Why was she doing this?

That thought kept running through Haley's mind as she leaned against the pole in the subway. She sighed heavily, remembering Nathan's voice on the phone. That was why she was doing it, because he needed her. But, why the hell did she even care anymore? She didn't love him anymore, right? She didn't even like him anymore. He had insulted her only hours before and here she was, running to him when he called for her.

But, he needed her. He really needed her. She could just tell by the sound of his voice and so, she ran to him, because in her heart, it was right. What she was doing, it didn't feel wrong.

It just felt.. she didn't know honestly. Everything was so surreal and Haley felt like she was in a daze. She didn't know what she was doing anymore. All she knew that she had to help Nathan, everything else had just faded off into the background.

She knew she was just setting herself up to being hurt again but right now, she could care less.

She knew that by rational terms, she shouldn't even be on this train. She should've hung up on Nathan and continued to read her book but she couldn't do something like that. Because, she wasn't rational at the moment and because she let her emotions take over. The last time that happened, she wound up with a broken heart and a fear of relationships... and it continued on, for 6 years straight and still continuing.

So, why the hell was she going to him? She didn't know and maybe that was a question that didn't need answering. The simple fact was she was on the train and she had already told him that she was going, there was no point in questioning it further because she would only end up confusing herself more and more.

Confusion was the last thing she needed right now.

Pushing away the past, thoughts of a future, and even parts of her present life, Haley walked off the train when it slowed to a stop and followed the crowd up the stairs.

She always felt like she had no identity among the crowd. There were so many people, rushing to and fro, not caring about anybody else except themselves. She ran up the stairs, her heels making a click with the pavement. A steady, rhythmic click.

Looking around the train station for the nearest exit, she hurried to the nearest revolving door and out onto the street, the cool night air greeting her senses. She felt so much more.. relaxed and herself.

Walking towards Seven, she tightened her jacket further around her frame as she took hurried steps. Seeing the familiar sign flashing only a block ahead, Haley could feel the nervousness rise up inside her and she fought the urge to let it slip over.

She could not become a nervous wreck, not now. Nathan needed her, she needed to be strong for him.

Haley stopped in her steps, the familiarity of the whole situation finally hitting her. Here she was, running to him, being strong for him, just like she did back in high school when they were still together. Except now, she had no responsibility or any connection that called for it.

They weren't friends. They didn't know each other anymore. Hell, they didn't even like each other.

But, there she was, still walking to him, still offering herself as his support. Why?

Why would she do something like that? She knew the answer, but it was one that made no sense and just couldn't possibly be true because... she wouldn't let it.

She did not still love Nathan.

--

Caitlin looked back up at the clock on the wall for the fifth time in a minute. She watched the second hand move steadily around the clock, momentarily hypnotized. Snapping herself out of it, she sighed in heavy worry. Why didn't she stop Haley?

She knew she should've. After all, Haley was running off to a guy who only 15 minutes before, tried to kiss her and make a move with her. That was just.. wrong. And, Caitlin sure as hell did not want Haley developing feelings for someone who did something like that.

But, she couldn't control Haley. Haley's life was her own and she had no say in the choices her best friend made, she had no right over her like that. If Caitlin had said anything, would Haley even listen? Judging by the way Haley rushed down the stairs, the answer would be a clear cut 'no'. It was obvious that Haley still cared for Nathan, why else would she go out of her way so quickly to help him?

It was almost ironic. Haley didn't want to go out with her because she wanted to avoid Nathan yet one phone call from him, she was bounding out the door, rushing to his side. It should've worried her that he had such a hold over Haley.

But, it didn't.

She didn't trust him. Haley did. And, she trusted Haley. She trusted that Haley was capable of making her own decisions. While they may not be right in her own opinion, they were right in Haley's mind. That was the important thing.

Grabbing the remote, Caitlin turned on the TV for distraction, her mind calming down at the noise. She had to stop thinking about this, she was going to go nuts with analyzing and predicting.

--

Nathan watched with dull eyes as Haley ran up to him, her voice tinted with worry. He did that. He made her worry. While before, that would've brought him small comfort in making her feel something for him, now, he simply stared at her numbly.

His mind was still unable to wrap itself around the fact that he had become so much like his father. The realization had shocked him into silence and for the past 15 minutes, he had been staring at the same exact crack on the sidewalk, waiting for someone to ask him how he was or if he was okay.

No one did. No one bothered to care about him. No one except Haley.

"Nathan," she called out, slightly out of breath, "Oh, god, are you okay?"

He looked at her, his eyes filled with pain as he shrugged, "I don't know anymore."

"What happened to you?" She looked around, "Where's Brooke?" Haley didn't even think about Brooke until that moment. After all, why didn't he call his girlfriend before he called her?

"We broke up."

That was why. Nodding, Haley took a step closer to him and reached out, almost fearful. She pushed it away, forcing herself to be stronger, "What's going on?"

He looked up at her, swallowing the lump in his throat, "Do you hate me?"

Haley frowned at his question, "What?"

"Do you?"

She shook her head slowly, "I don't." She wasn't lying. She didn't hate him. She could never truly hate him.

"But, you hate what I've become."

"Nathan-" Haley stopped herself before she held onto his arm, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't you?" Nathan demanded, his voice stronger, "You hate who I am now."

"Nathan, I don't hate you," Haley said softly, confused at his actions.

"I'm just like him," he continued on, "I make others hurt. I inflict pain just for my own amusement, to make myself feel better." His face was one of self-contempt, "I hate what I've become."

Realizing what he meant, Haley stared at him in shock. Was that why he was so upset? Because he thought he was becoming Dan? It wouldn't have surprised her. During their relationship, Dan had always made Nathan's life miserable and he vowed never to turn out like his father. That was the one thing that could push him over the edge.

Becoming something that he spent years hating.

Haley took another step closer to him and held his cheek in the palm of her hand, raising his head, "You're not like him. You're not a bad person."

He laughed bitterly, "You don't know what I've done, Haley."

"No matter what you do, you will never be like him because you are so much better. You didn't give up and you don't run away."

Nathan shook his head, his lips in a tight line, "You don't know what you're talking about."

Haley looked at him intensely, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it." She stared into his eyes, "Look at me." When he wouldn't, she raised his head and forced him to look into her gaze. "I'm here, okay?" She paused, "Even after today and what happened before, I'm still here. No matter how much I try to hate you and try to push you away, I can't. I'm here because I want to be. I don't have any reason to feel like I have to be here. I came here out of my own free will and that's because I don't hate you and because you're not a bad person. You're not Dan." Haley whispered her last words, "I still believe in you."

Nathan glanced down at the floor, feeling as if someone had put his heart through a strainer. He asked hoarsely, "Why?"

Haley backed away slightly, the intimate feel of the whole situation suddenly revelead to her. She felt the spotlight suddenly shine on her. This wasn't about her. This was about Nathan. "Because, I knew who you were before and I still see a part of him inside you. I won't let you give up."

A small smile appeared onto Nathan's face at her words and he looked at her with sad eyes, "Thank you."

She smiled back, silently glad that he actually listened to her.

"But, that's not what I meant." Nathan looked at her seriously, waiting silently for a reaction.

It was Haley's turn to look down.

"I know."

--

Silence.

It enveloped the two like a cold and suffocating blanket. She shouldn't be here, Haley knew that. She knew that coming here would risk things becoming more intimate. Hell, she practically opened the door inside herself and welcomed Nathan inside again when it was the last thing she wanted.

She kept telling herself that she did not still have feelings for him nor want to have feelings for him and yet here she was, standing in front of him, helping him when he needed her. She was more then being contradicting at the moment, no, that would be the understatement of the year.

Sighing sadly, Haley bit her lip, knowing Nathan was expecting some sort of answer. But, didn't he get it? She couldn't even give him an answer because she didn't even know it herself. What was she supposed to say? Nathan, I still love you? Nathan, you still make my heart beat faster then it ever has with a single glance?

Please, this was not some stupid fairy tale story. This was her life. This was reality. She was not a storybook character that knew exactly what to say or do at every turn of the page. She didn't know what the hell she was doing and if she was even making the right choice, if there was even one in the beginning.

She didn't want to mess up but who decided right and wrong? Certainly not her and suddenly, Haley wished Caitlin was by her side. She would tell her what to do. She would help her clear her mind.

But, Caitlin wasn't there. Caitlin was at home and she, Haley James, was standing in front of Nathan Scott, her one true love that she had back in high school and all her life. She couldn't mess this up because if she did, that would defeat the purpose of it all. The last 6 years and their breakup would've been utterly pointless.

She broke up with Nathan because she didn't want things to get worse. She didn't want to end their relationship badly. She wanted to remember him with a smile, not a frown. And, yet, here she was, at the same crossroads she was 6 years ago, still utterly clueless.

Weren't things supposed to get easier after the breakup and after you get older? Weren't you supposed to learn things and become more wise? Wasn't she supposed to know exactly what to do right now?

Because she sure as hell didn't.

Haley looked up at him, a chill settling over her body as she stared into his eyes. He still looked at her the same way, that same intense and wanting stare. He wasn't supposed to look at her that way. This was not how things were supposed to be.

She was not supposed to meet him again in New York, repeatedly. She was not supposed to consider actually being friends with him and being amiable to him to 'move on'. She was not supposed to crack down and run to his side to be his support.

She was not supposed to do a lot of things. And, yet, there she was.

In the moment, not knowing what else to do except stand there, frozen still, staring into his eyes, wishing that he would make a move even though she was the one that was supposed to. But, she couldn't.

She was scared, confused, and weak. A terrible combination, especially if it hit you all at once. Haley resisted the urge to run away as she steadied herself, keeping her eyes on him, quiet.

"Say something," Nathan whispered, keeping his eyes focused on her.

"What do you want me to say?" Haley asked, her eyes drifting elsewhere.

"Something," he stressed, knowing she understood what he meant.

She couldn't let him know that though. She wasn't ready to admit it to herself, much less him. "I am saying something."

She was purposely being difficult, Nathan knew. This was how she got when she didn't want to do something, he knew her all to well. Sighing, Nathan shook his head and began to walk away slowly, "Okay, then don't." His eyes darkened as the softness in his face faded away, "I need to leave."

"Don't," Haley said before she could stop herself. Wait, wasn't she supposed to want him to leave? If he did, things would be so much easier. But, that was it. Things weren't supposed to be easier. Just because they got a few things clear and 'talked' didn't mean things would automatically be easier. It did not mean that they would jump into each other's arms, professing their love for each other.

If anything, it only made things more complicated.

"Why should I stay?" Nathan asked flatly.

Haley looked at him with pained eyes, silently cursing herself for making him revert to being so cold. He was shutting down and Haley could see it happen, step by step. She couldn't let him go back to that, back to that dark place in which he hated himself and everyone else around him. She had to help him, after all, that was why she was here. "Because I need you to stay," she said softly, the words surprising even her as they came out of her mouth.

She gave a little bit of herself away. To him.

Nathan's eyes lit up in shock as he studied her, wondering what made her change so suddenly before he shrugged it off. He was finally getting somewhere with her, this was an improvement. The only problem was, he didn't know where to go from here or if they even had anywhere left to go.

Maybe this was the end. Maybe this was how things were supposed to be with them. Awkward, mysterious, and uncertain.

He simply nodded, not wanting to force her into any more revealing statements.

"Are you still staying at the hotel?"

Nathan sighed heavily and shook his head, "I can't go back there. I can't go anywhere else in this city either."

"What about your uncle?"

Nathan laughed bitterly, "Yeah, I can really see that happening."

Haley bit the inside of her cheek, knowing the only option left.

He raised an eyebrow before he said harshly, "I don't need your pity, you know."

She looked up, surprised before she nodded numbly, "I know, which is why I'm not giving it."

Nathan softened for a moment before he ran his hand through his hair, "I'm sorry. God, I know I'm being an ass right now, but I just-"

"You don't have to explain to me, Nathan."

"I know," he answered honestly, looking at her in appreciation, "But, you deserve one."

She smiled at him before saying, "You're free to stay with me and Caitlin until you find a hotel."

"It should only be for tonight," Nathan said quietly before he looked down at the sidewalk, waiting for her response.

"As long as you need," Haley reassured as she walked in the direction of the subway, making sure Nathan followed before she went any faster.

--

The room was empty.

Brooke could feel it as she awoke, her eyes desperately wanting to stay closed as she pushed the covers off of herself, sitting up in the bed. She yawned as she looked at the clock, not surprised to find it was late at night and that she was alone in the hotel room.

Again.

Brooke's hand lingered on Nathan's side of the bed as she looked around the room. He had left again but something about this time felt different. It felt final.

And, while she should've been relieved, she didn't. She felt a pang in her heart, feeling as if she had been ripped apart from inside out. She was the one that broke up with him, why should she be feeling like this? She shouldn't, she should've been happy. Perhaps even outside partying instead staying at her confiing hotel room, mulling around in the darkness.

But, there she was. Alone. In the dark. Confused and heartbroken.

Brooke put the palm of her hand by her eyes as she tried her best to stop her tears from coming. She would not cry over this. She refused to because he wasn't worth it and because she should not be crying in the first place. Hello! She was the breaker-upper, not the victim.

But, it sure didn't feel that way. Even though she was the one that broke up with Nathan, it felt that he was the one that did it. And, that irked her nerves. Not only was she still in love with him but even when she broke up with him, it felt like it was the other way around.

It was just one more piece of proof how much he dominated their relationship and how big of a hold he had over her. And, it disturbed her inside because she was Brooke Davis. No man should've ever had any control over her. But, those Scott men. They were different.

With them, she gladly gave up the control over herself which was the dumbest thing she could've done. But, she was young and naive, she would've given up anything for love, as stupid as it sounded.

At least she admitted it to herself.

Brooke sighed before she rolled off the bed, yawning as she walked into the bathroom. Turning on the light, she shiedled her eyes from the light, not liking the intensity and sharpness of the bright light. Washing her face quickly, she wiped the drops of water away, her eyes staring at herself in the mirror.

She looked so... unhappy. The dark eye circles, the sagging of her cheeks, the frown on her face, the wrinkles beginning to form by her eyes.

She was so lifeless. She wasn't like this. She was Brooke Davis, tigger as Haley used to call her. She was the peppy cheerleader type, not the depressed, thrown aside girlfriend.

This was who she was now. And, she didn't like it. She missed who she was before. She missed having fun and going wild.

She missed being happy.

Brooke wiped the last traces off her face, her eyes taking on a determined look. She was going to fix this. She was always the 'it' girl. The one that everyone was jealous of and wanted to be.

Never once had she been the sad and unhappy girl.

Even after the betrayal of her boyfriend and her best friend, she didn't not breakdown and become all sappy and whiny. She got revenge and became stronger in the end.

She was Brooke Davis, no jerk was going to take her down, not again. She refused to let him break her any more. With a nod of resignation, Brooke walked out of the bathroom, feeling more confident and refreshed.

But, was it temporary?