes cold.

"Don't say that to me, you jerk," she spat, "Don't make me think-" her voice caught in her throat, "Don't do this to me. Don't make me-"

Before she could say anymore, his lips were on hers and he pushed her up against the door of the room, his hands all over her.

It was wrong. And dark.

But, they both couldn't stop from giving in.

They were too weak.

--

It was cold.

Nathan could hear the quiet humming of the air conditioner as his eyes slowly opened, the chill of the room washing over him. It seemed to pierce right through him and he shivered visibly. He pulled the covers further up over his naked body as he turned onto his side, silently watching a sleeping Brooke.

Her body was covered by a thin sheet and Nathan immediately threw the cover over her. She pulled it further around her as she snuggled into the warmth before falling back further into the depths of sleep.

Nathan's eyes never came off of her as he reached his hand out and slowly traced over her exposed skin with his forefinger. She was always so smooth, so soft, and so happy.

It bugged him.

Why should she be so happy when he was so miserable? They had met up when they were both seniors in college at some random party and there she was, happy as ever, a wide smile on her face as she was draped over some guy. And, beginning from then, he wanted nothing more then to just wipe that smile off her face.

He didn't hate her. It wasn't anything like that. It was just, something about that smile and her happiness... it bothered him. He felt the world should be sad and depressed, just like he was. He loathed the sunny weather and warmth of California.

It just constantly reminded him of Haley. Brooke, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of Haley. She was different.

She was easy. With a few charming words, he knew that she had fallen hard for him and he found some small comfort in that. Somebody on this earth needed him albeit, not the person he wanted to need him, but someone nonetheless.

That was the important thing.

It was the reason why he couldn't let her go, even though he knew he should've. She wanted something from him that he just couldn't give, not to her. And, she became more frustrated and restless with him and he retaliated, their relationship had moved on from it's happy go lucky stage and into something darker.

But, they couldn't let go of each other.

For him, it was because, he needed someone to need him. And, she was right, he did like the control he had over her. It did make him feel more worthy. All his life, he had been so unsure of himself, despite appearances. He had been put down so many times before and he thought Haley was different.

But, she broke up with him, therefore proving that he wasn't what she wanted.

He wasn't enough.

And, that killed him inside because he had wanted her and he thought of her as more the enough. She was perfection in his eyes and when she smiled at him, he felt like he was worthy.

After he left, it felt like he was just going from one place to another, like a mindless zombie. Then, Brooke showed up and for awhile, he chose to lose himself in her.

It didn't make him happy but it made the pain hurt less.

But, seeing her in New York, it just made him realize what he had become, something so different. Something that she no longer wanted or liked. He was the complete opposite of what he was before.

He was no longer the man that Haley loved.

And, honestly, he didn't know if that man still existed inside him. It seemed all that was inside him was just a desperate gnawing to have everyone around him, drowning in misery.

After all, misery loved company.

When she looked at him so coldly though, it awoke a part of him inside. A part of him that he thought that he had lost. A part of him that made him regret and feel guilt.

Haley had woken up a part of him that he thought was dead. She had made him feel again and he was so desperate to cling to that. It was the truth, after 6 years, he still needed her as much as he did back then.

Maybe, even more.

His eyes strayed over to Brooke's sleeping body and he watched her, breathing peacefully. For once, he didn't want to corrupt it. He saw the tear stains on her cheeks and the bruises he left on her hips. She kept saying that she couldn't take much more of what he was giving to her.

But, that was a lie.

She would stay with him if he wanted her to. All he had to do was the say the word, and she would stay. But, he couldn't do that to her. He didn't love her.

But, he wasn't completely cold inside, he still cared for her. She had grown on him.

So, this time, when she wanted to leave.

He would let her.