Betrayed
VII
Summary: "I always wished that I had never done that... never done the one foolish thing that ruined everything..."
Disclaimer: Do you know J.K. Rowling? Well... she owns everything related to Harry Potter. Arigatou.
"Seriously, Potter: I thought you would know better than to turn against me merely because of three empty words," the Evil One sneered contemptuously.
Now turned to him, James just gripped his wand tightly and said nothing. Although outside he looked calm and collected, inside he was shaking. Even now, when he had made his decision, he was still unsure. Ever since the night of the graduation ball, he had been haunted by small, leering voices that kept clawing him with questions.
Do you deserve do live? Should you even be here now...? they would ask him in mocking voices before throwing in their savage taunts. If you can't satisfy a puny mudblood, you aren't worth it! You should just disappear from the world! Can't even keep a girlfriend before she flees into someone else's arms, huh? You. Are. A. Piece. Of. Filth.
No, no, no... NO! he would answer hotly, desperately trying to ignore the insulting demons inside his mind. He couldn't tell how many times he had told himself that they weren't real... or that everything they said was pure crap. But... eventually he had given up. Eventually he had just let those voices dominate his head, insult him day and night... live inside him. And gradually he had begun to believe them. That had been when he had decided that he didn't want to live with Remus and Sirius, no matter how much they had insisted... He had told them that he needed space, and he did: he needed room to think, to recollect himself... and to forget all about her. And then he came.
The Dark Lord had promised him space to think, room to prosper, and more importantly... a way to forget about Lily... and the pain. And in the end, he did have all the space he needed as well as the highest status in Voldemort's rank. But... she had still lingered in his head, day and night; her sweet, sad face had haunted him as the threatening voices continued to slash his fragile mind. And the Evil One had kept promising him that he would forget all about her... he would eventually live in peace without the torments of those invisible monsters lurking in the corners of his head.
Yeah, right, James told himself bitterly as he continued to gaze steadily at his new adversary. I bet he never planned to help me in the first place.
Everything that had happened today was unexpected. First of all, he would've never imagined that Voldemort would be able to capture Lily and bring her to the castle. When the Dark Lord had told him about her arrival, his heart had immediately longed to see her... he had to remind himself that no matter how much she meant to him, she was now the enemy. She always had been. Then, when Voldemort told him that he would be the one to torture the prisoner instead of the Evil One himself, he had been –for the first time in years- truly torn between two sides. He had known that he had pledged undying loyalty to Voldemort and he had meant to keep it that way, but his heart still ached for the girl. And when he had sen her there, standing in the center of a snickering crowd, looking all confused and afraid… it had been much worse. He had to use all his power and will to push his emotions aside and execute what he had been told.
Lily had looked at him in pure amazement at first before her expression became hurt and confused. He knew that he seemed cold and hostile to her, torturing and mocking her like the rest. He often felt as if his feelings and emotions were been eaten away by the savage voices inside his head, and today it seemed as if each known feeling he had experienced was slipping away as he watched her decay. Yet every time he had hurt her, he had hurt himself as well… because no matter how hard he tried, he knew he could never stop loving her.
James also knew that he should've never let her kiss him. It had brought back too many blissful –and unwanted- feelings. The moment her lips had touched his, the high-pitched, screeching voices had come back to life, taunting him unmercifully:
You do realize that everything she does, everything that comes out of her mouth… is a lie…? they had whispered to him, snickering. The kiss doesn't mean anything to her… even if you kill her, her spirit will go to Diggory… not you! She had never loved you… and nobody else ever will! And you think that a small kiss can make things better…? Pathetic.
They had been right… as always. And when she had said that she loved him under the Imperius curse, it had been even worse, because it had felt as if his heart was been crushed all over again. Fortunately, Voldemort had interfered before he could have made any more foolish decisions, and when he had told him to finish Lily off, he had felt an immense surge of emotions: boiling anger at Lily and himself, burning doubt… and fierce determination. He had been so sure that if he killed Lily, the pain and the voices would stop. That was when the feeling of vast emptiness had dominated him… the calm wave of apathy. At the same time, she had started to beg and sob, desperately wanting for him to think about all this and go back to Dumbledore. As if that's possible… he now thought harshly. But during that tense moment, he hadn't cared… he had barely listened at all. However, Lily then told him something that had sparked a familiar flame in his ice cold soul…
She had told him that she loved him.
Again… he remembered, thinking about the memorable day in November. She had seemed so sincere, so earnest… yet a few months later, she had crushed his heart. Although doubtful and confused, he had somehow been waiting for these words, knowing deep inside that this could have been another trap. However, he had been astounded beyond words when she suddenly hugged him, her tears staining his black cloak. Although it had been hard to believe three simple words that had hurt him so much in the past, the soothing warmth he had felt radiating from her had made it all seem more real… more believable. Sooner than he thought, he had to decide where he stood in this world –as Voldemort's top assassin… or as a bleak outcast in Dumbledore's army. He knew clearly where his advantages lay, yet he knew that he could never really live on without Lily… especially after what she told him. And when she encouraged him to follow his heart…
My heart was always yours, he told her silently, gazing at her with an empty expression.
And now, he had made his decision. He knew Voldemort was furious at him despite his unfazed exterior; he would want him dead as soon as possible. However… there was an unusual victorious glint in his blood red eyes… as if he wanted this to happen. No, it couldn't be… he thought before gazing at Lily, whose face was shining like the midsummer's sun. Once again, his heart ached for her, and as he raised his wand to protect her… he knew that his fate was already sealed.
----- ----- -----
Yes, everything was going according to plan. The boy had now turned against him, and although he somewhat knew this was going to happen, he couldn't help feel anger and disgust towards the poor, ever-believing child. He had thought that after everything he had gone through, James –no, it was Potter now- would've known not to fall for such a simple trap... but even the Dark Lord had to make minor mistakes sometimes, he guessed. Potter was a low, lovesick wizard who was –and always would be- tied down because of Evans. Love was a strange thing, he concluded –dragging even the strongest and most determined wizards to their sad, cruel fates. The Evil One had put some faith into the boy during the beginning, hoping to mold him into the perfect, uncaring warrior. It had started well, his plan –the heartbroken child had proven to be a useful tool, especially since he had also been one of the top aurors of the Ministry. Not only that, Potter had a way of killing that could match his own; not even a slight trace of regret or doubt had flickered in his eyes as he cruelly performed the Avada Kedavra curse and killed hundreds.
However, when he saw from his charmed mirror the way the boy reacted when he saw the girl, he knew that he would lose him. Any ordinary muggle or wizard wouldn't have caught anything from the way Potter looked and spoke with Evans, but nothing could be hidden from Lord Voldemort. Even the slighest movement could've given somebody away... and this time, the Evil One had spotted it.
Now, as he stood sneering at the smaller figure who was once one of his best Death Eaters, he couldn't help admit that things wouldn't go as smoothly without Potter by his side... but he'd manage. It was very easy to commit a murder, and it was even easier to manipulate people. That was how Voldemort himself had changed from a small, meek boy to the feared sorcerer he was known as today.
The Dark Lord knew how this would end... and it wasn't going to end pretty, that was sure. He remembered the conversation he and Potter had merely a few days ago...
----- ----- -----
"My Lord," James quietly said, bowing down slightly. "I have requested to see you."
"Come in, James," Voldemort beckoned him to come to his private chamber, his tone almost bored. "What do you want?"
James slowly made his way towards the Dark Lord, his stride confident and his face expressionless. Once he was face-to-face with Voldemort, he started to speak:
"You remember the promise you gave to me a year ago... yet you have not fulfilled it. I came here to ask why."
A small grin appeared on the Evil One's visage.
"You dare to question me?" he mocked almost amiably. "James, you and I both know that only few Death Eaters are brave enough to throw me inquiries, and even fewer ever get their answers in a wanted way. But you still come to me and ask... why?"
James, however, just merely ignored the simple question and stated briskly:
"You know what I want."
Although James was the only Death Eater who dared defy him, it was worth it; his service was too valuable to be disposed of merely because of his disrespectful attitude. Voldemort sighed deeply, eyeing James curiously.
"Yes, I know perfectly what you want... and I'm very sorry to say that it is now unobtainable. However, you have my word, James, that I will help you, and you can trust Lord Voldemort's word."
The Death Eater kept his stoical face, yet the Dark Lord could sense the doubt James felt. He pointed his pale finger towards his mirror and lightly asked:
"James, what do you see in the mirror?"
Only slighty fazed, James turned and inspected the mirror, only to see his reflected face bordered with the mirror's many jewels and precious stones. However, at the snap of Voldemort's finger, the visage distorted itself until the image displayed a girl in the arms of another man. The man's features were shadowed, but they could easily see the girl's gleaming red hair and sparkling emerald eyes as she kissed her lover. The Dark Lord's lips twisted into a cruel smile as he saw James' face darkened, his teeth clenched.
"You would like to get rid of the pain, wouldn't you...?" the Evil One hissed, still smiling.
"Yes."
"You would like to get rid of her haunting face, wouldn't you...?"
"Yes."
"To stop loving her, to stop caring for her... to forget...?"
"Yes."
"Well, James..." he turned around, his back now to his Death Eater. "In time, I guarantee you that the pain will cease and she will stop haunting you. But this won't happen today... maybe it won't happen for a long time. But it will happen... trust me. I hope this answers your question..." he drawled, clearly knowing that it did not, "... now go."
James said nothing; instead, he just bowed like before before swiftly leaving.
----- ----- -----
Well, Potter... Voldemort pondered gleefully while eyeing his former servant, whether you like it or not, your wish shall be granted.
A/N: Yes, I know... This chapter is finally done! YAY! I'm sorry that it's been two weeks since the last chapter was posted- as I said before, I'm very, very busy these days... and I know how you guys were really anticipating this chapter . Well, here it is, folks, and I hope y'all like it!
Yes, I know that this chapter isn't so good. Maybe I should have made the thoughts longer and more complex, but if I did so, you would've had to wait longer... But it's okay, right?I mean, I know it's not the best chapter you've ever read, and it's kind of too short and... and... (shuts up as readers start looking very menacingly at the author)
ANYWAY, here's the best reviewer of the (last) chapter! the traditional drum roll... who will it be, who will it be?... drum roll continue despite the readers' extreme desire for the sound to stop... it is...
Stop Buggin' Me, xbluebellex!
(glares at the lucky winner)... Yes, despite her rather annoying tactic to show her appreciation for the story (notes to FF authors: you do NOT want to get to know her), she, in my opinion, deserves the award. (nods wisely and doesn't even bother to make people clap until x blue belle x starts glaring daggers at author) So x blue belle x, what kind of transfiguration potion do you want? You got it right, readers (and hopefully reviewers): I have new prizes –transfiguration potions so that you can turn into the animal of your dreams! OK, OK, I know this wasn't at all in the books, but it is kind of wanted, isn't it? But if you think I should go back to plushies, tell me...k? And once again, I would also like to thank:
mystic fire demon, Living In A Nightmare, shadowphoniexstar (yes, you would really love cliffies if you write your own stories ), James's girl (first, I'm a female (feigns death glare). Second, yeah... it is kind of predictable ... and third, aw... thanks for thinking I'm good and I WILL watch the third movie), Amandinka (okay, maybe James did choose the 'light side' too easily, but that's only because of his undeniable, unbreakable love for Lily... that I cannot describe too well because I'm REALLY not the mushy writer), Fire of the night, crazy4padfoot, Thiru, Tomecia, Crazed T.V. Girl18, mandyzcool, Jommov (you probably guessed right), Miranda, nixie pixie, and naturegoddess09 (thanks... now if only you could continue reading the story...).
Danke everybody for your meaningful reviews! And I noticed this time that many people absolutely hated my last cliffhanger... some even called me evil! Well, you're not that far off... muahahahaha. Also, although this chapter really isn't the best, I wonder if reviews can reach 100 before the next chapter get posted... Hey! Do you think it's possible? Maybe I should make it a challenge...
Try to convince other people to read and review my fanfic, and let's see if it's actually possible! (smiles encouragely while readers roll their eyes and shake their heads, seeing right through the author)
And good news here, too: I guarantee you guys that the next chapter will be posted next week... no later! So no need to fear, no need to worry: the next chapter (which will be a LOT better) will be there before you know it! Well... ciao!