[Enter: Jack's House]
Sydney: You owe me.
Jack: How was the baby shower?
Sydney: Painful. Why was it necessary for me to go there? It was horrible. First, first I had to be introduced to all of her old school friends. Then...it was time to open presents, and apparently Lauren had a stuffed duck when she was younger and while her school friends had gotten her an array of designer baby gear my gift of plush ducks made her cry.
Jack: So there wasn't anything suspicious?
Sydney: Well...there was this thing. I overheard Lauren's mom arguing with her about getting pregnant, and how Lauren getting pregnant 'ruined everything'.
Jack: And that's all there is to report?
Sydney: Yes, and the fact that you owe me big.
[Enter: Operations Centre. Sydney is fixing her morning coffee when Vaughn walks up to her]
Vaughn: Thank you for going to Lauren's shower.
Sydney: It was no problem.
Vaughn: And...you didn't have to tell her I told you about the ducks. You didn't have to lie for me.
Sydney: Well, I just saw how happy it made her.
Vaughn: Well, thank you.
Sydney: {nodding} Hey, Vaughn, I have this question that I probably shouldn't ask, I probably shouldn't even bring up the topic. But I was trying to find the bathroom at your house on Saturday and...I overheard Lauren and her mother talking. Why is Olivia so unhappy about Lauren's pregnancy?
Vaughn: What do you mean unhappy? She's ecstatic about being a grandmother.
Sydney: She said it had ruined everything...and Lauren seemed to agree—
Vaughn: Look, Syd, I don't know what you're getting at but we are all very happy about these babies. You must have misunderstood, that is the ONLY explanation.
Sydney: I didn't misunderstand, Vaughn! I don't know WHAT it's ruining, but Olivia Reed most certainly is not happy about Lauren being pregnant, and Lauren knows the reason.
Vaughn: Sydney, I am tired of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have to defend my wife to you, I don't. Lauren has done nothing wrong, and has given me no reason to suspect that she is unhappy about the pregnancy. She could have easily taken care of it and I never would have known the difference, but she has done everything in her power to keep these babies healthy. And Olivia has done nothing but be supportive. So you must have misunderstood.
Sydney: {shaking her head} I can't talk about this anymore with you. I'll see you later, Vaughn.
[Enter: Sydney's Apartment. Sydney is sitting on her couch when her phone rings; she answers it]
Sydney: Hello?
Weiss: Hey, Syd, you want to come over and have dinner with me?
Sydney: Are you cooking?
Weiss: Of course not! I'm ordering out for Chinese.
Sydney: Well, then, I'll be right over.
[Sydney hangs up the phone and walks into her bedroom to change into a shirt and jeans. She then grabs her apartment key and walks over to Weiss'. She knocks on his door]
Weiss: {opening the door} I was just about to order, anything you want in particular?
Sydney: Kung pau chicken, extra spicy.
Weiss: {nodding} Give me just a second while I call it in.
[Sydney nods, taking off her jacket and sitting on Weiss' leather sofa. She begins sifting through his magazine; Maxim, FHM, Sports Illustrated, she finally finds an Entertainment Weekly among the "male" magazines]
Weiss: Sorry about the magazine selection.
Sydney: No problem. It's kind of impressive you've managed to accumulate such a mass quantity of boob magazines.
Weiss: They aren't boob magazines. They have good articles.
Sydney: Uh-huh. Sure.
Weiss: So...how was...uhh...work?
Sydney: I had another fight with Vaughn.
Weiss: What now?
Sydney: {hesitating} Nothing important.
[Weiss hears the doorbell ring, he grabs his wallet and goes to pay for the food]
Weiss: {calling out} The food's here, Syd!
Sydney: {walking into the kitchen} Mmm, smells wonderful.
[They both begin sifting through the bag, each grabbing their boxes of food and a set of chopsticks. They go and sit at the small dining table]
Sydney: He kissed me.
Weiss: Vaughn kissed you?
Sydney: No, not Vaughn.
Weiss: {confused} Then who?
Sydney: Sark.
Weiss: SARK? When? How?
Sydney: When I was down in the catacombs and I lost radio contact with you. He was there. He had the Rambaldi artifact; he was being typical Sark about everything. And then...the next thing I know he has me pushed against the wall kissing me.
Weiss: Please tell me you kicked his ass.
Sydney: I did...but I kissed him back too.
Weiss: Why?
Sydney: Why what?
Weiss: Why did you kiss him back?
Sydney: Well, to throw him off guard.
Weiss: {raising his eyebrows} Just to throw him off guard?
Sydney: {aghast}Of course just to throw him off guard! Weiss, it's Sark!
Weiss: Yeah, I know who it is, Syd.
Sydney: Then how could you ask such a question? He's a terrorist, an enemy; he's everything I'm against, Weiss!
Weiss: Well, you can tell yourself over and over that it's not supposed to feel good, but that doesn't mean it didn't.
Sydney: Look, okay, I'm not saying it wasn't a good kiss. But I hate Sark, you know I hate him. I feel nothing but contempt for the man.
Weiss: {nodding} If you're sure. I just don't want you to continue to set your feelings aside because it's not "the right thing", Syd. You don't deserve that.
Sydney: I promise. That kiss had nothing to do with feeling anything about Sark and everything to do with completing the mission. Which I did.
Weiss: That wasn't what you fought with Vaughn about, was it?
Sydney: Of course not, it's none of Vaughn's business. We just had a small...disagreement on something to do with Lauren. Seriously, it was no big deal.
Weiss: If you say so.
Sydney: I do. Don't worry about Vaughn and me.
Weiss: So, I was reading this article in Maxim about sex toys. It was very interesting.
Sydney: {slapping Weiss on the arm} So the articles are THAT kind of interesting.
Weiss: Well, what did you think they were about? Butterflies?
[Sydney begins laughing heartily. Weiss grins, relieved he got rid of the tension from earlier]
Sydney: You know, this chicken is really bad. We would have been better off with you cooking.
Weiss: I'm not sure if I should take offence to that or thank you.
Sydney: {shrugging} It was more just a commentary on the fact that you need to find a better Chinese restaurant.
Weiss: Well, the good one we used to use was torn down about a year ago.
Sydney: Well, I wouldn't know about that, now would I?
Weiss: Oh, sorry.
Sydney: {shrugging again} There's lots of things far worse than not knowing a restaurant was torn down.
Weiss: {looking contemplative} So anyway, in that article they were describing the different sizes and shapes of—
[Sydney reaches over and slaps him on the head]
Sydney: It's okay, I don't need to know what it said, Weiss.
Weiss: You sure? Because they had some excellent pointers on different ways to—
Sydney: Yes, I'm sure. Very, very sure.
Weiss: Your loss.
Sydney: Somehow I doubt that.
{Two Weeks Later...}
[Enter: Operations Centre Briefing Room]
Dixon: Sydney, Weiss, I'm very pleased to inform you that our analysis of the Rambaldi artifact is going smoothly. It appears not to be a WMD, but rather it seems it is a map of a location in Sydney, Australia. We're assuming it is the location of another Rambaldi artifact. Sydney and Agent Weiss, you will travel to Sydney and retrieve the artifact. You leave in two days. Thank you, everyone.
[The agents begin filing out of the room. Vaughn grabs Sydney by the arm after she has left the room]
Vaughn: Sydney, can we talk somewhere privately?
Sydney: {looking wary} Sure, Vaughn, in here.
[Sydney leads Vaughn into an empty office]
Vaughn: Look, Syd, I'm sorry I blew up at you a couple of weeks ago. It was uncalled for, and while I was upset by your accusations I understand how you could have misperceived what was going on. Things have been tense since then, and I just wanted to...clear the air.
Sydney: {clenching her jaw} And did you ask Lauren about it?
Vaughn: {rubbing his forehead} Syd...I don't think you understand the kind of stress she's under right now. What with the pregnancy problems, not being able to work, and the stress of just thinking about being a mother to twins. I don't want to upset her even more.
Sydney: {visibly beginning to redden} Look, Vaughn, you should have just TOLD me that you weren't going to bother asking! I don't like being patronized, you know that, so if that's all you're going to do maybe it's best we just don't speak anymore.
Vaughn: I'm not patronizing you, Sydney! I'm informing you of the situation. I cannot upset her with baseless accusations about her loyalty, and her mother's integrity. I know you can't possibly grasp that, but I cannot upset her like that.
Sydney: Vaughn, if nothing is wrong then WHY can't you ask her?
Vaughn: I don't want to upset her by making her think I don't trust her! God, Sydney, do you realise how insane this sounds?
Sydney: Like our lives have been normal up til now!
Vaughn: I know who my wife is! You think I wasn't careful? Wary? Syd, I KNOW how screwed up our lives get. But Lauren is my wife, and she is loving, and devoted to her country just like you. I can't change the fact that you went missing, Syd.
Sydney: {stepping closer to Vaughn, lowering her voice} Do not even bring that into this. Don't. This has nothing to do with me and you and our lack of closure. So don't even try to act like this has something to do with my disappearance, and don't you DARE try to guilt-trip me in that way.
Vaughn: You act like it doesn't even play a part in this! You are not that same person you were two years ago, Sydney.
Sydney: No, Vaughn, I'm not the one that has changed.
[Sydney turns on her heel and stomps out of the office, leaving Vaughn staring at her retreat]
Sydney: You owe me.
Jack: How was the baby shower?
Sydney: Painful. Why was it necessary for me to go there? It was horrible. First, first I had to be introduced to all of her old school friends. Then...it was time to open presents, and apparently Lauren had a stuffed duck when she was younger and while her school friends had gotten her an array of designer baby gear my gift of plush ducks made her cry.
Jack: So there wasn't anything suspicious?
Sydney: Well...there was this thing. I overheard Lauren's mom arguing with her about getting pregnant, and how Lauren getting pregnant 'ruined everything'.
Jack: And that's all there is to report?
Sydney: Yes, and the fact that you owe me big.
[Enter: Operations Centre. Sydney is fixing her morning coffee when Vaughn walks up to her]
Vaughn: Thank you for going to Lauren's shower.
Sydney: It was no problem.
Vaughn: And...you didn't have to tell her I told you about the ducks. You didn't have to lie for me.
Sydney: Well, I just saw how happy it made her.
Vaughn: Well, thank you.
Sydney: {nodding} Hey, Vaughn, I have this question that I probably shouldn't ask, I probably shouldn't even bring up the topic. But I was trying to find the bathroom at your house on Saturday and...I overheard Lauren and her mother talking. Why is Olivia so unhappy about Lauren's pregnancy?
Vaughn: What do you mean unhappy? She's ecstatic about being a grandmother.
Sydney: She said it had ruined everything...and Lauren seemed to agree—
Vaughn: Look, Syd, I don't know what you're getting at but we are all very happy about these babies. You must have misunderstood, that is the ONLY explanation.
Sydney: I didn't misunderstand, Vaughn! I don't know WHAT it's ruining, but Olivia Reed most certainly is not happy about Lauren being pregnant, and Lauren knows the reason.
Vaughn: Sydney, I am tired of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have to defend my wife to you, I don't. Lauren has done nothing wrong, and has given me no reason to suspect that she is unhappy about the pregnancy. She could have easily taken care of it and I never would have known the difference, but she has done everything in her power to keep these babies healthy. And Olivia has done nothing but be supportive. So you must have misunderstood.
Sydney: {shaking her head} I can't talk about this anymore with you. I'll see you later, Vaughn.
[Enter: Sydney's Apartment. Sydney is sitting on her couch when her phone rings; she answers it]
Sydney: Hello?
Weiss: Hey, Syd, you want to come over and have dinner with me?
Sydney: Are you cooking?
Weiss: Of course not! I'm ordering out for Chinese.
Sydney: Well, then, I'll be right over.
[Sydney hangs up the phone and walks into her bedroom to change into a shirt and jeans. She then grabs her apartment key and walks over to Weiss'. She knocks on his door]
Weiss: {opening the door} I was just about to order, anything you want in particular?
Sydney: Kung pau chicken, extra spicy.
Weiss: {nodding} Give me just a second while I call it in.
[Sydney nods, taking off her jacket and sitting on Weiss' leather sofa. She begins sifting through his magazine; Maxim, FHM, Sports Illustrated, she finally finds an Entertainment Weekly among the "male" magazines]
Weiss: Sorry about the magazine selection.
Sydney: No problem. It's kind of impressive you've managed to accumulate such a mass quantity of boob magazines.
Weiss: They aren't boob magazines. They have good articles.
Sydney: Uh-huh. Sure.
Weiss: So...how was...uhh...work?
Sydney: I had another fight with Vaughn.
Weiss: What now?
Sydney: {hesitating} Nothing important.
[Weiss hears the doorbell ring, he grabs his wallet and goes to pay for the food]
Weiss: {calling out} The food's here, Syd!
Sydney: {walking into the kitchen} Mmm, smells wonderful.
[They both begin sifting through the bag, each grabbing their boxes of food and a set of chopsticks. They go and sit at the small dining table]
Sydney: He kissed me.
Weiss: Vaughn kissed you?
Sydney: No, not Vaughn.
Weiss: {confused} Then who?
Sydney: Sark.
Weiss: SARK? When? How?
Sydney: When I was down in the catacombs and I lost radio contact with you. He was there. He had the Rambaldi artifact; he was being typical Sark about everything. And then...the next thing I know he has me pushed against the wall kissing me.
Weiss: Please tell me you kicked his ass.
Sydney: I did...but I kissed him back too.
Weiss: Why?
Sydney: Why what?
Weiss: Why did you kiss him back?
Sydney: Well, to throw him off guard.
Weiss: {raising his eyebrows} Just to throw him off guard?
Sydney: {aghast}Of course just to throw him off guard! Weiss, it's Sark!
Weiss: Yeah, I know who it is, Syd.
Sydney: Then how could you ask such a question? He's a terrorist, an enemy; he's everything I'm against, Weiss!
Weiss: Well, you can tell yourself over and over that it's not supposed to feel good, but that doesn't mean it didn't.
Sydney: Look, okay, I'm not saying it wasn't a good kiss. But I hate Sark, you know I hate him. I feel nothing but contempt for the man.
Weiss: {nodding} If you're sure. I just don't want you to continue to set your feelings aside because it's not "the right thing", Syd. You don't deserve that.
Sydney: I promise. That kiss had nothing to do with feeling anything about Sark and everything to do with completing the mission. Which I did.
Weiss: That wasn't what you fought with Vaughn about, was it?
Sydney: Of course not, it's none of Vaughn's business. We just had a small...disagreement on something to do with Lauren. Seriously, it was no big deal.
Weiss: If you say so.
Sydney: I do. Don't worry about Vaughn and me.
Weiss: So, I was reading this article in Maxim about sex toys. It was very interesting.
Sydney: {slapping Weiss on the arm} So the articles are THAT kind of interesting.
Weiss: Well, what did you think they were about? Butterflies?
[Sydney begins laughing heartily. Weiss grins, relieved he got rid of the tension from earlier]
Sydney: You know, this chicken is really bad. We would have been better off with you cooking.
Weiss: I'm not sure if I should take offence to that or thank you.
Sydney: {shrugging} It was more just a commentary on the fact that you need to find a better Chinese restaurant.
Weiss: Well, the good one we used to use was torn down about a year ago.
Sydney: Well, I wouldn't know about that, now would I?
Weiss: Oh, sorry.
Sydney: {shrugging again} There's lots of things far worse than not knowing a restaurant was torn down.
Weiss: {looking contemplative} So anyway, in that article they were describing the different sizes and shapes of—
[Sydney reaches over and slaps him on the head]
Sydney: It's okay, I don't need to know what it said, Weiss.
Weiss: You sure? Because they had some excellent pointers on different ways to—
Sydney: Yes, I'm sure. Very, very sure.
Weiss: Your loss.
Sydney: Somehow I doubt that.
{Two Weeks Later...}
[Enter: Operations Centre Briefing Room]
Dixon: Sydney, Weiss, I'm very pleased to inform you that our analysis of the Rambaldi artifact is going smoothly. It appears not to be a WMD, but rather it seems it is a map of a location in Sydney, Australia. We're assuming it is the location of another Rambaldi artifact. Sydney and Agent Weiss, you will travel to Sydney and retrieve the artifact. You leave in two days. Thank you, everyone.
[The agents begin filing out of the room. Vaughn grabs Sydney by the arm after she has left the room]
Vaughn: Sydney, can we talk somewhere privately?
Sydney: {looking wary} Sure, Vaughn, in here.
[Sydney leads Vaughn into an empty office]
Vaughn: Look, Syd, I'm sorry I blew up at you a couple of weeks ago. It was uncalled for, and while I was upset by your accusations I understand how you could have misperceived what was going on. Things have been tense since then, and I just wanted to...clear the air.
Sydney: {clenching her jaw} And did you ask Lauren about it?
Vaughn: {rubbing his forehead} Syd...I don't think you understand the kind of stress she's under right now. What with the pregnancy problems, not being able to work, and the stress of just thinking about being a mother to twins. I don't want to upset her even more.
Sydney: {visibly beginning to redden} Look, Vaughn, you should have just TOLD me that you weren't going to bother asking! I don't like being patronized, you know that, so if that's all you're going to do maybe it's best we just don't speak anymore.
Vaughn: I'm not patronizing you, Sydney! I'm informing you of the situation. I cannot upset her with baseless accusations about her loyalty, and her mother's integrity. I know you can't possibly grasp that, but I cannot upset her like that.
Sydney: Vaughn, if nothing is wrong then WHY can't you ask her?
Vaughn: I don't want to upset her by making her think I don't trust her! God, Sydney, do you realise how insane this sounds?
Sydney: Like our lives have been normal up til now!
Vaughn: I know who my wife is! You think I wasn't careful? Wary? Syd, I KNOW how screwed up our lives get. But Lauren is my wife, and she is loving, and devoted to her country just like you. I can't change the fact that you went missing, Syd.
Sydney: {stepping closer to Vaughn, lowering her voice} Do not even bring that into this. Don't. This has nothing to do with me and you and our lack of closure. So don't even try to act like this has something to do with my disappearance, and don't you DARE try to guilt-trip me in that way.
Vaughn: You act like it doesn't even play a part in this! You are not that same person you were two years ago, Sydney.
Sydney: No, Vaughn, I'm not the one that has changed.
[Sydney turns on her heel and stomps out of the office, leaving Vaughn staring at her retreat]