Disclaimer: JK owns the HP Uni. They Might Be Giants own the sun. I mean Why The Sun Shines. You should check it out, it's pretty tzight yo.
SLYTHERIN BOY
CHAPTER SIX: Why The Sun Shines
Severus walked into the Transfigurations room. He had to serve a detention with McGonagall, of all people! He looked around the room as he walked in, seeing that Harry Potter had a detention as well. He scowled and sat down as a few other stragglers walked in for the group detention.
"For detention you will write reports." McGonagall said. Snape sneered.
"How original," he muttered. Harry sent him a wary glance.
"You will be assigned the topic. You will present your report in two hours time." She said.
Snape sniffed in irritation.
"That's quite enough, Mr. Snape," McGonagall said sternly.
"Professor Snape," Severus snarled.
"That seems to be debatable, doesn't it? You're not acting much like a professor." She said snidely.
She walked around, handing each of them a slip of paper. Severus sneered at the slip. "Who thought these up, an eight year old?" He asked loudly. "Why the sun shines. How original. Next you'll be asking why the grass is green," he said. "Honestly! I could finish this in twenty seconds," he said.
"Be quiet and write your report." She said venomously. "I don't care about your opinion on the assignment. Detentions aren't supposed to be enjoyable, Mr. Snape," she said. "Begin!" She sat down at her desk.
****
After about ten minutes, Severus was leaning back in his chair, a sheet of parchment in front of him with his neat handwriting clearly written across it. He balanced his quill haphazardly on the back of his index finger. Harry finished his report nearly an hour later, sighing and sitting back. Severus leaned forward in his chair.
"What did you do?" He whispered to Harry. Harry looked at him in confusion.
"What?" Harry asked.
"Why do you have a detention? I thought you were the golden boy of Gryffindor," Severus's hair was starting to fall from it's usual spikes. It looked as though it had grown in the past few days, getting too long for the gel to keep it in place properly.
"Er… I charmed a suit of armor to follow Malfoy around. Apparently he got in a bit of a mess with it chasing him down. I guess I made it a bit to strong, but anyway, he got tackled," Harry said softly, keeping an eye on McGonagall, who was oblivious, grading essays.
"You should have magicked his hair pink," Severus said. "I did that to a teacher once when I was a student," he grinned wickedly. Harry was surprised and a bit scared. Why was Snape talking to him, again?
"A teacher?" Harry managed to whisper.
"Yes, well, she took points off for something Sirius Black did, he knocked over a bookshelf in the library and ran away before they caught him. I was sitting there, minding my own business, and they blamed it on me because I was reading a book from the shelf," he pulled a face upon the mention of Sirius.
"Really?" Harry allowed himself a nervous smile. "What teacher?"
Severus nodded his head forward, indicating McGonagall. Harry snorted. "You turned her hair pink?" He asked, getting a bizarre image in his mind.
"No, no, not pink," Severus chided himself. "Magenta." He had a skeleton's grin on his face.
Harry chortled, covering his mouth as McGonagall looked up to see what was going on. Severus put a scowl on as she looked at him. She didn't know who had laughed, but it never crossed her mind that it could have been Harry or Severus. They hated each other, and weren't sitting close to any of the other students.
"I don't think I ought to talk to you anymore," Severus suddenly said. "There are other people, it would totally ruin my reputation for hating Gryffindors," he lifted an eyebrow.
"So?" Harry said. He decided that even if it was kind of unsettling to have Snape not biting his head off, it was better than serving detentions in the dungeons with the great bat looming over him.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Potter," he looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Harry couldn't begin to understand what Severus meant by this.
****
"Severus," McGonagall said. Severus jerked his head up, blinking sleepily. He'd fallen asleep while Lee Jordan had been giving his report.
"What?" He asked. There was a pink crease on his forehead from the fabric of his sleeve.
"Come give your report," She said, looking impatient.
"Oh, yeah," he said. "I forgot." He flashed her an award-winning smile, and she narrowed her eyes at him. He sprinted down to the front of the room, holding his sheet in front of him.
He cleared his throat. "Why the sun shines," he said in a monotonous voice, before humming a few chords.
"The sun is a mass of incandescent gas," he sang.
"Mr. Snape!" McGonagall said.
"What?" he asked.
"What do you think you're doing?" she looked tired.
"Giving my report." He answered.
"This is not a music class, Mr. Snape," she said.
"This isn't a class at all, it's detention." He answered. "And you didn't say it couldn't be a musical report. It doesn't work without the tune," he said.
"Very well," she finally snapped. "Go! And be quick about it!"
"The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, A gigantic nuclear furnace! Where hydrogen is built into helium, At a temperature of millions of degrees. Yo ho, it's hot, the sun is not… A place where we could live! But here on Earth there'd be no life, Without the light it gives. We need its light, We need its heat, We need its energy, Without the sun, without a doubt, There'd be no you and me. The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, A gigantic nuclear furnace! Where hydrogen is built into helium, At a temperature of millions of degrees.
"…The sun is hot…
"It is so hot that everything on it is a gas: iron, copper, aluminum, and many others!" He said this part, his voice remarkably similar to a Quidditch announcer's.
"…The sun is large…
"If the sun were hollow, a million Earths could fit inside. And yet, the sun is only a middle-sized star!" Again, the Quidditch announcer.
"…The sun is far away…
"About 93 million miles away! and that's why it looks so small!" He announced.
"And even when it's out of sight, The sun shines night and day." He was back to singing now. "The sun gives heat, The sun gives light, The sunlight that we see. The sunlight comes from our own sun's Atomic energy!
"Scientists have found that the sun is a huge atom-smashing machine. The heat and light of the sun come from the nuclear reactions of hydrogen, carbon, nitrogen, and helium." The Quidditch announcer made his return!
"The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, A gigantic nuclear furnace! Where hydrogen is built into helium, At a temperature of millions of degrees…"
The other students clapped as he finished his song, and McGonagall smiled despite herself. "Very informative, Mr. Snape." She said. "Return to your seat." He flashed them a smug sneer and returned to his seat, watching in refreshed boredom as the other students gave their reports.
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