CHAPTER TWO:
I think I'm hung over.
That's not hard to imagine considering how much alcohol I've ingested over the last few weeks. I'm a bartender sure but lately the only bar I've been visiting is the one at the front of the Tidal Wave.
The one where the drinks keep coming long after the point when someone should have stopped me. No one cares there; not their business.
It's the perfect place to lose yourself in.
But that was yesterday.
Today I'm somewhere else.
I look up at the ceiling of the room I'm in and sigh. Every part of me aches and that includes the internal stuff. You know, the emotional crap.
I really don't want to go there.
Just plain opens too many doors that I'm not ready to look through.
I wonder if I'll ever be ready.
"Hey," he says, moving to sit next to me. I move away but he catches my arm. "A little late for that isn't it?"
I groan and drop my head into my hands. Wasn't quite sure what happened last night after the bar but the smug look on his face spells it out. Not like I'm shocked or anything.
Hey, this is bender.
Welcome to my life.
"Mick," I grumble. "Get the fuck away from me."
He laughs and I want to punch him. I even plot out my movement in my head but I'm stopped by the fact that I can't even add up two and two at this moment. Yeah, I'm that cotton-balled.
I feel him slide an arm around my waist and then he leans close to kiss me. I turn my face and end up getting his wet lips against my cheek. He makes a noise that tells me he's not amused with me.
Imagine me caring.
He got his.
Now he needs to leave me the hell alone.
He stands up abruptly and I feel the bed I'm sitting on jump up a few inches. Mick's not a big guy but he sits heavily. He drops everything. Talk about bad posture.
"We have work to do," he says, his tone hard. He's really ticked at me.
He'll get over it.
After all, he has me exactly where he wants me.
My eyes flitter over to the envelope on the dresser. A few of the pictures are leaking out of it. My instinct is to rip them to shreds but I'm not that much of an idiot; Mick had copies.
So this is my life then.
My options are simple; I can work with him and fall deeper into this hell that I'm in. I can become exactly what he says I am. What I know I am. I can break my promise to Barbara to not make her have to come after me.
Or I can go to prison for the rest of my life.
I can be knocked to the ground, shackled behind my back and wrapped into a white straightjacket. I can be thrown into a cell and left to rot.
My choice of hell I guess.
I want to be brave and courageous. I want to be a good person. I want to earn back some of the respect that I've lost from her.
Barbara that is.
I walked away because I knew how she'd look at me.
I knew what she'd think of me.
I'm a monster.
If I was anyone else, she'd have already handed me over to the police and shut the door. The only reason she hasn't now is because she feels responsible for me. She's probably blaming herself.
"Helena," he says, his face suddenly directly in front of mine."Get showered. We have work to do."
I grunt in response but rise to my feet nonetheless. A shower actually sounds nice. If for no other reason than to get his smell off of me.
His smell and the odor of alcohol.
These last three weeks have all been a blur. I'm not sure I exactly remember where I've been and what I've done.
Only sometimes I do.
Five nights ago I watched Dinah fighting a few goons in an alley. There were four of them, all of them big burly guys with too many tats. She was handling them just fine but she didn't see the moron with the pipe coming up from behind her.
I think he would have killed her.
He pulled his arm back as far as he could, like he was Goddamn Barry Bonds and he got ready to swing.
I got him first.
I lifted him high up in the air and dropped him in front of me, way up above the city. The dumb idiot shrieked like a little girl when he saw me coming at him. That's not the reaction I usually get but he must have known he was about to get hurt.
And hurt badly.
I beat him until he dropped like a rock. Until he begged me to stop.
Yeah that's me right now.
Out of control and losing more by the day.
I don't know what happened to that guy but he was alive when I left him. I don't know if he climbed off that roof of his own or if he's still there. I'm a little afraid to go back and look.
I step into the shower and turn on the water. The hot liquid splashes against my skin, burning into my flesh. I hiss in pain but I don't move away. I start to rub at my body, trying to get all the filth off.
Real or imagined.
I look down at my body and my eyes fall across the inch long wound on my side. It's more a redish welt than an open wound now. It's healing. It'll probably scar.
Good.
My shoulder aches as I move it in a tight circle. This one is more problematic. The bullet hit the bone hard and I probably should have worn the sling but I guess I really haven't been all about taking care of myself.
My shower ends too quickly. I could have drawn it out longer but the water had begun to cool and that brought me back to reality.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to get out of this mess.
I suppose I could crawl on my hands and knees back to Barbara and beg for her to help me.
I know well enough to know that she'd do it in a minute. She'll always try to protect me. Even against common sense.
Even when she hates me.
It's just her way.
But what would that do to her?
See this is how it works; Mick releases the pictures clearly showing me to be involved in killing a bunch of officers. Barbara hides me but the cops know full well that she's doing it so they never leave her alone. Not for a moment. Her life becomes a nightmare.
And all that good she does gets washed away because she's under a magnifying glass thanks to me.
I can't do that.
I start to pull clothes on. All black. Leather pants.
Great.
Not that I don't like leather but in the mood I'm in, I'm not much for playing these games with Mick. Not to mention that I'm really freaked out by the fact that these are my clothes which means he's been in my apartment.
The walls are closing in on me.
Either way I'm trapped.
Either way I destroy both Barbara and myself.
So I guess the only option I have is to let Mick take me down this path. Eventually it'll end. Eventually we'll both be stopped.
Hopefully by then it won't matter.
And maybe she'll hate me so much by then that it'll actually be easy.
Yeah, that would be good.
That would be good.
She folded her hands together under her chin and gazed out at the cool brisk morning. The day was overcast but she could still see hints of the sun peaking out under the grayish clouds. Just the same, it was likely to come down again by nightfall.
"Barbara?" Dinah asked, slipping around behind her mentor. She placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "You've been out here all night."
"I have a blanket," Barbara replied, with more than a hint of amusement.
"So totally not the point," Dinah laughed. "If I'd done this I'd be getting myself settled in for the mother of all smackdowns."
Barbara shook her head. "Sometimes you sound so much like her."
"Barbara, she's alive still. She's going through something but we're going to get her back," Dinah assured her. Then she paused thoughtfully. "You've been sitting out here all night thinking about her?"
"Yeah," Barbara sighed. "I talked to Reese last night. He tried to talk to her but she pretty much blew him off. He said she was plastered."
"Did you expect otherwise?"
Barbara shook her head. "No. I know Helena. What she's doing, it's so her. It's so damn her." She slammed her hand hard against the armrest of her chair and Dinah jumped a bit in reaction. "She never thinks. She never remembers that she has people who love her and want to help her."
"She knows," Dinah replied quietly. "Isn't that part of why she left? Because she was afraid of letting you down?"
"Something like that."
"No, not something like that. That."
"Okay fine. Fine. But you know what, we could have worked through this. We could have made her understand."
Dinah kneeled down next to Barbara and clasped her hands. "You don't believe that. You told me once that nobody convinces Helena Kyle of anything until she's ready to be convinced. You said it yourself, she thinks she's a monster. Until she believes otherwise, we'll be hitting our heads against the wall. Collectively."
Barbara narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "Dinah, while I'm thankful for what you're saying, I don't quite buy it from you." She paused. "Alfred then?"
Dinah grinned. "Yeah. Caught." She shook her head, her blonde hair flying out. Drops of water trickled down from a recently taken shower. "Couldn't sleep last night. He was still around." She wrinkled her nose. "How is that he didn't bring you inside?"
Barbara laughed. "Oh I dodged him like crazy."
"There's a mental image," Dinah giggled.
"Indeed," Alfred said from the doorway. He was looking down at the two of them with one of his patented stern glares. "You should know better Miss Barbara."
"I should," she admitted. "But how much fun would that be?"
"Heavens no," he drolled "We simply can't have you not staying outdoors in sub zero weather. Pneumonia? What is that?"
"Ooh, he's good," Dinah laughed.
"Don't encourage him," Barbara chuckled. She held up her hands to indicate that she was giving in. "Fine, okay. Fine fine. We'll go inside."
"A bit late now," Alfred replied, still watching her with that same disapproving gaze. It was clear that he'd be holding this one over her for awhile. He sighed. "Just the same, breakfast is ready."
Barbara turned her chair back towards the door and wheeled herself in. The warmth of the Clocktower hit her like pie to the face. She inhaled sharply as the sudden temperature change made her shiver.
"Hey, I didn't tell you," Dinah started. "I did some research on this Zeus guy of yours."
"Oh?" Barbara queried, eyebrow lifted. "You mean on Delphi?"
"Not exactly," Dinah replied. "Did I ever tell you that Gaby's father used to write for the Gotham newspaper?"
"What's his name again?" Barbara asked as she accepted a plate from Alfred. He followed it up with a glass of orange juice and a mug of coffee.
"Bryan Kirk."
Barbara thumped herself in the head. "Right, right. He was one of the street reporters. He did a lot of coverage on the Table."
"Yep," Dinah said. "Apparently a lot of his stories got shelved. Anyways, he's out of town so..."
"You went through his personal files?" Barbara finished, throwing the girl her best mother look.
Dinah snorted. "Doesn't work coming from you oh great Oracle."
She sighed dramatically. "Had to try." She took a sip from her mug and then looked back up at the blonde. "Well alright then, what did you find?"
"Word is that this Zeus guy just relocated. He never stopped," Dinah said as she turned away from her mentor. She bent down over a bag and pulled out several print-outs. "One of his articles."
Barbara took the offered pages and began to thumb threw them. She stopped when she got to one that had a headline that read: Zeus May Not Be Completely Gone.
"Huh," she muttered. "Son of a bitch."
Dinah could barely keep her jaw off the table. "Oh my God. Did you...did you just say that?"
Barbara snorted indelicately. "I did. Don't look so shocked."
"Sorry," Dinah said, holding up her hands. "Okay, so what does all of this mean?"
"Batman figured that he had chased Zeus out of town but it looks like he was always going to relocate. Too many of the families were falling apart during that time. We were just lucky."
"Now he's back," Dinah noted, munching on a piece of buttered toast.
"Yeah but why?" Barbara muttered, more to herself than to anyone else. "It can't be just to import Topside. As much havoc as it's caused, that's still fairly pedestrian."
"What ever happened to the other members of the Table? The other clans?" Dinah asked thoughtfully. "Are they still all around? I mean besides Hawke?"
"Not sure. Not exactly I mean. I know there are a few." She shook her head. "We need to get Reese in on this. He'll know more. Or at least he should."
"This is good right?" Dinah said, her voice suddenly very low.
"What's that?"
"The distraction. I mean, working on something that doesn't involve Helena?"
Barbara nodded slowly. "Business as usual, Dinah. Topside was used against Helena but she's far from the first person to do something against her will because of it. And I still believe that Zeus is up to more than just mind- altering drugs. So yes, this really isn't about Helena. And yes, that's probably a good thing right now."
"Okay," Dinah said with a frown. "But that doesn't change things right? I mean we are going to bring her home right?"
"Of course," Barbara confirmed. "When the time is right and when she's ready. In the meanwhile, call Reese. Ask him to come over here. He doesn't have anything better to do if I'm not mistaken and I think we could really use an update on the Table."
"On it," Dinah grinned, glad to have something to do.
Barbara watched her slip out of the kitchen and move down towards the lower level, hair swinging as she walked.
Even through all of this the girl was still so damn bright and upbeat.
And you know what, thank God that.
It's almost seven at night. I slept though the first two dozen calls to my apartment. Sleeping pills will do that to you.
I didn't mean to pass out for as long as I did but I really did need more than three hours of sleep. My body is exhausted. I'm just plain worn down and out.
I step into the Clocktower and walk down towards the lower level. I can see Barbara down there hunched over her row of computers. Her hair is tied back away from her face and she's wearing her glasses.
Uh oh, full study mode.
"Hey," I say as I descend the stairs rapidly. My heel knocks against the last step and I hiss in pain. My leg still hurts like crazy. I smack the butt of one of my crutches against the wall in irritation and them move towards Barbara.
She turns and smiles at me. I can see how weary she looks but I know better than to mention it. Hey, she's still a woman and my mom didn't raise no fool; you don't ever tell a woman that she looks less than wonderful.
Ever.
"Reese," she nods. "How are you feeling?"
I grunt as a drop down into a chair. "I'm just about done with these crutches," I tell her. That's certainly the truth, my patience with these wooden sticks from hell is just about nonexistent now.
Just the same, my leg still hurts like hell. I can only put a little pressure on it so the crutches have to stay.
At least for now.
"I can imagine," she smirks, her eyes drifting down to her lap. I want to smack myself for thinking about walking with a little inconvenience when she can't at all. Her immediate look tells me not to think that. Okay, she's glaring at me. Yeah, that's how I can tell.
"So, what's up?" I ask, trying to change the subject. Even if it is an unspoken one. "Dinah said you had some questions about my father."
"Not just specifically," she replies, turning back towards one of the computers. I watch her fingers fly over the keyboard and I'm lost in the blur of motion. "The screen," she says suddenly, grinning at me.
"How fast do you type?" I ask, shaking my head. "Because I hunt and peck."
"A hundred and thirty words on a good day maybe ninety on an off morning."
"Uh huh. An off morning," I chuckle. I move closer to her to look at the screen she's pulled up. She indicates for me to stay seated and she swivels the monitor towards me. "The Table," I mutter. "God, I haven't heard talk of that in years."
Barbara reaches down to the table and picks up a small silver charm. She hands it to me and I turn it over in my palm. I whistle hard, the sound echoing in the suddenly stale air.
"Zeus," she says, quite unnecessarily. I'd know this emblem anywhere. The man was one of my father's most hated rivals.
And they had to break bread for the sake of the Table.
"Wow. Where did you get this?"
"It fell off a thug that Dinah tangled with last night. He was wearing it around his neck. That would mean he belongs to the Zeus clan, right?"
"Yeah," I confirm. "But I didn't think the clans were in effect anymore. After the earthquake, most of them pretty much went their own way. Went into business on their own and all."
"So could we be dealing with someone just wearing an old necklace?"
I turn the emblem over in my palm again. "No," I say, shaking my head. I indicate towards the lightening strike on it. "This is different. It's mostly the same but it's still different. I'd say it's new. Besides, after the Table disbanded, all former members were banned from ever speaking about their clans. A protective measure I guess."
That's kind of true, kind of not.
By the time the Table disbanded, all of it's members were fighting with each other. What had originally started as a conglomerate with the intention of ruling Gotham had quickly dissolved into an all-out turf war.
My father, Zeus, Castle.Tiger, Apollo and Bulldog.
Six seats to the table.
My father and Zeus at each end.
I'd been just a small boy when they had all come together.
When it had finally fallen apart, I'd been graduating college.
I think somewhere I still have a necklace with a hawk on it. My father gave it to me when I was ten years old. I didn't realize what it was then but the moment I did, I buried it in a drawer.
I think it's back in my room at my mom's house.
"Reese?" Barbara says to me, her voice very soft. She seems to know that she's pulling me out of my thoughts. Out of my past.
"I'm here," I mumble, blinking several times. I look up at her and see the concern in her eyes. Immediately I feel terrible; she doesn't need to be worrying about me as well. Lord knows with Helena pulling the kamikaze routine that she is, Barbara certainly has enough to worry about.
"Their names? I remember a few...some were never known..."
"Al Hawke was obviously Hawk. Marco Jameson was or I guess is Zeus..."
"Kristopher Castle was Castle," she puts in. She stops when she sees my look. "What?"
"I was close with Castle's only son," I say. Then I wave my hand. I don't want to talk about it. "Anyways, Tiger was Joe Lucazzi. Bulldog was Gordon Hayward."
"And then the mysterious Apollo..."
"Doesn't really matter," I say. "Apollo has been dead a very long time. Maybe six years now."
Her eyebrows shoot straight up. It's almost amusing. "You're kidding," she breathes. "What happened?"
"He was shot to death," I say, almost hesitantly. I take a deep breath. Might as well get this over with. "By me."
"Excuse me?"
"I never saw Apollo at the Table meets. He always sent his son-in-law who had a different last name than he did. I guess he was hyper-protecting his identity. I thought that was weird then but I later figured out why."
"Well don't leave me hanging here," she says, eyes wide. I almost laugh at the child-like amusement and intrigue I see in her. This is all so fascinating to her.
It's a trip back down an ugly tunnel for me.
"Apollo was the deputy commissioner. Paul Chuting."
Her jaw visibly drops. "Christ," she mutters. "I always knew that something was off about how he died. The police files just said that he died in action..."
"The brass decided to cover it up. Apollo had several children who had nothing to do with what he'd been doing and they decided that those kids shouldn't suffer. But covering it up they allowed the kids to inherit from their father."
"So how did it happen?" she asks me.
I close my eyes. I actually feel like I'm six years back. I can see it all so clearly. It was my first kill. Which is not to say that I've had many. Three now.
Just three.
All of them really bad guys.
Yes. Really bad.
"My partner I got called to the docks by some anonymous tip. We figured it for a bum causing trouble. When we got there find some guys offloading heroin from a yacht. That's when I saw Chuting. I thought he'd just come out to make the bust himself. I was about to call out to him when I heard one of the guys near him call him Apollo. That's when I saw the ring he was wearing."
"I'm sorry," Barbara says. She seems to understand how much this revelation hurt me. Chuting was one of my mentors when I first became a cop. He pushed me forward, guided my career.
Now looking back, I don't know why. Was he trying to stick it to my father or was he trying to create another cop? Another in for the Table. To this day I still don't know.
I'm not sure I want to know.
"Yeah," I say softly, nodding at her concern. "Anyways, I chase after him and finally get him cornered near the rear of the yacht. He doesn't make any excuses...I remember that. He just tells me it's how it's supposed to be and I should know that. I tell him I'm taking in him. He says I'm not. He shoots at me. I shoot back."
"You killed him?"
"I did. My partner..."
"McNally?"
I snort. "Always McNally." And that's the truth. The big man has been my partner since day one. Often kicking and screaming I might add. "He backed me up. The brass buried it. That was pretty much the end of it."
"Okay then, so Apollo is dead. Could they be trying to reform the table?"
"I suppose," I say. "But with only four seats? I mean my dad is behind bars." I stop and shake my head. "Besides, there's no way that Castle would ever work with Zeus again."
"Why not?"
"Zeus murdered one of Castle's daughters as a warning to him. He left her body in the foyer of the house. I just can't see Castle forgiving that."
"I'd imagine not," Barbara says with a tilt of her head. "Okay, so then what is Zeus up to? Because I just don't buy just importing drugs. I don't."
I look at her for a long moment and then sigh. "Neither do I. That's too little league for Zeus."
"So?"
I chuckle. "So."
We both stare hard at each other, searching the other for answers.
None come.
Damn.
She cocked her head to the side and stared at him with irritation on her blue eyes. "You're kidding me, right?"
"Nope," he replied, handing her a black ski-mask. "Not at all."
"You're gonna have me rob a liquor store? This is why you had to have me. God, my life really does suck," Helena Kyle complained.
Mick laughed. "Relax baby, it's not like that all. Just have to make sure you're actually with us."
"I said I was didn't I? I mean you kind of have me bent over a barrel."
Mick grinned lecherously at her. "Not a barrel babe." Then he snorted. "Nevermind that. You do have something of a track record of double-crossing me so you know, there does have to be a test."
"Whatever," she muttered. "So then, what's the plan? Steal some smokes and skin mags?"
"Something like that. Look, when you get in there your job is to knock the cashier out. Just out. Not dead but I do want him cold, get me?"
"Sure," she said, trying not to show her relief. She'd been afraid that Mick was going to try to force her to kill so soon.
"Good," he replied. "Now put this on." He held out a necklace to her.
She laughed, the tone of it cruel. "Aww, that's sweet but you know what, I really don't want to go steady with you." She wrinkled her nose. "You're not my type."
"I'm so completely your type," he said with a chuckle. "But put it on anyways. It's not about you and me. It's about us." He pointed towards one of the other men who was getting ready. She could see that he was wearing a necklace as well. The van they were in jolted a bit as it passed over a pothole and she saw an identical necklace fall out of Mick's shirt.
She took the necklace and turned it over. The charm at the end showed a lightening bolt. Shaking her head in disgust she put it around her neck. She didn't completely buy that he wasn't trying to be possessive.
"Let's ride," he said with a grin.
"We're here," the driver called back.
Helena glanced around at the group she was with. Two large burly men who went by Karl and Adam and of course Mick. A small team really.
But then they were only knocking out a cashier and stealing a little swag. Nothing big. Just a small fight. All good.
"Masks on group. Let's make this clean," Mick said. He reached up and yanked the black mask down over his eyes. With the Animal Gang supposedly dead and out of it, it made no sense for him to be announcing himself wearing one of the old masks but there ones were somehow just as menacing.
"Just knock out," Helena muttered, mind whirling. She wasn't completely convinced that she about to do what it looked like she was about to do. She pulled the mask over her eyes and then followed Mick and the two men out of the van.
"Lock and load," Mick said, holding up a gun. He offered one to Helena but she waved him off. She could tell that he was grinning at her from under the mask.
The taller of the two men, Adam walked to the glass doors and pushed them open, stepping into the store with his gun raised up into the air. "Everyone down," he bellowed.
Helena followed a few feet behind. The liquor store was mostly empty save a young man looking at Vodka in the back and a pretty brunette behind the counter. The girl swallowed hard but stayed where she was standing.
"Helena," Mick called out, his voice muffled. "Do it."
She blinked and stared at the girl who was looking back at her in defiant fear. She swallowed and started to move towards her. One hit. One good hard hit to the jaw.
One hit.
The girl pulled out a gun and aimed it right at her.
Without thinking Helena lashed out with her foot and kicked the girl directly in the chest. The gun fired, the barrel pointed straight up. The bullet lodged in the ceiling, denting it to the point of near collapse.
"Fuck," Helena cursed. She looked down at saw the girl trying to stagger to her feet. "Stay down," she hissed.
The girl didn't listen.
She put her hand against Helena's leg and tugged hard, bringing the brunette to her knees.
"Mick?" Karl asked. "Should we..."
"No," he said. "Don't worry. Just empty the cash drawer." He cocked his head. "And grab some smokes."
"Bitch," the girl screamed at Helena, reaching out to slap her face. Her long nails scraped across Helena's face, cutting the fabric of the mask away and leaving a bloody wake.
Helena hissed in pain, her eyes dilating into hard slits. Reaching out with a balled fist she cracked the girl across the jaw and then followed it up with a knee to her throat.
The girl sagged to the ground in a heap.
"Well done," Mick said, coming up behind her. "We're uh...ready to go if you are."
"No one said anything about a fucking gun," Helena screamed at him, anger tensing every muscle of her body. "I'm am so sick and tired of guns."
He took her by the shoulder. "That's great but the cops are on their way. Unless you want to forget our deal and just go straight to prison anyways, I would advise moving your ass."
She growled at him but finally pushed him away and stalked out the door, ripping her mask off as soon as she was outside the liquor store. She was still cursing in anger as she walked towards the van. The driver pushed the door open to allow her entrance.
Mick turned towards Karl and the pointed at the girl behind the counter. "Kill her."
"Bullet through the head?" Karl asked.
Mick shook his head. "I need it to look like she was beaten to death." He indicated back towards the van. "By her. Can you do it?"
"No worries." He paused. "What about the camera?"
Mick frowned. "That." He pointed his pistol towards the overhead surveillance camera and fired a single shot. It exploded in a blast of glass, metal and sparks. "Gone."
"Nice," Karl said appreciatively.
"Good. Get it done and get back."
"On it boss," Karl muttered, crossing back behind the counter.
Mick grasped Adam by the shoulder and pulled him towards the van. He pulled the door shut behind them as the crawled in. "Drive."
The driver turned over the engine and moved the van out into the alley. In the near distance sirens echoed through the cold night.
"Where's the other guy?" Helena asked from where she was leaning heavily against the far wall. Her body was rigid and trembling and her hands were clenched into such hard fists that her nails were cutting into her palms.
"He had other business," Mick said. "Don't worry about him." He crossed over to sit next to her. Reaching over he lifted her mask off to reveal several long bloody gashes across her face. He hissed in reaction. "Ouch."
She sat up and looked up at him, blue eyes full of anger but somehow also completely defeated. "You set me up didn't you?"
He didn't reply.
"You're gonna kill her and you made sure I was on camera beating her." She shook her head. "Son of a bitch."
He just grinned at her. He reached down and took her hand. "Welcome to the team babe."
She dropped back against the wall, her head thudding against the metal. She clenched her eyes tightly, forcing back the tears. She wasn't about to let him see how upset she was.
She wasn't about to let him think he had broken her.
But the next thing he said just about did her in.
"You're one of us now," he laughed.
Her eyes rolled back and she sagged against him, her body losing complete control. The last thing she heard before she passed out was him laughing.
She vowed to kill him.
TBC...
I think I'm hung over.
That's not hard to imagine considering how much alcohol I've ingested over the last few weeks. I'm a bartender sure but lately the only bar I've been visiting is the one at the front of the Tidal Wave.
The one where the drinks keep coming long after the point when someone should have stopped me. No one cares there; not their business.
It's the perfect place to lose yourself in.
But that was yesterday.
Today I'm somewhere else.
I look up at the ceiling of the room I'm in and sigh. Every part of me aches and that includes the internal stuff. You know, the emotional crap.
I really don't want to go there.
Just plain opens too many doors that I'm not ready to look through.
I wonder if I'll ever be ready.
"Hey," he says, moving to sit next to me. I move away but he catches my arm. "A little late for that isn't it?"
I groan and drop my head into my hands. Wasn't quite sure what happened last night after the bar but the smug look on his face spells it out. Not like I'm shocked or anything.
Hey, this is bender.
Welcome to my life.
"Mick," I grumble. "Get the fuck away from me."
He laughs and I want to punch him. I even plot out my movement in my head but I'm stopped by the fact that I can't even add up two and two at this moment. Yeah, I'm that cotton-balled.
I feel him slide an arm around my waist and then he leans close to kiss me. I turn my face and end up getting his wet lips against my cheek. He makes a noise that tells me he's not amused with me.
Imagine me caring.
He got his.
Now he needs to leave me the hell alone.
He stands up abruptly and I feel the bed I'm sitting on jump up a few inches. Mick's not a big guy but he sits heavily. He drops everything. Talk about bad posture.
"We have work to do," he says, his tone hard. He's really ticked at me.
He'll get over it.
After all, he has me exactly where he wants me.
My eyes flitter over to the envelope on the dresser. A few of the pictures are leaking out of it. My instinct is to rip them to shreds but I'm not that much of an idiot; Mick had copies.
So this is my life then.
My options are simple; I can work with him and fall deeper into this hell that I'm in. I can become exactly what he says I am. What I know I am. I can break my promise to Barbara to not make her have to come after me.
Or I can go to prison for the rest of my life.
I can be knocked to the ground, shackled behind my back and wrapped into a white straightjacket. I can be thrown into a cell and left to rot.
My choice of hell I guess.
I want to be brave and courageous. I want to be a good person. I want to earn back some of the respect that I've lost from her.
Barbara that is.
I walked away because I knew how she'd look at me.
I knew what she'd think of me.
I'm a monster.
If I was anyone else, she'd have already handed me over to the police and shut the door. The only reason she hasn't now is because she feels responsible for me. She's probably blaming herself.
"Helena," he says, his face suddenly directly in front of mine."Get showered. We have work to do."
I grunt in response but rise to my feet nonetheless. A shower actually sounds nice. If for no other reason than to get his smell off of me.
His smell and the odor of alcohol.
These last three weeks have all been a blur. I'm not sure I exactly remember where I've been and what I've done.
Only sometimes I do.
Five nights ago I watched Dinah fighting a few goons in an alley. There were four of them, all of them big burly guys with too many tats. She was handling them just fine but she didn't see the moron with the pipe coming up from behind her.
I think he would have killed her.
He pulled his arm back as far as he could, like he was Goddamn Barry Bonds and he got ready to swing.
I got him first.
I lifted him high up in the air and dropped him in front of me, way up above the city. The dumb idiot shrieked like a little girl when he saw me coming at him. That's not the reaction I usually get but he must have known he was about to get hurt.
And hurt badly.
I beat him until he dropped like a rock. Until he begged me to stop.
Yeah that's me right now.
Out of control and losing more by the day.
I don't know what happened to that guy but he was alive when I left him. I don't know if he climbed off that roof of his own or if he's still there. I'm a little afraid to go back and look.
I step into the shower and turn on the water. The hot liquid splashes against my skin, burning into my flesh. I hiss in pain but I don't move away. I start to rub at my body, trying to get all the filth off.
Real or imagined.
I look down at my body and my eyes fall across the inch long wound on my side. It's more a redish welt than an open wound now. It's healing. It'll probably scar.
Good.
My shoulder aches as I move it in a tight circle. This one is more problematic. The bullet hit the bone hard and I probably should have worn the sling but I guess I really haven't been all about taking care of myself.
My shower ends too quickly. I could have drawn it out longer but the water had begun to cool and that brought me back to reality.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to get out of this mess.
I suppose I could crawl on my hands and knees back to Barbara and beg for her to help me.
I know well enough to know that she'd do it in a minute. She'll always try to protect me. Even against common sense.
Even when she hates me.
It's just her way.
But what would that do to her?
See this is how it works; Mick releases the pictures clearly showing me to be involved in killing a bunch of officers. Barbara hides me but the cops know full well that she's doing it so they never leave her alone. Not for a moment. Her life becomes a nightmare.
And all that good she does gets washed away because she's under a magnifying glass thanks to me.
I can't do that.
I start to pull clothes on. All black. Leather pants.
Great.
Not that I don't like leather but in the mood I'm in, I'm not much for playing these games with Mick. Not to mention that I'm really freaked out by the fact that these are my clothes which means he's been in my apartment.
The walls are closing in on me.
Either way I'm trapped.
Either way I destroy both Barbara and myself.
So I guess the only option I have is to let Mick take me down this path. Eventually it'll end. Eventually we'll both be stopped.
Hopefully by then it won't matter.
And maybe she'll hate me so much by then that it'll actually be easy.
Yeah, that would be good.
That would be good.
She folded her hands together under her chin and gazed out at the cool brisk morning. The day was overcast but she could still see hints of the sun peaking out under the grayish clouds. Just the same, it was likely to come down again by nightfall.
"Barbara?" Dinah asked, slipping around behind her mentor. She placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "You've been out here all night."
"I have a blanket," Barbara replied, with more than a hint of amusement.
"So totally not the point," Dinah laughed. "If I'd done this I'd be getting myself settled in for the mother of all smackdowns."
Barbara shook her head. "Sometimes you sound so much like her."
"Barbara, she's alive still. She's going through something but we're going to get her back," Dinah assured her. Then she paused thoughtfully. "You've been sitting out here all night thinking about her?"
"Yeah," Barbara sighed. "I talked to Reese last night. He tried to talk to her but she pretty much blew him off. He said she was plastered."
"Did you expect otherwise?"
Barbara shook her head. "No. I know Helena. What she's doing, it's so her. It's so damn her." She slammed her hand hard against the armrest of her chair and Dinah jumped a bit in reaction. "She never thinks. She never remembers that she has people who love her and want to help her."
"She knows," Dinah replied quietly. "Isn't that part of why she left? Because she was afraid of letting you down?"
"Something like that."
"No, not something like that. That."
"Okay fine. Fine. But you know what, we could have worked through this. We could have made her understand."
Dinah kneeled down next to Barbara and clasped her hands. "You don't believe that. You told me once that nobody convinces Helena Kyle of anything until she's ready to be convinced. You said it yourself, she thinks she's a monster. Until she believes otherwise, we'll be hitting our heads against the wall. Collectively."
Barbara narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "Dinah, while I'm thankful for what you're saying, I don't quite buy it from you." She paused. "Alfred then?"
Dinah grinned. "Yeah. Caught." She shook her head, her blonde hair flying out. Drops of water trickled down from a recently taken shower. "Couldn't sleep last night. He was still around." She wrinkled her nose. "How is that he didn't bring you inside?"
Barbara laughed. "Oh I dodged him like crazy."
"There's a mental image," Dinah giggled.
"Indeed," Alfred said from the doorway. He was looking down at the two of them with one of his patented stern glares. "You should know better Miss Barbara."
"I should," she admitted. "But how much fun would that be?"
"Heavens no," he drolled "We simply can't have you not staying outdoors in sub zero weather. Pneumonia? What is that?"
"Ooh, he's good," Dinah laughed.
"Don't encourage him," Barbara chuckled. She held up her hands to indicate that she was giving in. "Fine, okay. Fine fine. We'll go inside."
"A bit late now," Alfred replied, still watching her with that same disapproving gaze. It was clear that he'd be holding this one over her for awhile. He sighed. "Just the same, breakfast is ready."
Barbara turned her chair back towards the door and wheeled herself in. The warmth of the Clocktower hit her like pie to the face. She inhaled sharply as the sudden temperature change made her shiver.
"Hey, I didn't tell you," Dinah started. "I did some research on this Zeus guy of yours."
"Oh?" Barbara queried, eyebrow lifted. "You mean on Delphi?"
"Not exactly," Dinah replied. "Did I ever tell you that Gaby's father used to write for the Gotham newspaper?"
"What's his name again?" Barbara asked as she accepted a plate from Alfred. He followed it up with a glass of orange juice and a mug of coffee.
"Bryan Kirk."
Barbara thumped herself in the head. "Right, right. He was one of the street reporters. He did a lot of coverage on the Table."
"Yep," Dinah said. "Apparently a lot of his stories got shelved. Anyways, he's out of town so..."
"You went through his personal files?" Barbara finished, throwing the girl her best mother look.
Dinah snorted. "Doesn't work coming from you oh great Oracle."
She sighed dramatically. "Had to try." She took a sip from her mug and then looked back up at the blonde. "Well alright then, what did you find?"
"Word is that this Zeus guy just relocated. He never stopped," Dinah said as she turned away from her mentor. She bent down over a bag and pulled out several print-outs. "One of his articles."
Barbara took the offered pages and began to thumb threw them. She stopped when she got to one that had a headline that read: Zeus May Not Be Completely Gone.
"Huh," she muttered. "Son of a bitch."
Dinah could barely keep her jaw off the table. "Oh my God. Did you...did you just say that?"
Barbara snorted indelicately. "I did. Don't look so shocked."
"Sorry," Dinah said, holding up her hands. "Okay, so what does all of this mean?"
"Batman figured that he had chased Zeus out of town but it looks like he was always going to relocate. Too many of the families were falling apart during that time. We were just lucky."
"Now he's back," Dinah noted, munching on a piece of buttered toast.
"Yeah but why?" Barbara muttered, more to herself than to anyone else. "It can't be just to import Topside. As much havoc as it's caused, that's still fairly pedestrian."
"What ever happened to the other members of the Table? The other clans?" Dinah asked thoughtfully. "Are they still all around? I mean besides Hawke?"
"Not sure. Not exactly I mean. I know there are a few." She shook her head. "We need to get Reese in on this. He'll know more. Or at least he should."
"This is good right?" Dinah said, her voice suddenly very low.
"What's that?"
"The distraction. I mean, working on something that doesn't involve Helena?"
Barbara nodded slowly. "Business as usual, Dinah. Topside was used against Helena but she's far from the first person to do something against her will because of it. And I still believe that Zeus is up to more than just mind- altering drugs. So yes, this really isn't about Helena. And yes, that's probably a good thing right now."
"Okay," Dinah said with a frown. "But that doesn't change things right? I mean we are going to bring her home right?"
"Of course," Barbara confirmed. "When the time is right and when she's ready. In the meanwhile, call Reese. Ask him to come over here. He doesn't have anything better to do if I'm not mistaken and I think we could really use an update on the Table."
"On it," Dinah grinned, glad to have something to do.
Barbara watched her slip out of the kitchen and move down towards the lower level, hair swinging as she walked.
Even through all of this the girl was still so damn bright and upbeat.
And you know what, thank God that.
It's almost seven at night. I slept though the first two dozen calls to my apartment. Sleeping pills will do that to you.
I didn't mean to pass out for as long as I did but I really did need more than three hours of sleep. My body is exhausted. I'm just plain worn down and out.
I step into the Clocktower and walk down towards the lower level. I can see Barbara down there hunched over her row of computers. Her hair is tied back away from her face and she's wearing her glasses.
Uh oh, full study mode.
"Hey," I say as I descend the stairs rapidly. My heel knocks against the last step and I hiss in pain. My leg still hurts like crazy. I smack the butt of one of my crutches against the wall in irritation and them move towards Barbara.
She turns and smiles at me. I can see how weary she looks but I know better than to mention it. Hey, she's still a woman and my mom didn't raise no fool; you don't ever tell a woman that she looks less than wonderful.
Ever.
"Reese," she nods. "How are you feeling?"
I grunt as a drop down into a chair. "I'm just about done with these crutches," I tell her. That's certainly the truth, my patience with these wooden sticks from hell is just about nonexistent now.
Just the same, my leg still hurts like hell. I can only put a little pressure on it so the crutches have to stay.
At least for now.
"I can imagine," she smirks, her eyes drifting down to her lap. I want to smack myself for thinking about walking with a little inconvenience when she can't at all. Her immediate look tells me not to think that. Okay, she's glaring at me. Yeah, that's how I can tell.
"So, what's up?" I ask, trying to change the subject. Even if it is an unspoken one. "Dinah said you had some questions about my father."
"Not just specifically," she replies, turning back towards one of the computers. I watch her fingers fly over the keyboard and I'm lost in the blur of motion. "The screen," she says suddenly, grinning at me.
"How fast do you type?" I ask, shaking my head. "Because I hunt and peck."
"A hundred and thirty words on a good day maybe ninety on an off morning."
"Uh huh. An off morning," I chuckle. I move closer to her to look at the screen she's pulled up. She indicates for me to stay seated and she swivels the monitor towards me. "The Table," I mutter. "God, I haven't heard talk of that in years."
Barbara reaches down to the table and picks up a small silver charm. She hands it to me and I turn it over in my palm. I whistle hard, the sound echoing in the suddenly stale air.
"Zeus," she says, quite unnecessarily. I'd know this emblem anywhere. The man was one of my father's most hated rivals.
And they had to break bread for the sake of the Table.
"Wow. Where did you get this?"
"It fell off a thug that Dinah tangled with last night. He was wearing it around his neck. That would mean he belongs to the Zeus clan, right?"
"Yeah," I confirm. "But I didn't think the clans were in effect anymore. After the earthquake, most of them pretty much went their own way. Went into business on their own and all."
"So could we be dealing with someone just wearing an old necklace?"
I turn the emblem over in my palm again. "No," I say, shaking my head. I indicate towards the lightening strike on it. "This is different. It's mostly the same but it's still different. I'd say it's new. Besides, after the Table disbanded, all former members were banned from ever speaking about their clans. A protective measure I guess."
That's kind of true, kind of not.
By the time the Table disbanded, all of it's members were fighting with each other. What had originally started as a conglomerate with the intention of ruling Gotham had quickly dissolved into an all-out turf war.
My father, Zeus, Castle.Tiger, Apollo and Bulldog.
Six seats to the table.
My father and Zeus at each end.
I'd been just a small boy when they had all come together.
When it had finally fallen apart, I'd been graduating college.
I think somewhere I still have a necklace with a hawk on it. My father gave it to me when I was ten years old. I didn't realize what it was then but the moment I did, I buried it in a drawer.
I think it's back in my room at my mom's house.
"Reese?" Barbara says to me, her voice very soft. She seems to know that she's pulling me out of my thoughts. Out of my past.
"I'm here," I mumble, blinking several times. I look up at her and see the concern in her eyes. Immediately I feel terrible; she doesn't need to be worrying about me as well. Lord knows with Helena pulling the kamikaze routine that she is, Barbara certainly has enough to worry about.
"Their names? I remember a few...some were never known..."
"Al Hawke was obviously Hawk. Marco Jameson was or I guess is Zeus..."
"Kristopher Castle was Castle," she puts in. She stops when she sees my look. "What?"
"I was close with Castle's only son," I say. Then I wave my hand. I don't want to talk about it. "Anyways, Tiger was Joe Lucazzi. Bulldog was Gordon Hayward."
"And then the mysterious Apollo..."
"Doesn't really matter," I say. "Apollo has been dead a very long time. Maybe six years now."
Her eyebrows shoot straight up. It's almost amusing. "You're kidding," she breathes. "What happened?"
"He was shot to death," I say, almost hesitantly. I take a deep breath. Might as well get this over with. "By me."
"Excuse me?"
"I never saw Apollo at the Table meets. He always sent his son-in-law who had a different last name than he did. I guess he was hyper-protecting his identity. I thought that was weird then but I later figured out why."
"Well don't leave me hanging here," she says, eyes wide. I almost laugh at the child-like amusement and intrigue I see in her. This is all so fascinating to her.
It's a trip back down an ugly tunnel for me.
"Apollo was the deputy commissioner. Paul Chuting."
Her jaw visibly drops. "Christ," she mutters. "I always knew that something was off about how he died. The police files just said that he died in action..."
"The brass decided to cover it up. Apollo had several children who had nothing to do with what he'd been doing and they decided that those kids shouldn't suffer. But covering it up they allowed the kids to inherit from their father."
"So how did it happen?" she asks me.
I close my eyes. I actually feel like I'm six years back. I can see it all so clearly. It was my first kill. Which is not to say that I've had many. Three now.
Just three.
All of them really bad guys.
Yes. Really bad.
"My partner I got called to the docks by some anonymous tip. We figured it for a bum causing trouble. When we got there find some guys offloading heroin from a yacht. That's when I saw Chuting. I thought he'd just come out to make the bust himself. I was about to call out to him when I heard one of the guys near him call him Apollo. That's when I saw the ring he was wearing."
"I'm sorry," Barbara says. She seems to understand how much this revelation hurt me. Chuting was one of my mentors when I first became a cop. He pushed me forward, guided my career.
Now looking back, I don't know why. Was he trying to stick it to my father or was he trying to create another cop? Another in for the Table. To this day I still don't know.
I'm not sure I want to know.
"Yeah," I say softly, nodding at her concern. "Anyways, I chase after him and finally get him cornered near the rear of the yacht. He doesn't make any excuses...I remember that. He just tells me it's how it's supposed to be and I should know that. I tell him I'm taking in him. He says I'm not. He shoots at me. I shoot back."
"You killed him?"
"I did. My partner..."
"McNally?"
I snort. "Always McNally." And that's the truth. The big man has been my partner since day one. Often kicking and screaming I might add. "He backed me up. The brass buried it. That was pretty much the end of it."
"Okay then, so Apollo is dead. Could they be trying to reform the table?"
"I suppose," I say. "But with only four seats? I mean my dad is behind bars." I stop and shake my head. "Besides, there's no way that Castle would ever work with Zeus again."
"Why not?"
"Zeus murdered one of Castle's daughters as a warning to him. He left her body in the foyer of the house. I just can't see Castle forgiving that."
"I'd imagine not," Barbara says with a tilt of her head. "Okay, so then what is Zeus up to? Because I just don't buy just importing drugs. I don't."
I look at her for a long moment and then sigh. "Neither do I. That's too little league for Zeus."
"So?"
I chuckle. "So."
We both stare hard at each other, searching the other for answers.
None come.
Damn.
She cocked her head to the side and stared at him with irritation on her blue eyes. "You're kidding me, right?"
"Nope," he replied, handing her a black ski-mask. "Not at all."
"You're gonna have me rob a liquor store? This is why you had to have me. God, my life really does suck," Helena Kyle complained.
Mick laughed. "Relax baby, it's not like that all. Just have to make sure you're actually with us."
"I said I was didn't I? I mean you kind of have me bent over a barrel."
Mick grinned lecherously at her. "Not a barrel babe." Then he snorted. "Nevermind that. You do have something of a track record of double-crossing me so you know, there does have to be a test."
"Whatever," she muttered. "So then, what's the plan? Steal some smokes and skin mags?"
"Something like that. Look, when you get in there your job is to knock the cashier out. Just out. Not dead but I do want him cold, get me?"
"Sure," she said, trying not to show her relief. She'd been afraid that Mick was going to try to force her to kill so soon.
"Good," he replied. "Now put this on." He held out a necklace to her.
She laughed, the tone of it cruel. "Aww, that's sweet but you know what, I really don't want to go steady with you." She wrinkled her nose. "You're not my type."
"I'm so completely your type," he said with a chuckle. "But put it on anyways. It's not about you and me. It's about us." He pointed towards one of the other men who was getting ready. She could see that he was wearing a necklace as well. The van they were in jolted a bit as it passed over a pothole and she saw an identical necklace fall out of Mick's shirt.
She took the necklace and turned it over. The charm at the end showed a lightening bolt. Shaking her head in disgust she put it around her neck. She didn't completely buy that he wasn't trying to be possessive.
"Let's ride," he said with a grin.
"We're here," the driver called back.
Helena glanced around at the group she was with. Two large burly men who went by Karl and Adam and of course Mick. A small team really.
But then they were only knocking out a cashier and stealing a little swag. Nothing big. Just a small fight. All good.
"Masks on group. Let's make this clean," Mick said. He reached up and yanked the black mask down over his eyes. With the Animal Gang supposedly dead and out of it, it made no sense for him to be announcing himself wearing one of the old masks but there ones were somehow just as menacing.
"Just knock out," Helena muttered, mind whirling. She wasn't completely convinced that she about to do what it looked like she was about to do. She pulled the mask over her eyes and then followed Mick and the two men out of the van.
"Lock and load," Mick said, holding up a gun. He offered one to Helena but she waved him off. She could tell that he was grinning at her from under the mask.
The taller of the two men, Adam walked to the glass doors and pushed them open, stepping into the store with his gun raised up into the air. "Everyone down," he bellowed.
Helena followed a few feet behind. The liquor store was mostly empty save a young man looking at Vodka in the back and a pretty brunette behind the counter. The girl swallowed hard but stayed where she was standing.
"Helena," Mick called out, his voice muffled. "Do it."
She blinked and stared at the girl who was looking back at her in defiant fear. She swallowed and started to move towards her. One hit. One good hard hit to the jaw.
One hit.
The girl pulled out a gun and aimed it right at her.
Without thinking Helena lashed out with her foot and kicked the girl directly in the chest. The gun fired, the barrel pointed straight up. The bullet lodged in the ceiling, denting it to the point of near collapse.
"Fuck," Helena cursed. She looked down at saw the girl trying to stagger to her feet. "Stay down," she hissed.
The girl didn't listen.
She put her hand against Helena's leg and tugged hard, bringing the brunette to her knees.
"Mick?" Karl asked. "Should we..."
"No," he said. "Don't worry. Just empty the cash drawer." He cocked his head. "And grab some smokes."
"Bitch," the girl screamed at Helena, reaching out to slap her face. Her long nails scraped across Helena's face, cutting the fabric of the mask away and leaving a bloody wake.
Helena hissed in pain, her eyes dilating into hard slits. Reaching out with a balled fist she cracked the girl across the jaw and then followed it up with a knee to her throat.
The girl sagged to the ground in a heap.
"Well done," Mick said, coming up behind her. "We're uh...ready to go if you are."
"No one said anything about a fucking gun," Helena screamed at him, anger tensing every muscle of her body. "I'm am so sick and tired of guns."
He took her by the shoulder. "That's great but the cops are on their way. Unless you want to forget our deal and just go straight to prison anyways, I would advise moving your ass."
She growled at him but finally pushed him away and stalked out the door, ripping her mask off as soon as she was outside the liquor store. She was still cursing in anger as she walked towards the van. The driver pushed the door open to allow her entrance.
Mick turned towards Karl and the pointed at the girl behind the counter. "Kill her."
"Bullet through the head?" Karl asked.
Mick shook his head. "I need it to look like she was beaten to death." He indicated back towards the van. "By her. Can you do it?"
"No worries." He paused. "What about the camera?"
Mick frowned. "That." He pointed his pistol towards the overhead surveillance camera and fired a single shot. It exploded in a blast of glass, metal and sparks. "Gone."
"Nice," Karl said appreciatively.
"Good. Get it done and get back."
"On it boss," Karl muttered, crossing back behind the counter.
Mick grasped Adam by the shoulder and pulled him towards the van. He pulled the door shut behind them as the crawled in. "Drive."
The driver turned over the engine and moved the van out into the alley. In the near distance sirens echoed through the cold night.
"Where's the other guy?" Helena asked from where she was leaning heavily against the far wall. Her body was rigid and trembling and her hands were clenched into such hard fists that her nails were cutting into her palms.
"He had other business," Mick said. "Don't worry about him." He crossed over to sit next to her. Reaching over he lifted her mask off to reveal several long bloody gashes across her face. He hissed in reaction. "Ouch."
She sat up and looked up at him, blue eyes full of anger but somehow also completely defeated. "You set me up didn't you?"
He didn't reply.
"You're gonna kill her and you made sure I was on camera beating her." She shook her head. "Son of a bitch."
He just grinned at her. He reached down and took her hand. "Welcome to the team babe."
She dropped back against the wall, her head thudding against the metal. She clenched her eyes tightly, forcing back the tears. She wasn't about to let him see how upset she was.
She wasn't about to let him think he had broken her.
But the next thing he said just about did her in.
"You're one of us now," he laughed.
Her eyes rolled back and she sagged against him, her body losing complete control. The last thing she heard before she passed out was him laughing.
She vowed to kill him.
TBC...