The next day, Dawn went to school. Morosely, she stumbled through all her classes, feeling nauseous or dead…or both. It felt as if it wasn't real, as if she wasn't really there. This was happening to someone else…like a movie...she thought. It made it that much easier to ignore the strange looks she was getting, so she pretended. Both Lindsay and Janice kept asking her what was wrong, but she might have been deaf for all the attention she paid them.
At the end of the day, however, she felt she would explode if she kept it inside a moment longer. She wanted to tell them, but couldn't, and so, not wanting to be alone, invited them over.
The walk home was silent and unsettling. All three girls were absorbed in their own thoughts, Dawn's melancholy spreading and enveloping the other two. At long last, they reached Revello Drive.
They walked slowly up the sidewalk, Dawn sliding her key into the lock and opening the door in silence. They house was unnaturally quiet. Good, she thought. Not home. Don't wanna see them anyway…She went to the kitchen, then changed her mind about food and retreated up the stairway. Lindsay and Janice followed quietly behind.
Once they were up in her room, they all sat and made halfhearted attempts at conversation. While the other two giggled over something, Dawn absently ran her fingers over the bedcovers.
After several minutes of this, Lindsay stood suddenly and said, somewhat sharply, "Listen, Dawn, this isn't working. We're your best friends, ok? We can tell something's up."
Dawn attempted to smile and assure her friends that nothing was wrong, but instead, her eyes welled up with tears that threatened to spill over. She tried to hide this, but Janice saw and immediately moved over to comfort her. "Dawn? Dawn…what's wrong? You can tell us. Please.."
"No, no…" her tears now flowed freely and she thought, Why not? They are my best friends. Buffy goes around telling whoever the hell she thinks deserves to know…why can't I?
She shook her head vehemently, then gasped in a breath of air. "You, you guys-" she gave a pathetic laugh, "really won't believe me."
Janice stroked her hair. "We're here for you, Dawn. You know we will."
"All right." She gave a feeble smile and said, "Promise?"
"Lindsay smiled gently. "Of course. It's not like you're gonna be, 'Yeah, I have this whole secret persona and I secretly fight the forces of evil by night. Plus, I have super magic powers and, oh yeah, I'm in love with a monster…"
Janice chuckled, "Grr, argh!"
Dawn's cheeks reddened. Janice saw this and quickly said, "We're sorry. We know you're upset. We weren't laughing at you. But really, what is it?"
Dawn took a deep breath and got up to lock her door. "Actually," her voice wavered and she bit her lip nervously. "You're not too far off. But that's my sister…"
* * *
"Vampire Slayers?" Lindsay asked incredulously. "And demons and stuff?" Seriously?"
"In Sunnydale?" Janice chimed in, bewildered.
"And you were a key?"
"To a hell dimension?"
They were flabbergasted. After a moment, Janice said, "So that means…you're like, only a year and a half? Whoa."
When they thought she wasn't looking, they exchanged skeptical glances.
"So," Lindsay asked disbelievingly, "you're..two, but with memories of your whole life 'cause of monks?" She tapped her fingers nervously on Dawn's desk. "Even if, well, not that I don't believe you, but this was obviously a while ago..why are you so upset?"
"Well, it's not… I was just telling you so you'd understand. Make it easier for you to get all this…crap, when I tell you, ya know?" She cleared her throat and elaborated, "So you're not all, 'What's the big deal?'"
"Oh," they said.
"Well, you know the guy I danced with at the Bronze?" At the mention of Spike, she choked up again, but waited quietly for their answer. Spike…
"The hottie?" Janice asked.
"Yeah. Well, he wasn't just 'some guy'. That was Spike."
She had told them all about Spike, including that first year he'd come to Sunnydale trying to kill Buffy, to their truce, the chip, his feelings for Buffy…only leaving out her crush on him, Buffy's death, and their situation.
"Wow, that guy wanted your sister and she didn't jump him?" Janice asked at the same time that Lindsay said, "That guy's a vampire?"
Dawn replied with a subdued, "Yeah," to both questions.
Lindsay pointed out to Janice, "Well, he did try to kill her."
Janice rolled her eyes and Lindsay straightened her glasses, wanting to slap Janice for her flippancy. She ignored the urge and attempted to refocus on the situation at hand.
Janice turned to Dawn and said, "But, girl, you still haven't actually told us what's wrong."
"That…" The two girls watched as Dawn sat on the bed, utterly miserable, as she tried to find a way to tell them. "Well, see…I've liked Spike since forever, as long as I've really been around anyway, and he's been my best friend. Recently anyway…Even though he's evil, he listened to me. We would talk, ya know? And when Buffy died-"
"Buffy died?"
Janice smacked Lindsay's arm and looked at Dawn to continue.
"-we got closer. I guess I kinda fell..in love with him. And one day about a month ago, he came to my room-"
"He was in your bedroom?" This time it was Janice who spoke and Lindsay who shushed her.
"…yeah. And said he'd always known I wanted him, and that he wanted me too, because I was..I dunno…nice to him? And that I meant more to him than Buffy. We kissed-" at this point Janice squealed and Lindsay gasped, her eyes wide.
Dawn could tell they wanted details, but for once, they let her continue, "-and since then we've had this…thing. I mean, it wasn't official, but we still hung out, and kissed..a bunch. He always wanted to..do more, but never forced me. And yesterday, we were going..further and my sister walked in-"
"So did she like yell at you or something?" Janice asked.
"No, she thinks it was all him. She beat him up and, you know, 'cause of the chip he couldn't hurt her, but then he did, and they were fighting."
"So what happened?" Lindsay questioned.
"I- stopped them."
"You?" Lindsay asked. "Don't vampires have like, super strength or something?"
"I used magic."
"I thought your sister's friend did magic. Now it's both of you?"
"I started around October, when I dyed my hair. Willow gave me a book. And, it just happened to be in the same language that the creepy monk guys used, so, thanks to my leftover mystical key mojo, I could understand it and was a natural at it to boot." she explained unenthusiastically. "Go me.." she muttered sarcastically.
They were the first people she had explained her powers to.. She hadn't had time to tell Spike, and she sure as hell wasn't telling Buffy, or Willow; which would kinda be the same thing as telling Buffy, if you thought about it. There was that whole 'best friend' thing to think about…
The two girls were silent, trying to process all this newfound information. Their friend, Dawn, who they believed they had known everything about…
"God," Dawn continued. "You guys! I know how unreal this must sound, and…you probably think I'm on drugs or something..but I swear I'll prove it to you."
"So you're sad 'cause they fought?" Janice wondered.
"No. They've always fought, but, she won't let me see him. If I do, she'll kill him." There was immeasurable sadness in Dawn's voice as she said this.
"And I assume you mean that literally… This is really…bizarre." Lindsay gave a nervous laugh.
"I wish I could..show you guys but I'm not supposed to tell people. And my magic…temporarily drained. The spell took a lot out of me."
Janice patted her arm reassuringly. "I believe you. I was there Halloween, remember? When that freak Zach bit me? That's what vampires look like?"
"Yeah."
Another silence ensued while the girls remained stunned and shocked, and not entirely convinced. Finally, Dawn's voice cracked through as she choked out, not being able to hold back the tide of emotions a second longer, "You guys…you don't get it. I- I need him-" she began to sob, "-so much! I feel dead!" Her voice was barely recognizable as her tears came faster. "No, dead would be better. Then we could- be together. What if I can't..what if we can't…?"
She collapsed into Janice as both girls came to wrap their arms around her. Hours passed as Dawn's anguish, tangible in the small room, shook her body and slowly, painfully, subsided. A small sense of relief filled her that, finally, she had someone to talk to. She sat up, eyes red and puffy as she asked her friends to be alone. She loved them; but she needed…
They complied, not knowing how they could help her, but certain that they had to. Once they had gone, she lay down, hugged her pillow, and drifted off to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Hey everyone, please review. I'm not too good with all this, let me know what you thought…and the more you review, the sooner I update!!