Author's Note: Hello my lovelies! I'm very chipper this evening, er, early
morning as it is Midnight where I am. I'm sorry for leaving you all hanging
here, considering the last chapter ended very cliffy-like. So, I shall try
to update a few more times as my Winter Break progresses, but bear in mind
I was sick the last week of school and only went on Friday to get my
homework before I came home again. It sucks to be sick. *sighs* So, I shall
now thank all who have reviewed, including my darling Catherine, who just
so happens to be who I've taken Catherine from. It's an intriguing process,
trust me.
All knowing Catherine- Nice name darling. *cackles* And leave my sexeh hair alone, it does not desire your molestations. But I do concur with your question, were we ever innocent? A regular Fred & George we are. And by the way I've written more, if you check up on these things. which I doubt.
Sngrl482- They haven't reached that point yet hun, and probably won't for a while yet as of what just happened where I'm at will have set Lily into an emotional tailspin, but you shall have to wait to see that. its at least one hundred written pages ahead of here.
ZombieGurl98- Thank you very much, I'm extremely pleased that you love my story and that you think it is original. I do my best to update with all possible haste when I have the time.
Don Raphiel- Why are you so bloody obsessed with violence? I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this here is the getting together part of the fic. violence doesn't come till later so you will have to holdeth your horses. no offense meant of course.
Lmnop- I've got you hooked eh? That's nice to know, I love getting knew reviewers, it's especially pleasing when they decide to drop a review by my email box.
Chocolatez- I'm pleased you think it's a believable AU that I've written. Every so often I need that reminder, so thank you.
Banny- I present you with an early Christmas gift hun, and I might make it similar to Hanukah, but I can't be sure yet because I still have to read the rest of that blasted book. Lord Byron hurts thy brain when one is sick.
Chapter Forty-Four: Consolation
"You know I think they fight almost as much as we do and they're not even together," Sirius said as he stood up.
"You take James, I'll talk to Lily," Arabella said as they made their way to the door of the library and Bella headed for the kitchen, Sirius up the stairs.
Sirius knocked once sharply before he walked into James' room where the man was pacing angrily across his room muttering to himself. "Okay James, what happened now?" Sirius asked calmly as he tried to get James to calm down.
"That - that woman thinks I just want to have sex with her and ditch her because she's the housekeeper!" James exclaimed as he pointed toward the door.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Do you?" Sirius asked quietly.
"You know me better then that Sirius!" James said and wondered if everyone was losing their minds.
"I do, but do you want to have sex with her? Not just because she's the housekeeper," Sirius clarified.
"No! Maybe - Hell I don't know!" James said and grabbed his hair in frustration.
"Calm down James, take a seat," Sirius said and plopped himself down on the couch. James sat. "Tell me what happened," Sirius said calmly.
"I brought the dishes into the kitchen and started talking to her about what she was making, how it smelled great. She thanked me and I said she was welcome and that she was beautiful before I tried to touch her hair and she stopped me. I asked her why I couldn't touch her and she said it confused her," James said and paused looking at Sirius. "What?" he asked seeing the odd look on his face.
"I'll tell you when you finish," Sirius said and motioned for James to continue.
"I asked her why she was confused and she said that it was difficult to remember that she was just the housekeeper not my girlfriend or," James paused and tried to get the rest out. "Or my wife. I asked her if - if she thought I was trying to 'get some' from the help and she said yes. I said something like I wasn't looking to have sex with her even if I'd thought about it, Hell who wouldn't - don't answer that," James said and looked over at Sirius.
Sirius tried not to laugh, he really did, but he failed. "Sorry," he said before clearing his throat and becoming serious. "From what I've heard, I think that Lily thinks that you like her only because she's pretty, or you think she's pretty. She likes you, a lot, but she doesn't want to get hurt. She also respects you and your request for time to think or whatever. She's also probably scared," Sirius said quiet seriously as he watched James.
"But I don't just like her because she's pretty. She's thoughtful and kind, intelligent and witty. She's everything a guy could ask for. Why would she be scared of getting hurt?" James asked quietly and looked at Sirius with worried eyes.
"Probably many reasons. She doesn't what to just be 'the housekeeper' and wonders if you're ever going to ask her out, which I wonder too by the way," Sirius said with a smirk that James just rolled his eyes at and Sirius continued. "She obviously treasures her body as she's a virgin, either waiting for the right guy or to get married, who knows, you'll have to ask her. She also knows things about you that might be different from who you really are now, via those dreams of hers. A lot of things factor in with Lily. She's complex as most intelligent women are, and you'll probably spend most of your life wondering about those complexities," Sirius said lengthily pausing now and again to take a breath.
James sighed. "There's something else bothering me," he said quietly.
"What's that?" Sirius asked and waited for James to speak, which took a little bit.
"Moody said something today after he met Lily," James said in a voice just barely above a whisper.
"When was this?" Sirius asked curiously.
"This morning," James said quietly.
"What did he say?" Sirius asked with his brow furrowed wondering what Moody could have said that would make James reluctant to talk about it.
"That I'm in - in love w-with her," James barely whispered and he looked up at Sirius hopefully, thought what exactly he was hoping for he didn't know.
"Now that's a tough one to judge," Sirius said and he tried to determine the truth by just watching James, but he couldn't be sure. "Love is a tricky thing," he said as he was lacking anything better to say.
"How did you know you love Bella?" James asked curiously, as if what he was looking for would be in Sirius' answer.
Sirius sighed, "Well I found myself thinking about her all the time, dreaming about her, writing out her name, her initials, craving time with her mostly just to talk to her, to see her. I found her the most enchanting creature I ever laid eyes on and I wanted her to be mine," Sirius said and wondered why he could spill all that to James but never say a word of it to Arabella's face.
James sighed, "How did you realize it?" he asked.
"I'm not exactly sure. It just sort of came to me in time," Sirius said quietly.
"What should I do?" James asked quietly and looked down at his hands.
"Well, I'd start with an apology maybe some flowers and if she accepts them try asking her on a date," Sirius said gently and pat James on the shoulder. "You'll get through it, don't worry," he said.
"I'll try," James aid and sighed wistfully as he pondered what he could do to yet again get back into Lily's good graces.
Downstairs Arabella walked into the kitchen where Lily was occupying herself with the task of finishing dinner. It almost seemed to work except for the fact that her shoulders were slumped. "Hey Lily, are you okay?" Arabella asked quietly and watched as Lily's shoulders came up to even, her back straightened automatically and she turned around to look at Arabella.
"I'm fine Bella," Lily said and put on a smile that was clearly fake.
"Liar. Tell me what happened?" Arabella asked quietly.
Lily sighed. "I feel like the only reason he is attracted to me is because he thinks I'm pretty," Lily muttered and then said, "And because I'm the housekeeper he thinks that." she trailed off. She couldn't even say it because she knew it wasn't really true.
"Well you can't even say that last part but I get the impression that it's not because it's inappropriate but because it's something James would never do and you know it," Arabella said quietly and watched as Lily nodded. "But the first bit you do believe, explain it to me," Arabella said slowly not really knowing what Lily meant.
Lily sighed and tried to concentrate on both Arabella and cooking, it was a chore. "That's relatively simple; he says that I'm pretty and complements me but I don't believe him nor do I know if he likes me because he thinks I'm pretty or because of my personally," Lily said as she added some spices to the stew.
Arabella wasn't the best at relationships and the advice to go along with them but she tried. "Ask him what he thinks of you, talk to him about what you're feeling," she said and hoped Lily would listen.
Lily nodded. "I'll do my best," Lily said as honestly as she could though she wished that Catherine was the one doing the counseling as Catherine always knew what to say and how to take her mind off what was going on. "Could you go tell everything that dinner will be ready in about five minutes?" Lily asked as she went to the cupboard and started pulling down bowls.
"Only if you're going to be okay," Arabella said quietly.
"I'll be fine Bella, don't worry," Lily said and was sorely tempted just to leave dinner on the table and go for a walk to clear her head.
"All right," Arabella said quietly and walked out of the kitchen.
About ten minutes later everyone was seated around the table eating and holding a quiet conversation which Lily and James didn't really participate in. James had walked into the kitchen and it only took one look at Lily to know that whatever Arabella had said hadn't helped much, if at all. At the end of the meal everyone went their own separate ways. Sirius decided to stay at Arabella's that night and promised to be back in the morning to work with Lily. Peter went to his room complaining of a headache. Remus went to the library to read for a while and James didn't know where else to go so he joined Remus. All of this left Lily alone in the kitchen to put away leftovers and do the dishes.
"Remus I keep screwing up with Lily," James muttered before Remus could pick up his book and begin reading.
Remus sighed. "What's going on?" he asked compassionately as he settled in to hear what James had to say.
"Is it possible to give someone too many compliments?' James asked quietly.
"Why type of compliments?" Remus asked gently.
"I keep telling Lily that I think she's beautiful, that she's gorgeous and stuff, but I get this feeling like she doesn't believe me. Or that she thinks I'm just trying to get something from her because I do compliment her so much," James sighed. "I don't even know if I'm making any sense at all. It's driving me bonkers, damn Moody," he said as an after thought.
"It's possible to have someone get sick of hearing the same words in the same way and it would probably cause them to not believe it. Especially if they'd been told the opposite for a great deal of time," Remus said gently. "If you were to think of something new and different to say she might be more receptive James," he said what had come to his mind. He'd never been in a serious relationship so most of what he could say was speculation, whether it was true or not he could only try to give James the best advice that he knew how to give.
James seemed to ponder this for a few moments before he smiled. "Thanks Moony, that helped," he said and sighed. "Now all I have to do is think of something suitable," he sighed and knew this wouldn't be a one day thing. It would take time and effort to convince Lily of his genuine feelings, as soon as he figured them out.
"You'll also probably want to get to know her, be her friend first," Remus said quietly. "Talk to her, let her know what you're thinking. Just try to refrain from saying she's beautiful all the time," he said and then waited for James to say something but all he did was nod. James was thinking about what he could do and continued to do so until he couldn't think anymore and the only thoughts coming to his mind were to apologize to Lily. So James went to find her, hoping that she would talk to him, or at least listen to what he had to say.
Lily finished the dishes and went upstairs to her room, and her eyes were drawn to her desk where the letter from Snape sat in a drawer. She sighed and walked over to her desk and pulled a few pieces of parchment from the drawer along with the letter. On one of the leaves she wrote:
-James & Remus,
I've gone outside for a while. I need some fresh air and sometime to think. I'll be back in a while.
Lily
She set the note on the desk and walked down the front stairs carrying quill, ink, parchment and her wand. She closed the door quietly and stepped out into the balmy night air. There were crickets chirping slowly as Lily made her way around to the back of the house and started toward the tree she could see from her bedroom window that sat on the shore of a small lake or a large pond, whichever way you wanted to describe it, and she sat down beneath its shifting branches. "Lumos," Lily muttered and her want tip lit giving everything in the vicinity a radiant glow. She pulled Snape's letter out and reread it before giving her response.
Your answer was good enough for me, honestly I probably would have kept writing to you even if it wasn't. I hope you don't mind if I be frank with you because I need someone to help me as well. I need someone to be unbiased about giving me advice, but you don't have to. I just sort of need to vent. I hope that you don't mind.
I'm feeling extremely lost and very confused. James keeps complimenting me and I cannot understand it. He says that I'm pretty which I don't believe because of how I was raised; by my sister and her rotten husband. They treated me like a slave and made me do everything, except on the very rare occasion of Petunia wanting to cook. Other then that I had very little free will or personal space and to top all that off she insulted me every chance she got. She said the exact opposite of what James says and I guess that I got used to it, but I don't know how to accept compliments because I haven't gotten them since my parents died.
I miss my parents too, but I don't need to get into that. Would you tell me a little about yourself? Pen pals should know something of the other person otherwise the letters stop and boredom sets in.
-Me
Lily reread the letter and was tempted to burn it because of the personal details that it contained but she sighed and said aloud, "Screw it, I might as well just send it." She folded and sealed the letter vaguely wondering if James would let her use his owl to send it. She closed her eyes and put the letter in her pocket for safe keeping as she took a deep breath of the summer breeze that blew her hair into her face.
"It's a wonderful night isn't it," Remus' voice said from a little ways behind her fairly close to the tree.
"I'm guessing you didn't see the note," Lily said quietly as she shifted to look at Remus.
"No, sorry. Did you want to be alone?" Remus asked apologetically.
"That's what the note said, but it was really more for James. You can sit down if you want," Lily said though Remus could tell she really did want some alone time.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I just came out to see what you were doing. I'll be going back inside in a moment," Remus said kindly as he took a deep breath. "It's really a gorgeous night but be careful out here alone. If you have any trouble send up some red sparks and I'll be out in a flash," he said before he sighed and headed back to the house where he would be questioned by James for information.
Lily sighed in relief when Remus went back inside and she was alone again. It felt to good to just feel the wind gliding smoothly over her skin the smells of wild growing things filling her senses and making her feel very content no matter her previous mood. She was very much a wind type of person. She silently wished that she could fly. She sighed wistfully as she took out another piece of parchment to write a letter to Catherine.
Dear Catherine,
I'm sitting outside thinking about James and I've decided that I need your help with something. It's a test for James. He habitually calls me beautiful and I need to know if he likes me because of my physical appearance or my personality. It's very important but I don't know how to get it done. If you have any ideas please let me know.
Oh, and come back over when you get the chance. I'm still irked at Bella for what happened and I need a girl to talk to. I'm fairly sure that James won't mind and right now I really do not feel like asking his 'permission'. I hope to see you soon.
Love,
Lily
Lily folded up this letter and sealed it as well. This one would be even worse for James to get a hold of compared to the letter to Snape. She sat for a few minutes longer just breathing in the air and trying to regain her sense of self. So much was changing; it was giving her an odd feeling of foreboding. With a sigh she gathered her things, whispered, "Nox," and headed back inside to see how Remus was fairing with the inevitable interrogation by James wondering why she was outside.
A/N: So, how did you folks like that chapter? Let me know in a review and I'll get out the next one as soon as I can. I haven't even started typing it up and I'm not sure where it has to stop before I finish Don Juan by Lord Byron. Do you know how much blasted trouble I went to just to find the right book? *sighs* Too damn much that's what. But it's the right book and things are spiffeh and I might just tweak some things and continue on with the story. Well, please review! ~Frankie~
All knowing Catherine- Nice name darling. *cackles* And leave my sexeh hair alone, it does not desire your molestations. But I do concur with your question, were we ever innocent? A regular Fred & George we are. And by the way I've written more, if you check up on these things. which I doubt.
Sngrl482- They haven't reached that point yet hun, and probably won't for a while yet as of what just happened where I'm at will have set Lily into an emotional tailspin, but you shall have to wait to see that. its at least one hundred written pages ahead of here.
ZombieGurl98- Thank you very much, I'm extremely pleased that you love my story and that you think it is original. I do my best to update with all possible haste when I have the time.
Don Raphiel- Why are you so bloody obsessed with violence? I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this here is the getting together part of the fic. violence doesn't come till later so you will have to holdeth your horses. no offense meant of course.
Lmnop- I've got you hooked eh? That's nice to know, I love getting knew reviewers, it's especially pleasing when they decide to drop a review by my email box.
Chocolatez- I'm pleased you think it's a believable AU that I've written. Every so often I need that reminder, so thank you.
Banny- I present you with an early Christmas gift hun, and I might make it similar to Hanukah, but I can't be sure yet because I still have to read the rest of that blasted book. Lord Byron hurts thy brain when one is sick.
Chapter Forty-Four: Consolation
"You know I think they fight almost as much as we do and they're not even together," Sirius said as he stood up.
"You take James, I'll talk to Lily," Arabella said as they made their way to the door of the library and Bella headed for the kitchen, Sirius up the stairs.
Sirius knocked once sharply before he walked into James' room where the man was pacing angrily across his room muttering to himself. "Okay James, what happened now?" Sirius asked calmly as he tried to get James to calm down.
"That - that woman thinks I just want to have sex with her and ditch her because she's the housekeeper!" James exclaimed as he pointed toward the door.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Do you?" Sirius asked quietly.
"You know me better then that Sirius!" James said and wondered if everyone was losing their minds.
"I do, but do you want to have sex with her? Not just because she's the housekeeper," Sirius clarified.
"No! Maybe - Hell I don't know!" James said and grabbed his hair in frustration.
"Calm down James, take a seat," Sirius said and plopped himself down on the couch. James sat. "Tell me what happened," Sirius said calmly.
"I brought the dishes into the kitchen and started talking to her about what she was making, how it smelled great. She thanked me and I said she was welcome and that she was beautiful before I tried to touch her hair and she stopped me. I asked her why I couldn't touch her and she said it confused her," James said and paused looking at Sirius. "What?" he asked seeing the odd look on his face.
"I'll tell you when you finish," Sirius said and motioned for James to continue.
"I asked her why she was confused and she said that it was difficult to remember that she was just the housekeeper not my girlfriend or," James paused and tried to get the rest out. "Or my wife. I asked her if - if she thought I was trying to 'get some' from the help and she said yes. I said something like I wasn't looking to have sex with her even if I'd thought about it, Hell who wouldn't - don't answer that," James said and looked over at Sirius.
Sirius tried not to laugh, he really did, but he failed. "Sorry," he said before clearing his throat and becoming serious. "From what I've heard, I think that Lily thinks that you like her only because she's pretty, or you think she's pretty. She likes you, a lot, but she doesn't want to get hurt. She also respects you and your request for time to think or whatever. She's also probably scared," Sirius said quiet seriously as he watched James.
"But I don't just like her because she's pretty. She's thoughtful and kind, intelligent and witty. She's everything a guy could ask for. Why would she be scared of getting hurt?" James asked quietly and looked at Sirius with worried eyes.
"Probably many reasons. She doesn't what to just be 'the housekeeper' and wonders if you're ever going to ask her out, which I wonder too by the way," Sirius said with a smirk that James just rolled his eyes at and Sirius continued. "She obviously treasures her body as she's a virgin, either waiting for the right guy or to get married, who knows, you'll have to ask her. She also knows things about you that might be different from who you really are now, via those dreams of hers. A lot of things factor in with Lily. She's complex as most intelligent women are, and you'll probably spend most of your life wondering about those complexities," Sirius said lengthily pausing now and again to take a breath.
James sighed. "There's something else bothering me," he said quietly.
"What's that?" Sirius asked and waited for James to speak, which took a little bit.
"Moody said something today after he met Lily," James said in a voice just barely above a whisper.
"When was this?" Sirius asked curiously.
"This morning," James said quietly.
"What did he say?" Sirius asked with his brow furrowed wondering what Moody could have said that would make James reluctant to talk about it.
"That I'm in - in love w-with her," James barely whispered and he looked up at Sirius hopefully, thought what exactly he was hoping for he didn't know.
"Now that's a tough one to judge," Sirius said and he tried to determine the truth by just watching James, but he couldn't be sure. "Love is a tricky thing," he said as he was lacking anything better to say.
"How did you know you love Bella?" James asked curiously, as if what he was looking for would be in Sirius' answer.
Sirius sighed, "Well I found myself thinking about her all the time, dreaming about her, writing out her name, her initials, craving time with her mostly just to talk to her, to see her. I found her the most enchanting creature I ever laid eyes on and I wanted her to be mine," Sirius said and wondered why he could spill all that to James but never say a word of it to Arabella's face.
James sighed, "How did you realize it?" he asked.
"I'm not exactly sure. It just sort of came to me in time," Sirius said quietly.
"What should I do?" James asked quietly and looked down at his hands.
"Well, I'd start with an apology maybe some flowers and if she accepts them try asking her on a date," Sirius said gently and pat James on the shoulder. "You'll get through it, don't worry," he said.
"I'll try," James aid and sighed wistfully as he pondered what he could do to yet again get back into Lily's good graces.
Downstairs Arabella walked into the kitchen where Lily was occupying herself with the task of finishing dinner. It almost seemed to work except for the fact that her shoulders were slumped. "Hey Lily, are you okay?" Arabella asked quietly and watched as Lily's shoulders came up to even, her back straightened automatically and she turned around to look at Arabella.
"I'm fine Bella," Lily said and put on a smile that was clearly fake.
"Liar. Tell me what happened?" Arabella asked quietly.
Lily sighed. "I feel like the only reason he is attracted to me is because he thinks I'm pretty," Lily muttered and then said, "And because I'm the housekeeper he thinks that." she trailed off. She couldn't even say it because she knew it wasn't really true.
"Well you can't even say that last part but I get the impression that it's not because it's inappropriate but because it's something James would never do and you know it," Arabella said quietly and watched as Lily nodded. "But the first bit you do believe, explain it to me," Arabella said slowly not really knowing what Lily meant.
Lily sighed and tried to concentrate on both Arabella and cooking, it was a chore. "That's relatively simple; he says that I'm pretty and complements me but I don't believe him nor do I know if he likes me because he thinks I'm pretty or because of my personally," Lily said as she added some spices to the stew.
Arabella wasn't the best at relationships and the advice to go along with them but she tried. "Ask him what he thinks of you, talk to him about what you're feeling," she said and hoped Lily would listen.
Lily nodded. "I'll do my best," Lily said as honestly as she could though she wished that Catherine was the one doing the counseling as Catherine always knew what to say and how to take her mind off what was going on. "Could you go tell everything that dinner will be ready in about five minutes?" Lily asked as she went to the cupboard and started pulling down bowls.
"Only if you're going to be okay," Arabella said quietly.
"I'll be fine Bella, don't worry," Lily said and was sorely tempted just to leave dinner on the table and go for a walk to clear her head.
"All right," Arabella said quietly and walked out of the kitchen.
About ten minutes later everyone was seated around the table eating and holding a quiet conversation which Lily and James didn't really participate in. James had walked into the kitchen and it only took one look at Lily to know that whatever Arabella had said hadn't helped much, if at all. At the end of the meal everyone went their own separate ways. Sirius decided to stay at Arabella's that night and promised to be back in the morning to work with Lily. Peter went to his room complaining of a headache. Remus went to the library to read for a while and James didn't know where else to go so he joined Remus. All of this left Lily alone in the kitchen to put away leftovers and do the dishes.
"Remus I keep screwing up with Lily," James muttered before Remus could pick up his book and begin reading.
Remus sighed. "What's going on?" he asked compassionately as he settled in to hear what James had to say.
"Is it possible to give someone too many compliments?' James asked quietly.
"Why type of compliments?" Remus asked gently.
"I keep telling Lily that I think she's beautiful, that she's gorgeous and stuff, but I get this feeling like she doesn't believe me. Or that she thinks I'm just trying to get something from her because I do compliment her so much," James sighed. "I don't even know if I'm making any sense at all. It's driving me bonkers, damn Moody," he said as an after thought.
"It's possible to have someone get sick of hearing the same words in the same way and it would probably cause them to not believe it. Especially if they'd been told the opposite for a great deal of time," Remus said gently. "If you were to think of something new and different to say she might be more receptive James," he said what had come to his mind. He'd never been in a serious relationship so most of what he could say was speculation, whether it was true or not he could only try to give James the best advice that he knew how to give.
James seemed to ponder this for a few moments before he smiled. "Thanks Moony, that helped," he said and sighed. "Now all I have to do is think of something suitable," he sighed and knew this wouldn't be a one day thing. It would take time and effort to convince Lily of his genuine feelings, as soon as he figured them out.
"You'll also probably want to get to know her, be her friend first," Remus said quietly. "Talk to her, let her know what you're thinking. Just try to refrain from saying she's beautiful all the time," he said and then waited for James to say something but all he did was nod. James was thinking about what he could do and continued to do so until he couldn't think anymore and the only thoughts coming to his mind were to apologize to Lily. So James went to find her, hoping that she would talk to him, or at least listen to what he had to say.
Lily finished the dishes and went upstairs to her room, and her eyes were drawn to her desk where the letter from Snape sat in a drawer. She sighed and walked over to her desk and pulled a few pieces of parchment from the drawer along with the letter. On one of the leaves she wrote:
-James & Remus,
I've gone outside for a while. I need some fresh air and sometime to think. I'll be back in a while.
Lily
She set the note on the desk and walked down the front stairs carrying quill, ink, parchment and her wand. She closed the door quietly and stepped out into the balmy night air. There were crickets chirping slowly as Lily made her way around to the back of the house and started toward the tree she could see from her bedroom window that sat on the shore of a small lake or a large pond, whichever way you wanted to describe it, and she sat down beneath its shifting branches. "Lumos," Lily muttered and her want tip lit giving everything in the vicinity a radiant glow. She pulled Snape's letter out and reread it before giving her response.
Your answer was good enough for me, honestly I probably would have kept writing to you even if it wasn't. I hope you don't mind if I be frank with you because I need someone to help me as well. I need someone to be unbiased about giving me advice, but you don't have to. I just sort of need to vent. I hope that you don't mind.
I'm feeling extremely lost and very confused. James keeps complimenting me and I cannot understand it. He says that I'm pretty which I don't believe because of how I was raised; by my sister and her rotten husband. They treated me like a slave and made me do everything, except on the very rare occasion of Petunia wanting to cook. Other then that I had very little free will or personal space and to top all that off she insulted me every chance she got. She said the exact opposite of what James says and I guess that I got used to it, but I don't know how to accept compliments because I haven't gotten them since my parents died.
I miss my parents too, but I don't need to get into that. Would you tell me a little about yourself? Pen pals should know something of the other person otherwise the letters stop and boredom sets in.
-Me
Lily reread the letter and was tempted to burn it because of the personal details that it contained but she sighed and said aloud, "Screw it, I might as well just send it." She folded and sealed the letter vaguely wondering if James would let her use his owl to send it. She closed her eyes and put the letter in her pocket for safe keeping as she took a deep breath of the summer breeze that blew her hair into her face.
"It's a wonderful night isn't it," Remus' voice said from a little ways behind her fairly close to the tree.
"I'm guessing you didn't see the note," Lily said quietly as she shifted to look at Remus.
"No, sorry. Did you want to be alone?" Remus asked apologetically.
"That's what the note said, but it was really more for James. You can sit down if you want," Lily said though Remus could tell she really did want some alone time.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I just came out to see what you were doing. I'll be going back inside in a moment," Remus said kindly as he took a deep breath. "It's really a gorgeous night but be careful out here alone. If you have any trouble send up some red sparks and I'll be out in a flash," he said before he sighed and headed back to the house where he would be questioned by James for information.
Lily sighed in relief when Remus went back inside and she was alone again. It felt to good to just feel the wind gliding smoothly over her skin the smells of wild growing things filling her senses and making her feel very content no matter her previous mood. She was very much a wind type of person. She silently wished that she could fly. She sighed wistfully as she took out another piece of parchment to write a letter to Catherine.
Dear Catherine,
I'm sitting outside thinking about James and I've decided that I need your help with something. It's a test for James. He habitually calls me beautiful and I need to know if he likes me because of my physical appearance or my personality. It's very important but I don't know how to get it done. If you have any ideas please let me know.
Oh, and come back over when you get the chance. I'm still irked at Bella for what happened and I need a girl to talk to. I'm fairly sure that James won't mind and right now I really do not feel like asking his 'permission'. I hope to see you soon.
Love,
Lily
Lily folded up this letter and sealed it as well. This one would be even worse for James to get a hold of compared to the letter to Snape. She sat for a few minutes longer just breathing in the air and trying to regain her sense of self. So much was changing; it was giving her an odd feeling of foreboding. With a sigh she gathered her things, whispered, "Nox," and headed back inside to see how Remus was fairing with the inevitable interrogation by James wondering why she was outside.
A/N: So, how did you folks like that chapter? Let me know in a review and I'll get out the next one as soon as I can. I haven't even started typing it up and I'm not sure where it has to stop before I finish Don Juan by Lord Byron. Do you know how much blasted trouble I went to just to find the right book? *sighs* Too damn much that's what. But it's the right book and things are spiffeh and I might just tweak some things and continue on with the story. Well, please review! ~Frankie~