A/N – Ok, sorry for the big delay in updating. Hated my original draft, so started all over again and my job right now is evil. (I work in the production office of a theatre company and we're at the peak of our biggest festival right now, so I'm either busy or exhausted) I'd love to promise I'll post again in the next week, but right now that might not be a possibility. Anyways, hope you enjoy and please review.
Chapter 10 – Over A Glass"I really don't like you." As she said the words, Arabella stepped farther onto the balcony. She had two glasses of wine in her hands – one red, one white. She placed the glass of white on the railing beside Buffy. She took a sip of the red, and placed it beside the white. "Well aren't you going to at least thank me for getting you a glass?"
Buffy could only stare at the keeper. She was completely dumbfounded. The first statement had taken her aback; the second had just confused her. As she looked at the expectant face of the redhead, she felt the anger start to boil. Arabella was staring at her like she had not just said anything out of the ordinary. She stood in a relaxed position, doing nothing but look at Buffy. Thoughts of her and Spike dancing, the talk she had overheard, and their initial greeting at her house kept flashing through Buffy's mind. The silent relationship the two had developed was anything but calm, and Arabella's initial greeting had confirmed it.
"I really don't like you, have a glass of wine? It's probably laced with poison." Buffy crossed her arms and stepped away from the railing, getting ready for battle. In response, Arabella rolled her eyes.
"If I wanted to kill you, I'd make sure I enjoyed it. I'd ensure it was painful, violent, and slow. I wouldn't be boring and simply poison you." She took another sip of her wine, and turned to look out at the evening's view. Buffy's mouthed dropped open at the blunt statement. She could hear no sarcasm in the Keeper's voice as she said the statement, and the look in her eyes made Buffy believe what she said. Arabella just sipped her wine and looked annoyed at Buffy's sudden muteness. "It's your turn to speak, by the way. Shouldn't you have some witty comeback or angry retort?" Arabella raised her eyebrows, amusement tugging at her lips as Buffy continued to just open and close her mouth, still unable to process the other woman's statements. "Oh, honestly Buffy, stop looking so shocked. And close your mouth, you look like a fish."
Buffy automatically shut her mouth, and with the simple action, blind rage took over. Buffy was instantly in Arabella's face, hand raised to hit. Buffy was moving at full Slayer speed, but just before her fist made contact with Arabella's face, a blur Buffy could barely see stopped the fist from finishing on its path. Buffy winced as Arabella's hand wrapped itself more tightly around her own hand. She tried to push her fist forward, and then pull it back, but her hand didn't even move a millimetre. It was as if it had been encased in concrete.
"People often forget that I'm not human."
"I'm sure they never forget that you're a bitch." Buffy tried in vane to release her hand from the Keeper's grip, only to the grip she had on the fist tighten.
"Stop struggling, I'll let go of your hand in a moment. I just want to make something clear first, and you're the kind of person who has to see something to believe it. I am not human. I have a pack mentality that is quite a bit more prominent than you'd initially think. I will do anything to protect my pack, and do not look kindly on those who hurt a member of my pack. I know you've read of Angelus's activities, but you have no real concept of torture. I've lived a lot longer than him, and seen a lot more than he will ever see. And I've got a photographic memory. I know how to make it hurt so much you can't pass out from the pain. It would do you well to remember that."
"Aren't you meant to be working for the Powers That Be or something? I doubt threatening the Slayer would be on their list of things good little higher beings do."
"Everything is relative." Arabella finally let go of Buffy's hand and turned out to look at the nighttime view again. Buffy took a moment to open and close her fist, hiding the relief that her hand was out of the death-grip it had been in. She wanted nothing more than to either throw the Keeper off the balcony, or in the least storm away, but the statement had caught her attention.
"Care to enlighten me on what that means?"
"I have spent the last 750 odd years with demons. Do you think they would tolerate me if I had some holier-than-thou attitude? . I'm not some angelic little warrior that tries to protect everything and everyone from the evils of the world. If I did that, I'd never get anything done and I'd be miserable." Buffy noted the personal jab, but let the Keeper continue. "You should know I get annoyed, as Will puts it, quite often. I hope you understand this: if you think beating some low-rank hell god makes you able to take me on, I'd think again. I am immortal. Not in the sense of immortal but with this or that weakness like demons. You cut me, it disappears instantly. You snap my neck, it's like an annoying crick. Flames do not hurt me, nor does slicing off my head, although both are a nuisance. I don't have a weakness. The only ones that can hurt or control me are the Powers, and they have yet to intervene in my actions. I could literally break you in half in five seconds flat, and if I intended to, I wouldn't waste time with a big speech before I killed you. You should take that as a good sign right now."
Buffy was again in shock at the bluntness with which Arabella spoke. This time around, she was quicker to respond. "Why the hell are you telling me all this?"
"William is a member of my family. If you ever hurt him again, I will hurt you and yours tenfold."
"You have no idea what you are talking about." Buffy stormed towards the doors leading to the inside, but was stopped by a blur of red hair and designer clothing before she could take three steps.
"I know exactly what I am talking about, Slayer. If you think I will stand by and watch anyone treat my best friend in the deplorable manner that you have been, you are sorely mistaken. The fact that you could treat another person the way you have been treating Will is beyond comprehension."
Buffy took a step back, putting much needed space between her and Arabella. Her words had felt like a slap in the face. A large part of herself was screaming to agree with the redhead, and show the shame she felt for the past few months. The anger and defensiveness she felt at the hostility coming from Arabella won out though, and Buffy defended herself before she even realized what she was saying. "Spike's not a person, he's a demon. An evil, soulless, thing. If it wasn't for the chip in his head, he'd be out there killing innocent people and enjoying every minute of it." Even as Buffy said the words, she realized that she was resorting to her old excuses, her old justifications at the twisted relationship she had forced herself to have with Spike. Fifteen minutes before this moment, she was upset because she knew her actions had finally made her lose the vampire, now she was repeating the excuses she had finally admitted to herself that she was hiding behind. The only problem was, Buffy was letting her pride get the best of her and she could do nothing but jut her chin out defiantly.
To her shock, all Arabella did was laugh bitterly. She walked over the balcony rail and picked up the red wine glass, saluted Buffy, and threw back the remaining red liquid. "You really are a peace of work, aren't you?"
Buffy rolled her eyes, and started towards the exit again, but she promptly halted when she heard Arabella whisper.
"Do you know what the opposite of evil is?"
"What?"
"I asked if you know what the opposite of evil is."
Buffy rolled her eyes and answered. "Good."
"Wrong." Somehow the simple answer had gotten Buffy's attention. She turned around and placed her hand on her hips, waiting for Arabella to explain herself. "Good is the opposite of bad, correct?" Buffy nodded in irritation. "And you have to agree that evil and bad are not the same."
"What's your point?" Buffy didn't know where Arabella was going with this line of thought, but she wanted her to get there quickly. Every moment she spent with the redhead made her hate her more and more, and she needed to go kill something desperately.
"Be patient. I want you to think about the concept of evil. Or, the concept of evil that you have." Pausing for a moment, she waited until she was convinced that Buffy had actually done what she asked. "Now think of a word that describes the exact opposite of that."
Buffy opened her mouth to respond, but found that no words could come out. Arabella walked over to the balcony and picked up the glass of white wine still sitting there. She went over to Buffy, and handed her the glass.
"I'm not saying that evil doesn't exist, you just have never experienced real evil or anything close to it."
"But – "
Arabella motioned to her to let her finish by placing a finger on her own lips, a faint smile hinting behind it. "Please let me finish. I know it's hard to believe that things you have seen and fought are not evil. Don't get me wrong, they were all bad, but none are even close to evil." Arabella paused and a dark look crossed over her face and she seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. The look disappeared as quickly as it had come, being replaced by a serious expression as she looked into Buffy's eyes. "Real evil, it can't be fought. It has a way of tainting everything it touches with its darkness. Not even the most pure things can escape it. Real evil has the power to consume everything and everyone, filling them with itself. It's like a virus or a plague, and even the most moral people are defenceless against it."
Buffy sat down on a nearby bench and took a long drink from the glass in her hand. Arabella waited a moment before she joined her. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I need you to understand something. Demons are bad, yes. But they're not evil. Most aren't good, but they are nothing compared to the real darkness in the world. The watcher's council teaches you that all vampires and demons are inherently evil because it makes your job simpler. They teach you that humans have souls, and demons don't, again to make your job simpler."
"So what, I shouldn't slay vampires anymore?"
"That's definitely not what I'm trying to say. What I hope you'll understand is that things are not simply black and white. The universe is a lot more complicated than that."
Buffy could see what she was saying, but still didn't understand her point. The expression she wore as she said the words had affected her more than the actual words, and Buffy desperately wanted to know what Arabella meant. She knew whatever it was probably had to do with Spike, and thought it would probably be easier if she just brought him into the conversation.
"I get what you're trying to tell me. Spike's not evil, he's just very, very bad. The definition of a word doesn't change the things he's done."
"And what has he done?"
"What?" Buffy could not believe Arabella was asking that question. She knew that the woman was friends with him, but she couldn't possibly have blinders on to all the things he had done.
"What has he done to you specifically? Yes, he's tried to kill you. But, you have tried to kill him as well. And yes, he's killed two Slayers. The same argument holds. I'm not going to deny that William has killed a countless number of people, but can you name one time you know of where he has drawn it out or hurt people strictly for pleasure he derives from their pain?"
Buffy stuck her chin out proudly, and looked Arabella in the eyes. "He tortured Angel to the point before he was dust three years ago."
Arabella cocked her head to the side and thought about what Buffy said. "I'll give you that one, but if you had any concept of the things Angelus has done to him over the years, you would probably have been beside him handing him the holy water."
"Angel isn't Angelus."
"I hate to burst your bubble, but that's probably the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. He was cursed with guilt, a conscience so great he can't step on a bug without brooding over it for a moment. Everyone's just assumed that it was a human soul and the Powers decided it would be easier not to dissuade everyone from that belief. Besides, a human soul does not necessarily give you humanity or morals."
"You don't know what you're talking about." Buffy stood up and started pacing. She looked over at Arabella, and hated what she saw. Somehow, Buffy knew Arabella was telling the truth. It was the way she had told her, with compassion in her eyes. The realization that what she said was true made Buffy feel sick to her stomach. "Why are you telling me this?" The question was asked with a quivering voice, and Buffy had tears glistening in her eyes.
"I'm telling you this because you need to know it. There is so much you don't know, and it's hindering you. Your belief that William is just a thing is only one of the ways you are hindered."
"Why would that hinder me?"
Arabella got up and walked over to where Buffy was standing, taking her hands in her own. "Because William is so much more than some evil thing. And as much as I dislike it, he loves you more than anything in this world, and all he wants is for you to accept his love. There is no way that love like his can be a negative force unless you make it that way."
"I know." Buffy said it at in an almost inaudible whisper, but Arabella still picked up on it. She let go of Buffy's hands and started to walk towards the doors leading to the inside.
"I don't believe you do, Buffy. You don't even let yourself see him."
Buffy let Arabella exit, as she thought about what the Keeper had just said. The words took a moment to sink in before she understood their full meaning. She had never let Spike show her how he felt. Whenever he had tried to be soft or loving during their 'sessions,' she had responded by with violence or by running away. She had never allowed him to express how he felt about her, even if he had said the words over and over again. The realizations made Buffy's knees give out, and she sat down blindly on the bench behind her, as reached for the glass of wine, draining its contents. The thought that he had finally given up on her filled her thoughts and it made her heart pound with the fear that she had finally lost him.