Last Dance
By: Minuiko
Summary: One-shot. Kel's POV. Neal and Yuki are getting married. Kel reflects upon her feelings for Neal through it. Short, sweet, and a bit anghsty.
A/N: I revised it a bit. xD
Disclaimer: I envy Yuki; Neal is my favorite character . . . Do I look like Tamora Pierce? No. Therefore, I do not own anyone. – (sob) just kidding.
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The bells are chiming. As maid of honor, I would have a full view of the bride and groom. The procession, one that I would not go through for some time, maybe never, is about to begin. I glance at my best friend since my page years. His face glistens with sweat. Typical. For some reason, I feel completely impassive about the entire thing.
I straighten his collar and give him a wry smile. "Nervous?"
He retorts in a way I've gotten accustomed to over the years. "No, I'm perfectly calm and composed, which is why my back is literally soaked with sweat."
I reply softly, "But you love her, so it doesn't matter."
Maybe I'm convincing myself so. I don't hear his reply; instead, I look at him. The man whom I'd secretly had a crush on forever. Dom was extremely handsome, yes, but Neal was breathtaking in my eyes. I didn't care if that defied reason. His light brown hair is neater than usual, combed back from a widow's peak; his bewitching emerald green eyes dance wickedly.
He stands straight, saying with his face scrunched up, "I have to go. It's a rule that the male waits for the female at the foot of the red carpet. See you, Kel."
I smooth my dress. The ceremony begins. I hear the organ playing blissfully, mournfully nonetheless. On the inside, I tell myself, 'It doesn't matter, it was only sheer physical attraction, nothing more.' On the outside, I walk down the aisle with flowers in hand, struggling to maintain a seemingly sincere smile as I walk. On the outside, I'm content, happy. On the outside, I don't care.
Yuki enters. This makes my heart ache even more. My two best friends were getting married. And I was to be left in the dust, alone, because they were moving into Queenscove. Together. I had known it before, and I had been happy for them. I still am, but it's a bittersweet happiness. The thought occurs to me involuntarily: would I ever be happy? Ever? How can I, without Neal?
I take in Yuki's appearance. She has on a Tortallan-styled white gown, with a transparent veil about her head. She is wearing no white rice powder or lip paint, but no one could say that she wasn't beautiful. Her gold-peach skin literally glows and accents her heavenly almond-shaped eyes. A faint flush is visible on her round, smooth cheek. She is delicate and elegant, like I would never be. Maybe… this is why Neal loved her. Inside, I know better. She was a wonderful person as well.
Yuki gives me a sweet smile from underneath the veil. An innocent but meaningless one to me. I smile back. Neal takes her arm, and they formally walk to the Mithran priest. He is smiling as well, apparently full of happiness and pride. And the silly, concealing smile is still pasted on my face. Good for them.
"You may kiss the bride."
That's when it suddenly hit me. I knew it was wrong and that I shouldn't have had feelings for another woman's man, even if he was my best friend, but I did. All my jealous, wrong thoughts were confirmed. It was at that moment that I realized: it wasn't a crush. I almost couldn't believe it, but it was true: I was in love with Neal. But it was too late now. Too late for me... I look away as Neal gave Yuki a chaste kiss on the lips. The crowd bursts into applause. Duke Baird is crying…
Time has stopped for me. I'm still smiling, nodding whenever someone spoke to me, and I hardly notice that the concluding ceremonial dance has begun. I was in a daze: why was I in love with Neal? My best friend of all people? Beautiful, selfless, and utterly impossible Neal? It didn't make sense… it wasn't, it couldn't be…
"Would you care to dance?"
I snap out of it. Neal is eyeing me with soft eyes. Is that pity I see? Probably. I can't help but melt internally, but I'm still conscious that he can never be mine… I can never be happy…I grin recklessly. "Alright."
His arms are around me, a strong barrier supporting me, keeping me from falling. I want to fall so badly… it was unexplainable. The pain I was feeling. I let him steer. I enjoy the feeling without guilt, completely void of thoughts. Neal's face is in my hair. Oh goddess. It was warm... so warm... I can feel his grin. "You going to miss me, darling?"
More than you'll ever know. I smile, my eyes closed. "Perhaps."
The music ends softly, grandly. The perfect ending for a relationship that was never even really started. An unrequited love. I sigh, opening my eyes. It's time for him to walk out with Yuki. He lets go of me, compassion still in his beautiful eyes, saying softly, "I saved the last dance for you, Kel. You are, and always will be, my best friend."
Best friends. Nothing more. Nothing more. I give him a watery smile, wondering: if I had spoken up sooner, would I be his bride instead of Yuki? Snap out of it, Kel, he loves Yuki, not you! I whisper, "Thanks."
He smiles, walking with effortless grace to his wife, Lady Yukimi noh Daiomoru. I wave as he rides away with her. Away from me. I confront my thoughts, unsure of myself, unsteady, ready to fall. The bitter thoughts are still there as I continue the struggle to find peace. Don't leave me, Neal, please… don't leave me…
It feels like an eternity. Will I ever find rest? Will I ever be content? I remember everything… his smile, those eyes… the way his hair fell into his face… how he'd hold his hands up in mock defeat… even his horrible, endearing poems… I couldn't help but envy Yuki. Everything about him would be hers… after all, Neal was hers. And then I remember his parting words.
I saved the last dance for you, Kel. You are, and always will be, my best friend.
I smile sadly. Even if I wasn't content, even if I had to suffer forever… I had to live with it. I had to be strong on the outside. "So this is how it ends, huh? That's okay…"
But still… I'll always love you . . . Nealan of Queenscove.
:Owari :
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xD So. How was it? I need feedback, people! I think that this edit was a bit more realistic than the last one. More descriptive too.