Betrayed
X
Summary: Sometimes, the consequences of a betrayal are your worst nightmares.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling obviously owns everything that is related to Harry Potter. Do you think I'm Joanne...?
James had died on that day.
No, she told herself, brushing the tears away. He had not truly died, but the most important part of him had faded away when he sacrificed himself for her. She let the tears fall freely as she remembered that terrible day that seemed to come from another lifetime.
Remus and Sirius had thought they were lucky that James had even survived the huge impact, let alone come back from the hospital almost unscathed with only a trivial, healing wound. But they were wrong: hadn't they seen James' cold, empty –soulless- eyes back then? How his eyes had lost its special twinkle and how his voice had sounded dull and flat...? How had they missed all that..! It had been even worse than how he had acted when she had been captured by Voldemort, because she had known that there was some emotion hidden beneath those wintry eyes. Yet this time... behind the cold... there had been nothing. Absolutely nothing. She distinctly recalled that momentous day, the pictures as vivid as if all this just had just happened the day before:
Right after James lost consciousness, Remus had come to her with a scarred Sirius by his side. Although Lily was incredibly surprised by the other marauder's sudden presence, she had had no time to question on that: all she had thought about then was James' endangered life. Immediately, she had begged both of them for somebody to find a near hospital so they could get James there. The Animagus and the werewolf hadn't had much hope on James surviving, but finally they had been convinced and it had been decided that Lily would get out of the forest and find a hospital. It had been just a lucky coincidence that there had been a small hospital right outside Shadowmont Forest, but all three of them had been entirely grateful to whoever had had the insane idea to build a hospital near an almost deserted area.
Immediately after the girl had alerted them about the nearby hospital, Remus and Sirius had carried James all the way to it, although they had been both extremely wary and bruised. When they had insisted on doing that, Lily had felt a great surge of warmth wash upon her, realizing that Remus and Sirius probably cared about James as much as she did. The nurses and doctors had welcomed them with open arms, and soon James had been taken into the emergency room. A few hours had come and gone before the injured former Death Eater had come back from the operation, with the surgeon concluding sadly that James wouldn't have had a very good chance of surviving. She had burst into tears then, right in front of everybody, when he had stated this fact. She couldn't have stopped herself; the sheer thought of a life without James had terrified her –and still did now.
After a lot of comforting, Lily had finally calmed down, and James had been put into his own, small room. Sirius, Remus, and she had stayed by his side for almost six hours, waiting and hoping that he would open his eyes and tell them he was all right. After those hours had passed, the doctor had come and told them that they should stop hoping, pointing at the monitor that had showed James' slow pulse that the patient would probably die any minute. Yet James had proved all the well-learned doctors in the world wrong: a few minutes after the doctor had made that comment, he had showed signs of life, slightly twitching and his eyes occasionally fluttering. And an hour later, he had opened his eyes, staring at his two grateful best friends, the amazed doctor... and her.
But when she had gazed happily into his eyes, her heart had skipped a beat as she had realized in terror that those eyes –those frighteningly empty and lifeless eyes- were not James'... because there had been no soul behind them. And that had been when she had known that -no matter how delighted and amazed the doctors and the nurses all around the hospital had been; no matter how absurd it sounded- James had been dead all along.
And she had excused herself and cried hysterically in the washroom.
----- ----- -----
When James had opened his eyes, Remus had mentally caught his breath. Yes! he had told himself. Prongs –his best mate, his lifelong friend- was alive! He had wanted to leap with joy and hug his friend in relief and gratitude. But when Remus had met his fellow marauder's gaze, he had done a double take: this hadn't been the James who always fought with the authorities... this hadn't been the James who always commented on his strictness and his disability to 'chill out'... no, this hadn't been the James he knew at all. Instead, he had been staring at an empty shell that had been formerly his best friend.
No, he had tried to convince himself. Remus, you are jumping to conclusions. Maybe everybody's eyes looked as empty as this when they were so close to death. He had bit his lip and hoped that he had been wrong, which had been the first time he had so desperately wanted not to be right. Sadly, when he had tried talking to James, he had known that he hadn't been wrong: James had gone. It hadn't been as if his mate hadn't answered; it hadn't been as if his friend had glared at him and made it evident that he hadn't wanted Remus by his side. No... it had been the realization that although the soulless creature did talk and sometimes laugh, the familiar traits that had made James so extraordinary, so unique, were... gone.
No, I refuse to believe it, Remus had thought firmly. James is just... out of it for now. He would transform back to his normal, hyper self; he would become once again his best mate. He would... eventually.
----- ----- -----
Prongs... Prongs! Where are you...? His eyes had been shouting these questions as he had gazed at his injured friend. Although Sirius hadn't been able to know exactly what had been wrong with James, the moment his best mate had opened his eyes... he had known –by his instincts- that something... something was missing. But how can that be...? he had thought then, desperately trying to come up with an explanation. How could James have so abruptly changed after the incident? Was it even possible...? However, after gazing at and talking with his fellow marauder, he had definitely known that something was wrong. Yet... Sirius hadn't been able to pinpoint what was wrong.
Yes, he had realized that James hadn't had the laughter in his voice when he had spoken to Sirius. Yes, he had known that James had been somewhat slow and his voice was flat. However, if that was all... he shouldn't' have been that worried, right? After all, James had only narrowly escaped death... wouldn't it be natural if he had been somewhat lethargic...? Yes, it is, Sirius had pondered, even slightly scolding himself for even thinking otherwise. Prongs will snap out of it soon enough.
Yet Padfoot hadn't gazed into the windows of James' nonexistent soul.
----- ----- -----
After the horrid realization, she hadn't seen the point of going along with the engagement. After all, she had thought bitterly as tears had once again threatened to flow, she wouldn't marry the James she knew... because he was gone. Yet she had known that she had had to keep her promise: her promise that she did love him... the unsaid promise that she would marry him. Maybe this is a punishment, she had pondered after a while, maybe this is what I deserve after crushing him so cruelly, with no thought that maybe I still did love him. And with that thought in her mind, Lily had been more determined than ever to proceed with the engagement.
Breaking the news to Amos hadn't been hard at all after she had experienced the past, heartbreaking event. True, he had stared at her in utter surprise, disbelief, and horror when she had told him that not only had she refused his proposal, but she had been already engaged... with her ex. It had taken some time until she had made him digest all this new, sudden information, and when he had finally comprehended, they had had an atrocious row. Amos had kept ranting on and on about her betraying him, lying to him about how much she had loved him. However, Lily had only listened vaguely, because she had known that compared to the betrayal James had experienced, this was truly nothing. And when she had moved from Amos' apartment, he had almost literally thrown all her possessions out of the window. Not that she had really cared.
Lily had never told anybody about what had happened when she had been captured. She had known that there hadn't been any point to doing so; James shouldn't have been blamed for the actions he had done in the castle, and even if he had been to blame, he wouldn't have been there to listen anyway. Sirius and Remus thankfully hadn't questioned her further when she had told them that she hadn't felt like going into details, merely telling them that she had found James also captured in the castle and they had both managed to escape. And in a way, this had been the truth. Remus had also never known that he had been responsible for giving James that deep and possibly fatal gash.
Lily had just explained to both him and Sirius that she hadn't quite remembered what had happened because of the sudden speed of the occurrence. Once again, because they had sensed her grief and her desire to stop going on, they hadn't pestered her any further, although sometimes Lily would've wondered why they had been so compassionate to just receive only half of the explanation. The reason she hadn't wanted Remus to find out had been because she hadn't wanted him to blame himself for James' near death, for it truly hadn't been his fault: after all, he had had absolutely no control when he had transformed in a werewolf.
Somehow she had also known that even if Remus hadn't given the wound to him, Fate would've found another way to kill him. It had been a dumb assumption, considering the odds, but deep inside, Lily had known that this would've probably been true. And she had also known that it had been because of her that James had died, although this belief was even more farfetched than the last. Yet... to her, it was a hard fact.
It truly seemed as if nobody else had noticed James' abrupt transformation. When she had announced the plan to her parents, they had been completely enthusiastic, claiming that they had always thought that James would have been perfect for her. Soon after that, they had invited James over for dinner, and they all had a merry conversation while eating a lavish dinner. However, every time she had gazed at James during that night, he had seemed... so empty, even though he had contributed well to the conversation and had even laughed slightly. And sometimes, Lily had wished to scream at her parents, telling them about the accident and how James had changed for the worst. However, she had just kept her mouth shut, knowing that the accident would've just frightened her parents and that they wouldn't have believed about James' change. And when James had returned to his apartment, she had immediately excused herself to sob in her washroom.
It seemed that she had done a lot of crying these days. When she had realized that James' parents had been murdered by Voldemort's Death Eaters shortly after James' and her escape from his castle, she had consoled him –although she had known that there had been no point- and cried on his shoulder. And sometimes, she had burst into tears so unexpectedly that her environment had become concerned. Yet she had just waved them off, telling those who knew about the event that she had been crying in relief that James was alive, and those who didn't that she had been crying in happiness because of her future wedding. However, she had been truly crying to weep for James' unknown death, and every time she had seen his soulless eyes, she had felt like sobbing.
Sometimes James would've come alive again, showing signs of his past, relaxed nature. One time he would tease her about her 'huge alien green eyes' at the most unexpected times, and another time he would suddenly crack one of his unique jokes or smile his signature feared grin –the grin that had warned many teachers in the past that he had been plotting something. However, this had happened so rarely, and Lily had always yearned for the next time she would see –even for a short second- the old James she loved so much. Maybe, she had sometimes hoped, that James isn't dead. Maybe... she had begged constantly to the gods above, that he's still there somewhere, deep inside the emptiness in his eyes.
One of the longest times James had stayed with her had been during their wedding. Lily had looked absolutely stunning in her simple, yet beautiful snow white wedding dress made from the softest cotton and the finest silk: the dress had dragged down only slightly compared to the other huge, bulky ones that were often seen in fancy weddings, the sleeves had been semi-transparent, showing her clear, light skin, and the dress itself had shown her slender figure. James had looked extremely handsome with his tuxedo and his jet-black untamed hair. Everyone had commented on how they had looked totally adorable together, and Sirius had teased them about how they had appeared exactly like the two small figures on top of a wedding cake.
"Will you, James Adrian Potter, take Lily Cecilia Evans as your lawful wife?" the priest had finally asked James after going on and on about the importance of marriage.
"Yes," he had answered, and Lily's heart had broken as she had realized that it had still been the empty shell replying.
"Will you, Lily Cecilia Evans, take James Adrian Potter as your lawful husband?" the priest had then turned to her, almost repeating the question in a dull voice.
"Yes," she had replied steadily, trying not to let her immense sadness show.
"I now pronounce you man and wife!" the priest had declared in a mighty voice. "You may now kiss the bride."
And then it had happened: James' hazel eyes had once again twinkled as he had leaned down to her, grinning and whispering tenderly:
"I love you, Lils."
"James...?" she had gasped, unable to believe it.
He had merely cut her sentence short by sealing her lips with a fierce and passionate kiss, and once again, Lily had prayed to the Heaven above that he would stay this way, becoming the old, laughing James again. Sadly, when he had withdrawn, James had disappeared to be replaced by nothing but empty eyes... as always. Lily's heart had felt as if it had been shattered to innumerable pieces, and the only thing she had wanted to do then had been to lock herself into an empty room to cry and cherish the vivid memory.
However, as the newly wed bride, she had known that she had had an important duty to execute. So instead of letting her extreme emotions show, Lily had pasted a gracious smile on her face as she had gone around, talking to the guests and pretending to spread around a non-existing sense of happiness.
Soon, as she had wanted, Lily had given birth to their first baby, and as they had planned, he had been named Harry. Both mother and father had tended the baby with care, and as months had gone by, Lily had noticed that James had often become himself again around his son. He would sometimes lift Harry high in the sky, gazing at him with love and tenderness before hugging his baby fiercely and caressing the messy jet-black hair that was so much like his own. However, James had still been as distant as before with Lily, yet she had not really cared because as long as he had contributed enough to Harry, she would forget her infinite sadness... knowing that only Harry truly mattered. And as more months had come and gone, she had soon held on to the hope that maybe James would come back gradually, because it had seemed as if he had become more and more happy and carefree around Harry.
Soon, Lily had begun to smile like she had used to before the drastic event. Her hope had grown as she had held on to Harry, the closest thing that had reminded of her of the past James. Something inside had assured her that her son would grow into a smart, extraordinary, and brilliant boy who would bring good changes to the future. And she could have barely waited until she herself would witness those bright events. Unfortunately, this was not to be.
----- ----- -----
It happened on a Halloween night. Lily was sitting comfortably on an armchair, reading a fairytale to Harry in a soft voice. His eyes were half-closed as he listened to his mother, and gazing tenderly at her son, Lily could feel her heart swell with love. She didn't realize that for once since the awful event, she had completely forgotten about her deep sorrow.
Harry had just fallen asleep on her lap when all of a sudden, James burst into the room, his eyes alight with fear and panic.
"Lily!" he called her, piercing his eyes into hers. "Take Harry and go!"
"What...?" she immediately stood up, immediately realizing that James had come back again and wondering what he was talking about.
"It's Him!" he gasped, his eyes pleading for her to run. She gasped and hurriedly picked up Harry as he continued, "Go! Run! I'll hold him off-..."
Lily didn't hear the rest of it as she dashed off upstairs, hoping not to wake her sleeping son who was now ignorant about the grave danger around him. Please God, she prayed, gently putting Harry into his cradle. Please don't let Him get us... please don't let him get Harry Tears started flowing and she started to sob while also gently rocking her son's cradle. I know I did many horribly wrong things in my life, but please- for James' and my sake... please protect Harry!
And unexpectedly, she heard a door burst open and a cackle of high-pitched laughter.
"So Potter, I see that you've decided to marry Evans, haven't you?" Voldemort leered, cackling maliciously. "Well, good for you... too bad you won't live long to enjoy it."
"Get out," James hissed dangerously, pointing his wand at his enemy.
"My, my... you surely don't have any manners, do you?" the Evil One pretended to look at James wearily.
The brave Gryffindor merely stood unfazed, still in a battle position. The Dark Lord simply smirked before drawling:
"And how does it feel... to have your wish come... true?"
For a moment, James stared at Voldemort with a surprised expression before he scowled and calmly warned:
"Don't come near my family."
"I'm sorry, Potter, but I don't have a choice."
James knew that there was no use continuing their useless conversation, so instead, he raised his wand and bellowed:
"Expelliarmus!"
However, Voldemort quickly dodged the spell with a defense charm. Shaking his head in feigned disappointment, the Evil One sighed and said:
"And I thought that you knew the extent of my power." Suddenly, his voice grew serious as he snarled contemptuously, "Potter, you should've never changed sides. Why did you when you knew that it would come to this...! You are a fool, and you always had been."
James just ignored the insults, gazing impassively at his adversary. He was trying to give as much time as possible to Lily and Harry; his life no longer mattered because he knew that he was doomed.
"Yes, you are doomed," Voldemort leered, clearly reading his thoughts. "And you could've always avoided it. Good-bye, Potter."
And with that, the Dark Lord raised his wand and roared:
"Avada Kedavra!"
Before the Unforgivable hit him, a torrent of thoughts swirled in James' mind. He hadn't really tried to battle Voldemort because he knew that there was no point: he would lose in the end. But he had tried to buy as much time as possible, desperately attempting to save the only thing that mattered to him now. Lily had already faded away, beyond reach... and he knew that it was also too late for her.
I'm sorry, Lils... for that wish.
However, he still wanted to give a chance –even if it was a tiny one- to Harry. His son had a chance to live, to have friends, to have fun... to fall in love. And before James fell to the ground dead, he thought...
Harry, go find your special somebody. And don't make the same mistakes... I did.
...: Owari :...
A/N: I had worked on this story for more than two months, and I'm finally done with it... go me! (supreme victory dance) Ahem... I know that this fanfic (compared to most) is very short, but remember: it was supposed to be originally four chapters... and how many chapters are there now? Ten. So technically, this story is much longer than I thought it would be, which is good... right? And just for the rare people who would want to know, if there had been four chapters, the first chapter would be... just the first chapter, the second chapter would be chapter two and three combined, the third chapter would be chapter four to nine, and the final chapter –the epilogue- would be... this chapter. I'm glad now that I had decided to break it up .
This is the first serious fanfic I had ever managed to finish: once again, I'm so proud of myself! And I never expected to have so many reviews, and I'm so grateful for those who took their time to do so! You guys are the best! And I guess I only expected few reviews because... like I said before, this fanfic was intended to be quite short... I –for the first time- passed the 100 mark! WAHOO!
Next case: although this chapter isn't so bad, I wished that I could've done better... I'm seriously not so good at doing chapters with barely any dialogue. I really need to work on that skill, so please, if you have good criticism (cough Urei-sama cough), please include it in your reviews! Arigatou. Do you guys think the end is okay? I knew I had a better ending somewhere in my mind, but it got lost in the traffic... But I think that this ending is fair, too... but if you have a better suggestion for the ending (I mean the last sentence that James thinks before he's dead), please tell me and I'll consider it . And I also hope I portrayed Lily's thoughts and emotions well, too!
The epilogue may be confusing for some, and you may think that it isn't so good. Yet there is a puzzle to put together here that'll really clarify and make this story seem much better, and I think it's quite easy to figure it out: if you still don't know, think of a wish and the effect of a chain reaction. I hope you get it, and if you don't, you can always review and drop your e-mail address so I can send you a message that'll completely spell it out for you .
I am so happy: this story is finally done! readers roll eyes because of the author's constant repetition I didn't get so many reviews for the last chapter, but no biggie . Anyways, the best (and last) reviewer of the (last) chapter is... drum roll...
Thanks for all your reviews, crazy4padfoot!
It was hard to choose the winner this time, though... but crazy4padfoot; you have the plushy/transfiguration potion because you commented on the actions of the characters, which is another style of criticism that I never got before. Because of that, you're the winner! claps Once again, gracias for your reviews... like I said so many times before, they helped immensely!
And I would also like to thank:
Miranda, sirius' lover xxTxx, Tanydwr, HP-RFG-DM-HG (maybe you are hanging out with Paige too much :P... and thanks!), Charmed-103, James's girl (thanks for your great review and your brief –and somewhat confusing- lesson on Filipino... I'll come to you the next time I travel to the Philippines ), Urei-Sama (I'll just let you have the plushy... angst lover, aren't you? I hope you liked this chapter), Living In A Nightmare (I'm an evil, evil person...), x bluebelle x (yes, if the last chapter was the ending, it would be terrible. And I know that you think that my story is way too short, so I hope you really liked this chapter... and if you really want me to make this story longer, come back to bug me two year later!), and naturegoddess09 (I'm glad that you're continuing to read the story, and I hope you finish it by the end of this summer! And try to add more to your reviews please).
Now, since this is the last chapter, there are some people I really want to thank:
Living In A Nightmare: You have supported me since the dawn of time (or of this story)! Thanks for all your devoted reviews, I'm evil, and I hope you're enjoying Sirius' motorcycle!
xbluebellex: I don't know why I should especially thank you... )dodges as a banana is thrown)... Okay, okay: although you pestered me to no end, I guess you irritating me did encourage me to write this story... so arigatou!
Urei-Sama: Thanks so much for your criticism! I now know the finer points I need to improve on to make my story better! I hope you'll find time to read and review my other stories, too! Remember, my story is now updated, in case you're wondering!
James's girl: I thank you greatly for your unique reviews and your short lesson on Filipino. Kamusta?
Lorelei6: I loved all your three long and detailed reviews! They were really fun to read and I hope I'll hear from you soon!
crazy4padfoot: The three things you told me really boosted up my self-esteem so mucho gracias!
I hope you won't be offended if you weren't mentioned. I have too many reviews to thank all of you, but I just want to know that you all made me feel so special... sothank-you to the unmentioned reviewers!
Also, I just posted another Harry Potter fanfic: this time it's a one-shot and it's called The Last Marauder. If you have time, I would greatly appreciate if you read and reviewed it. And Urei-Sama: you definitely should read it, because... you read the story and you'll know. Although this fanfic is mostly about tragedy and angst, it does have a light ending, so I encourage you to check it out!
For now, this story is done. I have put a lot of effort in this story, and in the end, it had all been worth it. I know that I have a lot of things to improve on: after all, I'm still an amateur writer. But I'm glad that my one finished fanfic had been a hit, and I hope there will be many other hits for me to come. Once again, thank-you for all those who encouraged me and I hope I'll hear from you again for my other –and hopefully better- stories. Until next time. If there will beone...
... Y . Sunshine ...