Title: Second place doesn't win

Author: Stormie Nights

Pairings: Tu/S, R/S

Rating: U

Written: last year, rediscovered this morning

Disclaimer: Dear Paramount and B I'll put them back in the box when I'm done playing with them.

Summary: Angst. Malcolm learns that coming close isn't close enough

Malcolm managed to smile the entire day, just like he was expected to do. He made the standard jokes in his speech: on their mistakes and how Trip was signing his life away with the wedding vows. He did what he was expected.

Thank god for British restraint. It took all of his self discipline to stop him from punching Trip in the face.

Trip couldn't possibly love Hoshi. Not like Malcolm did.

She looked so beautiful in her long white dress covered with sparkling diamonds. Her hair was up in a ponytail style, the loose strands curved into sweeping locks. Malcolm had never seen anyone look so radiant. Desperately he tried to memorize every detail.

"To be honest," Travis had told Malcolm as they were on their way to the church, "I wish Liz could be here." Travis said it with a sad note, and Malcolm saw the familiar guilt in Travis's face. "She had really wanted to see this day." With a slight smile, he added, "Funnily enough, she and I thought that you and Hoshi would end up together."

"So had I," whispered Malcolm now, as he watched Trip and Hoshi dance.

He observed them as the song ended, and Hoshi left Trip to get a drink.

Bloody hell, Malcolm thought as he realised that he was right next to the drinks table. It was too late now, as she smiled and called out his name.

"Malcolm! There you are! You have to promise to save a dance for me. I know that you'll be busy with those girls across the room later," she winked, and grabbed herself a glass of champagne.

"Who?" Malcolm asked, blushing as if he had done something wrong.

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed them," she said and pointed to a group of giggling girls. One of the girls glanced over and saw Malcolm looking, causing the group to erupt in a boom of giggles.

"I really…hadn't… noticed," Malcolm stammered. Hoshi simply shock her head and downed her glass of champagne.

She turned to face him.

"Malcolm, I just wanted to say…" Malcolm stared at her pink lips, emptily hoping for those three words. "Malcolm, thank you for everything." His heart fell, but his face didn't move. "Thank you for being there for me… and for Trip. You have been a true friend."

Friend. That was all he would ever be.

"Of course Hoshi. I'd do anything for you." He added lightly, "If you ever become cross with Trip, I'd be happy to shoot him." She laughed, and he felt good that he could at least make her happy.

"After our target practice lessons, I think that I can do the shooting," she said chuckling. "I'll miss those nights, Malcolm," she said softly, watching Trip dance with T'Pol.

He simply nodded. In truth, nothing would be able to replace those moments of closeness. Now Hoshi and Trip were returning to Earth to start a family, and there would never be another target practice session.

Stop it. Stop feeling so bloody melodramatic he chastised himself.

"Do you mind if we go outside for a minute? I need some fresh air," she said, and he followed her out to the terrace.

This was his chance. This was his chance to redeem his mistake two years ago. That night when he had resolved to go tell Hoshi about his feelings, only to meet Trip in the turbo lift. Trip, unasked, exclaimed that he loved Hoshi. There was nothing Malcolm could do but stand back for his friend, his damn loyalty interfering with his heart. He watched them getting closer and closer month after month. Still he held onto a vague hope that Hoshi loved him. Then, a year ago, when they had been attacked by a pirate ship, he had rushed to Hoshi in sickbay only to find Trip already there holding her hand. He simply took defeat and walked away.

Trip loved Hoshi; there was nothing else to do. But maybe…

"Hoshi…" he faltered once they were clear of the crowd.

"Yeah?" she asked taking a deep breath of the cool air. "Sorry, I just needed to get out of the crowd. It started feeling claustrophobic. To be honest, I'm terrified at all of this."

"Yes…" he said and tried to regain his composure. "Hoshi, you know that I will always be here for you."

"I know, Malcolm." She smiled gently, but he knew that the meaning of his words hadn't been fully understood. Crestfallen, he once again admitted defeat. They simply stood silently on the terrace looking at the view of the Pacific Ocean.

"So this is where you two are hiding," they heard Trip say behind them. He smiled almost as wide as Phlox as he took his new wife into his arms.

"Malcolm promised to dance with me after I got some fresh air," Hoshi explained and pecked Trip lightly on the lips.

"Are you trying to steal my wife Malcolm? Well, maybe I'll let you have just one dance…" Trip said, his eyes never leaving Hoshi.

"Go on in, Trip. I'll just be a second," Hoshi told Trip. Trip glanced at the two of them, and then smiled and left for another dance with T'Pol.

"So this is it," Hoshi said, trying to keep her voice happy. "Even with all of the stupid things that you did, you'll always be the one I can rely on, Malcolm. If you ever need anything…"

"I'll be fine," Malcolm insisted. "We'd better go back in." Or I'll kiss you"

They walked in, where T'Pol had just been taken from Trip by Jon. Trip came walking towards them.

"I love you," Trip whispered and took Hoshi back into his arms. "I love you too," Hoshi whispered back.

Malcolm wished that someone could just kill him there and then. But he smiled at the happy couple, the happy audience, and the happy world, just as he was expected to do.

And tried to ignore the hole in his heart.

After all, the person in second place is soon forgotten.