Category: V, MSR
Distribution: go ahead, just let me know
Spoilers: up to, and including Existence
Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money of it
Summary: Do you believe in angels?
Author's note: Thank you Sallie for being a wonderful
beta and friend.
Angels
The first time she came to me I was 12. It was a weekafter Samantha was taken. She looked so sad, and I knew
it was because of me. She felt sorry for me. I thought
at the time she was my guardian angel; she certainly
seemed like one. She didn't say anything; just looked
at me. I wasn't afraid; was never afraid of her. Her
presence helped me through that first year. I wouldn't
have made it if it hadn't been for her.
I started calling her "Angel." I talked to her, but she
never answered me. She just looked at me. Every time my
life got confused, difficult, she was there. Her presence
was always comforting. She never grew up either. She was
always a little girl.
You can't imagine my confusion when in the darkest part
of my life she came to me and told me it was time for her
to go. She actually spoke that time. When I asked her why,
she smiled at me and said we would see each other again,
and told me that I'd recognize her when that time came. I
tried to argue. I was feeling awful. My heart was being
ripped apart, and the only source of comfort I had ever
had was leaving me. She hugged me and promised she would
send another angel for me.
Even though my life became darker after she left, I kept
on, and a couple of months later I found I could start to
breathe again. My life was back to the way it was before,
and even started to improve.
It was 4 years later that we met again. I knew it was
she as soon as I saw her. The same large blue eyes. I
wondered if she remembered me. She didn't look like she
did, and I really felt that I couldn't ask her. Nor
could I ask about the other angel she promised me that
had never come.
I eventually figured out later that Angel and I had to
meet each other in person first, before my other angel
could come to me. The new angel was less serious than
Angel had been. At first I couldn't see him clearly;
just felt his presence. He only became clearer after
my brain surgery.
A few months later, he also had to leave me. I wondered
why that was, but after holding him, just like I held
Angel once, I felt like I understood. The baby in my arms
was much younger than the boy that came to me during that
time, but somehow I recognized him, I could feel him. I
just wanted this angel's path to be less painful than
Angel's was. I still miss her; will always miss her. And
even if she wasn't biologically mine, she choose me and
I'll be forever grateful for that.
I've been having visions of my children since the age of 12.
My children. Emily and William.
Scully heard my sudden intake of breath and looked at me. I
knew she was dying to know why I couldn't seem to wipe this
silly grin from my face. I couldn't tell her; she wouldn't
believe me anyway. I kissed her hair and told her to go back
to sleep. She hesitated a little, but leaned her head back
on my chest. I was still grinning, wondering how long it would
take for me, for us to meet this new little girl angel that
I saw just a few moments ago. My angels.