Author's Note: Wow, this took me forever to write. And I'm not even sure if it's exactly how I want it to be, but it's becoming the bane of my existence so here you go, hope you enjoy! (I'm happily moving on with the story). Anyways, thanks for all the great reviews from the last chapter, I kept going back to them whenever I needed some serious motivation. Please keep reviewing, I really appreciate your feedback. On a side note, obviously the time between the posts for this fiction are getting longer and longer. Unfortunately, I can't promise that that is going to change. I'm really busy at work right now and life just keeps getting in the way. I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible, but no guarantees. So, here you go, read, enjoy, (review!)!!!
Chapter 8 – The Glow of TequilaTara shivered and wrapped her coat around herself a little more tightly as she waited for Buffy. She looked around nervously and was glad for the stake she held tightly in her hand. The alley in front of the Bronze was unusually empty for a Saturday night, and she had seen very few people head into the club. She shivered again and thought about her day so far.
Dawn had not been the most receptive person that afternoon. She had decided that everyone was against her and that even Tara was supporting Buffy's side. Which, in all honesty, was true. But only because all the Scoobies cared for Dawn like she was their own sister. They wanted to ensure that she didn't get herself into trouble. Maybe we are a little over-protective, but we actually have a good reason to be. Tara always had a motherly instinct, even when she was Dawn's age. She liked to protect her family and Dawn was her family. She was so upset when Willow told her what had gone down the night before. She had really thought that Dawn was shaping up and stopping with the bad behaviour that had become characteristic of late.
Tara shook her head and tried to snuggle into her jacket a little bit more. It was definitely a more awkward action when you were holding a stake. Sometimes I really do wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better. But that's not what magic's for. It's not to make life easier. The thought made her start to think about Willow and everything that was Willow. It caused her to feel the deep ache inside that was characteristic of all Willow-esque thoughts. An ache that was part sadness over how much she missed her love, and part anger over everything that had gone on between them. The sadness part of the ache had recently been overpowering the anger though, and Tara thought that maybe it was time for her and Willow to sit down and talk.
Before Tara could get anymore lost in her thoughts, she felt a hand clasp down on her shoulder. She jumped around in surprise, automatically raising her stake in defence. As soon as she saw who it was, she dropped her hand and looked down sheepishly. "S..sorry, Buffy. You scared me."
Buffy just laughed and smiled at her friend. "Don't worry about it Tara. I'm actually kinda proud of you. A stake-happy Scooby, is a living Scooby." Tara looked up and smiled. Buffy linked arms with her friend, and led her towards the entrance to the Bronze. It was time for a little snooping.
As they entered the Bronze, the two were both taken back by how empty it was. Tara instantly sensed the magic around the club. "There's a repellent spell."
"A what?" Although Buffy looked at her friend quizzically, her posture told a different story. She had tensed up, ready for anyone or anything to jump out from one of the many shadows in the Bronze.
"It's a type of spell that deters people from going somewhere. Don't worry though, this one doesn't feel dark."
"Again with the what?"
"I distinctly feel light coming from this magic. As if whoever cast it was just looking for peace and quiet. Don't worry Buffy, we're fine." Tara placed a reassuring hand on Buffy's shoulder. She didn't want to say anything, but she suspected that Spike's friend was the caster. When she felt Buffy's body relax, she dropped her hand and looked around.
"So, um, wh.. what are we going to do again?"
"Find Spike and what's-her-name, keep hidden, and listen to their conversation."
"O..okay. What if, what if they see us?" Tara didn't like this idea. She knew that whatever Buffy heard would end up hurting her. But maybe that's what Buffy needs, a small voice in the back of her head whispered. Buffy needed to hear and see Spike in a situation where he wasn't trying to be what he was in front of the Scoobies. Tara had seen that side the past summer one night when he didn't think anyone was paying attention. He was sitting in a corner of the shop, hidden away in the shadows. Instead of slouching in his chair, smoking, and throwing out a sarcastic comment whenever he could, Spike was reading intently. No one else noticed him, but Tara did. He had a small, content smile on his face and seemed to be a million miles away. Tara wasn't surprised at how much softer his face seemed when he didn't have his guard up. She always hoped that she would see him like that again, but never had. This would probably be the only opportunity that Buffy had to see that side. But it's still not right. We're invading his privacy. The other side of Tara's brain would not be ignored. Spike wouldn't just be angry if he caught them eavesdropping, he'd be furious. And justifiably so. They had no right to listen to a personal conversation of his.
A short, blond powerhouse tugging on her sleeve cut off Tara's internal debate. "There they are! God, it looks like they're already drunk." Tara looked in the direction Buffy was pointing. It was a dark corner booth that could only be seen you specifically sought it out. The two girls were lucky they had found them. Arabella and Spike were sitting on either side of the small table, each with a shot glass in hand, a bottle of tequila between them. They were laughing at something, completely oblivious to their surroundings.
Buffy gestured to the booth beside them, and the two girls headed towards it, trying to be as stealth like as possible.
"God, we really did have fun back then didn't we Will?" Arabella smiled brightly as she leaned back and looked at her old friend.
"Yeah, things were pretty damn fantastic until Prague. So, how have you been since then lamb?" Spike leaned towards his friend. They were talking loudly, not really thinking about the possibility of anyone listening. They had both drunk enough that they were steadily heading towards a healthy state of drunkenness, and were happy to be oblivious to the club around them. Spike didn't even notice his senses kick in when Buffy and Tara slid into the booth next to theirs. He and Arabella just kept on talking, completely unaware of the two new pairs of ears listening in on their conversation.
"I was hoping we were going to go straight to talking about you. My life is such a bore." Arabella laughed as she poured them both another shot.
"I really doubt that."
"No, really. Things become rather repetitive after a few centuries. Nothing about me has changed since you last saw me. I still live in the same bloody house for Powers' sake."
"You're not going to tell me anything are you?"
"Definitely not while I'm sober." Arabella raised her shot glass in emphasis and through it back.
"Better change that then," he met her toast with his own before throwing back his own shot.
"So, William, may I ask you a question?" She leaned forward conspiratorially, a sly grin on her face.
"Anything, lamb."
"What's with the accent? I thought we already had this discussion."
"Dru didn't like it," Spike shrugged. In the next booth, Buffy and Tara looked at each other, both with looks that said 'huh?' on their faces.
"Drusilla's insane."
"True," Spike chuckled, thinking about how much he used to love that particular aspect of his dark princess. "I actually like my accent. Besides, what was I supposed to do? You've never dealt with both her and Miss Edith having temper tantrums at the same time."
"Miss Edith's a doll. How can she have a temper tantrum?"
"Ask Dru."
"Speaking of the crazy bat, where is she?"
"Do we really have to discuss this right now? I'm still quite sober," For a brief moment, Spike's accent slipped into the accent he had when mortal. It was clean and posh, just like the accent of the red head facing him.
"There's the William I know and love," Ari smiled and poured them another shot.
"Piss off."
"I would darling, but I really can't be bothered…" Spike tried to look back at her with a serious expression, but he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. It had been a long time since he had been out with a real friend. A friend that there were no ulterior motives and no need to watch your back with. Not that watching your back would help you if this particular friend got angry…Arabella smiled, then cocked her head to the side. "So are you going to answer my question? What have you been up to? And don't try to shrug it off because I know that it's big."
"As much as I love you Ari, this last thing I bloody well want to do is re-hash the disaster my unlife has become since Prague." Spike had somehow slipped completely into the accent of his youth. Although he used the same slang, it somehow sounded more debonair than rough.
"William…"
"Arabella…"
"Please Will…" Her voice took on a high-pitched whine, and she looked at him like a little child.
"Lamb… Oh don't bloody look at me like that. You know your sodding puppy dog eyes always get me. I thought we agreed that you wouldn't use them."
"You agreed, I just pretended to," she grinned evilly. "How about this – for every significant event, we do a shot. And you can decide whether or not the events are significant. I'm sure we'll get pissed more quickly that way."
Spike knew it would be impossible to argue. She was more stubborn than him and the Slayer combined. So Spike started to tell her everything. He told her about Dru and his travels around North America, New York and his second slayer, coming to Sunnydale and everything that had happened since the first time he hit that sign. Spike even told her about Harmony.
As he told his story, Buffy listened in rapt attention. She had always known Spike had travelled around, but she never expected him to talk about it like this. At first she thought it was the change in his accent, but quickly she realized it was something else. It was what he was telling Arabella about. Not once did he mention violence or fighting, or the people he killed. He went on and on about the different scenery, the difference in the people, the interesting things he had seen. He sounded like a normal man talking about his travels, instead of the blood-thirsty killer she knew he was. She couldn't help but want to believe he was just a man talking about his travels as she listened in rapt attention.
There was just one thing he left out of his stories – Buffy. More specifically, his feelings for the blond slayer. He didn't try to lie and pretend that Buffy hadn't been a key player in his downfall from master vampire to neutered puppy, he just made sure his emotions were not included in any Buffy-stories. It was the one thing he didn't want Ari to know because if she knew how he felt about Buffy, she would quickly learn about everything that happened since Buffy had come back. Spike couldn't let that happen. He wanted to tell her so badly, but what would she think? William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, completely whipped by The Slayer… And completely heartbroken because of her.
Spike rubbed his eyes and grabbed the shot in front of him. He didn't want to think about that, no her. He wanted to smile and laugh, let things be like they used to be before Sunnydale.
"So you come back after the Slayer's kicked your arse out of town for a third time, just to get zapped by a bunch of humans, and for them to make you their personal guinea pig?" Arabella said between laughs, barely controlling herself, "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it. And I always thought you were rather bright."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike said this resentfully, his voice thick with the accent Buffy was used to. He had been slipping more and more back to the East London accent with every shot he did.
"Well, I know you love a good fight and all, but really, self-preservation must have kicked in after she sent you running the second time. You had a good reason to come back a third time, I'll give you that. But a fourth? What on earth would possess you?" Arabella smiled drunkenly while she poured them both another shot. She couldn't help but find the story Spike had told her amusing. She knew from experience just how smart Spike really was. He put a great deal of effort into ensuring that no one knew about his brains, but often he let it slip. She also knew that even though he was rash and impulsive, he wouldn't be stupid enough to attempt to return to a place where he had seen his life ruined time and time again for no good reason.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Somewhere in Spike's mind, he knew that response was horrible and completely transparent, but at that moment he had thrown back enough tequila that that part of his mind wasn't working. Unfortunately for him, Arabella's mind was working slightly better than his, and she was carefully studying him while she thought about the two times she had seen him since she had come to Sunnydale. As she thought about the night before, she suddenly remembered her first thought when she heard Buffy and Spike arguing downstairs. They sounded like boyfriend and girlfriend…
"Oh my Powers," Arabella suddenly felt very sober. "William, look at me." Spike looked up lazily from where he had rested his head on the table. He tried to focus, but was finding it difficult to even raise his head. "Look at me!" The stern tone of her voice made Spike sit up, trying to clear the haze from his brain. He watched as Ari examined his face very carefully. He could see the wheels turning in her head. After about a minute of staring at one another, Arabella finally whispered, "You're in love with her." Spike just looked down. He had really hoped she wouldn't go there. "You're in love with the Slayer!" She said louder, still not able to fully believe it.
"Is it really that obvious?" Spike said with resignation as he reached for the bottle in front of him. He didn't even bother to pour himself a shot, instead just taking a healthy swig from the bottle.
"I don't know how I didn't see it before. Last night – "
"Can we please not go into this right now." Spike could already feel the telltale ache that the thought of Buffy had been causing him. He knew the more and more they talked about her, the worst it would get. He also knew there was no way that he could avoid talking about her with Arabella now.
"It's rather tragic really. The Slayer of Slayers and the Slayer in love. How terribly romantic." Arabella said this more to herself than to Spike. She knew now why the Powers had sent her to Sunnydale with a very specific task instead of leaving her to her usual pattern of floating around the planet without any specific mission. She never really thought the job would be this complicated.
"Whoever said the Slayer was in love?"
Arabella was snapped out of her thoughts instantly by this statement, "What do you mean? I heard you fighting last night."
"And?"
"And what, you don't fight like that with a friend."
"Try enemy." It was amazing how one statement could sober a person up so quickly. The Slayer in love. For a brief moment, hearing someone say that had been music to Spike's ears. Someone else verbalizing his dreams. Unfortunately the reality of the situation came rushing back and hit him like a tidal wave. A painful, hope-shattering tidal wave. He wanted to nip this conversation in the butt before Arabella could figure out everything that had been happening. He couldn't deal with that.
"Or an enemy, or anything but a – "
Of course, she could always completely ignore his attempts to end a conversation like she always had before.
"Please don't say that word Ari."
"Why not. Will, what's going on?" The pain in that plea had not gone unnoticed to the keeper.
"Nothing." Spike was looking down at the table, staring at his hand as he traced figures on its surface. He knew that if he looked at her she would know everything.
"There is. Look at me," Arabella asked him gently, trying to coax the vampire to let her know what was going on.
"No."
Arabella didn't try to get him to say more. She knew that if she tried to force him to do anything, he would just get angry and storm out. Love was a touchy issue with her Will. Always had been. Sometimes Arabella wondered what made him feel so much. She knew that most childer vampires felt strong emotions, but the strength of Spike's emotions had always be unique. Unlike with most demons, he let all his emotions guide him, not just his darker ones. Maybe it was because he was feeling so much when he was turned, or maybe it was just some plan the Powers had. Arabella didn't know, but she did know how to deal with him when he was hurting. Patience. Eventually he would tell her. It was in his nature to say what he was thinking and feeling. It was in her nature to listen.
Arabella and Spike sat in silence for about ten minutes. At the booth beside them, Buffy was gripping onto the counter waiting to hear what would be said next. She was beginning to think that they were aware her presence and were doing this to torture her by the time Spike spoke again.
"She can't love me."
He said the sentence in a normal voice, the kind of voice you use when telling someone the temperature or what time it is. Deep down, Spike knew it was fact and that there was nothing he could do to change it. Buffy couldn't love him. She wasn't allowed to love him. Saying it out loud finally made it real. All reality did was make Spike feel numb. He never thought that he could feel nothing, but somehow saying those four words out loud had produced nothing but numbness.
"Sorry?" Arabella had been snapped out of her thoughts with what sounded like a casual statement, but something in her brain was telling her it was anything but.
"She can't love me. That's what she said." Spike replied in the same casual tone he had used before. Unfortunately, the numbness was starting to thaw as he looked at his friend's reaction.
Buffy cringed at the way he repeated the words she had used. It was so empty, just like how it had been when she had seen him in the cemetery. For some reason, his lack of emotion made her feel scared. She wasn't scared of him though. It was something else. Something intangible that was causing the feeling. Almost as if she knew she was losing something she desperately wanted to hold onto.
Tara just looked at her friend knowingly. She had picked up on the working Spike had used, and she knew exactly what it meant. She also noticed the look on Buffy's face as he said it. She hoped that Buffy was finally figuring things out.
"When?"
"Yesterday."
"Of course she said that, you were fighting." Arabella tried to brush off the sentence. She knew he was being far too casual for what he was saying to be true. She had seen them together, and she had seen Spike's reactions earlier. The evening had become very confusing for her and she didn't know how she was meant to react to his statement. She had never seen Spike talk about something without emotion. Usually his feelings radiated off him in waves, but suddenly she felt as if she was looking at an empty shell of her old friend.
"Not then. That morning."
"Oh…" Now Ari was just confused. She stared at the wall she had been looking at before for a moment, before she simply asked, "Why?"
"We were… we were… I don't know, I wish I could say together or involved but then there would have to be a reciprocation of feelings."
"What do you mean?" Spike's voice had taken on a bitter tone, and it just confused Ari more. She didn't know what had been happening with her friend, but she knew it had to be very bad.
"We were shagging. To me, it was like a dream come true. To have her in my arms… Did you know that she was dead?"
"The Powers mentioned it."
"But she came back. And she talked to me. Me. Not her bloody friends who are oblivious to what she's actually feeling, what she wants and needs. Bloody useless lot. Can't get over the fact that she's the Slayer. They think it makes her invincible and the solution to all problems under the sodding sun. Expect her to fix everything about their pathetic lives and give her nothing in return."
"Will, stay on subject."
"Right. She came to me. That alone was a dream come true. And then we kissed."
"And I'm assuming more followed."
"Yeah, but not like that. Every time, afterwards, even after the first kiss. She'd push me away. Deny anything happened. Say it was wrong, bad. You want to know what she said to me the morning after we first made – shagged?"
Arabella had been listening to what he was saying very carefully. The sadness and bitterness that had overtaken the calm tone he used before were heart wrenching. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what Spike would say next, but she had to know. She had to know everything. "What?"
"You're just convenient."
"Oh… Will… I don't… bloody hell. Why would she – I'm actually speechless." Arabella's heart went out to the vampire sitting across from her. She had heard a lot of horrible things in the 750 years she had walked the earth, but that had to be one of the worst. The pain in Spike's eyes as he repeated his love's words just made it worse. She didn't know what to do, or what to say.
Tara just looked at Buffy with an expression the combined shock and horror. For some reason, she had convinced herself that Buffy had been over-exaggerating in how terrible the things she said and did to Spike were. She had seen the black eye, but knew Spike could handle it. But saying something like that, it made her wonder if maybe she shouldn't try and help things work for the vampire and slayer. Then she looked at Buffy and the expression on her face. Guilt and shame flickered across it while Buffy tried to hide her feelings with a look of nonchalance. Tara realised that there would need to be a lot of healing on both sides before Buffy got her fairy tale.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Spike tried to laugh off the statement as he poured him and Ari each another shot. Ari downed hers quickly before looking at him expectantly.
"So that's it right?"
"I wish."
"What do you mean? It happened again?"
"And again, and again, and again." He emphasized the statement by bobbing his shot of tequila in the air with each 'again,' before finally throwing it back.
"But what she said – "
"Oh, that's nothing lamb. And I've got the scars to prove it." This was said with a chuckle. He desperately wanted to make the discussion lighter than he knew it was. He went to pour another shot, but was stopped by a hand firmly gripping his wrist. He looked up and directly into the large, angry eyes of his friend. He knew there would be no chance of avoiding this conversation. He just hoped he could finish the conversation as fast as possible.
"Tell me." Arabella spoke with a firmness that had not been present in her earlier requests of Spike.
"No." Spike just shook his head and went to pour himself another shot, but the same hand stopped him.
"Will."
"NO! There's nothing to tell."
"Please."
"Could you just let it be, lamb?" Spike looked at Arabella pleadingly, but the look on her face told him she would not back down.
"I need to know."
"Why? Why do you need to know? It happened, it doesn't matter." Spike was suddenly shouting angrily, frustrated that she wouldn't just let him be.
"Bullocks. Tell me. Tell me everything." Arabella responded in just angry a tone.
"I can't." As quickly as Spike had had his outburst, he was back to slouching in his seat.
"Why not?"
"Because."
"Because what?"
"Because it hurts too goddamn much." Spike snapped as he grabbed for the bottle, this time successfully pouring himself a shot. He threw it back and said, "Are you happy now?"
"Not really. Come here." Arabella reached out her arms and gestured for Spike to come closer.
"You know I love the your sensitive side, but I'm really not in the mood for hugs and a cuddle."
"Stop being a wanker. Come here. I'm going to find out everything, the hard way."
Spike was instantly backing away from her, hands out in front him trying to create another barrier between him and Arabella, "Oh no, I don't think so lamb. Keep your hands away. I'm warning you!"
"William, don't be daft," Arabella just rolled her eyes and moved towards Spike. "You know you won't feel a thing. I'm the one who get the bloody marathon migraine after this. Thank the Powers there's alcohol nearby." She placed her hands on either side of Spike's head gently. Spike just looked at her in defeat.
"Ari, do we have to do this?"
"Yes! Now please relax."
Arabella closed her eyes and rolled her shoulders back. Spike closed his own eyes nervously as he felt her fingers spread over the side of his face. Suddenly he felt what could only be described as a blanket of calmness surrounded him. He could feel it wrapping around every part his body, inside and out. He gave in and let the soothing feelings wash over him. He stopped worrying about what Arabella was doing or all of the problems that had been consuming his unlife over the past few months and years. For the moment, he felt like everything was all right, he felt at peace.
A bright green glow was radiating from the lines where Arabella's palms made contact with Spike's head. Starting at the tips of her fingers, what first looked like green veins started to grow. As they spread down her fingers and onto the main part her hand and then arms, the green became clearer. The veins were actually writing, in a language so old no texts or scrolls were even written in it. The symbols continued to spread up Arabella's arms and over her shoulders. Slowly both sides of her neck and face were also covered with the same green writing. As soon as the green reached her hairline, Ari snapped her head back and she grimaced.
She was bombarded with images of Spike and Buffy's relationship. From their first meeting outside the Bronze four years earlier, to the last words Buffy had said to Spike before he had stormed out of her house the night before. Not only did she see everything, but she felt everything too. She felt Spikes pain and sadness, his frustration and anger, his hope whenever there was even the smallest hint that Buffy had any feelings for him. But most of all she felt his love for the Slayer. That's what hurt her the most. The unconditional love the vampire felt for someone who continued to use that love however she deemed fit while never giving said vampire anything in return. Arabella had never felt so much pain in her long life.
Finally Arabella couldn't take anymore and ripped her hands away from the sides of Spike's head. Instantly, the glowing from her palms and the green writing disappeared and Arabella slumped into her seat, eyes still closed. Spike jolted from the world he had been in back to reality. He was completely alert and looked over at Ari. She had placed her head in her hands and was rubbing her eyes roughly..
"Lamb, are you alright?"
Spike leaned over towards her. She just continued to rub her eyes with one hand while absently reaching for the almost empty bottle of tequila. She gulped down the remaining golden liquid silently, not even bothering to cringe as it burned a path down her throat. Finally, she looked up at Spike and asked in a steady, but obviously upset voice, "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why would you let her do that?"
Spike looked down at his hands and studied his fingers carefully. He thought about the question carefully before looking back up and directly into Arabella's eyes. "I love her so God damn much that it hurts more to be away from her. When she's not there, it's like I'm missing something important. It's like my reason to do anything, anything at all, is gone. All I can do is wait for the next time I smell her, hear her heart beat, taste her. I don't care what I have to put up with to get that."
"It shouldn't be that way. Love should never be that way."
"Ta, lamb. Don't worry yourself over it. More complicated than that. You know what Slayers are taught; black and white, good vs. evil, no in-between. And she's right. I am a demon. I've got no soul, I am evil. Never lied about that. Can't deny loving a good spot of violence with a little mayhem on the side. Only thing she's got wrong is that I do have feelings. Not her fault though. It's what she's been taught." Spike just shrugged and looked at his hands. His head instantly snapped up when her heard the bitter chuckle coming from beside him.
"It's what she's been taught? It's what she's been taught? What the hell are you saying? Whistler's been here. If she took a moment and used her bloody brain she would know that there's a bloody inbetween! She knows that there is very, very little in this world that is pure evil or pure good. How can you justify her beating you, and treating you," Arabella faltered before continuing, "and making you believe what she says. She's the bloody monster that needs to be slayed." Arabella had been slowly getting louder and angrier as she spoke. She suddenly jumped up from the booth and grabbed her purse. She stormed out of the Bronze, with Spike chasing quickly after her.
Buffy just sat in her seat, unable to move. She hadn't been able to move since the realization the Arabella knew everything that had gone on between her and Spike. She realized something big was happening when she saw the green glow emanating from their booth, but she never thought it would be something as big as this. And then there was what Spike had said. She felt as if he had somehow reached into her with his words. She had heard him say things like it before, but she had never heard the truth in his voice. She finally had, only now she had no idea about what to do about it. And then what he had said about black and white, good and evil. She had completely forgotten about the annoying demon and the fact that his soulless status didn't stop him from doing good. She just chose to write him off as being some random exception from the rules.
What hurt her the most was that Spike simply accepted her outlook. The one thing she had grudgingly admitted to liking about him was the fact that he never just accepted anything. So why would he accept something that seemed to hurt him so much? She couldn't understand it. Had she finally gotten him to give up, to stop trying for the impossible? She knew that this should make her happy, but all she felt was sadness at the thought. Buffy couldn't understand why she was feeling what she was feeling.
Buffy turned sharply when she felt Tara's hand on her shoulder. "Buffy, you haven't told me everything, have you?" Tara spoke with a confidence that she rarely let anyone see. Obviously, there was a lot more happening between Buffy and Spike than she initially thought. Tara knew this, but the pain and horror she could hear in Arabella's voice, the anger. Tara was only just beginning to understand just how dysfunctional and hurtful the relationship between Buffy and Spike was. And from what she could gather from the information at hand, most of the pain was being initiated by Buffy's hand. Tara needed to know exactly what was going on if she was going to be able to do anything.
Buffy looked at Tara's determined face and sighed deeply. She stood up and turned to her friend. "I don't want to talk about this right now." Deny, ignore, avoid, Buffy thought to herself. The three words were definitely becoming her motto.
"Buffy!" Tara called after Buffy, but didn't move from her chair. All confidence she had possessed a few moments before were gone, and she was afraid to see what he slayer would do if the tried to force her to talk about her relationship with Spike. Buffy ignored her friend and walked out the door. As she headed towards Revello Drive, the same sentence repeated over and over in her head. She's the bloody monster that needs to be slayed. Buffy couldn't help but agree.
Meanwhile, Spike was quickly trying to catch up with Arabella as she stormed towards the graveyard she had passed on her way to the Bronze.
"Arabella, where are you going?"
Arabella stopped abruptly and turned around to face Spike. She had a cold, angry look on her face, her eyes full of hate. "Where is she right now?"
"What?"
"Where would she be?" Ari turned around again and headed towards the graveyard. Her eyes had started to glow the same green her hands had been glowing earlier, but it seemed more eerie than calming this time.
"What are you doing? What are you going to do?" Spike was close to panicking. He had never seen Arabella angry before. Never. He often forgot that she wasn't human, her bursts of supernatural speed and strength didn't do justice to the power she possessed. Seeing the glow in her eyes made the reality of the situation hit him, and Spike was feeling an emotion he rarely, if ever felt. Fear.
"I'm going to kill her." She said it so calmly, so rationally. Spike didn't know what to do. All he knew was that if he panicked, he wouldn't be able to stop Arabella before she did whatever she had planned.
"Ari…" Spike reached out and grabbed Arabella's arm, only to instantly pull his hand away in pain. "Ow! Bloody hell, you're burning hot."
"I'm angry." Again with the calmness. Spike decided he really didn't like the calmness.
"Please, Arabella, stop."
And she did, only to turn and face him so he could see the full effect of her glowing eyes and the electricity that seemed to be crackling from them.
"There is no way in hell that I'm going to allow anyone to treat a member of my family that way. Where would she be right now?" When Spike didn't answer, she let out a loud sigh and headed into the graveyard.
"Ari, Lamb, stop. Think rationally. What about the Powers? What about why you're here?"
"I couldn't give two shits about the Powers and my work right now. Now tell me where she is!"
Spike was desperate. He had to stop her before she hurt the one being on this planet that made him feel like there was a reason to keep on going. He needed to find something that would get her to pause for a moment and think. To tame her anger. "Arabella, please. Don't. I love her."
"Why should that stop me? Why? You're love for her is killing you piece by piece!" Arabella was facing him now, her anger starting to be directed towards him. Spike just looked into her eyes sadly, unshed tears visible in his own.
"Because I couldn't do it again. I couldn't survive without her. If she – if she went away again, I'd go for a walk in the sun. I won't do it again." The honesty and pain in his voice made Ari falter. She had felt his emotions, his love for the Slayer. She had felt the pain he went through the months after the doomed battle with the hell god. And she knew he was telling her the truth. She knew hurting Buffy would hurt him more than anything Buffy had done to him. That was the last thing Arabella wanted. Spike was a part of the small circle she viewed as family. Her anger towards the Slayer didn't dissipate, but she knew she couldn't act on it.
Arabella nodded her head and spoke quietly, her eyes now back to their regular green, "I can't let that happen Will. No matter how angry I am. I think I'm going to go back to my hotel now. I need to phone Henry and have a nice, long chat." Spike nodded and put his hands in the pockets of his duster as he watched her walk away. She paused as she left and looked back at him. "Why didn't you tell her the truth yesterday morning?"
"Shouldn't have to tell her lamb."
"If she hurts you while I'm here, you won't be able to stop me."
"I know." And he did know. He just prayed Buffy would somehow know too.