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SLYTHERIN BOY

Chapter Thirteen: I Don't Know Why

Harry and Ron were concerned. They'd been a bit disturbed by Snape's outburst, and when Hermione had returned to the Gryffindor commons alone and upset. She hadn't had to tell them for them to know that she'd had no luck talking to the brooding boy.

"God," Ron said, pacing around in front of the fire. "God," he said again, slumping into a chair.

"Ron, just calm down, everything will work out in the end." Harry said.

"But what if it doesn't?! This is all my fault! You know… I… I can't stand to see her so upset like this. I care so much about her. She really seemed to connect with that stupid git, and now I've gone and made her think she needs to ignore him, and that makes him feel bad, and it's all because of me! Now she's probably crying and it's my fault!" Ron pinched the bridge of his nose. Harry frowned slightly. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"It'll be okay, Ron. I mean, we're in dark waters now or whatever, but we'll pass through the storm soon enough," Harry said.

"What the hell?" Ron asked, not having understood what Harry was trying to say. "You know what, no… no! I mean, what if he kills himself? You heard him! He talked about what a horrible life his was and everything! And he's totally right, too! I mean, nobody treats him nicely, not even the Slytherins, they kicked him out of the dorm, for Christ's sake! And Hermione was, like, his saving grace or whatever, and now he's got nothing to keep him from flying off the panhandle!"

"Ron, calm down. Hermione'll talk to him tomorrow and then they'll make up or whatever, and it'll all work out." Harry said, shaking his head. Granted, he felt bad about what had happened, too. He and Ron hadn't meant to forcibly remove Snape from Hermione's life. They just wanted a fair share of her time, too.

"How can you be so optimistic?!" Ron said.

"Because, Ron!" Harry snapped. "Because! It's what I have to do! If you think it's the end of the world all the time, then it will be! You can't live in a world of bad feelings. You have to keep yourself lifted so that you can survive. It's just what I do, okay?!" he said. Ron frowned, and Harry turned away.

"Okay, Harry. Okay." Ron finally said. He stood up. "So that's what you need to do to deal. I don't know what it is about that damned Snape, but he just keeps sucking us into his issues. Either way, though, I can't just sit here and hope for the best like you. I'm going to go talk to him."

Harry stood up. "I'll come with you," Harry said.

Ron held his hand out, and Harry stopped.

"No, Harry. I need to… I just need to talk to him alone. Maybe I can fix this." Ron said. "It's… it's just gotta be me, okay Harry? Nothing personal. I just need to do this for myself, alright?"

Harry nodded. "I'll wait up for you?" he said.

Ron shook his head again. "Nah. I don't know how long this'll take. If I have to wait for four hours, banging on his goddamned door, I will. But I don't think he'll just let me in, right?" Ron said. "You go on up. Maybe I'll be back soon, maybe I won't," he shrugged. Harry nodded, and watched as Ron walked out of the commons. After a few moments, he sighed resignedly and walked up the staircase to the boys' dorms.

****

Ron waited for twenty minutes. He sighed, and slid down with his back to the Slytherin's door. He rested for a while, and when he heard movement inside the rooms, he stood up and knocked on the door.

"C'mon, Sna- Severus. Let me in! I need to talk to you!" He shouted. This went on for a while. He had just given up again for the moment, leaning his forehead against the cool, smooth wood. He gave another feeble, "Come on!" before he leaned fully against it.

And that moment, Severus opened the door. Due to Ron's positioning, he overbalanced and crashed into the unsuspecting Slytherin. Ron heard a short "Oof," from Severus as they tumbled to the floor. Ron pinned Severus to the floor for a moment, before coming to his senses and tearing himself up.

"That hurt," Severus said, glaring up at Ron, before Ron extended his hand to help the boy up. Severus took it suspiciously, pulling himself to his feet.

"Sorry. I was, er, leaning on the door," Ron said awkwardly. Severus frowned.

"I figured as much. Why are you here?" he was straightforward.

Ron closed the door, enshrouding them in darkness. "Oh," Ron said, surprised. "I didn't realize it was so dark in here…" he said. He heard a snap of fingers, and light appeared from small bluish orbs, seemingly floating in mid-air against the stone walls of the room. Ron jumped slightly. He realized that he and Severus were almost the exact same height, Severus only a hair taller than Ron.

"Why. Are. You. Here." Severus said firmly.

"I wanted to apologize," Ron said. He felt himself blushing. He'd never talked to Snape alone like this before. He had to admit, the dark and mysterious aura that seemed to surround Severus interested him, but most of the time that interest was masked by his intense loathing of the Gryffindor-hating man.

"Why the change of heart?" Severus asked. He walked into the open portion of the room. There was a sitting room with a large bay window. Severus pulled his lank form onto the window seat, the moonlight from the night sky outlining his lean form. Ron thought it was an unusually beautiful sight.

Stop thinking like a fucking homo, Ron thought viciously to himself.

"Hermione's really upset. You know, me and Harry…" Ron said. "Well, it was mostly me, I guess. Hermione's our best friend, you know. We're a team. But… when you came along and she, like, befriended you. Well, she just forgot about us. Left us in the dust." Ron saw that Snape had turned to look at him, his dark eyes intense in the dim light.

"I was so upset. If she wasn't with you, she was talking about how great you are. Like we didn't even exist. I got really upset and told her that if she was going to be your friend that was fine and well, but not to just be pretending to be our friends because it was familiar. You know. I guess I made her choose. She didn't really choose us over you, though. I guess it was just that you kind of mask your emotions or whatever. She didn't know you were so upset, I guess. And then you were all mad at her. She wouldn't even talk to us, she just went straight to bed tonight. I felt so guilty. Harry kept saying, it'll be okay, just wait it out, but I'm not like that. I can't just sit and wait for something to fix itself. I felt like… like I had to fix this." Ron was ranting, but he didn't really notice. "I felt like I ruined something really special between you and Hermione, like I destroyed this really great thing for her. I never meant to… be such a… stupid git." Ron shook his head. His amber hair gleamed in the dim light.

"You're being remarkably civil," Severus said quietly.

"Look, man, I don't have anything personal against you. I guess you got dealt some rotten cards or whatever. Look, all I know about you is how you've treated me and Harry in class, which you have to admit, isn't all that pleasant. In my mind, you've kind of always been that mean scowling guy taking points off Gryffindor. I guess you've kind of changed since all this shit happened and everything. I just didn't make the connection, y'know? You haven't really bothered me and Harry since you and Hermione became friends. I just… shit, I don't even know. I was jealous, I guess."

"Understandably so," Severus said. "I wasn't trying to steal her, you know. All I thought was that I was really fortunate to have someone to talk to. Never had that the first time round, you know."

Ron looked at Snape, smiling crookedly. "Maybe, tomorrow, you eat with us." Ron said. "I'm not saying we're friends or anything," Snape give a small smirk at this. "But it would mean a lot to Hermione if you could get along with me and Harry."

"I don't know about Harry," Severus said seriously.

"Oh, now, come on. He's a really nice guy." Ron said, scratching his head.

"It's just. He reminds me so much of his father," Severus looked away, angrily. "He's so much like James."

"Is that such a bad thing after all?" Ron said defensively.

"Yes! James Potter was an arrogant, cruel, popular jerk. Do you have any idea how many times he publicly humiliated me before I started defending myself from him? He did spells that hung me upside down in the air, spells that made soap foam at my mouth, he hung me in a fucking tree once! And, being friendless, everyone though it was so funny and wouldn't help me get down. I couldn't bend the way to get myself out of it, I had to wait until Dumbledore and McGonagall came out with a big pole to cut me out, because by that time I'd gotten my robes so tangled up…" Severus grimaced, shaking his head with the memory, and looked away.

Ron frowned. That didn't sound like what he'd heard about James Potter. He decided not to push it, though. "Harry's not like that. He would never be. His cousin would do stuff like that to him, so he knows what it's like. He'd never…"

Severus frowned. "Look, Weasley,"

Ron gave a frustrated sound. He was starting to get angry. "You know what, Severus, just remember that this is for Hermione. Please be civil."

Severus cleared his throat. "Ron. Better?" he asked. Ron nodded. "I can try. That's all I can promise. I'll try." He held his hands up. "All I can do."

Ron smiled. "Excellent." He said. "I think we can make it work, right?"

"Maybe," Severus said darkly. He still looked a bit moody. Ron bit his lip. Why was Snape still upset? he wondered. He sat on a wooden bench. He noticed vaguely that there was a piano behind him, and he was sitting on a piano bench. He hadn't realized that Snape played the piano.

"Are you okay?" Ron asked.

Severus looked at him. "I said I'd try," he snapped. "What more do you want from me?"

Ron was surprised. "No, I mean… you look upset." He said flatly.

Severus looked at him sideways. He stretched his legs out languidly, leaning his head against the cool windowpane. "I guess. I haven't had the best few days."

Ron wasn't sure what to say. He'd never really had to comfort anyone before, even Harry, had always been so optimistic, he'd never needed comforting. This was an entirely new experience for Ron, though he had to admit, the idea of helping someone else feel better was a good one.

Severus brought his hand up and touched the window that was steaming from his breath. His fingerprints trailed darkly through the small cloud. Ron shivered, unexpectedly. He felt his eyebrows furrow together. Where had that come from?

"I…" Severus trailed off. He looked over at the blue-eyed redhead who was staring so intently at him. He smiled suddenly, and gave a small puff of a laugh. "You don't care, though," he shook his head at his own seeming folly, before looking away again.

"No, really. I mean… I just… I don't like it when people are… upset…" Ron said lamely.

"I don't know what it is about me, you know," Severus said. "I'm just always… unhappy. Even when I am in a good place in my life, even when Hermione was my friend-" he said.

"She's still your friend," Ron said.

"Yes, well. I just… I'm always unhappy. I don't even know why. Like, sometimes, I just burst out-" he began. He paused before looking away again. "I just don't know why. It's not even for any reason. It's like there's this big knot inside of me, and it just gets tighter and tighter in my chest every day. I don't know what to do. And now this, me turning back into my old self, everything feels ten times more intense than before. You know, I tried to kill myself four or five times when I was a student," he said. "It just all seems so futile and worthless. Like I have absolutely no purpose at all. Like no one would miss me, or even notice if I just vanished." He laid his palm against the smooth glass.

Ron hadn't noticed himself standing up and walking over to the other boy. Man? Ron didn't know what to think.

"I just…" Severus scowled. "I feel stupid."

"Well, you're anything but stupid. Which is why Hermione likes you so much, you know, I think she fancies you, too."

Severus had a disbelieving look on his face. "I doubt it," he snorted.

"She's completely infatuated." Ron said. He touched the cool windowpane distractedly. Severus pulled his legs up to give Ron somewhere to sit.

"But… why would anyone like this?" Severus pointed to his face.

"What to you mean?" Ron said. He though Severus's features all fit together in an unconventional, but altogether somewhat pleasing way.

"Look at this nose! This face! It's like looking at Lucifer himself, it's disgusting," Severus said.

"You're kidding, right?" Ron asked. Severus looked puzzled.

"Come on, man. You're perfectly nice looking." Ron said as though it were an obvious fact.

"You're pulling my leg," Severus said.

"No!" Ron said. "You've got a very strong, kind of… dark and intense look about you. But your eyelashes are really long and soft looking, which make your eyes look very sensitive and beautiful," he heard his inner mind shouting at him, but he couldn't seem to stop. "Your nose is very strong. It's a little hooked, but no matter, it would look unnatural any other way. You've got a strong jaw line, and a very… a nice mouth, you know," Ron trailed off. He felt a blush coming to his face. He could see Snape's ears burning red.

"Are you gay?" Snape asked, his voice breaking through the awkward silence. The words hung in the air for a sickening moment in Ron's mind.

"I… don't… I don't…" Ron stuttered. Suddenly, he leapt up and stumbled backwards towards the door. "I don't…" he said again. "I have to go, right now." He said. He had a panicked and confused look on his face.

Severus stood up and walked over as Ron searched for the doorknob.

"You are, aren't you?" Severus asked. His eyebrows had furrowed together, though not in anger. He looked more like he was concerned than angry or disgusted.

Ron paused and leaned his head against the door. "It can't be," he whimpered. "I can't be a… a… a faggot…"

"That's a really offensive term, you know," Severus said.

Ron looked so distraught, though, that Severus just watched him in concern. "Am I really?" he finally said.

"Well, you know, one way to find out," Severus said. Ron looked at him.

"How's that?" Ron asked.

Severus pushed forward in one move, suddenly his body was pressed against Ron's. His mouth planted itself firmly on Ron's lips. Ron's eyes were wide in surprise, meeting the obsidian pools of Severus's eyes. Ron felt the warmth and a tingle from his lips. After a moment, his frightened thoughts of homosexuality vanished and he found that his eyes had closed as he sank into the kiss. One hand came up to tangle itself in Severus's hair. As soon as Ron had relaxed into the embrace, Severus seemed to have begun kissing him in earnest.

Ron whimpered slightly against Severus's lips, and they separated for air momentarily. Severus's face hung by Ron's ear.

"You know," Severus said, his voice low and breathy in a pleasant way. He seemed out of breath and a bit shaken. "I always did have a soft spot for red haired boys,"

Ron suddenly felt the full force of his terror. He pushed Severus roughly away, turning to yank the door open and run down t he hall. Severus watched as the freckled boy got smaller and smaller. He watched as Ron turned and looked back when he reached the end of the hall. Severus knew that Ron could see him, and he caught the boy's eye. Ron turned and ran up the staircase, heading back towards the Gryffindor commons.

****

A/N: HAH! I told you it wasn't going to be a romance between Sev and Hermione! Showed you now didn't I! There's a surprising and disappointing lack of Ron/ Severus fics. So I know all you lovely slashers are going to go out and write me some, aren't you? Bet you didn't see this one coming, eh?

To all you homophobic flamers: Flame all you want. I like getting reviews : )