Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. No matter how many times I deny it and order to molest and conduct sexy treacheries.
Warning: This fic has plunged downhill into teh suck. And that's about it.
Okay, so, where had we left off? SasuNaru make-out scene? Of course-- Ha ha... Psyche. If you're ever confused, just pretend it makes sense, are we cool? Sweet. Let's get started.
Chapter Five: Anyone Notice How Gay We Are?
"Yes! That's right! I, Uchiha Rasuke, am, in fact, a survivor of the Uchiha clan! The last survivor after Itachi had slain them all!" The girly dark-haired boy in a wedding dress promptly clawed his fingers into his head while suffering from the overwhelming angst.
Sasuke, with an unconscious Naruto slung over his shoulder, gave Rasuke an inquisitive look. "Fuck no. I'm the sole survivor of the Uchiha clan, not you."
A pause. A girlish scoff from the other boy. You know what a valley girl is? It was like that. Rasuke rolled his eyes. "Uh... News flash! I was saved from the slaughter by something called plot device? And I've suffered from loneliness and poverty ever since!"
"You're princess of an entire village. How can you be lonely and poor?"
"Um--errr-- Yes, but I'm still lonely deep inside!! All the girls are after me, but I am not interested in them!"
"And you're interested in Naruto... why?"
"Yes, 'cause he feels my pain and loneliness and I can tell by the look in his eyes!!"
Neji rolled his eyes at the other's stupidity. "Well, get in line. I want Naruto, too."
Rasuke paused, opening his mouth to say something. Then he pouted as though reconsidering his words. Clear inner turmoil was written on his feminine features. "But he's willingly engaged to me," he finally said, grinning in pride. "And--! We are bound by the accuracy of the Bell of Time Rain!!"
Sasuke gasped in shock! That horribly inaccurate fortune-telling trinket his grandmother had molded out of dry clay? Naruto could've been meant for anyone in the clan if that thing had been used!! Including him...
Including him.
Okay, so, sorting through this, this stupid trinket made by Sasuke's grandmother could choose a mate for anyone within the Uchiha clan. Assuming the candidates had to be alive, that left only three people Naruto could have been meant for.
1. Uchiha Sasuke
2. Uchiha Itachi
3. Uchiha Rasuke
Right off the bat, us readers can tell that Naruto was thrown into this fanfic with the intention of falling in love with Itachi, so I guess we can end this--
Before Rasuke could utter another revelation of his long and angsty past, Sasuke had run off with Naruto's body slung over his shoulder without a word. When Neji realized the Uchiha had left, he decidedly ran after them. Rasuke felt it the opportune moment to show off some of his expert Japanese skills! "Oi! Chotto matte kudasai desu yo!"(1) he shouted, following the other boys to whatever their destination may be.
His spiky black hair billowing dramatically from the wind, Uchiha Sasuke-kun leaped across building after building, despite his obvious lack of super powers, towards his house. A certain blond fox boy was slung over his shoulder as he ran. You see, when Neji had stormed into the wedding hall earlier, Naruto had fainted. But you as the reader cannot question that!! The poor boy can faint whenever he wants!! Sasuke, feeling a sudden urge to fuck the boy while unconscious, grabbed Naruto and intended to carry him back home.
Just. Stick with me. Stuff is happening. Sasuke is on his way back home for sex? Okay.
AND SO! Uchiha Sasuke bolted in through the front door of his notoriously Japanese-styled home, instantly running into a wall and dropping Naruto onto the hardwood floor! Tenderly, Sasuke sat up and rubbed the growing bump on his head before realizing he had dropped Naruto! This was when the blond finally decided to stir. Unfortunately, Naruto was still a little screwed in the head. Go figure.
"Where the fuck am I?" was the first thing that spouted from his mouth (and from those perfectly plump lips). Azure eyes fluttered open to take in the sight of Uchiha Sasuke.
In a dress. With hair down.
Naruto's face lit up. "Are we married?!" he asked with a selfless grin. "This is so awesome! So we're on our honeymoon, right? That means we make out and stuff, right?"
Sasuke grew red as a ... red thing. I don't know... a grape? A piece of red tape? Fire? Yes. Sasuke's face was on fire. "N-No... we--"
"Aww! Don't be shy!" Naruto beamed, leaping onto Sasuke, embracing the boy in a tight hug, nuzzling his face in the others' chest. He didn't even have time to realize the chest was flat. A contented sigh escaped the blond's lips. "I wanna stay like this forever..."
"Sasuke, you bastard! Get out here so I can kick your ass!" It was Neji.
Sasuke growled. "You idiot! Get off!" What was he thinking when he brought Naruto here?! He didn't want Naruto to realize it was actually him in the dress. Did he really think Naruto was going to love him the way he loved him? He should've been slapped for being so stupid. Why couldn't he simply do away with all the false hopes he had harbored for all these years?
Neji began pounding on the doors of Sasuke's house, the paper-thin walls threatening to topple any moment upon the lovely couple. Soon, another pair of fists seemed to be pounding on the doors, and the familiar voice of Rasuke the princess cried out for Sasuke to open the door.
"I'm not done lecturing about my past!!"
"If you lay one hand on my Naruto, I swear, I'll disembowel your bowels!"
"Please! Naruto! Get off!" Sasuke yelled, half-heartedly trying to pry the other boy off him. "Y-you shouldn't be doing this!" Because Naruto was obviously meant for Itachi. Or Rasuke.
Not Neji. Neji was crazy.
But Naruto and Sasuke had been fated as rivals and enemies, bound by an enmity and hatred unable to be broken, and there was nothing Sasuke could do about it!
"Naruto's mine! Get out of there!"
And yet he still loved him so much.
"Don't be bothered by them."
Sasuke suddenly turned to the blond in his lap at the sound of that angel's voice.
Naruto brushed his hand against Sasuke's cheek, a loving smile gracing his lips. "Come on! We're on our honeymoon!" he proclaimed proudly. "So we gotta kiss and make out now. You gotta help me, though, 'cause I'm not too good at kissing!"
And before Sasuke could utter another word of protest, they were drowned out by Naruto's lips crushing against his. Sasuke's eyes fluttered closed then, and his arms instinctively wrapped themselves around the other boy's body. Sasuke felt as though he were floating on the highest cloud in the highest part of heaven. He felt as though he had rid of all annoying people in the world. He felt free. Naruto then wrapped his arms about Sasuke's neck, pulling the Uchiha closer, moaning softly as Sasuke's tongue penetrated his lips and explored the hot caverns of his mouth.
And that's when Neji knocked down the door to walk in on our lovers. Rasuke followed. The two angry boys were both panting.
Neji pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke. "Pant! Pant! Naruto! You are being tricked! That is not Uchiha Rasuke! It is, in fact, the one you have loathed and hated all this time. It is the one, the only, Uchiha Sasuke! Your rival!"
When Naruto pulled away from the kiss, his azure blue eyes blinked confusedly at the boy in front of him. Sasuke looked away, ashamed at the revelation of his dark and sinister secret.
"Sasuke...?" Naruto mouthed, his expression pain-stricken and sad.
Sasuke held onto one of Naruto's arms. "Naruto..." he quietly began. "I..." How could he explain this?
I love you.
Naruto ripped his arm from Sasuke's grip. "Y-you're fuckin' queer! I can't believe I k-kissed you!" He looked at Neji and Rasuke-- whom were also in dresses. He stomped up to Rasuke and kneed him in the crotch. "And you're a dude, too, aren't you? You're all goddamn queers!" He scowled. "Don't you guys feel like you're shaming your family at all?!" Truth be told, Naruto didn't care how queer they all were. He just felt betrayed. "I don't ever want to see you fags again!"
Without another word, he ran away.
I finally wrote some more!! Only this part is really short and pointless and not really funny at all! I'm almost ashamed to put it up, but, eh, oh well. I'm a dynamic writer!! Always changing her styles DYNAMICALLY! DYNAMIC ENTRY!!! YOOOOOO!!!! I haven't really felt like writing this fic anymore TT I might write another humor fic to make up for the loss of happy here.
(1) That had better not make any sense in Japanese. Something along the lines of "Wait a bit, please, is yo!!!"
Warning: This fic has plunged downhill into teh suck. And that's about it.
Okay, so, where had we left off? SasuNaru make-out scene? Of course-- Ha ha... Psyche. If you're ever confused, just pretend it makes sense, are we cool? Sweet. Let's get started.
Chapter Five: Anyone Notice How Gay We Are?
"Yes! That's right! I, Uchiha Rasuke, am, in fact, a survivor of the Uchiha clan! The last survivor after Itachi had slain them all!" The girly dark-haired boy in a wedding dress promptly clawed his fingers into his head while suffering from the overwhelming angst.
Sasuke, with an unconscious Naruto slung over his shoulder, gave Rasuke an inquisitive look. "Fuck no. I'm the sole survivor of the Uchiha clan, not you."
A pause. A girlish scoff from the other boy. You know what a valley girl is? It was like that. Rasuke rolled his eyes. "Uh... News flash! I was saved from the slaughter by something called plot device? And I've suffered from loneliness and poverty ever since!"
"You're princess of an entire village. How can you be lonely and poor?"
"Um--errr-- Yes, but I'm still lonely deep inside!! All the girls are after me, but I am not interested in them!"
"And you're interested in Naruto... why?"
"Yes, 'cause he feels my pain and loneliness and I can tell by the look in his eyes!!"
Neji rolled his eyes at the other's stupidity. "Well, get in line. I want Naruto, too."
Rasuke paused, opening his mouth to say something. Then he pouted as though reconsidering his words. Clear inner turmoil was written on his feminine features. "But he's willingly engaged to me," he finally said, grinning in pride. "And--! We are bound by the accuracy of the Bell of Time Rain!!"
Sasuke gasped in shock! That horribly inaccurate fortune-telling trinket his grandmother had molded out of dry clay? Naruto could've been meant for anyone in the clan if that thing had been used!! Including him...
Including him.
Okay, so, sorting through this, this stupid trinket made by Sasuke's grandmother could choose a mate for anyone within the Uchiha clan. Assuming the candidates had to be alive, that left only three people Naruto could have been meant for.
1. Uchiha Sasuke
2. Uchiha Itachi
3. Uchiha Rasuke
Right off the bat, us readers can tell that Naruto was thrown into this fanfic with the intention of falling in love with Itachi, so I guess we can end this--
Before Rasuke could utter another revelation of his long and angsty past, Sasuke had run off with Naruto's body slung over his shoulder without a word. When Neji realized the Uchiha had left, he decidedly ran after them. Rasuke felt it the opportune moment to show off some of his expert Japanese skills! "Oi! Chotto matte kudasai desu yo!"(1) he shouted, following the other boys to whatever their destination may be.
His spiky black hair billowing dramatically from the wind, Uchiha Sasuke-kun leaped across building after building, despite his obvious lack of super powers, towards his house. A certain blond fox boy was slung over his shoulder as he ran. You see, when Neji had stormed into the wedding hall earlier, Naruto had fainted. But you as the reader cannot question that!! The poor boy can faint whenever he wants!! Sasuke, feeling a sudden urge to fuck the boy while unconscious, grabbed Naruto and intended to carry him back home.
Just. Stick with me. Stuff is happening. Sasuke is on his way back home for sex? Okay.
AND SO! Uchiha Sasuke bolted in through the front door of his notoriously Japanese-styled home, instantly running into a wall and dropping Naruto onto the hardwood floor! Tenderly, Sasuke sat up and rubbed the growing bump on his head before realizing he had dropped Naruto! This was when the blond finally decided to stir. Unfortunately, Naruto was still a little screwed in the head. Go figure.
"Where the fuck am I?" was the first thing that spouted from his mouth (and from those perfectly plump lips). Azure eyes fluttered open to take in the sight of Uchiha Sasuke.
In a dress. With hair down.
Naruto's face lit up. "Are we married?!" he asked with a selfless grin. "This is so awesome! So we're on our honeymoon, right? That means we make out and stuff, right?"
Sasuke grew red as a ... red thing. I don't know... a grape? A piece of red tape? Fire? Yes. Sasuke's face was on fire. "N-No... we--"
"Aww! Don't be shy!" Naruto beamed, leaping onto Sasuke, embracing the boy in a tight hug, nuzzling his face in the others' chest. He didn't even have time to realize the chest was flat. A contented sigh escaped the blond's lips. "I wanna stay like this forever..."
"Sasuke, you bastard! Get out here so I can kick your ass!" It was Neji.
Sasuke growled. "You idiot! Get off!" What was he thinking when he brought Naruto here?! He didn't want Naruto to realize it was actually him in the dress. Did he really think Naruto was going to love him the way he loved him? He should've been slapped for being so stupid. Why couldn't he simply do away with all the false hopes he had harbored for all these years?
Neji began pounding on the doors of Sasuke's house, the paper-thin walls threatening to topple any moment upon the lovely couple. Soon, another pair of fists seemed to be pounding on the doors, and the familiar voice of Rasuke the princess cried out for Sasuke to open the door.
"I'm not done lecturing about my past!!"
"If you lay one hand on my Naruto, I swear, I'll disembowel your bowels!"
"Please! Naruto! Get off!" Sasuke yelled, half-heartedly trying to pry the other boy off him. "Y-you shouldn't be doing this!" Because Naruto was obviously meant for Itachi. Or Rasuke.
Not Neji. Neji was crazy.
But Naruto and Sasuke had been fated as rivals and enemies, bound by an enmity and hatred unable to be broken, and there was nothing Sasuke could do about it!
"Naruto's mine! Get out of there!"
And yet he still loved him so much.
"Don't be bothered by them."
Sasuke suddenly turned to the blond in his lap at the sound of that angel's voice.
Naruto brushed his hand against Sasuke's cheek, a loving smile gracing his lips. "Come on! We're on our honeymoon!" he proclaimed proudly. "So we gotta kiss and make out now. You gotta help me, though, 'cause I'm not too good at kissing!"
And before Sasuke could utter another word of protest, they were drowned out by Naruto's lips crushing against his. Sasuke's eyes fluttered closed then, and his arms instinctively wrapped themselves around the other boy's body. Sasuke felt as though he were floating on the highest cloud in the highest part of heaven. He felt as though he had rid of all annoying people in the world. He felt free. Naruto then wrapped his arms about Sasuke's neck, pulling the Uchiha closer, moaning softly as Sasuke's tongue penetrated his lips and explored the hot caverns of his mouth.
And that's when Neji knocked down the door to walk in on our lovers. Rasuke followed. The two angry boys were both panting.
Neji pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke. "Pant! Pant! Naruto! You are being tricked! That is not Uchiha Rasuke! It is, in fact, the one you have loathed and hated all this time. It is the one, the only, Uchiha Sasuke! Your rival!"
When Naruto pulled away from the kiss, his azure blue eyes blinked confusedly at the boy in front of him. Sasuke looked away, ashamed at the revelation of his dark and sinister secret.
"Sasuke...?" Naruto mouthed, his expression pain-stricken and sad.
Sasuke held onto one of Naruto's arms. "Naruto..." he quietly began. "I..." How could he explain this?
I love you.
Naruto ripped his arm from Sasuke's grip. "Y-you're fuckin' queer! I can't believe I k-kissed you!" He looked at Neji and Rasuke-- whom were also in dresses. He stomped up to Rasuke and kneed him in the crotch. "And you're a dude, too, aren't you? You're all goddamn queers!" He scowled. "Don't you guys feel like you're shaming your family at all?!" Truth be told, Naruto didn't care how queer they all were. He just felt betrayed. "I don't ever want to see you fags again!"
Without another word, he ran away.
I finally wrote some more!! Only this part is really short and pointless and not really funny at all! I'm almost ashamed to put it up, but, eh, oh well. I'm a dynamic writer!! Always changing her styles DYNAMICALLY! DYNAMIC ENTRY!!! YOOOOOO!!!! I haven't really felt like writing this fic anymore TT I might write another humor fic to make up for the loss of happy here.
(1) That had better not make any sense in Japanese. Something along the lines of "Wait a bit, please, is yo!!!"