Warning: Cliché-ness. I'm horrible at writing for the Naruto fandom... @_@ Also, OOCness (especially on Naruto's part), and SasuNaru. If you hadn't figured that out yet.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would be dead. Hear me? DEAD! *stabs him*
Chapter Revised: 2/3/04
~~~Chapter one: Inner Consciences Suck~~~
"Hit me."
Blackjack-- a game in which players try to get the value of their cards as close to 21 as possible
"Hit me."
You can't go over 21, and you don't get consolation points if you don't go over.
"Hit me!"
So if you have something under 21, there's still the possibility that someone is closer to 21 than you are.
"Hit me again."
It's all or nothing, then.
"Me too."
"Wait. I can't deal that fast."
"You're even the worst at dealing, dobe."
A round of pleasant laughter filled the dimly lit room.
The candles danced in excitement. For tonight was the night of candles. Tonight was the night frugality and modesty would be readopted in hidden passion and love. Tonight was the night love and hate would battle in a desperate war for dominance.
It was a blackout.
At exactly 10:00 PM, all across Konoha, all the lights, as though some sort of god had willed it, simultaneously flickered off, leaving every single villager enveloped in complete darkness.
Many were already sleep by that time and didn't notice the electricity blow. The sun would just rise and there would be no need for lights, but a group of ninjas-- a girl, two boys, and a teacher-- were not yet asleep. Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, accompanied by their teacher, Hatake Kakashi, were waiting at the Ichiraku Ramen, playing an innocent game of blackjack. Little did they know that they were soon to be consumed, swallowed, and utterly totaled by the infinitely powerful force that was the omniscient narrator!! But, putting all silliness aside...
"I want some ramen..." Naruto would constantly complain. The ramen cannot be cooked without electricity to light an electric stove, you see, so the blond boy could not acquire the ramen he so desired. It was really quite ironic- to be stuck at a ramen bar with no means of eating ramen. At times, between blackjack rounds, Naruto would sneak off to gaze at the marvelous mountains of uncooked ramen. It was so close to him, yet it was so far away... And he tried not to cry, but it was very, very painful.
Sakura suggested they just leave to their separate homes and completely forget about the client with whom they were supposed to meet tonight. This proposal was instantly met with a cold glare from Uchiha Sasuke and several loudmouth complaints on Naruto's part. Sakura decided it would be wise not to provoke the boys on this night.
Hatake Kakashi smiled kindly at the pink haired girl.
"They're just excited because this mission isn't D class. I'd love to go home myself, but a mission's a mission."
Sakura frowned, a slight blush of embarrassment tinting her cheeks. Kakashi always seemed to be the one to sympathize with her, and she was grateful for that, but couldn't Sasuke soften up just a little? Perhaps her unending quest for love was in vain after all... She wasn't going to impress Sasuke with any of her fighting skills, and she wasn't flattering Sasuke with her compliments. How frustrating could one man be?
"...Wanna play blackjack again?"
"...I'm dealing."
And the game began. The cards were dealt. Two to each person.
Sasuke would normally refuse playing such a tedious game in favor of a more physical form of antagonism, but he couldn't pass up a chance to beat Naruto. Naruto always lost in competitions against Uchiha Sasuke, but Naruto seemed to be confident in playing this game. Naruto had almost lost all rounds of blackjack so far, and he didn't seem at all discouraged. He didn't even get angry when he lost round after round after round... Did the fox have some sort of plan up his orange sleeves?
Sakura received the last card. A queen of hearts.
Simultaneously, all except for Naruto took a peek at their cards.
Sasuke looked from side to side.
"Hit me," was his calm and cool answer.
His eye flashing, Kakashi slapped a card face up on Sasuke's hand.
An ace of diamonds stared up at him like a dead fish.
Sasuke frowned. Ace, 6, and 7. That was 14.
"Double down!" Naruto exclaimed merrily.
"You don't have anything to bet, idiot."
There was a pause as Naruto closed his eyes and folded his arms in a trademark thinking position.
"Then..."
A flash of red was slapped on the table as an absurdly unpleasant scent engulfed the area like a shroud.
"I bet my sock," the fox declared, grinning evilly.
Kakashi and Sakura immediately held their noses, but Sasuke didn't even flinch. Instead, he smirked back at the other boy, one hand reaching under the table as he ripped the socks off his feet and slammed them both on the smelly table. They were black.
"Two socks."
As Naruto reluctantly threw his other sock (which was blue) on the table, Kakashi sighed. Apparently, these kids had no idea how to bet. They just wanted to intimidate each other... with socks. Really smelly socks. Naruto's smelled like a combination of ramen, sweat, and that smell that you smell when you smell at 2:00 in the morning and you think "oh shit" (you know that one I'm talking about).
Sasuke's socks, on the other hand, smelled like appallingly rotten eggs.
At this point, Naruto and Sasuke were staring at the other players.
"Nuh-uh. I'm out," Sakura said, lightly pushing herself away from the table.
Kakashi stared at his sandals, wiggling his bare stubby toes that looked like lone potatoes on the brisk winter night. Why was he the only one to wear sandals during winter?
He held his nose as he spoke.
"I'm out. Now, Naruto, you have to double your bet."
Naruto threw in a shoe.
"That should count."
"Ugh!" the others groaned, tightening their holds on their noses. Naruto's shoe smelled like Sasuke's socks, and they had had enough of Sasuke's socks for one night! After a pause, Kakashi finally handed Naruto his allotted card.
Naruto frowned.
It was a king.
He looked at his own card.
It was a queen.
Slowly, Naruto began to count on his fingers. Ten plus ten made... twenty. That was almost 21.
Then Naruto remembered that he had another card that almost certainly put him over 21, and he groaned.
Sasuke regarded Naruto's miserable face, and turned to Kakashi. "Hit me."
A seven of spades.
After a pause, he calmly said, "I'm staying."
"Show your hands."
Naruto: King, queen, ace. 21.
Sasuke: 6, 7, 7, ace. 21.
Both boys growled in frustration. It was enough that they had demoted themselves to betting their clothes, but they tied as well? You couldn't tie in blackjack. It was supposed to be all or nothing, and, in this case, one could consider that they both lost and got nothing.
"Play again!" they both shouted, Naruto a little more half-hearted than Sasuke.
Sakura gathered up the piles of scattered cards in a gesture much like raking the autumn leaves.
Kakashi shook his head. "No more."
"What?!"
"Why?!"
"Our client is here."
Immediately, the three genin lifted their heads.
Footsteps.
And the soft tinkling of bells.
The woman wore black from head to toe. She wore a black velvet robe to hide her figure and most of her face, and her blue eyes glittered brilliantly underneath the moon despite the hood concealing her. Bell-shaped ornaments trailed her sandals to announce her presence- the sound undoubtedly catching anyone who listened into a dull and monotonic trance.
Kakashi left the candlelight of the ramen house to speak with the robed woman. The tinkling came to a halt as the woman lifted her head to speak. The three genin merely stared, feeling inclined to stay out of conversations with this particular client.
The two speaking seemed to nod sadly as the woman lifted one shoe behind her, silently detaching one of the bells from her shoes and handing it to Kakashi. The teacher promptly inserted the bell into his right pocket, and the woman then handed him a small scroll wrapped in a red bow. Kakashi nodded, turning back towards his team, and the woman suddenly disappeared into the night, the tinkling of the bells lingering in the air.
"We have to locate a missing person, guys!" was the cheerful announcement. The jounin waved around the scroll he had just received, and he only grinned further when he saw the brightening faces of his teammates. Even Sasuke's face perked up a bit. "That woman is looking for her friend's son. He should be as old as you guys are, she said. He's to be brought back home. Apparently, he has a fiancé waiting for him there."
"Great!" Naruto exclaimed, the word "fiancé" catching his ears. "What does he look like?"
"The only clue she gave was this."
He took the bell out of his pocket- the bell that wouldn't ring.
"She says that this bell has long been broken. The boy she's looking for should be able to hear it, though."
Kakashi shook it around a bit.
No sound.
"I just wanna make sure it's not any of you."
"There isn't anything in that bell. How is anyone supposed to hear anything?" Sakura complained.
Kakashi shrugged, handing the bell to a jumping Naruto. Happily, the fox flicked his nail (which had been bitten and chewed many times) across the bell.
No sound.
This frustrated Naruto- just a little, and he began to tap harder on the tiny piece of metal. He felt as though the bell was flicking him on the finger, the pain causing him to yelp louder with every tap. It was really, really stupid. Naruto shook the bell around. Nothing. He threw it on the ground.
Nothing.
Finally, he bit it.
And he heard a little tune in his head. There was no instrument playing the tune. It was as though he had just thought the tune up.
High. Low, low, low, low. High. High. High.
And it repeated.
High. Low, low, low, low. High. High. High.
Kakashi and the others were slowly waving their hands in front of Naruto's face before he finally came forth and conscious. "I can hear it!" he exclaimed as he took the bell from his mouth, saliva trailing from the gold. Happily, he hummed the tune that previously rang through his head to the others. Obviously, he was off a couple of keys, but he had unmistakably heard it! The blond boy jumped up and down, suddenly wanting to meet his fiancé.
"The mission's over already?" Kakashi sighed.
"Thanks a lot," Sasuke bitterly remarked.
Sakura just laughed nervously.
She wasn't angry with Naruto at all. She was very relieved that the mission had ended so soon, but she might've disappointed Sasuke in the process of making Naruto feel better. It wasn't that she didn't love Naruto as much as Sasuke. It was more so... she didn't love Naruto... as much as she loved Sasuke.
Naruto didn't seem perturbed, though. He was quite jubilant. His mind couldn't stray from the fact that he might've had a beautiful girl that was waiting for him back in this "home" place. It didn't even strike him that since he was an orphan, he shouldn't have had any relatives. It also never struck the mind of the authoress, and NOR SHALL IT STRIKE YOURS. Obviously, his relatives hadn't heard about the horrid kyuubi incident, and they were never able to retrieve Naruto for their own keeping. It happened all the time, didn't it? Of course it did.
"So when do I get to meet her?!" Naruto asked, jumping up and down in anticipation.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Meet whom?"
"My fiancé!" he huffed.
"Idiot," Sasuke muttered as he walked back to the blackjack table covered in smelly warm socks. His relief didn't show, but he was the happiest of all of them. He was inwardly celebrating Naruto's departure, willing to force Naruto to leave as soon as possible, and hoping that they would never ever meet again.
...Or was he?
Yeah. He was. Shut up.
Ignoring Sasuke once again, Naruto watched as Kakashi reluctantly removed the scroll from his pocket and handed it to Naruto. "You sure you heard something?"
"Yeah!" Naruto hummed the tune again.
"And you're not crazy?"
"No!"
"..."
"..."
"...Fine."
Almost instinctively, Naruto sunk his teeth into the red ribbon and pulled it off.
Sasuke watched from afar.
Now, normally, watching someone rip cloth with his or her teeth is incredibly sexy. It reminds one of ripping off one's own clothes... in a very barbaric and animalistic way. When Naruto did it, though, he just ruined it. There was nothing sexy about it anymore. This was what passed though all of their minds. This was what passed though Sakura's mind, Kakashi's mind, and Sasuke's mind. I mean, it did pass though Sasuke's mind, right? Didn't it?
Didn't it?
Sasuke swallowed nervously, sweat starting to accumulate across his nose.
I suppose this is all very confusing. Allow this humble authoress to explain.
Sasuke had a conscience. His name was "inner Sasuke."
Inner Sasuke was similar to Sakura's inner self, but it was also the container for Sasuke's deadliest attribute.
He was horny.
Very much so.
And it wasn't just on occasion. It was all the time. Imagine if you had a voice in your head telling you to lay down and fuck the one person you hated the most. That's right. Sasuke was horny, and he was horny for Uzumaki Naruto.
All the time.
...Hell yeah!
A light blushed spread over the dark-haired boy's face as he watched Naruto struggle with ripping off the red ribbon.
Isn't he so cute?! Don't you wanna just lie him down and lick him all over?!
Fuck yeah!-eh... I mean... No.
Furiously, Sasuke shook his head. This was wrong. Naruto was a boy. It wasn't right to lie someone down and lick them all over if they were a boy!
Unless... I *accidentally*...
He almost threw up at the thought of being h-h-homo- homo- homose-- gay (1). Sasuke never even considered the alternative, which was licking a girl all over, and if he did, he probably would've thrown up as well. Sasuke wasn't at the stage in which he would be attracted to absolutely everything he saw, but Naruto... Naruto was different...
Either that, or Sasuke was crazy.
...Yeah. We'll go with that.
"Oi. Sasuke-kuuun..." Sakura called softly.
Sasuke blinked. Sakura was only inches away from his face, and he could feel her breath on his face. Scowling with the intensity of a tiger, he turned to the table, only to writhe in the unbeatable stench of warm smelly socks. Two black ones, a red one, and a blue one. Kami-sama, didn't Naruto at least have the decency to wear matching socks?
Makes things more interesting...
No. It doesn't. It's a completely uninteresting pattern of apparel.
Face it. You're gay and you like Naruto.
No, I don't!
Yes, you do. You want Naruto. Don't deny it, Sasuke-kun.
NO!
You sure you don't want Naruto?
"Sasuke--?"
"OF COURSE I DON'T WANT NARUTO-"
He slapped a hand over his mouth, sweating in the midst of all those stares. To Sasuke's disappointment, Naruto didn't bother to stare at him. He was too busy staring at the writing on the scroll. Something inside of Sasuke was relieved that Naruto was too stupid to notice Sasuke's obvious love confession, and yet, another part of Sasuke longed for Naruto to look at him with those innocent blue eyes. That same part also wanted to lay Naruto down and lick him all over, but that was beside the point.
"Naruto's socks."
He mentally slapped himself.
"Of course I don't want Naruto's socks. Naruto, you can have your stupid socks back-"
"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto interrupted, still not paying any mind to Sasuke's plight. It was relieving, but it also left a horrible aching feeling in Uchiha's chest...
"What is it?"
Kakashi was pulled by the non-existent collar of his uniform until he was mere inches away from Naruto's flushed and innocent face.
"Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto whispered dreamily.
Sasuke twitched.
What was this feeling?
"Kakashi-sensei, I can't read all the kanji. Help. Now."
The jounin rolled his eyes from underneath the mess of silver hair.
"It says..." His eyes scanned over the page, his expression darkening at the strange titles of the village and landmarks. "You have to go to Valence Village," he read. "The address is 424 Sardine Street. Your aunt should be there to meet you and..." He looked under the scroll. Then he planted a smile on his face in complacency. "That's it."
"But I never heard anything about an aunt-"
AND THEY WERE OFF!
~~~
(1) I'm sorry I used this joke again! But I HAD to put it in! I HAD to! XP
Next chapter: The inevitable Mary-Sue, the ring of wedding bells, and Sasuke's true feelings... OF ANGST!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I swear that I'll continue this one! The plotline is way too open for me NOT to continue it! ^____^;; I apologize if the fic had a moodswing into extreme silliness... I tend to do that a lot... XD
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would be dead. Hear me? DEAD! *stabs him*
Chapter Revised: 2/3/04
~~~Chapter one: Inner Consciences Suck~~~
"Hit me."
Blackjack-- a game in which players try to get the value of their cards as close to 21 as possible
"Hit me."
You can't go over 21, and you don't get consolation points if you don't go over.
"Hit me!"
So if you have something under 21, there's still the possibility that someone is closer to 21 than you are.
"Hit me again."
It's all or nothing, then.
"Me too."
"Wait. I can't deal that fast."
"You're even the worst at dealing, dobe."
A round of pleasant laughter filled the dimly lit room.
The candles danced in excitement. For tonight was the night of candles. Tonight was the night frugality and modesty would be readopted in hidden passion and love. Tonight was the night love and hate would battle in a desperate war for dominance.
It was a blackout.
At exactly 10:00 PM, all across Konoha, all the lights, as though some sort of god had willed it, simultaneously flickered off, leaving every single villager enveloped in complete darkness.
Many were already sleep by that time and didn't notice the electricity blow. The sun would just rise and there would be no need for lights, but a group of ninjas-- a girl, two boys, and a teacher-- were not yet asleep. Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, accompanied by their teacher, Hatake Kakashi, were waiting at the Ichiraku Ramen, playing an innocent game of blackjack. Little did they know that they were soon to be consumed, swallowed, and utterly totaled by the infinitely powerful force that was the omniscient narrator!! But, putting all silliness aside...
"I want some ramen..." Naruto would constantly complain. The ramen cannot be cooked without electricity to light an electric stove, you see, so the blond boy could not acquire the ramen he so desired. It was really quite ironic- to be stuck at a ramen bar with no means of eating ramen. At times, between blackjack rounds, Naruto would sneak off to gaze at the marvelous mountains of uncooked ramen. It was so close to him, yet it was so far away... And he tried not to cry, but it was very, very painful.
Sakura suggested they just leave to their separate homes and completely forget about the client with whom they were supposed to meet tonight. This proposal was instantly met with a cold glare from Uchiha Sasuke and several loudmouth complaints on Naruto's part. Sakura decided it would be wise not to provoke the boys on this night.
Hatake Kakashi smiled kindly at the pink haired girl.
"They're just excited because this mission isn't D class. I'd love to go home myself, but a mission's a mission."
Sakura frowned, a slight blush of embarrassment tinting her cheeks. Kakashi always seemed to be the one to sympathize with her, and she was grateful for that, but couldn't Sasuke soften up just a little? Perhaps her unending quest for love was in vain after all... She wasn't going to impress Sasuke with any of her fighting skills, and she wasn't flattering Sasuke with her compliments. How frustrating could one man be?
"...Wanna play blackjack again?"
"...I'm dealing."
And the game began. The cards were dealt. Two to each person.
Sasuke would normally refuse playing such a tedious game in favor of a more physical form of antagonism, but he couldn't pass up a chance to beat Naruto. Naruto always lost in competitions against Uchiha Sasuke, but Naruto seemed to be confident in playing this game. Naruto had almost lost all rounds of blackjack so far, and he didn't seem at all discouraged. He didn't even get angry when he lost round after round after round... Did the fox have some sort of plan up his orange sleeves?
Sakura received the last card. A queen of hearts.
Simultaneously, all except for Naruto took a peek at their cards.
Sasuke looked from side to side.
"Hit me," was his calm and cool answer.
His eye flashing, Kakashi slapped a card face up on Sasuke's hand.
An ace of diamonds stared up at him like a dead fish.
Sasuke frowned. Ace, 6, and 7. That was 14.
"Double down!" Naruto exclaimed merrily.
"You don't have anything to bet, idiot."
There was a pause as Naruto closed his eyes and folded his arms in a trademark thinking position.
"Then..."
A flash of red was slapped on the table as an absurdly unpleasant scent engulfed the area like a shroud.
"I bet my sock," the fox declared, grinning evilly.
Kakashi and Sakura immediately held their noses, but Sasuke didn't even flinch. Instead, he smirked back at the other boy, one hand reaching under the table as he ripped the socks off his feet and slammed them both on the smelly table. They were black.
"Two socks."
As Naruto reluctantly threw his other sock (which was blue) on the table, Kakashi sighed. Apparently, these kids had no idea how to bet. They just wanted to intimidate each other... with socks. Really smelly socks. Naruto's smelled like a combination of ramen, sweat, and that smell that you smell when you smell at 2:00 in the morning and you think "oh shit" (you know that one I'm talking about).
Sasuke's socks, on the other hand, smelled like appallingly rotten eggs.
At this point, Naruto and Sasuke were staring at the other players.
"Nuh-uh. I'm out," Sakura said, lightly pushing herself away from the table.
Kakashi stared at his sandals, wiggling his bare stubby toes that looked like lone potatoes on the brisk winter night. Why was he the only one to wear sandals during winter?
He held his nose as he spoke.
"I'm out. Now, Naruto, you have to double your bet."
Naruto threw in a shoe.
"That should count."
"Ugh!" the others groaned, tightening their holds on their noses. Naruto's shoe smelled like Sasuke's socks, and they had had enough of Sasuke's socks for one night! After a pause, Kakashi finally handed Naruto his allotted card.
Naruto frowned.
It was a king.
He looked at his own card.
It was a queen.
Slowly, Naruto began to count on his fingers. Ten plus ten made... twenty. That was almost 21.
Then Naruto remembered that he had another card that almost certainly put him over 21, and he groaned.
Sasuke regarded Naruto's miserable face, and turned to Kakashi. "Hit me."
A seven of spades.
After a pause, he calmly said, "I'm staying."
"Show your hands."
Naruto: King, queen, ace. 21.
Sasuke: 6, 7, 7, ace. 21.
Both boys growled in frustration. It was enough that they had demoted themselves to betting their clothes, but they tied as well? You couldn't tie in blackjack. It was supposed to be all or nothing, and, in this case, one could consider that they both lost and got nothing.
"Play again!" they both shouted, Naruto a little more half-hearted than Sasuke.
Sakura gathered up the piles of scattered cards in a gesture much like raking the autumn leaves.
Kakashi shook his head. "No more."
"What?!"
"Why?!"
"Our client is here."
Immediately, the three genin lifted their heads.
Footsteps.
And the soft tinkling of bells.
The woman wore black from head to toe. She wore a black velvet robe to hide her figure and most of her face, and her blue eyes glittered brilliantly underneath the moon despite the hood concealing her. Bell-shaped ornaments trailed her sandals to announce her presence- the sound undoubtedly catching anyone who listened into a dull and monotonic trance.
Kakashi left the candlelight of the ramen house to speak with the robed woman. The tinkling came to a halt as the woman lifted her head to speak. The three genin merely stared, feeling inclined to stay out of conversations with this particular client.
The two speaking seemed to nod sadly as the woman lifted one shoe behind her, silently detaching one of the bells from her shoes and handing it to Kakashi. The teacher promptly inserted the bell into his right pocket, and the woman then handed him a small scroll wrapped in a red bow. Kakashi nodded, turning back towards his team, and the woman suddenly disappeared into the night, the tinkling of the bells lingering in the air.
"We have to locate a missing person, guys!" was the cheerful announcement. The jounin waved around the scroll he had just received, and he only grinned further when he saw the brightening faces of his teammates. Even Sasuke's face perked up a bit. "That woman is looking for her friend's son. He should be as old as you guys are, she said. He's to be brought back home. Apparently, he has a fiancé waiting for him there."
"Great!" Naruto exclaimed, the word "fiancé" catching his ears. "What does he look like?"
"The only clue she gave was this."
He took the bell out of his pocket- the bell that wouldn't ring.
"She says that this bell has long been broken. The boy she's looking for should be able to hear it, though."
Kakashi shook it around a bit.
No sound.
"I just wanna make sure it's not any of you."
"There isn't anything in that bell. How is anyone supposed to hear anything?" Sakura complained.
Kakashi shrugged, handing the bell to a jumping Naruto. Happily, the fox flicked his nail (which had been bitten and chewed many times) across the bell.
No sound.
This frustrated Naruto- just a little, and he began to tap harder on the tiny piece of metal. He felt as though the bell was flicking him on the finger, the pain causing him to yelp louder with every tap. It was really, really stupid. Naruto shook the bell around. Nothing. He threw it on the ground.
Nothing.
Finally, he bit it.
And he heard a little tune in his head. There was no instrument playing the tune. It was as though he had just thought the tune up.
High. Low, low, low, low. High. High. High.
And it repeated.
High. Low, low, low, low. High. High. High.
Kakashi and the others were slowly waving their hands in front of Naruto's face before he finally came forth and conscious. "I can hear it!" he exclaimed as he took the bell from his mouth, saliva trailing from the gold. Happily, he hummed the tune that previously rang through his head to the others. Obviously, he was off a couple of keys, but he had unmistakably heard it! The blond boy jumped up and down, suddenly wanting to meet his fiancé.
"The mission's over already?" Kakashi sighed.
"Thanks a lot," Sasuke bitterly remarked.
Sakura just laughed nervously.
She wasn't angry with Naruto at all. She was very relieved that the mission had ended so soon, but she might've disappointed Sasuke in the process of making Naruto feel better. It wasn't that she didn't love Naruto as much as Sasuke. It was more so... she didn't love Naruto... as much as she loved Sasuke.
Naruto didn't seem perturbed, though. He was quite jubilant. His mind couldn't stray from the fact that he might've had a beautiful girl that was waiting for him back in this "home" place. It didn't even strike him that since he was an orphan, he shouldn't have had any relatives. It also never struck the mind of the authoress, and NOR SHALL IT STRIKE YOURS. Obviously, his relatives hadn't heard about the horrid kyuubi incident, and they were never able to retrieve Naruto for their own keeping. It happened all the time, didn't it? Of course it did.
"So when do I get to meet her?!" Naruto asked, jumping up and down in anticipation.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Meet whom?"
"My fiancé!" he huffed.
"Idiot," Sasuke muttered as he walked back to the blackjack table covered in smelly warm socks. His relief didn't show, but he was the happiest of all of them. He was inwardly celebrating Naruto's departure, willing to force Naruto to leave as soon as possible, and hoping that they would never ever meet again.
...Or was he?
Yeah. He was. Shut up.
Ignoring Sasuke once again, Naruto watched as Kakashi reluctantly removed the scroll from his pocket and handed it to Naruto. "You sure you heard something?"
"Yeah!" Naruto hummed the tune again.
"And you're not crazy?"
"No!"
"..."
"..."
"...Fine."
Almost instinctively, Naruto sunk his teeth into the red ribbon and pulled it off.
Sasuke watched from afar.
Now, normally, watching someone rip cloth with his or her teeth is incredibly sexy. It reminds one of ripping off one's own clothes... in a very barbaric and animalistic way. When Naruto did it, though, he just ruined it. There was nothing sexy about it anymore. This was what passed though all of their minds. This was what passed though Sakura's mind, Kakashi's mind, and Sasuke's mind. I mean, it did pass though Sasuke's mind, right? Didn't it?
Didn't it?
Sasuke swallowed nervously, sweat starting to accumulate across his nose.
I suppose this is all very confusing. Allow this humble authoress to explain.
Sasuke had a conscience. His name was "inner Sasuke."
Inner Sasuke was similar to Sakura's inner self, but it was also the container for Sasuke's deadliest attribute.
He was horny.
Very much so.
And it wasn't just on occasion. It was all the time. Imagine if you had a voice in your head telling you to lay down and fuck the one person you hated the most. That's right. Sasuke was horny, and he was horny for Uzumaki Naruto.
All the time.
...Hell yeah!
A light blushed spread over the dark-haired boy's face as he watched Naruto struggle with ripping off the red ribbon.
Isn't he so cute?! Don't you wanna just lie him down and lick him all over?!
Fuck yeah!-eh... I mean... No.
Furiously, Sasuke shook his head. This was wrong. Naruto was a boy. It wasn't right to lie someone down and lick them all over if they were a boy!
Unless... I *accidentally*...
He almost threw up at the thought of being h-h-homo- homo- homose-- gay (1). Sasuke never even considered the alternative, which was licking a girl all over, and if he did, he probably would've thrown up as well. Sasuke wasn't at the stage in which he would be attracted to absolutely everything he saw, but Naruto... Naruto was different...
Either that, or Sasuke was crazy.
...Yeah. We'll go with that.
"Oi. Sasuke-kuuun..." Sakura called softly.
Sasuke blinked. Sakura was only inches away from his face, and he could feel her breath on his face. Scowling with the intensity of a tiger, he turned to the table, only to writhe in the unbeatable stench of warm smelly socks. Two black ones, a red one, and a blue one. Kami-sama, didn't Naruto at least have the decency to wear matching socks?
Makes things more interesting...
No. It doesn't. It's a completely uninteresting pattern of apparel.
Face it. You're gay and you like Naruto.
No, I don't!
Yes, you do. You want Naruto. Don't deny it, Sasuke-kun.
NO!
You sure you don't want Naruto?
"Sasuke--?"
"OF COURSE I DON'T WANT NARUTO-"
He slapped a hand over his mouth, sweating in the midst of all those stares. To Sasuke's disappointment, Naruto didn't bother to stare at him. He was too busy staring at the writing on the scroll. Something inside of Sasuke was relieved that Naruto was too stupid to notice Sasuke's obvious love confession, and yet, another part of Sasuke longed for Naruto to look at him with those innocent blue eyes. That same part also wanted to lay Naruto down and lick him all over, but that was beside the point.
"Naruto's socks."
He mentally slapped himself.
"Of course I don't want Naruto's socks. Naruto, you can have your stupid socks back-"
"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto interrupted, still not paying any mind to Sasuke's plight. It was relieving, but it also left a horrible aching feeling in Uchiha's chest...
"What is it?"
Kakashi was pulled by the non-existent collar of his uniform until he was mere inches away from Naruto's flushed and innocent face.
"Kakashi-sensei..." Naruto whispered dreamily.
Sasuke twitched.
What was this feeling?
"Kakashi-sensei, I can't read all the kanji. Help. Now."
The jounin rolled his eyes from underneath the mess of silver hair.
"It says..." His eyes scanned over the page, his expression darkening at the strange titles of the village and landmarks. "You have to go to Valence Village," he read. "The address is 424 Sardine Street. Your aunt should be there to meet you and..." He looked under the scroll. Then he planted a smile on his face in complacency. "That's it."
"But I never heard anything about an aunt-"
AND THEY WERE OFF!
~~~
(1) I'm sorry I used this joke again! But I HAD to put it in! I HAD to! XP
Next chapter: The inevitable Mary-Sue, the ring of wedding bells, and Sasuke's true feelings... OF ANGST!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I swear that I'll continue this one! The plotline is way too open for me NOT to continue it! ^____^;; I apologize if the fic had a moodswing into extreme silliness... I tend to do that a lot... XD