Author's Note: Alright boys & girls, I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last night and so I'm in the mood for a little update. It was good by the way, but there are some things that are missing that shouldn't have been. stabs Alfonso Curion But anyways, on to the thank yous so you all can get to reading eh?
Manny2003- Well, as far as those two dear and darling characters go you will just have to and see. I have things in store for both of them, you shall be the judge of whether they're good or bad.
Ljstagflower4e/Jctigerwolf4e- You gave up on me huh? sobs That makes me sad. sniffles
Lady Arwen Gryffindor- I actually cannot remember when Lily & James get together, so we're both going to have to wait and see. You still believe Catherine to be a Death Eater eh? I'm amused by that, but I'm considering the idea myself. It sounds interesting, does it not?
Captain Oblivious- I'm sorry about the terribly long wait but it couldn't be helped. watches as Peter falls I wonder if I'll be able to force some sympathy out of people for Peter.
Black-cat-on-the-wall- Very crazy dream. Voldie attack a funeral... that's a fair idea. Hmm. Well you won't need the chainsaw dear and hopefully this chapter's length will make you keep it put away. Hehe. coughs
Dancingsparkler8- It is indeed summer and I will try to update more frequently as it progresses but I'm still in school till the 10th. So be patient if you please.
Spunx182- I can't honestly remember and I'm not even sure whether I've written it. Remus does deserve happiness but alas, that is a long way off yet.
Akire135- Thanks and you're welcome for the update.
Lindiel Eryn- Hmm, its quite possible that it did mean something. I guess you will just have to wait and see eh?
I was going to wait until I got more reviews to put this up, but then I thought about the people I'd be disappointing if I didn't put it up today. So, enjoy the next chapter and don't forget to review and tell me what you think.
Frankie
Chapter Fifty: The Funeral of Wilhelmina Pettigrew
Lily walked into the kitchen where Peter, Sirius, Remus and Arabella were seated talking over coffee and English muffins. "So, did he wake up for you?" Sirius asked when Lily entered, the heels of her black boots clicking on the hardwood floor.
"Yes, though he looked as if somebody had died when he opened his eyes," Lily said without thinking and Peter coughed choking on his breakfast. Lily winced, "Sorry Peter, I meant someone else," she said looking apologetic.
"It's okay," Peter said once he stopped coughing and Sirius had whacked him on the back a time or two.
Sirius shook his head. "James was out cold when I went in there and for a moment I thought he was dead but he was breathing," Sirius said still shaking his head in astonishment.
"No offense meant Peter, but this is the first time James has slept longer then you," Remus said and looked to be considering the point.
"I jumped on his bed and he still wouldn't wake," Sirius muttered with his brow furrowed as if thinking.
"You'd think someone had given him the Draught of Living Death," Lily said slowly as the others looked at her curiously.
"Reading or remembering?" Remus asked gently.
"I think its a little of both actually. Is there a teacher at Hogwarts, a woman, blonde with an interesting looking cat?" Lily asked with her eyes closed picturing her perfectly in her mind.
"Yeah," Sirius said with a scowl. "Henderson, she hated us because we always caused trouble in her class," he said and laughed.
"I remember she once threatened to slip us some of that if we didn't behave," Remus said quietly with a small smile on his face.
"You behaved after that," Lily said mildly and Remus nodded.
"Or at least most of the time," Sirius said as Arabella shook her head.
"I have a question, how are we all getting to the funeral?" Lily asked quietly looking at Peter.
"The funeral is being held in London but I arranged for a portkey to be set up in James' backyard," Sirius said when Peter looked horrorstruck. "Owing to the fact that you my dear Lily cannot apparate just yet," he said and Peter sighed in relief.
"I'm sorry. I forgot about that Lily," Peter said meekly.
"Its alright Peter, don't worry about it. When do we have to leave?" Lily asked as Sirius looked at his watch.
"About an hour, don't worry, James will have enough time to eat his breakfast," Sirius said when Lily looked like she was going to protest.
James walked into the kitchen soon after that wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt with a blue tie which he would wear a set of black robes over. "Good morning," James said upon entering.
"Morning Prongs," Sirius said and looked at James with humor in his eyes.
"Sirius," Arabella said in a warning tone.
"What?" Sirius asked innocently.
"Don't even think about it," Arabella said, her voice giving Sirius thoughts of various tortures if he were to do anything to get James' goat about sleeping late.
James smiled warmly at Arabella before he sat down to eat. Lily was watching James for any sign of illness and therefore looked rather like a mother hen guarding her chicks.
"Okay, somebody speak, the silence is killing me here," Sirius said a few moments later when no one had said a word and they were all watching James eat his breakfast.
"I forgot my sweater," Lily said and headed upstairs to fetch it.
Lily's sweater was draped over the chair of her desk and as she grabbed it she remembered that Snape had responded to her letter the previous morning and she'd forgotten all about it. She sat down at her desk, opened the drawer that she'd put the unopened letter in and removed it from the drawer. Just as she was about to open it she heard footsteps on the stairs and she dropped the letter back in the drawer and pushed it closed before standing up and shrugging on the black jacket-like sweater that fell down to her knees. Remus appeared a moment later.
"You alive up here?" Remus asked quietly as he wondered why she was standing near her desk.
"Yes. I forgot I put my sweater over here and I didn't see it when I came in," Lily replied with a smile as she pulled her ponytail out from under the collar.
"All right. James was being odd and sent me up her to check on you as if he thought you were going to die or something. Very paranoid this morning, oh and he reminded me to tell you to bring your wand," Remus said and Lily's face scrunched up in thought as she walked around the desk and over to her nightstand where the pale yellow wand sat on it's mahogany surface.
"I'm all set," Lily said as she slipped the wand into a pocket inside her sweater.
"Okay," Remus said and started down the stairs with Lily right behind him.
James asked about her wand as soon as they got down into the kitchen again and Lily showed him obligingly where she'd put it for safe keeping. As soon as James' paranoia was satisfied they walked out to the backyard where they looked for and found the portkey which was disguised as an old muggle newspaper.
"How much time do we have?" James asked and Remus checked his watch.
"About two minutes," Remus answered as Sirius held out the newspaper- portkey in front of him.
"What do I do?" Lily asked curiously.
"Just touch it, a finger will do and don't let go," James answered quickly as they all touched the dry, crinkled parchment with a finger and scrunched together in a circle.
Remus was looking at his watch and soon began counting down, "Five, four, three, two, one." On the count of one Lily felt as if someone or something had just jerked her forward starting at her navel and she could feel James and Arabella on either side of her. They were being drawn forward in a rush of wind and a swirl of color when Lily's feet slammed into the ground and being unsteady already she toppled over before James managed to catch her.
"Are you okay?" James asked as he helped Lily up and Lily just nodded, not trusting her stomach to keep its contents within her body.
As Lily was regaining her balance she took in her surroundings. They were standing in the middle of a walled in garden at the back of a severe looking building and she could hear traffic just on the other side of the wall. There were benches where people could sit and many different types of flowers including but not exclusive to: violets, roses, lilies, hyacinths, peonies, lilacs and tulips.
Lily realized after a moment that James was still holding her left arm gently in his hand and she looked at him curiously before he dropped her arm unceremoniously, making Lily wonder just what his dream that morning had been about. She made a mental note to ask him about it when a man came out of the building adjacent to the garden. He was short, round and balding. He had a pudgy face and beady brown eyes that were hidden between graying eyebrows and pink cheeks. "Good morning Mr. Pettigrew," the man said approaching Peter and sticking out his hand for the pale young man to shake.
"Good morning Mr. Woodgrave," Peter said quietly.
"These are your friends correct?" Woodgrave asked looking around at the others.
"Yes," Peter said and began listing off their names as he gestured to them.
"It's nice to meet you," Mr. Woodgrave said taking each of their hands in turn. "I'm Albert Woodgrave," he said in a solemn voice. "If you will all follow me I will show you to the hall," his gravely voice put Lily in mind of a well played record on a phonograph as she fell into step behind Peter and Sirius with Remus and Arabella on either side and James bringing up the rear.
Woodgrave led them inside. The building was filled with old furniture, mainly tables in the halls that were adorned with baskets and vases of tastefully arranged flowers. There were several portraits which were whispering to each other as they passed and a mirror or two in gold painted wooden frames that hung as if to give the grief stricken full awareness of how said and sorry they looked. To Lily the place reminded her painfully of the funeral home that she had viewed her parent's bodies in before they were taken to the church where the actual funeral was to be held. She remembered the mortician whispering to the owner how odd it was for car accident victims to have open caskets.
Lily caught herself taking a deep, steadying breath as they entered the hall where the late Mrs. Pettigrew's casket was surrounded by flowers and a picture of the woman was moving, as typical of wizarding portraits, and was placed beside the casket in front of many rows of straight-backed wooden chairs. Lily felt as if she was fifteen again and her parents were freshly dead, lying on silk, in wooden boxes, reminders of the fact that she hadn't been able to say goodbye. She closed her eyes trying to fight back the tears of sorrow and longing that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. She mumbled, "Excuse me," and turned around brushing past James who was looking confused as she made her way back to the garden and sat down at one of the benches taking deep calming breaths. The smell of the flowers was overwhelming her, choking her with their sickeningly sweet perfume.
Lily covered her face with her hands as if the skin and bone would block the memories of her parents from her mind. She didn't realize that she was sobbing until she felt arms holding her protectively and James' voice soothing her with whispers of, "It's alright Lily darling," and "Tell me what's the matter sweetheart."
The affectionate names and the tone of his voice slowly began to calm her. "It's nothing, I'm just stupid," Lily managed to say.
"Don't say that, you're not stupid. Trust me, I've met stupid people and you don't qualify. Tell me what has upset you, it won't be stupid I promise," James said as he gently ran a hand over her arm.
"That - that room re-reminded m-me of m-my parents f-funeral," Lily sobbed and buried her face in his shoulder to muffle her next words. "See, it is s-stupid," she said.
James had almost been expecting this when he remembered that her parents had died as he came out to help her. "Oh sweetheart, its not stupid, it's perfectly reasonable," he said and pressed his lips gently against her hair.
"It is?" Lily questioned, sniffling loudly as she looked up at James with her tear-filled eyes.
"Yes, it is," James said quietly. "You saw that arrangement inside and it reminded you of your parents, whose deaths you haven't overcome yet and your feelings surrounding them need to escape. So you cry, and you have the right to cry about them for as long as you like until you feel you've mourned enough, until you're completely ready to say goodbye. No one can tell you when you have to stop crying over that loss and even after you feel that's its okay to move on, to remember and not forget, you can still feel sad and not worry about it being stupid or silly. They are your parents Lily, and they loved you and you love them; you're connected to them and so their loss affects you deeply. Seeing reminders of that loss isn't stupid, it shows your humanity and had nothing to do with stupidity," he said with a passionate tone as he knew precisely what she was going through since he'd been affected similarly by the loss of his parents and his grandparents in the past.
Lily took deep calming breaths as she took in James' heartfelt words. She looked up at him, into his eyes and found comfort as she glimpsed his own sorrow about his parents and grandparents who had loved and cared for him just as hers had done for her. "Thank you James, you have no idea what this means to me," Lily said gently and leaned forward kissing his cheek lightly.
"Sorry to interrupt," Sirius said after he'd given a cough to announce his presence near the door. "People are starting to arrive and Peter's starting to freak out," he said quietly.
"We'll be in in a moment," James announced and Sirius turned and left giving them one last moment of privacy. "You're going to be okay?" he questioned calmly not letting his voice be affected by his rapidly beating heart that had started its palpitations when Lily had kiss him.
"Yes, I will be okay James. Thank you for what you said," Lily said and smiled warmly at him after wiping away the remnants of her tears.
"You're welcome Lily," James said and stood up offering her a hand which she took obligingly and they walked back through the garden and to the room that held Wilhelmina Pettigrew's body and her mourners hand in hand. Lily paused at the door and took a deep breath as James squeezed her hand gently in comfort and she smiled at him before they walked into the room and down the aisle to where Sirius, Remus and Arabella sat looking grimly upon the casket before them.
Arabella looked up as they approached and stood up before examining Lily curiously. "Are you okay?" Arabella asked voice Sirius and Remus' thoughts as well as her own.
"Yes, I'm fine Bella," Lily said and gave a reassuring smile to her friends. "Where's Peter?" she asked after she realized he wasn't there.
"His parents arrived," Sirius said quietly and gestured to where Peter stood with what had to be his mother and father. The woman was short and thin with blonde hair just like Peter's and the same beady blue eyes. The man was taller then Peter by only a few inches with light brown hair and a pinched, pointed face with brown but he was stocky otherwise; he looked like a man who got a considerable amount of exercise.
When Lily looked at Peter he looked both relieved and angry and she wondered what was going on.
Joseph and Charlotte Pettigrew walked into the funeral home where they have been told by their son's letter that Joseph's mother was to be viewed and found their son Peter waiting near the door. The young man looked astonished by their arrival. Charlotte rushed over to her son and hugged him tightly. "Oh Peter, I'm so sorry that you had to take care of these things yourself. Your father and I just got away," Charlotte said as she took Peter's face in her hands and seemed to be examining him for injuries.
"There, there Charlotte," Joseph said with a very brief smile at his wife. "Peter is fine, aren't you boy?" the elder man questioned.
"Y-yes," Peter managed to say as a perplexed look came upon his face. "But you said in your letter that you couldn't get away," Peter said as he gently look his mother's hands from his face and held them in his.
"Ahh, yes. We weren't sure if the expedition could afford for us to come so we didn't want you to get your hopes up," Joseph said and pat Peter's shoulder affectionately as fathers do to sons.
"We're terribly sorry Peter, we just weren't sure," Charlotte gushed and she looked close to tears. "You didn't have to go through this alone did you?" she asked worriedly and looked beyond Peter for some sign to the contrary. She immediately spotted a young woman with vibrant red hair, standing with the familiar faces of Peter's Hogwarts friends, looking curiously toward them.
"No, the guys looked after him I'm sure," Joseph said his tone was all knowing and slightly arrogant in nature.
"Who is that girl? Is it one of Arabella's friends or did you meet a girl?" Charlotte asked and her last words carried a hopeful tone.
Peter's eyes widened. "N-no! Lily is James' housekeeper and I guess you could say that they're sort of having a relationship," Peter stuttered his cheeks going a deep red to match the draperies.
"Oh. Well you will have to introduce us," Charlotte said a disappointed gleam coming across her eyes for a moment as she looked towards the girl Peter had called Lily.
"Yes, come along son and introduce us," Joseph said and placed a hand on Peter's shoulder, turning him and directing him towards the group at the front of the funeral hall.
Lily watched as Peter was pushed in their direction by his father and the way that embarrassment was etched across Peter's face as he walked over. "Y-you're feeling better?" Peter asked when he stopped walking just in front of them.
"Oh, yes, thank you for asking Peter," Lily said with an encouraging smile.
Peter nodded and took a deep breath. "I'd like you to meet my parents. Mum, dad, this is Lily Evans," Peter said gesturing to Lily, "and you know my other friends," he muttered looking down at his feet.
"Always such a shy boy," Charlotte said stepping forward and holding out her hand to Lily. "I'm Charlotte Pettigrew, and his is my husband Joseph," she said as Lily took her hand quickly.
"It's nice to meet you both," Lily said with a smile and shook Joseph Pettigrew's hand next.
"Yes, though the circumstances are terrible it's wonderful to know that my son has such beautiful friends," Joseph said eyeing Lily in particular, making her feel as if her skin were crawling beneath her clothes.
James, seeing the way that Peter's father was looking at Lily, stepped forward and put an arm around her waist possessively but he told himself it was only to make the man stop eyeing Lily like that.
"Oh Joseph, you'll embarrass the girl," Charlotte said and laughed a high-pitched twittering laugh that told Lily that the woman was blind to what a creep her husband was.
Lily, conscious of James' attempt to stave off Joseph's repulsing gaze took one of James' hands in hers and said, "Oh, I'm not embarrassed at all. James tells me so every night," while she squeezed James' hand to let him know to play along.
Sirius, looking confused, was about to protest when Arabella said, "Sirius would you come with me out to the garden, I seem to have lost my watch."
At this Sirius looked thoroughly befuddled. "Alright darling," he said and followed Arabella.
"We'll come with, after all, four pairs of eyes are better then two," James said and looked at Lily lovingly every James and Lily followed in Sirius and Arabella's footsteps leaving Remus with an extremely embarrassed Peter and Peter's parents.
Out in the garden Sirius asked, "What the bloody hell was that about?" eyeing Arabella quickly before looking at James and Lily, who had let go of each other and were looking rather apologetic, in a confused manner.
Arabella rolled her eyes. "Did you see how Peter's father was looking at Lily?" she asked quickly and looked toward the door as a precautionary measure.
"No," Sirius said and watched as Lily sighed and sat down on the bench she and James had been sitting at earlier only to be joined again by James a moment later.
"He was looking at me like," Lily started and paused, looking for the right metaphor, "like I was something to be gobbled up by men like him," she finished and closed her eyes tightly. "Something unimportant that cold be tossed aside after use," Lily said quietly and looked back up at Sirius whose eyes were now blazing with anger.
"That bloody bastard," Sirius muttered and clenched his fists angrily.
"Yes, and James was trying to help Lily by making her seem taken," Arabella said and smiled at James warmly before he took Lily's hand in his again.
"Well, that's not really a lie," Sirius said meekly and waited for the glares and the smack across the head from Arabella.
"It's true were contemplating a relationship but we're not in one as of yet," Lily said quietly and smiled at James weakly.
James smiled back and squeezed her hand. "So, we're going to pretend we are dating until Mr. Pettigrew is no where near Lily," he said and then looked up at Sirius. "Understand?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," Sirius said and sighed realizing that going and punching Joseph Pettigrew would not solve his problems with the man.
"What I don't get is how Peter's mother even married that man," Lily said as a look of disgust crossed her face quickly.
"Arranged marriage," James answered honestly and scrunched up his nose in abhorrence.
Lily shook her head, in her opinion arranged marriages were an outdated practice. She sighed. "We'd better get back inside, at least for Peter's sake," she said looking around at her companions who all nodded accordingly before they headed back in to relieve Remus of his burden of dealing with Peter's parents.
Remus and Peter sat staring blankly at Grandmother Pettigrew's casket while Joseph and Charlotte Pettigrew greeted mourners at the door with solemn faces as the others joined them in seats nearby. Remus sent Lily and encouraging smile as he wasn't blind to what Peter's father had hinted at with his eyes as well as other parts of his body; Remus didn't think he'd be able to get them smell out of his nose for a week or get rid of the migraine the confrontation had caused.
Nobody needed to say anything but it was obvious that Lily wasn't to be left alone in the vacinity of Joseph Pettigrew and James was sticking to their little game pretending that he and Lily were dating steadily. The pretending wasn't very hard for either of them in action but concerning emotion it was probably the hardest thing they had to do; holding hands and leaning into each other, allowing boundaries to be crossed and tensions to run high. James and Lily sat there trying to concentrate on not breaking the commitments they'd subconsciously made to each other and themselves with one part of their hearts and then yearning to do so with another.
Lily sighed and looked up at James before slowly whispering, "I'm sorry about this."
James looked down into Lily's sincere green eyes and smiled. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault," he whispered and kissed her forehead gently as if they'd been speaking lovingly to one another instead of what they were truly doing.
Lily sighed and smiled whispering, "Thank you James," as she lay her head on his shoulder.
"You're welcome," James whispered back and soon there after the actual ceremony started for the mourners to remember Wilhelmina Pettigrew.
The mourners cried and let Joseph and Charlotte know how wonderful a person they deceased had been and how much they would miss her as well. Peter was greatly relieved that he didn't have to great the crying and sobbing throng of people as often has his father who seemed truly distant from the whole situation making Peter's stomach burn angrily as he sat between Remus and Sirius watching his father.
A few seats down from Peter, Lily was feeling ill, she looked up at James and her eyes locked with his. "What's wrong?" James whispered and brushed his fingers along her cheek gently.
"It's nothing. I just don't feel well," Lily whispered back and James wound an arm around her in comfort.
"It's probably stress. This will be over soon and we can go home," James said quietly and squeezed her hand gently in his.
The wake ended soon there after and many people headed home. "You don't have to stay for the burial," Peter said to his friends as people began to file out of their seats towards the door.
"You're sure?" Lily asked quietly. He head had started to pound and she felt like going home to bed.
"Yes, and I don't know if you're looking too well any ways Lily. You can go on back home," Peter said and tensed slightly as he felt the presence of his father just behind him accompanied by his mother.
"Lily dear, are you feeling well?" Charlotte asked stepping forward and touching Lily's brow gently.
"Not really. Peter was just saying that we didn't have to stay and I'm sorry to be taking the offer. I feel horrible about it," Lily said honestly because if Peter's father hadn't been there she would have stayed no matter how ill she felt.
"Oh, well, do feel better dear. James, you'll see that she gets some rest won't you?" Charlotte asked gently.
"Of course. I wouldn't want her to be unable to feed us tonight. I'm a dreadful cook but my darling Lily has been a godsend I tell you," James said as he stood up and held out a hand to help Lily to her feet.
Charlotte smiled. "I'm sure she has. Come along Peter," she said and moved away with her son.
"I hope you do feel better soon Lily," Joseph said with that look in his eyes again before he nodded and followed in Charlotte and Peter's footsteps.
Lily shuddered as soon as Joseph was out of sight. "I want to go home," she whispered and that they did.
A/N: Alright then, this chapter is done. Please tell me what you think as I'm dying to know. Tell me everything you thought of the chapter. And don't forget I leave hints to other things in the chapter. I always wonder if people will pick up on them. I hope you liked this chapter, please Review!
By the way, I'm considering starting chapter 51 as another story, part two or so. Let me know if you think that's a good idea or not. If I don't get any comments to the contrary I will probably go on to chapter 51 as Part Two of Lily Without Hogwarts. Its completely up to you guys as I'm just the lowly author.
Frankie
Manny2003- Well, as far as those two dear and darling characters go you will just have to and see. I have things in store for both of them, you shall be the judge of whether they're good or bad.
Ljstagflower4e/Jctigerwolf4e- You gave up on me huh? sobs That makes me sad. sniffles
Lady Arwen Gryffindor- I actually cannot remember when Lily & James get together, so we're both going to have to wait and see. You still believe Catherine to be a Death Eater eh? I'm amused by that, but I'm considering the idea myself. It sounds interesting, does it not?
Captain Oblivious- I'm sorry about the terribly long wait but it couldn't be helped. watches as Peter falls I wonder if I'll be able to force some sympathy out of people for Peter.
Black-cat-on-the-wall- Very crazy dream. Voldie attack a funeral... that's a fair idea. Hmm. Well you won't need the chainsaw dear and hopefully this chapter's length will make you keep it put away. Hehe. coughs
Dancingsparkler8- It is indeed summer and I will try to update more frequently as it progresses but I'm still in school till the 10th. So be patient if you please.
Spunx182- I can't honestly remember and I'm not even sure whether I've written it. Remus does deserve happiness but alas, that is a long way off yet.
Akire135- Thanks and you're welcome for the update.
Lindiel Eryn- Hmm, its quite possible that it did mean something. I guess you will just have to wait and see eh?
I was going to wait until I got more reviews to put this up, but then I thought about the people I'd be disappointing if I didn't put it up today. So, enjoy the next chapter and don't forget to review and tell me what you think.
Frankie
Chapter Fifty: The Funeral of Wilhelmina Pettigrew
Lily walked into the kitchen where Peter, Sirius, Remus and Arabella were seated talking over coffee and English muffins. "So, did he wake up for you?" Sirius asked when Lily entered, the heels of her black boots clicking on the hardwood floor.
"Yes, though he looked as if somebody had died when he opened his eyes," Lily said without thinking and Peter coughed choking on his breakfast. Lily winced, "Sorry Peter, I meant someone else," she said looking apologetic.
"It's okay," Peter said once he stopped coughing and Sirius had whacked him on the back a time or two.
Sirius shook his head. "James was out cold when I went in there and for a moment I thought he was dead but he was breathing," Sirius said still shaking his head in astonishment.
"No offense meant Peter, but this is the first time James has slept longer then you," Remus said and looked to be considering the point.
"I jumped on his bed and he still wouldn't wake," Sirius muttered with his brow furrowed as if thinking.
"You'd think someone had given him the Draught of Living Death," Lily said slowly as the others looked at her curiously.
"Reading or remembering?" Remus asked gently.
"I think its a little of both actually. Is there a teacher at Hogwarts, a woman, blonde with an interesting looking cat?" Lily asked with her eyes closed picturing her perfectly in her mind.
"Yeah," Sirius said with a scowl. "Henderson, she hated us because we always caused trouble in her class," he said and laughed.
"I remember she once threatened to slip us some of that if we didn't behave," Remus said quietly with a small smile on his face.
"You behaved after that," Lily said mildly and Remus nodded.
"Or at least most of the time," Sirius said as Arabella shook her head.
"I have a question, how are we all getting to the funeral?" Lily asked quietly looking at Peter.
"The funeral is being held in London but I arranged for a portkey to be set up in James' backyard," Sirius said when Peter looked horrorstruck. "Owing to the fact that you my dear Lily cannot apparate just yet," he said and Peter sighed in relief.
"I'm sorry. I forgot about that Lily," Peter said meekly.
"Its alright Peter, don't worry about it. When do we have to leave?" Lily asked as Sirius looked at his watch.
"About an hour, don't worry, James will have enough time to eat his breakfast," Sirius said when Lily looked like she was going to protest.
James walked into the kitchen soon after that wearing black slacks and a white dress shirt with a blue tie which he would wear a set of black robes over. "Good morning," James said upon entering.
"Morning Prongs," Sirius said and looked at James with humor in his eyes.
"Sirius," Arabella said in a warning tone.
"What?" Sirius asked innocently.
"Don't even think about it," Arabella said, her voice giving Sirius thoughts of various tortures if he were to do anything to get James' goat about sleeping late.
James smiled warmly at Arabella before he sat down to eat. Lily was watching James for any sign of illness and therefore looked rather like a mother hen guarding her chicks.
"Okay, somebody speak, the silence is killing me here," Sirius said a few moments later when no one had said a word and they were all watching James eat his breakfast.
"I forgot my sweater," Lily said and headed upstairs to fetch it.
Lily's sweater was draped over the chair of her desk and as she grabbed it she remembered that Snape had responded to her letter the previous morning and she'd forgotten all about it. She sat down at her desk, opened the drawer that she'd put the unopened letter in and removed it from the drawer. Just as she was about to open it she heard footsteps on the stairs and she dropped the letter back in the drawer and pushed it closed before standing up and shrugging on the black jacket-like sweater that fell down to her knees. Remus appeared a moment later.
"You alive up here?" Remus asked quietly as he wondered why she was standing near her desk.
"Yes. I forgot I put my sweater over here and I didn't see it when I came in," Lily replied with a smile as she pulled her ponytail out from under the collar.
"All right. James was being odd and sent me up her to check on you as if he thought you were going to die or something. Very paranoid this morning, oh and he reminded me to tell you to bring your wand," Remus said and Lily's face scrunched up in thought as she walked around the desk and over to her nightstand where the pale yellow wand sat on it's mahogany surface.
"I'm all set," Lily said as she slipped the wand into a pocket inside her sweater.
"Okay," Remus said and started down the stairs with Lily right behind him.
James asked about her wand as soon as they got down into the kitchen again and Lily showed him obligingly where she'd put it for safe keeping. As soon as James' paranoia was satisfied they walked out to the backyard where they looked for and found the portkey which was disguised as an old muggle newspaper.
"How much time do we have?" James asked and Remus checked his watch.
"About two minutes," Remus answered as Sirius held out the newspaper- portkey in front of him.
"What do I do?" Lily asked curiously.
"Just touch it, a finger will do and don't let go," James answered quickly as they all touched the dry, crinkled parchment with a finger and scrunched together in a circle.
Remus was looking at his watch and soon began counting down, "Five, four, three, two, one." On the count of one Lily felt as if someone or something had just jerked her forward starting at her navel and she could feel James and Arabella on either side of her. They were being drawn forward in a rush of wind and a swirl of color when Lily's feet slammed into the ground and being unsteady already she toppled over before James managed to catch her.
"Are you okay?" James asked as he helped Lily up and Lily just nodded, not trusting her stomach to keep its contents within her body.
As Lily was regaining her balance she took in her surroundings. They were standing in the middle of a walled in garden at the back of a severe looking building and she could hear traffic just on the other side of the wall. There were benches where people could sit and many different types of flowers including but not exclusive to: violets, roses, lilies, hyacinths, peonies, lilacs and tulips.
Lily realized after a moment that James was still holding her left arm gently in his hand and she looked at him curiously before he dropped her arm unceremoniously, making Lily wonder just what his dream that morning had been about. She made a mental note to ask him about it when a man came out of the building adjacent to the garden. He was short, round and balding. He had a pudgy face and beady brown eyes that were hidden between graying eyebrows and pink cheeks. "Good morning Mr. Pettigrew," the man said approaching Peter and sticking out his hand for the pale young man to shake.
"Good morning Mr. Woodgrave," Peter said quietly.
"These are your friends correct?" Woodgrave asked looking around at the others.
"Yes," Peter said and began listing off their names as he gestured to them.
"It's nice to meet you," Mr. Woodgrave said taking each of their hands in turn. "I'm Albert Woodgrave," he said in a solemn voice. "If you will all follow me I will show you to the hall," his gravely voice put Lily in mind of a well played record on a phonograph as she fell into step behind Peter and Sirius with Remus and Arabella on either side and James bringing up the rear.
Woodgrave led them inside. The building was filled with old furniture, mainly tables in the halls that were adorned with baskets and vases of tastefully arranged flowers. There were several portraits which were whispering to each other as they passed and a mirror or two in gold painted wooden frames that hung as if to give the grief stricken full awareness of how said and sorry they looked. To Lily the place reminded her painfully of the funeral home that she had viewed her parent's bodies in before they were taken to the church where the actual funeral was to be held. She remembered the mortician whispering to the owner how odd it was for car accident victims to have open caskets.
Lily caught herself taking a deep, steadying breath as they entered the hall where the late Mrs. Pettigrew's casket was surrounded by flowers and a picture of the woman was moving, as typical of wizarding portraits, and was placed beside the casket in front of many rows of straight-backed wooden chairs. Lily felt as if she was fifteen again and her parents were freshly dead, lying on silk, in wooden boxes, reminders of the fact that she hadn't been able to say goodbye. She closed her eyes trying to fight back the tears of sorrow and longing that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. She mumbled, "Excuse me," and turned around brushing past James who was looking confused as she made her way back to the garden and sat down at one of the benches taking deep calming breaths. The smell of the flowers was overwhelming her, choking her with their sickeningly sweet perfume.
Lily covered her face with her hands as if the skin and bone would block the memories of her parents from her mind. She didn't realize that she was sobbing until she felt arms holding her protectively and James' voice soothing her with whispers of, "It's alright Lily darling," and "Tell me what's the matter sweetheart."
The affectionate names and the tone of his voice slowly began to calm her. "It's nothing, I'm just stupid," Lily managed to say.
"Don't say that, you're not stupid. Trust me, I've met stupid people and you don't qualify. Tell me what has upset you, it won't be stupid I promise," James said as he gently ran a hand over her arm.
"That - that room re-reminded m-me of m-my parents f-funeral," Lily sobbed and buried her face in his shoulder to muffle her next words. "See, it is s-stupid," she said.
James had almost been expecting this when he remembered that her parents had died as he came out to help her. "Oh sweetheart, its not stupid, it's perfectly reasonable," he said and pressed his lips gently against her hair.
"It is?" Lily questioned, sniffling loudly as she looked up at James with her tear-filled eyes.
"Yes, it is," James said quietly. "You saw that arrangement inside and it reminded you of your parents, whose deaths you haven't overcome yet and your feelings surrounding them need to escape. So you cry, and you have the right to cry about them for as long as you like until you feel you've mourned enough, until you're completely ready to say goodbye. No one can tell you when you have to stop crying over that loss and even after you feel that's its okay to move on, to remember and not forget, you can still feel sad and not worry about it being stupid or silly. They are your parents Lily, and they loved you and you love them; you're connected to them and so their loss affects you deeply. Seeing reminders of that loss isn't stupid, it shows your humanity and had nothing to do with stupidity," he said with a passionate tone as he knew precisely what she was going through since he'd been affected similarly by the loss of his parents and his grandparents in the past.
Lily took deep calming breaths as she took in James' heartfelt words. She looked up at him, into his eyes and found comfort as she glimpsed his own sorrow about his parents and grandparents who had loved and cared for him just as hers had done for her. "Thank you James, you have no idea what this means to me," Lily said gently and leaned forward kissing his cheek lightly.
"Sorry to interrupt," Sirius said after he'd given a cough to announce his presence near the door. "People are starting to arrive and Peter's starting to freak out," he said quietly.
"We'll be in in a moment," James announced and Sirius turned and left giving them one last moment of privacy. "You're going to be okay?" he questioned calmly not letting his voice be affected by his rapidly beating heart that had started its palpitations when Lily had kiss him.
"Yes, I will be okay James. Thank you for what you said," Lily said and smiled warmly at him after wiping away the remnants of her tears.
"You're welcome Lily," James said and stood up offering her a hand which she took obligingly and they walked back through the garden and to the room that held Wilhelmina Pettigrew's body and her mourners hand in hand. Lily paused at the door and took a deep breath as James squeezed her hand gently in comfort and she smiled at him before they walked into the room and down the aisle to where Sirius, Remus and Arabella sat looking grimly upon the casket before them.
Arabella looked up as they approached and stood up before examining Lily curiously. "Are you okay?" Arabella asked voice Sirius and Remus' thoughts as well as her own.
"Yes, I'm fine Bella," Lily said and gave a reassuring smile to her friends. "Where's Peter?" she asked after she realized he wasn't there.
"His parents arrived," Sirius said quietly and gestured to where Peter stood with what had to be his mother and father. The woman was short and thin with blonde hair just like Peter's and the same beady blue eyes. The man was taller then Peter by only a few inches with light brown hair and a pinched, pointed face with brown but he was stocky otherwise; he looked like a man who got a considerable amount of exercise.
When Lily looked at Peter he looked both relieved and angry and she wondered what was going on.
Joseph and Charlotte Pettigrew walked into the funeral home where they have been told by their son's letter that Joseph's mother was to be viewed and found their son Peter waiting near the door. The young man looked astonished by their arrival. Charlotte rushed over to her son and hugged him tightly. "Oh Peter, I'm so sorry that you had to take care of these things yourself. Your father and I just got away," Charlotte said as she took Peter's face in her hands and seemed to be examining him for injuries.
"There, there Charlotte," Joseph said with a very brief smile at his wife. "Peter is fine, aren't you boy?" the elder man questioned.
"Y-yes," Peter managed to say as a perplexed look came upon his face. "But you said in your letter that you couldn't get away," Peter said as he gently look his mother's hands from his face and held them in his.
"Ahh, yes. We weren't sure if the expedition could afford for us to come so we didn't want you to get your hopes up," Joseph said and pat Peter's shoulder affectionately as fathers do to sons.
"We're terribly sorry Peter, we just weren't sure," Charlotte gushed and she looked close to tears. "You didn't have to go through this alone did you?" she asked worriedly and looked beyond Peter for some sign to the contrary. She immediately spotted a young woman with vibrant red hair, standing with the familiar faces of Peter's Hogwarts friends, looking curiously toward them.
"No, the guys looked after him I'm sure," Joseph said his tone was all knowing and slightly arrogant in nature.
"Who is that girl? Is it one of Arabella's friends or did you meet a girl?" Charlotte asked and her last words carried a hopeful tone.
Peter's eyes widened. "N-no! Lily is James' housekeeper and I guess you could say that they're sort of having a relationship," Peter stuttered his cheeks going a deep red to match the draperies.
"Oh. Well you will have to introduce us," Charlotte said a disappointed gleam coming across her eyes for a moment as she looked towards the girl Peter had called Lily.
"Yes, come along son and introduce us," Joseph said and placed a hand on Peter's shoulder, turning him and directing him towards the group at the front of the funeral hall.
Lily watched as Peter was pushed in their direction by his father and the way that embarrassment was etched across Peter's face as he walked over. "Y-you're feeling better?" Peter asked when he stopped walking just in front of them.
"Oh, yes, thank you for asking Peter," Lily said with an encouraging smile.
Peter nodded and took a deep breath. "I'd like you to meet my parents. Mum, dad, this is Lily Evans," Peter said gesturing to Lily, "and you know my other friends," he muttered looking down at his feet.
"Always such a shy boy," Charlotte said stepping forward and holding out her hand to Lily. "I'm Charlotte Pettigrew, and his is my husband Joseph," she said as Lily took her hand quickly.
"It's nice to meet you both," Lily said with a smile and shook Joseph Pettigrew's hand next.
"Yes, though the circumstances are terrible it's wonderful to know that my son has such beautiful friends," Joseph said eyeing Lily in particular, making her feel as if her skin were crawling beneath her clothes.
James, seeing the way that Peter's father was looking at Lily, stepped forward and put an arm around her waist possessively but he told himself it was only to make the man stop eyeing Lily like that.
"Oh Joseph, you'll embarrass the girl," Charlotte said and laughed a high-pitched twittering laugh that told Lily that the woman was blind to what a creep her husband was.
Lily, conscious of James' attempt to stave off Joseph's repulsing gaze took one of James' hands in hers and said, "Oh, I'm not embarrassed at all. James tells me so every night," while she squeezed James' hand to let him know to play along.
Sirius, looking confused, was about to protest when Arabella said, "Sirius would you come with me out to the garden, I seem to have lost my watch."
At this Sirius looked thoroughly befuddled. "Alright darling," he said and followed Arabella.
"We'll come with, after all, four pairs of eyes are better then two," James said and looked at Lily lovingly every James and Lily followed in Sirius and Arabella's footsteps leaving Remus with an extremely embarrassed Peter and Peter's parents.
Out in the garden Sirius asked, "What the bloody hell was that about?" eyeing Arabella quickly before looking at James and Lily, who had let go of each other and were looking rather apologetic, in a confused manner.
Arabella rolled her eyes. "Did you see how Peter's father was looking at Lily?" she asked quickly and looked toward the door as a precautionary measure.
"No," Sirius said and watched as Lily sighed and sat down on the bench she and James had been sitting at earlier only to be joined again by James a moment later.
"He was looking at me like," Lily started and paused, looking for the right metaphor, "like I was something to be gobbled up by men like him," she finished and closed her eyes tightly. "Something unimportant that cold be tossed aside after use," Lily said quietly and looked back up at Sirius whose eyes were now blazing with anger.
"That bloody bastard," Sirius muttered and clenched his fists angrily.
"Yes, and James was trying to help Lily by making her seem taken," Arabella said and smiled at James warmly before he took Lily's hand in his again.
"Well, that's not really a lie," Sirius said meekly and waited for the glares and the smack across the head from Arabella.
"It's true were contemplating a relationship but we're not in one as of yet," Lily said quietly and smiled at James weakly.
James smiled back and squeezed her hand. "So, we're going to pretend we are dating until Mr. Pettigrew is no where near Lily," he said and then looked up at Sirius. "Understand?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," Sirius said and sighed realizing that going and punching Joseph Pettigrew would not solve his problems with the man.
"What I don't get is how Peter's mother even married that man," Lily said as a look of disgust crossed her face quickly.
"Arranged marriage," James answered honestly and scrunched up his nose in abhorrence.
Lily shook her head, in her opinion arranged marriages were an outdated practice. She sighed. "We'd better get back inside, at least for Peter's sake," she said looking around at her companions who all nodded accordingly before they headed back in to relieve Remus of his burden of dealing with Peter's parents.
Remus and Peter sat staring blankly at Grandmother Pettigrew's casket while Joseph and Charlotte Pettigrew greeted mourners at the door with solemn faces as the others joined them in seats nearby. Remus sent Lily and encouraging smile as he wasn't blind to what Peter's father had hinted at with his eyes as well as other parts of his body; Remus didn't think he'd be able to get them smell out of his nose for a week or get rid of the migraine the confrontation had caused.
Nobody needed to say anything but it was obvious that Lily wasn't to be left alone in the vacinity of Joseph Pettigrew and James was sticking to their little game pretending that he and Lily were dating steadily. The pretending wasn't very hard for either of them in action but concerning emotion it was probably the hardest thing they had to do; holding hands and leaning into each other, allowing boundaries to be crossed and tensions to run high. James and Lily sat there trying to concentrate on not breaking the commitments they'd subconsciously made to each other and themselves with one part of their hearts and then yearning to do so with another.
Lily sighed and looked up at James before slowly whispering, "I'm sorry about this."
James looked down into Lily's sincere green eyes and smiled. "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault," he whispered and kissed her forehead gently as if they'd been speaking lovingly to one another instead of what they were truly doing.
Lily sighed and smiled whispering, "Thank you James," as she lay her head on his shoulder.
"You're welcome," James whispered back and soon there after the actual ceremony started for the mourners to remember Wilhelmina Pettigrew.
The mourners cried and let Joseph and Charlotte know how wonderful a person they deceased had been and how much they would miss her as well. Peter was greatly relieved that he didn't have to great the crying and sobbing throng of people as often has his father who seemed truly distant from the whole situation making Peter's stomach burn angrily as he sat between Remus and Sirius watching his father.
A few seats down from Peter, Lily was feeling ill, she looked up at James and her eyes locked with his. "What's wrong?" James whispered and brushed his fingers along her cheek gently.
"It's nothing. I just don't feel well," Lily whispered back and James wound an arm around her in comfort.
"It's probably stress. This will be over soon and we can go home," James said quietly and squeezed her hand gently in his.
The wake ended soon there after and many people headed home. "You don't have to stay for the burial," Peter said to his friends as people began to file out of their seats towards the door.
"You're sure?" Lily asked quietly. He head had started to pound and she felt like going home to bed.
"Yes, and I don't know if you're looking too well any ways Lily. You can go on back home," Peter said and tensed slightly as he felt the presence of his father just behind him accompanied by his mother.
"Lily dear, are you feeling well?" Charlotte asked stepping forward and touching Lily's brow gently.
"Not really. Peter was just saying that we didn't have to stay and I'm sorry to be taking the offer. I feel horrible about it," Lily said honestly because if Peter's father hadn't been there she would have stayed no matter how ill she felt.
"Oh, well, do feel better dear. James, you'll see that she gets some rest won't you?" Charlotte asked gently.
"Of course. I wouldn't want her to be unable to feed us tonight. I'm a dreadful cook but my darling Lily has been a godsend I tell you," James said as he stood up and held out a hand to help Lily to her feet.
Charlotte smiled. "I'm sure she has. Come along Peter," she said and moved away with her son.
"I hope you do feel better soon Lily," Joseph said with that look in his eyes again before he nodded and followed in Charlotte and Peter's footsteps.
Lily shuddered as soon as Joseph was out of sight. "I want to go home," she whispered and that they did.
A/N: Alright then, this chapter is done. Please tell me what you think as I'm dying to know. Tell me everything you thought of the chapter. And don't forget I leave hints to other things in the chapter. I always wonder if people will pick up on them. I hope you liked this chapter, please Review!
By the way, I'm considering starting chapter 51 as another story, part two or so. Let me know if you think that's a good idea or not. If I don't get any comments to the contrary I will probably go on to chapter 51 as Part Two of Lily Without Hogwarts. Its completely up to you guys as I'm just the lowly author.
Frankie